“Lyla? What are you doing here?”
I’d been so absorbed in my task of committing every divot and groove on his body to memory that I didn’t notice the shock and panic in his eyes as I pushed past him and into the apartment.
“I’m sorry to just show up like this,” I began. “I just needed to see you. I hate how we left things last night, and I wanted to make it right.”
“Now’s not really a good time, Goldie. Can we maybe do this later?”
“No… I mean, I can’t.” I closed my eyes and shook my head as I began to pace the sparsely decorated living room. “What I mean to say is I need to do this now. If I wait any longer, I’ll chicken out.”
“Fuck,” he hissed, tucking the blanket tighter around his hips before raking a hand through his messy dark hair.
That wasn’t the most encouraging thing to hear, but I pressed on anyway, the need to get the words out building and building inside me, threatening to explode like a soda can that had been shaken up.
Deciding to be completely honest, I spoke the words I’d only ever confessed to my journals. “I love you, Mace. I’m in love with you. I have been since the very first time I laid eyes on you.”
“Lyla—”
“No, please. Just let me get this out,” I pleaded. “I might be young, but I know what I feel.” I moved close, taking his face in my hands and lowering my voice as I smiled. “I’ve been in love with you since I was ten years old, Mace. You’re it for me.”
Taking the hugest leap of faith I’d ever taken in my life, I rose on my toes and pressed my lips against his. Mace’s mouth immediately opened and his tongue drove into mine. I might’ve started the kiss, but he took over in an instant. A moan worked its way up my throat as his fingers dug into my hips. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth so thoroughly, like I was the sweetest, most delicious thing he’d ever tasted.
My head fell back on another ragged moan when his lips disconnected from mine and traveled down the sensitive flesh of my neck. “God, Mace,” I whimpered. “I love you so much.”
For some reason, repeating that had the same effect as a bucket of water being dumped over his head.
He jerked away like I’d just stabbed him, wiping at his mouth with the back of his hand. “Shit, Ly, sweetheart. We can’t do this.”
I stumbled back a step, my knees having turned to jelly from the kiss. “What? Why?”
“Are you kidding?” he bit out, his jaw clenched like it was taking everything in him to fight something back. “Goldie, you’re seventeen!”
“I’ll be eighteen in just a few months.”
“Christ,” he gritted as he paced and rubbed at the back of his neck. “This isn’t happening right now.”
My stomach plummeted to the floor, and I could feel my heart beginning to crack. “You kissed me back,” I whispered. “I’m not delusional. I felt it. You kissed me back, Mace. And I saw you watching me last night at dinner and at the club. I’m not an ignorant little kid. I know what I saw and felt. You can’t deny it.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Anger began to burn in my veins that he could have such little regard for what we’d just shared.
“How can you say that?” I demanded. “Tell me what I felt wasn’t real. That what I saw was all in my head.” He stopped and stood silent, watching me with a pained expression like he was coming apart. And I knew then that what he was fighting so hard was his draw to me. “I love you, Mace,” I continued, softening my voice as I closed the distance between us and placed my palms on his chest. “I know you feel something for me too. I can see it in your eyes right now.”
“You’re killing me, Goldie,” he whispered, his voice tortured as he leaned down to rest his forehead against mine. “What you felt was real.” All the breath whooshed from my lungs as a beaming smile stretched across my face. “But,” he continued, killing that sudden burst of happiness, “it can’t happen. Ever. I’m drawn to you, I’ll admit that. You’ve always been important to me, sweetheart. So goddamn important. I feel something for you, but I can’t ever act on it. It just can’t happen.”
It was amazing how a person could go from bliss to soul-crushing heartache in the span of just a few seconds. It was like being hit by a truck. “Why not?” I whispered, my voice cracking as tears welled in my eyes.
“Oh, baby. Please don’t cry.” He cupped my cheeks, using his thumbs to brush away the few that escaped.
“Then tell me why. I deserve to know.”
