by A. E. Wasp
Chris smiled with the memory. “Oh, I think you did a lot of things right.”
“I was wrong by not admitting that we had started something then. I tried to pretend that it was only one night. It didn’t mean anything. I was lying to myself, to protect myself, and I ended up hurting you. ‘In short, I was afraid.’ I didn’t really think it was going to go where it did. I hadn’t realized yet that nothing with you ever goes where I expect it to.”
“And by it, do you mean this whole D/s relationship we have going on?” Chris’s cheeks flamed, but he kept his eyes on Jay-Cee’s. Really, he told himself, if you can’t say it, you shouldn’t be doing it.
“Yes. That exactly. I may not have acknowledged it then, but a few nights ago, in your apartment, I knew damn well what we were doing. I wanted desperately to believe you did, too, so we wouldn’t have to talk about it. And that is fairly inexcusable. I should have spelled things out much more explicitly than I did.” For the first time, Jay-Cee blushed. It was just a faint pinking of his cheeks above his beard.
“Why didn’t you?” Chris asked.
“Believe it or not, sometimes I am…not as confident as you might think that what I want is a good thing. Sometimes, I scare myself. What if you had been disgusted with me? What if you rejected me and confirmed my darkest fears about myself?”
“‘That is not it at all. That is not what I meant, at all.’” Chris quoted, then sighed. “I kind of did that anyway, didn’t I?” Chris felt small.
Jay-Cee sighed. “Kind of. But, also not exactly. The things I was afraid you would shy away from, you seemed very enthusiastically on board with.”
“The sex?” Chris asked. “If that’s what you mean, that was perfect. It was exactly what I needed and wanted.”
“But it’s not just sex between us, is it?” Jay-Cee looked as if he still wasn’t quite sure.
That uncertainty was Chris’s fault, but it was something he could fix. “No. It isn’t just sex. If I’m being honest, it never was. And truthfully the relationship part of it is scarier than the kinky sex part.”
Jay-Cee picked at one of the nail heads studding the arms of the leather chair. His hair was longer on top than on the sides, and a lock of it fell down covering his eyes. Chris wanted nothing more than to push it away and try to read Jay-Cee’s expression.
Jay-Cee did it for him, running his fingers through his hair and looking back up at Chris. “I’m not going to lie. It hurt a lot when you pushed me away. You couldn’t have picked a more vulnerable time. Fuck, Chris. I was literally naked - emotionally and physically.”
Chris heard real pain in his voice. Jay-Cee covered his mouth with his hand and looked away, eyeing the bottle of bourbon.
“You can drink, if you want. It won’t bother me. I know sometimes it makes talking easier,” Chris said.
“No. I don’t need alcohol to tell you how I’m really feeling. If I did, that would be another sign that there was something very wrong.” He ran a finger around the rim of his empty glass. “When I drink now it’s because I like the taste, and it brings back a lot of memories.”
Chris desperately wanted to apologize again for hurting Jay-Cee, but he was the one who had set the ground rules. “I can’t believe you’re willing to trust me again, that you’re giving me a second chance.” He looked up, fear in his face. “You are giving me a second chance, aren’t you?”
Jay-Cee smiled. “I’m giving us a second chance. And probably a third, too. ‘With great risk comes great reward’. I think we’re worth the risk.”
“I do to.” Chris took a deep breath. “So, what I did wrong was not trusting you and not trusting myself. I knew in my gut that I was asking too much of you, taking without giving anything back. But I told myself it was okay. I’m not used to trusting my instincts. Usually, they lead me wrong.”
“You need to give yourself more credit. You’ve made a lot of really good decisions, even at your lowest points.”
“Really? Because that’s not what it looks like to me.” Chris tried to grin, but he had a feeling it didn’t reach his eyes.
Jay-Cee spread his hands. “You’re here, aren’t you? Alive, sober, and pursuing your art. Pursuing me.” He smiled. “Which was a good instinct, by the way. I’m very, very glad you are here.”
“Me, too. And not just because of the blowjob. Though, awesome job.” He gave Jay-Cee a thumbs up.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“That’s a mighty fancy way of calling me a brat.” Chris smirked.
