by A. E. Wasp
Scared. Oh, yeah, that’s what that feeling was. Abject terror. If he married Mikey, he couldn’t screw it up. There was a zero margin of error. If he could just think about it some more. With time he was sure he could come up with a reason Mikey would have to accept. “I need some time to think.”
Mikey shrugged. “Too bad. You can’t have it.”
“What?” Another unexpected turn in the path.
“I don’t care if giving you time is the right thing to do. I don’t care if it’s rational. You don’t have time.” Mikey’s hand tightened around Benny’s, and his eyes blazed. “You lost that luxury and that privilege when you let Jasmine and me into your home and your heart. You can’t come in and, and, make us love you and then leave to think about it and maybe come back and then we’re walking on eggshells because I don’t know if you’re going to stay this time or leave again.”
He took a deep breath. “If you don’t come back to us, to me, if this is it, it will suck. It will hurt so badly, but Jasmine will get over it, she’s young. But at least it will be done, and we can learn to move on.”
Benny tried to swallow around the huge lump in his throat. “What about you? Will you get over it?” Benny knew he never would himself.
“I won’t have a choice. That’s what you don’t get. I will get over it, I will survive because I have to. I love you, I do, but I am that little girl’s whole world, and all that matters is that I do right by her.”
Benny could swear the nurse behind the curtain squeaked and gave a little clap. “Just come out already,” he called to the curtain. To his surprise, she did.
The nurse was a young girl, hair pulled back tightly into a bun. She looked back and forth between them, then motioned for them to keep going. Benny rolled his eyes.
Mikey stood up and looked down at Benny. He seemed so tall looming over the bed. “You can come home, well technically it is your house, but you know what I’m saying. You can come home with us, and we will make it work. Maybe we’ll fight sometimes. You’ll hide shit from me, and I’ll worry about how people are judging me, but we’ll work it out. Or we call it off right now, and Jasmine and I move out. Both feet in or both feet out.”
“Are you giving me an ultimatum?” Benny needed to know for sure.
Mikey rubbed his hand across his chin. “Yeah. I guess I am.”
The nurse inhaled sharply.
Benny pushed the palms of his hands into his eyes, trying to hold back the tears. It had been easier in a way when he could blame all his problems on alcohol. He knew he’d been using his recovery and addiction as a shield against having to take a good long look at the choices he was making.
That’s what Chris and Jay-Cee had been trying to tell them in their own ways. But he was too hard-headed to hear their indirect hints. Mikey knew what he needed. He needed to hear it straight and hard like a punch to the gut. He was selfish and self-pitying and self-centered. And he hurt people, even sober. “Do you hate me?”
“No. You pinche culero.” The nurse laughed out loud in surprise at the curse words spoken so fondly. “I love you, despite the fact that it makes me question my own intelligence, but you’ve had that effect on me since I was fourteen. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.”
Mikey couldn’t read Benny’s expression at all. It didn’t matter. He had said what he came to say, more than he came to say, really. He knew Benny was terrified, he could read it in his eyes. But he was ninety-nine percent sure the fear was that Benny would screw it up, not that he didn’t love Mikey.
The ball was in Benny’s court. He probably should leave for a few minutes, give Benny what little time and space he could. It was a little ridiculous, springing a marriage proposal on him when he was literally brain damaged. But, damn it, he was either going to leave here and tell Jasmine that Benny wouldn’t be coming home ever again, or he was going to tell her that he’d be home soon for good.
The thought of moving out of the home they had made in Benny’s house in such a short time turned his stomach.
God, he hated hospitals. They were full of death and endings, and if he never had to be in this one again, it would be too soon. He would give Benny one more chance and then he was done begging.
“I don’t know what you’re going through,” he said to Benny. “I don’t know what you went through while we were apart. But I do know one thing, and you’re the one who showed me this: we’re not alone.”
