“Are you sure you have the time?”
“Sundays are my days off, so I have nothing but time today.” He gestured to the cloakroom. “Did you have a coat?”
Sammi nodded, and when she turned to go get it, Levi kept close to her side. She didn’t miss the looks people gave them as they walked side by side, but she didn’t meet the gaze of anyone, not wanting to be stopped for conversation. That, too, was different from earlier in the year. She used to talk with any number of people on Sunday mornings or any other time she was at the church, but not anymore. She knew that some would have wanted to ask about her mom, but right then, she was just feeling too emotional—yet again!—to deal with questions about her mom or her pregnancy.
Once Levi had helped her into the passenger seat of his truck, Sammi let out a sigh as he walked around the truck to get behind the wheel. It was a relief to be away from the looks—whether curious or judgmental—and to be away from the chance of Jayden approaching her again.
It didn’t take long to reach the hospital, and after Levi had found a parking spot, they took the elevator to the floor where her mom was confined. She left Levi in the nearby waiting room, and then, praying that her mom was having a good day, Sammi made her way into her room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
As Levi waited for Samantha, he kept himself busy on Facebook—which was rather ironic after what the pastor had talked about in the service earlier. But he wasn’t posting selfies or a status. He was looking up Jayden’s profile. After finding him with Samantha earlier, and seeing the stress their confrontation had caused her, Levi was beginning to wonder if he needed to have a conversation with the man. It wasn’t acceptable to Levi that Jayden was still upsetting Samantha.
Given what he’d already done, Jayden didn’t get to continue to inflict stress or additional hurt on her. Surprisingly, Jayden’s Facebook profile was fairly open, and Levi was able to read his statuses and look through his posts. There were lots of pictures of him and his new girlfriend. Levi stared at the man, wondering if he was Samantha’s type. The easy smile. The casual style. The loose blonde curls. Jayden was pretty much the opposite of Levi in every way.
Levi took a moment to try and figure out why it had even crossed his mind to compare himself to Jayden. It really shouldn’t matter that he wasn’t anything like the man Samantha had loved.
From Jayden’s page, Levi went to Samantha’s. He had been to her page before, but it had been in search of information about her mom. He hadn’t taken the time then to look at any other statuses or pictures. But this time, he was more observant, looking more closely at her profile picture and cover photo.
He noticed that it still said that she was in a relationship, but not with whom. No doubt Jayden had severed that relationship status, so that he could become Facebook official with his new girlfriend. Samantha, however, hadn’t changed her status to say she was single. He had already read all the updates she’d posted about her mom, but for the first time, Levi went further back in time. He quickly discovered that she hadn’t posted a status or any pictures for months.
The last major status she’d posted had been from the day they’d met. It was a picture of her and Jayden—obviously an old one since it looked like it had been taken at a Christmas party and they had met in April. Its caption read: I have missed this man so much. Can’t wait to spend the evening with him.Love you, Jayden Murray. xoxoxo
Levi didn’t want to think about why that bothered him. But it did. It bothered him a lot. He knew he shouldn’t keep looking at her page, but he couldn’t stop himself from continuing to go back in time, wondering as he did so, why she hadn’t deleted all the pictures of her and Jayden. He hadn’t had to delete stuff with Caren on his page because he hadn’t posted any to begin with. This was the most time he’d ever spent on Facebook.
Caren had had been the one who posted pictures and statuses about them, but after she’d run off with Davy, he’d noticed that all the pictures he’d been tagged in were gone, and she’d unfriended him. Which had been just fine with him.
As he continued to look through Samantha’s timeline, he realized that at one time, she’d posted almost every day. But from the moment she’d broken up with Jayden—and gotten pregnant—she’d posted basically nothing until the statuses about her mom. Out of curiosity, he went to Makayla’s timeline—it seemed that the whole family had friended him after the barbecue—and saw that she’d posted several pictures of herself showing off her belly both alone and with Ethan, along with statuses about the baby and her pregnancy.
For some reason, the fact that Samantha wasn’t posting anything about her pregnancy and the baby bothered Levi. It likely wouldn’t have mattered to him at all if she hadn’t been active on Facebook before the break-up with Jayden. However, it seemed that she didn’t want to share about her pregnancy the way she’d once been so happy to share everything about her life with Jayden. It was as if she didn’t want to let them know she was going to be having a little girl.
For the first time, Levi wondered if the shame that Samantha felt about being pregnant and not married would carry over to their daughter. Would she be able to separate the shame she apparently felt for her circumstances from the innocent baby? Would Samantha even post pictures on Facebook after the baby was born?
Levi got to his feet and paced the small waiting room, phone clutched in his hand. He didn’t want his child to be raised with shame. He didn’t want his daughter to feel that her mother resented getting pregnant with her, though Levi was beginning to understand that it was likely Samantha did feel that way.
That was hard for Levi to accept because he saw things in Samantha that he liked. Really liked… And there were times when she seemed at peace about their situation, but now he wondered if that was just what she portrayed to the world. Clearly, she took no joy in her pregnancy. There had been no announcement of it on Facebook. No happy status on the day they’d discovered it was a girl.