“If the synonym fits…” Jay-Cee’s expression softened. “What you did at your apartment that day, you did because you are young, inexperienced, and scared. I know that. I should have been honest with both of us up front, and I should have moved much more slowly when I realized how…”
Jay-Cee stared at the ceiling, searching for the right words. “When I realized that I wanted much more of you than just your body. Amazing as it is, your heart and mind are even more beautiful.”
Chris blushed harder, and looked down at the floor. “Don’t be nice to me when you should be mad. You were right. I didn’t know what I was getting in to. I thought I knew what I was asking for, but what you gave me was so much more. And I…I rejected it. Because I was scared. Scared I wasn’t strong enough. But now I do know what I want, and it scares me more.”
“What do you want?”
37 – Dirty talk and daddy issues
How many times had Jay-Cee asked that? And how my times had Chris said he didn’t know. Now he knew for sure.
He looked Jay-Cee right in the eye, his stomach clenching like he was at the top of the biggest drop of the roller coaster. “I want you. All of you, and I want to give you all of myself. You’re all I can see, all I think about. I want to know you’re with me all the time. I want to tattoo you on my skin.”
Chris needed Jay-Cee to understand what it would be like to be with him full time.
He knew he could be too much for most people. He’d never expected anyone to be able to take on all of him. All of the thoughts and feelings and desires that he barely understood himself. But Jay-Cee could be strong enough. He was a rock Chris could batter himself against.
Chris took a deep breath and let it all out. “I know I have an addictive personality. And while you might not be my new heroin, I can’t promise I would become addicted to you. If it’s too much, I understand. I know it’s not normal to feel this much, to want someone like that. But I don’t know how else to love you.” Chris exhaled and collapsed back into the chair.
Jay-Cee leaned forward. His eyes bored into Chris’s. “I want you just as much, and the same way.”
Chris sucked a breath in between his teeth. “Do you think this is a normal way to be?”
“There is no normal in love. It’s love, not possession. Without you, I’m banked. I feel like I’ve been living half of a life. But I’m not a good man. Sometimes I scare myself with the things I want to do. What I want to do to you.”
“Sometimes I scare myself with what I want,” Chris admitted.
“That’s why trust is essential. I need to know beyond a doubt that you’ll tell me when you have to stop. That you will watch out for yourself.”
“I will. I promise.”
“You have to trust that I am learning and watching the signals your body gives me,” Jay-Cee said. “Eventually, I’ll know your limits better than you do. Sometimes, you might get into a mental place where you can’t make a clear decision. When that happens, I’m responsible for your emotional and physical safety.”
Chris’s brain let his body know how fucking sexy that sounded and insisted he should do something about it. His cock tried valiantly to rise to the occasion, but it was no use. He was going to need at least twenty minutes rest and some food. “Like the Little Prince with his rose. ‘You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.’”
“Have I tamed you?” Jay-Cee asked.
“Completely. I’ll eat out of your hand if you want
me to.”
“I do,” Jay-Cee said with an evil grin.
Come on, please? Chris’s mind begged his cock. Still not happening. “I think I tamed you, too,” Chris said.
“You have. It goes both ways.”
Chris had to kiss him then. He walked over to Jay-Cee’s chair, and bent down to kiss him.
Jay-Cee kissed back enthusiastically, hands on either side of his head. Then he pulled Chris onto his lap, arranging them so they fit comfortably on the big chair. Chris’s head was tucked against Jay-Cee’s chest, and his legs hung over the arm.
It was time to move this conversation along to the good stuff.
“So, about that other stuff. I made a list,” Chris said. “Of things I definitely like, things I think I might like, things I think I might not like, but how do you know unless you try? And things I definitely don’t like.”
Jay-Cee slid his hands between Chris’s thighs. “You’ve been doing your research.”
Chris’s eyes rolled up to the ceiling, and he bit his lower lip. “Benny may have given me a talking to and then some homework. He also kind of agrees with you that you dropped the ball.”
“He does, does he?” Jay-Cee laughed and tried to cover it with a cough. “He’s full of surprises, that boy. So I guess the cat is out of the bag.”
“Way out,” Chris gestures wildly. “Like, running around the room chasing mice out.”
“And what else did Benny have to say?”
“You really care?”