“Do you know how many people rushed here when they found out you were hurt? Angel showed up and helped Vanessa with Jasmine. Dmitri talked to the doctors for me. Jay-Cee brought your stupid insurance card to me so Chris and I could fill out the paperwork. Troy is picking up your parents from the airport. And Julia’s parents -” he still couldn’t believe this himself “- Julia’s parents are getting food from the cafeteria for you and they stayed because they wouldn’t leave me alone in the hospital that has to have worse memories for them than it does for me.”
Benny blinked the tears out of his eyes, letting them slide down his cheeks unchecked. Then his eyes widened. “Oh shit, I can’t believe I forgot about my parents.”
“You were a little busy.”
Mikey crossed his arms. “So should I text Julia’s parents and tell them not to bother coming up and meeting you because there is no point?”
Benny stared at Mikey. Mikey could see the whole argument playing out across his face. Fear, doubt, disbelief, and, finally love. The moment stretched, the only sound was their breathing and the background hum and beeping of the machines.
Benny reached for his hand this time, pulling him closer to the bed. “One question.”
“What?”
“Will you marry me?”
The nurse audibly gasped.
What? He narrowed his eyes and studied Benny’s face. If he saw one hint of amusement in Benny’s eyes, one tiny bit of a smirk, he would be out of there in half a heartbeat. But Benny looked deadly serious, apprehensive even. His hands trembled where he picked at the fuzz on the scratchy blanket, but he met Mikey’s gaze, begging him silently to see how serious he was. All Mikey could say was “What?”
“Will. You.” Benny pointed at Mikey. “Marry.” He poked himself in the chest with a finger. “Me?”
“I’m going to fucking kill you.” Benny gave him emotional whiplash.
“Is that a yes?” Now Benny’s smile threatened to break through.
Goddamn Benito Quintaña, always coming in and just making things loud and messy and fun and terrifying and alive and bright. Mikey covered his mouth with his hand and turned his head away. He looked right into the nurse’s wide eyes. Her eyes flicked from Mikey to Benny and back again. He sighed. “Fine. I’ll marry you. But for the record, I asked you first. So no telling people you asked me to marry you.”
“Noted. So, you’ll do it? For real?” Benny’s thousand watt smile lit up his whole face. “Even though I’m a busted up fuck up with bad paper and a defective brain?”
“Yeah, for real, even though you’re an idiot.” His own smile threatened to split his face. Benny sat up and wrapped his arm around Mikey, IV tubing tangled between them. He grabbed Mikey’s head and pulled him in for a long, deep kiss.
The nurse clapped and said “Oh, my God!” and ran out of the room.
“You think she’s going to tell everyone?”
Benny watched the door swing closed behind her. “Oh, yeah. One hundred percent.”
“Me, too.”
chapter twenty-three
Eventually, Mikey texted Julia’s parents and told them it was safe to come up. But only after a make-out session that threatened to get out of hand. Or in hand, if Mikey had taken Benny up on his offer, which he didn’t, seeing as how they didn’t even have a room, just a curtain. But, damn, he was tempted. Who knew getting engaged was an aphrodisiac? Maybe if they were really quiet and quick?
Mikey’s phone beeped with an incoming text.
Do you want us to come up? George replied
&
nbsp; Mikey hesitated briefly, maybe he could put this meeting and subsequent discussion off for just a bit. No, no point. Might as well get it over with. I would like you to meet Benny, but only when you are comfortable.
“Are they coming?” Benny asked reading over Mikey’s shoulder as they sat side by side on the bed.
“I don’t know.”
“I hope they do.” Benny’s hand slid across the bulge in Mikey’s jeans, and Mikey slapped it away.
“Stop that. And really?” He grimaced as he readjusted himself to relieve the pressure. “You’re a jerk. I can’t talk to them with a hard-on.”
Benny rolled away with an innocent smirk, an expression only Benny could pull off, Mikey thought.
“You said they were bringing food,” Benny reminded him. “I’m starved. I never did get my milkshake.” He shifted until he lay tucked up under Mikey’s arm, his head on Mikey’s chest. “Besides, they’re kind of going to be part of my family. It’s only right they should meet me half-naked in a fetching gown that ties in the back.” Benny yawned and closed his eyes.