“Because you’re not just some girl. You’re Lyla, my Goldie. I’m not the best when it comes to relationships, and you aren’t a woman you just take a shot with. You deserve so much more than that. You deserve promises, and I’m not in a place to make those kinds of promises right now.”
“I don’t need promises,” I insisted, a hint of desperation in my words. “I’m not asking for that. I know this would take time. We’d have to build it. I just want to know there’s a chance. That’s all I’m asking. Just give us a chance.”
Mace tangled his fingers in my hair, and for a second I thought it was all going to work out.
But I’d been so damn wrong.
“No.”
With one word, he broke my heart.
“What’s going on?”
When I turned to look over my shoulder at the person who’d just spoken, those two broken pieces shattered and splintered, turning to dust.
“Bethany?” I asked on a ravaged whisper. “What are you… how…?” She was dressed in nothing but a Civil Corruption T-shirt. Her hair was a tangled mess around her shoulders, and her lips were red and swollen. “How could you?”
“Lyla,” Mace called, drawing my attention back to him. “You know each other?”
“My best friend?” I seethed, jerking out of his grasp and skewering him with a look. “You fucked my best friend?”
“Fucking shit,” he grunted, agony washing over his expression. “I didn’t… Goldie, I didn’t know.”
“How could you?” I repeated on a shout as I turned back to Bethany. “I told you how I felt about him!”
She looked right through me, like I was a complete stranger instead of her best friend. “Don’t be such a drama queen, Ly. It’s too damn early. All you said was you had a crush. You didn’t say anything about being in love with the dude.”
“What’s the matter with you?” I yelled so loud my ears rang.
“What’s the matter with me?” Venom dripped from her words. “Poor little perfect Lyla,” she sneered. “How’s it feel to finally not get something you want?”
The force of her anger was so strong that the words felt like a physical slap, sending me back a step. “What are you talking about?”
“Every guy at school is stupid for you, and you don’t even notice! You could have any one of them. Hell, they’d line up just for a shot at you, but you’re too much of a good girl to even realize! Everyone just loves Lyla. She’s got the perfect hair and the perfect clothes and the perfect loving family. People like me are just stuck with the scraps. So yeah, when I got my shot with the guy of your dreams, I jumped at it. And you know what? I’d do it all over again, because now you know what the rest of us feel like.”
“You stupid bitch,” Mace snarled at her. “Get your shit and get the fuck out of my apartment before I throw you out on your goddamn ass!”
“You know what?” I cut in, somehow managing to pour all the hate I was feeling into my voice despite the tears streaming down my face. “Don’t even worry about it. I’m leaving.”
“Lyla, wait—”
“No.” I pulled my arm from Mace’s grasp when he tried to stop me from storming out. “You’ve already made it clear you don’t want me, and I can’t stand the fucking sight of her.”
He reached for me again, refusing to give up. “Goldie, just wait. Please. Let me get rid of this bitch, and you and I can talk. There’s still a lot I need to say.”
“Not anything I want to hear,” I replied broke
nly. “Forgive me, but I’ve taken all the hits I’m prepared to take today. Now let me go.”
“Please, Ly.”
“Let. Me. Go,” I hissed between clenched teeth.
He finally did as ordered, and I ran out of that apartment like the hounds of Hell were nipping at my heels.
Mace
“Well I don’t know about you, but that was all the soap opera bullshit I can handle for one day,” Bethany said as she moved through my living room in the direction of the kitchen, stopping in front of me and smiling seductively as she stood on her tiptoes and ran her tongue along my jawline. “You got any coffee? I’m dragging this morning. You really wore me out last night. Maybe after, I’ll let you in for round three? Or would it be four?”
The sassy wink she’d just given me morphed into fear as I put my palm in the center of her chest shoved her away from me. “You stupid cunt,” I hissed.
“Oh please!” she cried, masking her fright with false bravado. “Don’t act all sanctimonious now. You didn’t seem to want me gone half an hour ago when your dick was down my throat.”