“I do. Benny is a good man and he has a way of reading people.” Jay-Cee rubbed Chris’s leg and looked a little sheepish. “I’d feel better if I knew…”
“Knew we had his blessing?” Chris guessed shrewdly.
“Yeah,” Jay-Cee admitted. “Is that strange of me?”
Chris shook his head. “No. I did, too. I told you I don’t always trust my judgement.”
“Me neither. Especially not when it comes to you.” Jay-Cee ran his fingers through Chris’s hair. “So what did Benito have to say about us?”
“He said, and I quote ‘If kinky is what you need and want and everyone’s getting off on it and you feel better after, where’s the problem?’”
“Smart boy,” Jay-Cee said, sliding his hand further up Chris’s leg. “So where’s this list?”
Chris sat up and hooked an arm around Jay-Cee’s neck. “It’s not on paper, Grandpa. I have a Google doc. I can share it with you.”
It took a few seconds, but eventually they were each looking at the same document on their separate phones.
Chris looked down at the way he was sitting tucked up on Jay-Cee’s lap. “Do you think I have daddy issues?”
Jay-Cee shrugged and pulled Chris tighter against him. “Maybe, but so what? So do I. Who cares?”
“Maybe it’s a Santa Claus fetish. This feels like a really kinky Santa thing. Must be the beard.” Chris tugged Jay-Cee’s beard.
Jay-Cee grinned evilly. “You want to sit on Santa’s lap, little boy, and tell him what you want? Have you been naughty or nice?”
“Both, Santa,” Chris said wide-eyed and innocent.
“Brat.” Jay-Cee waved his phone at Chris. “Well, then, young man, you’re going to get everything on your list.”
They leaned their heads close together to go down Chris’s rather extensive list.
Jay-Cee said, pointed at one option on Chris’s no list. “I don’t like that either.” His eyebrows rose at the next item. “Where did you even?”
“Tumblr,” Chris admitted. “Never mind.” He deleted it with a swipe of this fingers. “Benny did tell me to stay off Tumblr.”
“Smart boy.” He switched to Chris’s definitely yes list. Chris held his breath, as Jay-Cee read down. “Now this I can work with.”
Chris squirmed uncomfortably as Jay-Cee began reading out loud. “Edging, definitely. Bondage, absolutely. Public sex?” Jay-Cee raised his eyebrows and looked at Chris out of the corner of his eye. “Naughty.”
Chris blushed. “Oh, no,” he said when he saw what was next on the list. He had meant to delete that one, or at least rephrase it. “Don’t read that!” he said, trying to take the phone out of Jay-Cee’s hand.
Jay-Cee held his phone out of Chris’s reach while he read. “‘Fucking Jay-Cee, or more accurately Jay-Cee using me like a dildo while I’m tied up.’ Isn’t that interesting?”
Chris’s face was bright red now, and he hid behind his hands.
Jay-Cee pulled Chris’s hands away and wedged them between Chris’s legs, pressing their joined hands hard against Chris’s cock. “I’m tired of reading. I want you to tell me what you like.”
Chris tried to twist away and only succeeded in grinding his crotch harder against his hands. “I like it when you tell me I’m doing good. How good I,” he swallowed then lowered his voice. “How good I take it. How hot I look when I’m, I’m on my knees.”
“Yeah? I can work with that.” He leaned in close, his mouth right on Chris’s ear. “Because you look fucking hot on your knees.”
Chris breathed heavily, body moving with arousal mixed with embarrassment. “I like this…this? When you make me tell you things I kind of want to tell you, but I’m too embarrassed to say.”
Jay-Cee put his hand on the back of Chris’s neck and pulled him in for a long kiss. He kept the pressure steady between Chris’s legs. Chris’s brain cheered as his cock made a strong rally. Maybe Chris didn’t need to eat before going again.
Jay-Cee bit Chris’s bottom lip before pulling away. He kept his hand on Chris’s neck. “I like that, too. I love hearing you talk. I’ll probably never gag you because I love the sounds you make. I love watching you blush and squirm, and I love making you beg. I could come just from listening to that.”
“Can we get naked now?” Chris said breathlessly.
“I think we have just a little bit more to talk about. Tell me what you don’t want.”