Oh, Mikey liked the sound of the word family. He rubbed Benny’s arm gently, enjoying the feel of him against his body. He should probably get up before George and Frances got here, but he couldn’t seem to gather the will to move.
Benny was halfway to sleep by the time they came in, arms full of snacks from the vending machines and a clutching greasy bag in one hand. When he registered Mikey and Benny cuddled up in the bed, George frowned like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t get the chance.
“Mikey!” a voice yelled from behind him, and Benny’s mom barreled into the room, pushing past the Youngs. His dad followed more sedately.
A slight woman in her late forties with beautiful brown eyes just like her son, Sofia Quintaña was a force of nature. She ran up to the bed and somehow managed to wrap both of them in a tight hug at the same time. “Oh, my boys. My babies.” She burst into tears. “I’ve missed you both so much.”
Mikey was hit with a wave of guilt. Here was one more person who Mikey had turned away from in his grief. Sofia had been a second mother to him. Remembering how much time he had spent at Benny’s house, he realized she must have mourned his absence from her life as well as Benny’s. Parents and children, Mikey thought, such a complicated, tricky relationship for a connection that was shared by every person that had ever been and ever would be born.
He unwound himself from Benny and Sofia and slid out of bed. “Sit here, Mrs. Quintaña,” he offered, patting the spot next to Benny.
Sofia climbed into the bed and pulled Benny tight against her, murmuring to him softly in Spanish. Mikey could tell by the way Benny’s shoulders shook that he was crying.
He walked away from the bed to give them some privacy, tugging the curtain a little bit closed behind him.
“Hey, Mr. Quintaña,” Mikey said, holding out his hand. To his surprise, Benny’s dad pulled him into a quick but heartfelt embrace.
He pulled away, hands clasped on Mikey’s arm. David Quintaña was shorter than Mikey but strong; his fingers dug into Mikey’s muscles. “It’s so good to see you, Mikey. We’ve missed you.” He gave Mikey a little shake and released him.
Mikey looked abashed. “I know. I’m sorry, Mr. Quintaña. It’s been a rough few years.”
“I’m sure it has, but don’t forget there are people who love you, who want to help but don’t know how.” David patted him gently on the arm, hand lingering as if he were afraid Mikey would disappear on him again.
That was one of the things Mikey had loved about Benny’s parents, the casual intimacy and constant physical affection. His parents weren’t huggers, and Mikey craved touch. Mikey snorted. “I was just telling your stubborn son the same thing.”
David snorted. “Good luck with that one, his cabeza is filled with cement.”
“Sadly, it is not.” An older man, with a kind face and clipboard, came into the room, trailing Troy and Dmitri in his wake. “Quite a party you’ve got going on in here. Is this your family?”
“Yeah.” Benny’s smile was huge. “This is my family.” His mom still sat next to him on the bed. He had a feeling he was going to have to pry her off with a crowbar. His dad sat at the foot of the bed, hand on Benny’s leg. Mikey leaned against the windowsill.
Benny waved at Dmitri and Troy. “Hi, guys! Thank you so much for picking up my parents. Did they give you any trouble? Make you listen to ranchera music the whole way here?”
Sofia hit him on the arm.
Benny rubbed it dramatically, scowling. “Hey, I’m injured here. That’s child abuse.”
“Your parents are lovely,” Troy said, smiling. “I can’t believe they’re related to you.”
“Wait until you hear them arguing,” Mikey chimed in. “Then you’ll know.”
Sofia pointed at him. “Don’t make me get out of the bed and hit you, too.”
The doctor shuffled some papers around on his clipboard, and everyone quieted down. “Mr. Quintaña, are you okay with me talking to you about your condition in front of your friends and family?”
Benny’s father looked confused. “Me? I don’t care.”
Benny smiled. “I think he means me, dad. Yes, if they want to stay. I have just had it beaten into me that this affects more than just myself and that if I stopped being such an idiot, people would help me out.”
