“I fucked up,” he continued, his tone heavy with defeat and guilt. “I fucked up huge, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to fix it.”
Unable to witness his sadness and not attempt to comfort him, I placed my palm on his thigh. One of his hands instantly disengaged from the wheel and came down on top of mine, holding onto it firmly. “Have you tried reaching out?”
He let loose a self-deprecating laugh. “And say what?”
Flipping my hand, I wrapped my fingers around his and replied, “How about ‘I’m sorry’? It’s as good a place to start as any.”
Then the truth finally came out. “What if that’s not enough?”
Leaning close, I lowered my voice as I said, “They love you, Mace. That hasn’t changed. And it’s for that reason that it’ll be enough.”
“You can’t know that.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I can, because they each call me every single day to make sure you’re all right. That’s not an act of people who don’t care.”
At my admission, his eyes grew round and he turned to look at me in surprise. “They do?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, my grip on his hand tightening. “They do. So start with an apology, honey. They’ll lead you from there.”
The conversation came to an abrupt end when he pulled the car into a huge half-circle drive. The heavy wooden glass-fronted door of the enormous house swung open just as Mace parked and cut the engine, and Gwen came walking out with a little girl I only recognized from the pictures Garrett had flaunted proudly on his phone—their little girl, Liddy.
“Unca Mace!” the little girl shouted at a decibel that could make ears bleed. She held Gwen’s hand while the other waved in the air manically as she jumped up and down with an excitement only a little kid could pull off.
“Oh my God,” I said quietly. “She’s the cutest little thing in the whole world!”
“Tell me about it,” Mace replied. My eyes were pinned out the passenger window, watching Liddy, so I couldn’t see it, but I heard the smile in Mace’s voice clear as day. “Sweet as sugar. You’ll get two cavities within minutes of being around her.
“Unca Mace, come on! Let’s go swimmin’!”
“Come on, baby,” Mace coaxed. “Let’s go meet the little dumplin’ in person, yeah?”
“Yeah.” Unbuckling my seat belt, I climbed out of the car and hooked my pool bag over my arm as I waited for Mace to round the hood and reach my side. I didn’t balk when he grabbed my hand and started leading me up the front walk. Holding his hand felt like the most natural thing in the world, so I just went with it.
For today, at least.
The sun was out, the temps were comfortably warm, and I was about to spend the next few hours with great friends, tasty food, and a crystal-clear pool.
It was going to be a good day. I could go back to worrying about everything tomorrow. Today was all about the here and now.
“Hey, squirt!” Mace dropped my hand just in time to catch Liddy as she released her mom and launched herself at him. Swinging her up, he deposited her on his shoulders, her tiny hands tangled in his hair to hold on while she squealed in delight.
And just like that, my ovaries exploded.
“Squirt, I want you to meet someone really special to me. This is Lyla.” His eyes flashed with a light I hadn’t seen in so damn long it nearly took my breath away. “Lyla, meet my squirt.”
“My name’s not squirt, silly! I’m Liddy!”
“My bad,” Mace chuckled. “Ly, meet Liddy.”
I reached up and took one of her teeny tiny hands. “Nice to meet you Liddy.”
“You too! Are you goin’ swimmin’ with us?” It was impossible not to smile at such a bright, happy little girl.
“Maybe later, monkey,” Gwen answered for me. “For now, why don’t we let them join the party, huh?”
Resuming her hold on Mace’s hair, she gave it a jerk and ordered, “Go, Unca Mace! Go fast!”
They disappeared into the house, Liddy’s peal of laughter trailing behind as they went. I stared in wonder at where I’d last seen them, unaware I was being so obvious until Gwen spoke.
“Put your tongue back in your mouth, babe. You’re getting drool all over the floor.”