“That was before I knew what I venomous bitch you really are,” I growled in return.
“What is it about her, huh?” she shouted, throwing her arms wide. “She’s not fucking perfect, you know. I’m just as good as she is!”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” I countered. “You pulled that shit just now because you know you’ll never be a quarter of what Lyla is. You’re the one men fuck and forget about the second they blow their load. That’s all you’ll ever be. She’s the one men want to keep.”
Desperation washed over her as she attempted to get close and touch me. “I can be the woman you want to keep.”
“Not a fuckin’ chance. If you hadn’t come out when you did I would have forgotten you were even here. Now what part of get the fuck outta my apartment didn’t you understand? Don’t make me repeat myself again. You won’t like what happens.”
She didn’t hang around long after that. Rushing back into the bedroom, she took about two seconds to get dressed and grab her shit before rushing through the front door.
“Fuck me,” I grunted, scrubbing at my face in distress. I needed to burn that goddamn shirt she’d been wearing, along with my sheets to try and destroy any evidence she’d ever been here. Then I had to find a way to fix whatever this was between Lyla and me, but a fierce churning in my gut told me it wasn’t going to be so easy.
Chapter Six
Lyla
Dear Diary,
I didn’t know it was possible for a person’s heart to hurt this bad without the pain killing them.
I did it. I put absolutely everything on the line, and not only was I shot down by the man I loved, but I was betrayed by the girl I thought was my best friend.
Lowering my pen to the mattress, I closed the journal, running my fingertips along the worn leather cover. I’d been using it every single day for the past four years, because it was a gift from the man I loved. Now it was nothing more than a horrible reminder.
I didn’t want those reminders anymore, but I couldn’t bring myself to let them go completely.
Climbing off the bed, I walked to the closet and pulled the door open, reaching for one of the shoeboxes I kept high on the shelf. Tossing the pair of shoes onto the closet floor, I moved to my bedside table and opened the drawer, pulling out every candy bar he ever gave me and dumping them inside the box. Next went the tiny picture frame he’d given me, along with the picture of me with the whole crew I’d put inside of it. I rested the journal on top of everything and placed the lid on top before stowing it back up on the shelf, making sure to tuck it behind everything else up there.
Out of sight, out of mind. Or at least I hoped.
I’d done my best to put on a happy face all day as my family and I celebrated Christmas, but I’d been secretly waiting for it all to end so I could go upstairs, close myself in my bedroom, and throw the pity party I’d been so desperate to have. Unfortunately, I’d only had about twenty solid minutes to wallow before a knock on my bedroom door interrupted me.
Will had already left for the evening, planning on spending some more time with the guys and Tate before they flew back tomorrow. Figuring it was my mom or dad, I called for them to come in.
“Goldie….”
My head shot up and around at the sound of Mace’s voice, and my heart stalled for a second before starting back up at a rapid pace. “What are you doing here?” I bit out as I slowly lowered to my bed.
“You haven’t been answering any of my texts, darlin’. I couldn’t go back to LA without talkin’ to you first.”
God, he was just making it so much worse. “That’s because I have nothing left to say to you, Mace. Sorry you wasted the trip.”
“I hated how we left things,” he stated, moving into my room and closing the door behind him. “Sweetheart, you have to believe me, I had no idea who she was—”
“Stop it,” I hissed, closing my eyes against the memory of yesterday morning flashing in my brain.
“Lyla, please. I never would’ve fuckin’ touched her. You have to know that.”
A laugh of disbelief bubbled up my throat, filling my room with its bitterness as it slipped past my lips. “You know what blows my mind? The fact that you came in here thinking the only reason I have nothing to say to you is because you screwed a girl I stupidly thought was my best friend. I hate to break it to you, but any woman walking out of your bedroom would’ve broken my heart.”
He flinched like I’d just slapped him, and I couldn’t help but feel a tiny hint of pleasure at that.