Dmitri spoke up. “I’d like to stay if it’s all right. I promised Mikey I’d help translate from doctor-speak if they needed.”
The doctor nodded. “I couldn’t agree more. Especially with this condition, the more people you have around you for support, the better it is.”
“We’ll wait outside,” George offered, placing his hand on Frances’ shoulder.
“No, please don’t go,” Benny said. He’d surprised them, he could tell. “You’re Jasmine’s grandparents, and this affects her, too, as much as I wish it didn’t. So you guys have a right to know. Plus, you have the food. And I’m starving.” He reached out to them with both hands, face as pitiful as he could make it.
“Is it okay if he eats?” Mikey asked the doctor.
“Sure. I usually recommend a healthier diet, but I’ll look the other way this time.” He looked vaguely amused, but Benny got the definite feeling he wanted to get this show on the road.
George laughed almost against his will and offered Benny a choice of snacks.
“Sorry I’m half naked. I usually like to have pants on when I meet new people. What in the bag?” Benny asked as he took a Coke. Maybe the caffeine would help his headache. Or he could ask the doctor for some ibuprofen.
“Beignets. From breakfast.” George opened the bag to show Benny the powdered-sugared goodness inside.
“Oo,” Benny exclaimed, reaching in for one. Powdered sugar got everywhere as he pulled it out.
Dmitri perked up. “Are those from Lucille’s?”
“Yes. We were having breakfast there when we got the phone call from that young man. The food was very good.”
“Lucille’s is amazing. Gimme.” Dmitri reached for the bag.
Benny tossed the bag to Dmitri in a small shower of powdered sugar. Dmitri picked one out and passed the bag around the room. George passed the candy and soda.
When everyone was seated and snacking, the doctor got down to business.
“It’s going to take some watching, but we’re going with an initial diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Epilepsy. It’s a chronic neurological condition, a seizure condition, resulting from a past Traumatic Brain Injury or TBI. Now, traditionally this has been a fairly rare type of epilepsy, maybe five percent of all cases. But we’ve been seeing more of it in returning vets, such as yourself, and I expect as the years go one, the number of cases will only increase.”
Sofia held up a hand to stop the doctor. “Wait. This is a result, a side effect of sorts of a traumatic brain injury?”
Mikey saw Benny try to slip out the side of the bed. Sofia’s hand clamped down on his leg over
the blanket.
“Yes.” The doctor flipped through Benny’s charts.
“The traumatic brain injury he somehow forgot to tell his mother about?”
Troy bit his lip to hold in the laugh. Mikey slid further down the wall away from the bed.
The doctor hadn’t looked up from his paper. “In Benny’s case, the initial injury was caused by the, ah, oh, yes, IED explosion in early 2013. And more damage was done by the second incident in the fall of 2014. Benny, you said you said you have your medical records and can bring them to our next meeting?”
“Yes, sir,” Benny answered through teeth clenched in pain from the way his mother’s fingers dug into his kneecap.
“Now you told the PA you had an unprovoked seizure right a few months after the first accident, is that correct?”
Benny rolled his eyes. “Oh, it was provoked, alright. Fucking Sanderson and his moonshine.”
The doctor nodded. “Drug and alcohol use can absolutely trigger a seizure. You should refrain from both.”
“I don’t drink,” Benny said.
“Good. So what did the base doctors say about the seizure then?”
Benny shrugged. “It didn’t last long, ten seconds maybe? I didn’t fall down like this time. And I was outside the wire. You know how it is.” He looked at Troy and Troy nodded, mouth twisted in a wry smile. “When I got back to base they checked me out and said it was probably a freak occurrence.” And he had been kicked out about three months later.
The doctor’s pursed lips indicated what he thought about Benny’s previous doctors. “That veers close to medical malpractice in my book. Had you had any emotional changes before the seizure? Gotten angrier easier? Feel like you had less control over your emotions and had disproportionate responses to situations?”
Troy snorted, then covered his mouth. He and Dmitri exchanged a smile. Mikey made a note to take Dmitri up on his offer to have a long conversation with them very soon.