My frightened gaze shot to hers and she let out a soft, tinkling giggle.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I get it. Believe me. I get it. Garrett and I didn’t have the best start,” she said, talking about the first few years of their so-called relationship. What had started as nothing more than a fling ended in an unexpected pregnancy. For the first few years, Gwen and Garrett only co-parented. That was, until they found themselves falling for each other, and eventually took the leap and fell crazy in love. “I might not have been able to stand him, but I still got that little quiver deep in my belly every time I saw him with her.”
I knew precisely what quiver she was talking about.
“You guys talking about the dudes with Liddy?” Gwen’s best friend Corrine asked, coming out of nowhere. “I totally get it. First time I saw Ian pick her up, I spontaneously orgasmed on the spot.”
Gwen turned back to me with a roll of her eyes. “Ignore her. Corrie’s all about oversharing and shock value.”
I smiled and laughed as I followed them through the house to the backyard, thinking Corrine had been spot-on.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mace
I wandered around the pool deck toward the covered bar where Garrett was manning the grill with Killian and Declan hanging around. I felt like an unsure, nervous little kid. It had been two hours, and I still hadn’t dug up the courage to do as Lyla suggested.
It was time to stop being so goddamn pathetic and get this shit over with. Pull the Band-Aid off.
“Yo, brother,” Deck greeted once I joined them. “Want something to drink?”
“Water. Thanks.”
Kill opened the cooler on the ground beside him and reached inside, coming out with a bottle of water and tossing it at me. I caught it in one hand, the condensation dripping along my fingers as I unscrewed the cap and took a drink.
“So how you been, man?” Garrett asked as he flipped the burger patties cooking on the grill. “Haven’t heard from you in a while. You doin’ good?”
He was trying to come off as light, but I could tell by the tension in his shoulders and the way Kill and Deck kept a watchful eye that they were worried just as Lyla said.
“Good,” I answered, the plastic crackling in my hands as I twisted it. “I’ve been good. I, uh, well….” Here goes nothin’. “I actually went to my first AA meeting two days ago.”
That seemed to stop them in their tracks.
“You went to AA?” Declan asked, his tone and expression making his shock clear as day.
Reaching up to scratch at the back of my neck, I mumbled, “Well yeah. Ly thought I needed another avenue and did some research on it. She was pretty adamant. I wouldn’t say it was the most fun I’ve ever had, but it didn’t suck like I thought it would. It was actually pretty good.”
“Wow. That’s….” Garrett trailed off for a second. “Shit, Mace. That’s awesome. Proud of you.”
Hearing that lifted the two-ton weight I’d been carrying around on my shoulders for the past couple of months.
These guys weren’t just bandmates or friends. They were my family. After Lyla, they were the most important people in my life, so knowing I hadn’t lost them filled me with a sense of relief. It felt like I’d just taken my first real breath in months.
Kill’s beer bottle stopped midway to his mouth, as if he’d just realized what he was drinking. “Shit, brother. I didn’t even think. Sorry.”
He moved to throw the bottle in the trash and I spoke up to stop him. “It’s cool. Seriously, it’s fine. I need to… well, I need to learn to be around it. I can’t expect you guys to change your lives to accommodate me.”
“Like hell you can’t. That’s what family does, Mace,” Declan added, tossing his ow
n beer in the trash as well. “We wanna help you in any way we can. If you’re serious about this, then we have your back.”
My hands clenched around the bottle of water as I collapsed into one of the deck chairs close by, a storm brewing inside of me. “Actually, I need to say something to you. I’ve needed to say this for a long time—”
“You don’t have to,” Garrett interrupted, already knowing the direction I was heading in. He didn’t know just how wrong he was.
“I do,” I cut in. “Look, this has been a long time comin’. I fucked up. I can’t begin to count the number of times I fucked up. I did it over and over, and you guys put up with me every goddamn time. You never turned your backs on me, and I took advantage of that. I won’t forget that. I’ll never forget how many times you had my back, and I won’t take it for granted. I’m not gonna let you guys down. Not this time.”