“Lyla—”
“Do you have feelings for me?” I asked, finished with beating around the bush. I’d already laid myself bare; there was nothing left for me to lose.
“It’s not that simple.”
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. It’s exactly that simple. And I’d appreciate an answer.”
“Yes,” he gritted, the muscle in his jaw ticking wildly. “Yeah. I have feelings for you.”
“Why do I get the feeling a ‘but’ is coming?” I asked snottily.
Mace’s throat bobbed with a thick swallow. “But… Christ, Ly. You’re my best friend’s little sister. What am I supposed to do with that, huh?”
“Wow!” I barked. “First it was that I was too young, now it’s because I’m Will’s sister? Which is it? Make up your mind, Mace.”
“It’s both!” he boomed before getting a hold of himself and lowering his voice as he repeated, “It’s both. But most of all, it’s Will. I can’t… I just can’t do that to him, Goldie.”
“Do what?” I demanded, losing hold on my patience.
“He’d never approve.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not good enough for you, okay!” he shouted so loud that both of us held our breaths, waiting to see if my folks had heard. When a minute ticked by without the sound of their footsteps on the stairs, he continued. “You think in a million years he’d ever approve of me for you? Hell no. He’d lose his goddamn mind.”
I hadn’t thought it was possible to hurt any more than I already was, but with every word he said, I felt that crushing weight that had been sitting on my chest for the past thirty-six hours grow heavier and heavier.
“I see,” I whispered, the backs of my eyes beginning to sting as I struggled to hold back the tears that desperately wanted to fall. “So Will’s more important.”
“I didn’t say that,” he replied on a quick clip. “Jesus, Lyla, you can’t possibly think you aren’t important to me. Sweetheart, you’re one of the most important people in my life.”
“Just not important enough,” I finished, speaking the words he refused to say out loud. When Mace’s head fell in defeat, the last piece of me died. “You need to leave,” I said in a quiet, broken voice.
He rushed toward me like he wanted to scoop me in his arms and pull me close. Shooting off the bed, I backed up until I hit t
he wall. “No! Don’t touch me.”
He stopped the moment my hands came up toward him off. “Not like this,” he begged, his voice gravelly and agonized. “Please don’t make me leave us like this.”
It was then that I lost the fight against my tears. They slowly slipped down my cheeks, one by one, as I pulled in a breath, trying to gather my thoughts in order to say what needed to be said.
“I’ve been in love with you since I was ten,” I started quietly. “More than seven years of my life, I’ve been waiting for my chance to tell you how I feel. If you didn’t have feelings for me, I could’ve walked away from this with at least a small piece of my pride intact, but you do. And that’s what makes this so much worse. Because I just found out that the man I spent seven years pining for never deserved it.”
Mace’s face went hard as stone as he took a step closer.
“Stop,” I commanded. Then I continued to drive the final nails into the coffin that was my hope for a future with Mace. “You see, when I dreamed of what it would be like to be with you, I never once thought you’d be such a coward.”
“That’s not—”
“I waited for you. I waited and waited, because I knew you were worth it. But I’m done. I won’t spend one more second of my life on a man who doesn’t think I’m enough.”
“Please, just—”
“No. I won’t just anything.” I pushed off the wall and sidestepped him. “You know the saddest part?” I kept talking before he had a chance to answer. “The saddest part was that I’d have done anything for you. I’d have made you happy, Mace. There isn’t a single doubt in my mind that we could’ve been freaking great together. But since you’re too scared to take a chance on me, to risk my brother’s wrath, you’ll never know. I’m done wasting my time. I’m moving on. And one day I’ll find a guy who actually deserves me, one who’d risk everything for me. And you’ll have to spend the rest of your life knowing you settled with whatever woman it is you end up with. Because there’s no one who’d ever love you as much, who’d bend over backward to give you everything within her power just to make you as happy as I would.”
Ravage (Civil Corruption Book 4) Page 4