Chris wrinkled his nose. Jay-Cee pushed Chris’s hands out of the way, and ground the heel of his hand against the base of Chris’s very interested cock. “Tell me.”
Chris bit his lip, then hesitantly listed the things he remembered from his list. “I don’t think I want to be like, whipped or anything? No watersports, no public scenes, no heavy scenes at all.”
Encouraged by Jay-Cee’s attentive listening, Chris plunged ahead with more certainty. “No humiliation, and, um, I’m not sure how to say this, but I don’t want to have to be...submissive…all the time.”
He blushed, and looked down again which he realized kind of undermined his words, but he trusted Jay-Cee to know what he meant. “I don’t want to have do the whole D/s thing outside the bedroom unless it’s like foreplay. Know what I mean?”
“I know what you mean. And I completely agree. Chris, you don’t have to do anything. This is about you getting to do things, not having to do something you don’t want to.”
Chris exhaled in relief. He wasn’t ready for some kind of 24/7, having to call Jay-Cee master, thing. “I get to have private spaces and private things. And so do you. And can we just like have normal sex sometimes? Is that okay?”
“Baby, whatever you want is okay.” Jay-Cee was looking at Chris like he was the only thing he ever wanted to look at.
Chris smiled wide. “I like when you call me baby. Can we get naked now?”
“You can.” He pushed Chris gently off his lap. “Strip.”
Chris had never taken his clothes off so quickly. He stood in front of Jay-Cee, vibrating with anticipation.
Jay-Cee spread his legs and pulled Chris between them. It was starting to be Chris’s favorite place to be. Jay-Cee ran his hands up and down Chris’s sides and back. “Gorgeous. What I want right now is for you kneel up on my father’s leather chair and for you to fuck yourself on my cock.”
Chris rolled his hips as Jay-Cee’s fingertips punched into the muscles of his ass. “Oh, dirty talk and daddy issues. I love it.”
“Hmm.” Jay-Cee pressed a finger be
tween Chris’s ass cheeks. “The only problem is, as well stocked as my parents’ bar may be, there isn’t any lube in this room.”
“Well, actually,” Chris looked over to his backpack.
Jay-Cee gave him a half-smile. “You brought lube in your carry-on?”
“A gift from Benny. One I didn’t find out about until I was going through security.”
Jay-Cee slapped him on the ass. “Go get it.”
Chris jumped and ran over to his backpack. He was back in front of Jay-Cee in a second. In his hand was a Ziploc baggie stuffed full of three-ounce bottles of thick, clear liquid.
Jay-Cee burst out laughing. “Benny. I swear to God.”
Chris handed the bag to Jay-Cee, and then sunk to his knees between Jay-Cee’s legs.
Chris never did get lunch, and they barely had time to shower and dress before they had to leave to meet Jay-Cee’s mother and aunt for dinner.
38 – And we talked and talked about our parents
Chris did indeed have a navy blue blazer. Despite having come twice in the last two hours and almost ruining a very expensive leather chair, Jay-Cee’s dick still tried to fill again when Chris pulled a baby blue tie out of his suitcase. The same tie Jay-Cee had wrapped tightly around Chris’s wrists.
“Still a little wrinkled,” Chris said, making a show of smoothing out while he eye-fucked Jay-Cee in the mirror. He bent the collar of his white shirt down around the tie and tried to look demure as he slid past Jay-Cee.
Jay-Cee smacked him on the ass, and he laughed.
Chris wore the same khakis he’d arrived in after making sure there were no visible stains on them, but he’d traded the sneakers for a pair of brown leather ankle boots. He slipped the blazer on and twirled, modeling for Jay-Cee. “Well? Good enough for the club?”
“Those old ladies are going to eat you up. And half of their husbands will be drooling into their gin and tonics.” Jay-Cee kept his hands to himself. They really had no time to start anything.
“Looking pretty hot yourself, boss.” Jay-Cee had thrown a light gray sports jacket over his white shirt and a floral tie in rich jewel tones. He’d debated changing the black jeans, but decided against it. The tattoos peeking out from his collar and cuffs would distract anyone from his jeans. “Let’s go. I’ll drive. Let’s get those tongues wagging as they try to figure out what’s going on with us.”