They went quiet, examining me like a specimen under a microscope. It was Garrett who finally broke through the tension building in my gut.
“That’s all we ask. You’re family, bro. We just want you to be okay, and if this is you on the road to that, then we’re there. No matter what.”
“What he said,” Killian echoed Garrett’s sentiment inelegantly. Then again, that was his way, and I wouldn’t expect anything less.
“Glad Lyla’s been such a huge help,” Declan added, pulling up a chair beside mine and kicking his legs up on the bottom rung of the barstool across from him. “She’s got her shit together. More than any of us, anyway.”
“No fuck,” Garrett chuckled. “And the girls love having her around. Hopefully we can talk her into staying. It’s really nice having her with us after all these years.”
He wasn’t wrong about that.
I kept my mouth shut as Killian gave me a knowing look. He was the only one who knew how I really felt about Lyla. Before hitting rock bottom, I’d gotten plastered and poured it all out for him one night on tour. Like a true brother, he hadn’t spoken a word of my confession to anyone else. And I’d continue to keep that to myself for now, but what I didn’t say out loud was that I was willing to move Heaven and Earth to make sure she never left. She’d walked away from me too many times to count, and I was done watching her back as she left.
This time, I wouldn’t let her get away so easily.
Lyla
Propping up the lounge chair I’d been sprawled out on a touch farther for a better view, I tried to be inconspicuous as I watched Mace goof around in the pool with Liddy and the rest of the guys through the heavily shaded lenses of my sunglasses.
I’d been doing this very thing for hours, unable to tear my eyes off him. He was gorgeous on any given day, but seeing him playing with that little girl just upped the sexy factor by a million. It was a damn good thing I was wearing a cover-up over my bikini, because my nipples had been painfully hard all damn day. Hell, they’d been hard since seeing him jerking off in the shower earlier that morning.
“Mace is really good with her,” Gina said, pulling my attention from the pool.
After a perfectly cooked, mouth-watering burger courtesy of Garrett and his grilling skills, the guys decided to hop in the water for a somewhat aggressive game of volleyball—until Liddy joined in and they toned it down. It had been Mace, Declan, and Ian against Garrett, Killian, and Liddy. Of course they’d let Liddy win all three games. Now the guys were each taking turns throwing her up in the air to see who could get her to make the biggest splash.
I’d decided to get a little sun on the deck with Gwen, Corrine, Gina, and Tatum, sipping on the ice-cold margarita Gwen had poured from the pitcher she’d brought out earlier and had been staring at in envy ever since.
“He really is,” Gwen agreed. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like he is today.” I turned to look at her, watching with a not-so-little pang of want as she rubbed her adorable baby bump through the brightly colored sarong she had covering her bikini. “He’s… calm. Relaxed.”
“Haven’t seen him this relaxed since we left San Francisco all those years ago,” Tate said in a gentle whisper, and I knew she was relieved to finally have the old Mace back.
I was too. I was watching the Mace from way back when, the one who used to come over to our house as a teenager and bring me candy bars and little bags of chips just because. This was the Mace who used to goof off in the garage during band practices, always quick with a joke and a smile. That Mace had been gone for so long, and damn was it good to have him back.
I’d looked on with bated breath a couple hours ago as Mace made his approach to the other guys. Of course, I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I could read clear as day the anxiety that had been rolling off him in waves. They talked for a while, tensions seeming to grow, before all of a sudden it was like the clouds parted and the sun shined down on him. It was so damn beautiful I almost burst into tears. Thank god I got a hold on that quickly.
“He’s sober,” I told them, my gaze aimed back at Mace. “Hasn’t had a drink since that night in Prague. We talked about it, and he’s started attending AA meetings. I think it’s working.”
When my statement was met with silence, I forced my attention off the pool and back to them. Tate’s eyes were shining brightly with unshed tears. Mace was her family, so hearing that meant everything to her. I got that. Boy, did I get that.
“He’s doing AA?” she asked softly.
“Yeah,” I replied, my tone just as gentle.
She sniffled as she got a hold of herself. “Thank God.”
“Yeah,” I repeated with a slow, happy smile.
“I know that’ll make Garrett feel better,” Gwen said, still massaging her belly. “That’s been weighing on him for the longest time. He’s probably beside himself.”
“Killian too,” Gina added.
“And Deck,” Tate weighed in. As each of them spoke, my chest filled with that warmth I was becoming more and more familiar with as each day passed.
“They’ve gone through so much lately. Losing Will….” Tate trailed off just as my head jerked her way. I saw the moment her brain registered what she’d said, and she looked at me with wide, apologetic eyes. “I’m sorry, honey.”
“Don’t be,” I offered, smiling so she’d know there were no hard feelings. I still missed my brother like I’d lost a piece of myself, but the crushing sadness had slowly started to lessen as the days and weeks passed. It was a relief being able to look back at the happy memories with fondness instead of breaking down in agony. “You’re right. That took its toll. On all of us,” I added.
“Well it’s good to see everything’s working out,” Corrine declared. “And from the way you two have been eye-fucking each other all day, I’d say it’s working out really well.”
My mouth dropped open in shock that she’d easily managed to sniff out what I’d been so desperately trying to hide. “I… that’s not… we aren’t….”
“Oh please,” Gina giggled. “Don’t bother trying to deny it. It’s written all over both of you. Personally, I think you two look great together.”
“We aren’t together,” I insisted, my heart beating frantically behind my ribs. “It’s not like that.”
“Why not?” Gwen asked, her head tilting in curiosity. “I think you two are perfect for each other. You’ve helped him more in a matter of months than the guys have been able to in years. It’s obvious there’s more between you, so why fight it?”
Looking down, I rubbed my finger along the rim of my margarita glass. “It’s not that simple,” I explained in a weak voice. “I can’t. I just… can’t.”
Then Tate asked a question that froze me to the core.
“Is it because of Daniel?”
My entire body stiffened as a chill worked its way through my system that no amount of sunshine could combat. I hadn’t thought of Daniel in months, as shocking as that seemed, especially given what he’d done to me. But there you had it. I’d been so focused on Mace—his health, helping him heal, fighting the
growing feelings for him—that Daniel hadn’t even registered.
But now that he’d been brought up, I knew it would take an unbelievable amount of strength to force him back down.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lyla
“No,” I replied quickly, firmly, desperate for a change of subject that the girls just wouldn’t allow.
“You sure?” Gwen questioned. “You never talk about it.”
“Because there’s nothing to talk about,” I rebutted. “Daniel’s gone. That chapter of my life is over.”
“Have you heard from him?” Gina asked, caring and concern filling her voice.
“Nope,” I answered in a flat, emotionless voice. The restraining order I had on him back in San Francisco saw to that. “And I’ll go to my grave a happy woman if I never hear from or see him again.”
Unfortunately, with that comment and the brutal conviction in my words, I’d opened a whole can of worms I hadn’t intended to ever let out.
The four of them stared, watchful, speculative.
I hadn’t even realized what I said, what I’d given away until that moment, and I’d have given anything to take it back.
“Ly….”
“Don’t,” I said to Tate as her face grew heavy with concern.
But she didn’t heed the warning in my tone. “Honey, talk to us,” she pushed. “You never talk about it. What happened? Let us help.”
“Like I said, there’s nothing to talk about. It was a bad marriage is all. It was time to end it, so I did.”
I sucked back a mouthful of my margarita as she continued to prod. “But you could be so happy with Mace, honey,” she insisted. “I just know it.”
“You wouldn’t understand,” I admitted quietly.
“Then how about explain it to me,” she demanded in that pushy way a good friend would use when they sensed something was off with a person they cared about.
Ravage (Civil Corruption Book 4) Page 14