Levi hadn’t posted stuff like that on his Facebook page either, but the difference was that he had rarely posted on his social media even before Samantha had gotten pregnant. He wondered what he should do. Should he talk to Samantha about it? Did her lack of happy Facebook statuses really have the significance that he was assuming it had?
Before he could come to some sort of decision, Samantha reappeared. When Levi saw the strain on her face, his concerns about her social media absence quickly faded.
“How is your mom doing?” Levi asked as she reached him.
“She’s doing okay physically.” Samantha sighed and fell silent for a moment. “It’s just…it feels like she’s not my mom anymore. Her moods are just so unlike how she used to be. Sure, she would get upset or have a bad day, but there was always a good reason for it. Now, she gets upset at the smallest things, and she doesn’t seem to want to cooperate with the people who are trying to help her.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” He walked by her side as they headed to the elevators. “I understand how that is though. After my mom’s accident, she had a really rough time accepting things. There were days where her mood swung from rage to crying and back to rage again.”
Samantha nodded as she reached out to press the elevator call button. “That’s how it is with my mom. It’s been hard on us kids to see it, but I can’t imagine how devastating it is for my dad.”
“Your dad seems like a strong man.”
“He is. When we first met him, he was trying to raise four boys on his own while building a business.” When the elevator doors opened, she stepped inside and turned around. Levi stood close to her as the elevator descended. “Dad made the decision to retire last year so he and Mom could have more time together. And now this has happened.”
They walked in silence to his truck. It wasn’t until he was exiting the parking garage that Levi spoke again. “Where would you like to go to eat?”
“I know we’ve been there already, but I’d be happy just eating some soup and a sandwich at Tims.�
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“Sounds good to me,” Levi said as he pulled out into traffic.
Samantha was quiet again as he drove them to the same Tim Hortons restaurant they’d been to before. On the one hand, Levi was glad that Samantha didn’t feel the need to keep up a constant conversation if she didn’t feel like talking, but on the other, he was concerned about what might be bothering her. No doubt there was a lot for her to handle with her mom’s situation on top of being pregnant.
Once they had their food, Levi led them to a table in the corner of the restaurant. It wasn’t too busy, so they had their choice of seats, and he purposely chose a table where they wouldn’t have people sitting too close to them.
Levi watched as Samantha bent her head briefly to pray. She took one spoonful of the soup and hummed her appreciation.
“I wasn’t sure I was really hungry, but now I am.”
“Does anything bother you now with regards to eating?” Levi asked, curious how her pregnancy was progressing.
“Not really. I get some heartburn, but I haven’t really been able to tie it to any one food. It’s certainly better than it was the first trimester.”
“You’re almost done your second trimester, right?” Levi lifted his sandwich and took a bite.
Samantha looked at him in surprise, her spoon halfway to her mouth. She lowered it back to the bowl. “You know about stuff like that?”
“Sure. I Googled information once you told me you were pregnant.” He shrugged. “I was curious.”
“Would you want to come to my appointments? I go once a month.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” Levi said.
“They are pretty…boring? I mean, I go, they weigh me, check my blood pressure, and then the doctor measures my belly and listens for the heartbeat. She’ll ask questions about how I’m doing, and as long as everything is okay, they don’t do anything else.”
“So you won’t be having any more ultrasounds?”
“Not likely. Unless something unusual crops up or maybe if I’m overdue. They might check to make sure that she’s doing okay.”
Levi wanted to know more about his daughter, and he knew that if they were married—or even in a relationship—he would probably be going to all the appointments with her. “Is she still moving around a lot?”
Samantha nodded, a smile coming to her face for the first time since Levi had found her with Jayden earlier that morning. “All the time, it seems. There are days when she’s so active, kicking me like crazy.”
“We might have a hyper one on our hands,” Levi said, unable to keep from returning her smile.
“A soccer player, it feels like some days.”
Levi thought about bringing up the subject of how she really felt about the baby, but he didn’t want to upset her after what she’d experienced with her mom. So instead of broaching that subject, he brought up the name suggestions again.
“Did you really want to choose a name now?” Samantha asked, picking at the bread on her sandwich.
“I just assumed that’s what parents did when they were pregnant. Discuss and possibly choose a name for the baby even before it’s born. Do you not want to choose a name?” Levi paused. “I mean, I know we discussed some names that night in the hospital, but I didn’t really feel like those names were serious contenders. Or would you prefer not to have my input?”
Samantha’s eyes widened at his last question, and she gave a quick shake of her head. “No. I don’t mind you having a say in what we name the baby. I guess…I don’t know, I haven’t really had a name come to mind.”
“Have Makayla and Ethan chosen a name for their baby already?” Levi paused then said, “Makayla said on her Facebook page that they were discussing it.”
“Yeah. I think they’ve decided, but they haven’t shared it yet.”
It was on the tip of his tongue to ask why she hadn’t posted anything about the baby, but Levi took a bite of his sandwich instead.
“Grace didn’t have a name for her baby, but she was born early. She chose the name after the baby was born. I think she had five days to choose one.”
“Olivia, right?”
“Yep. Olivia Joy. So that name is off the list. As are Samantha, Makayla, Maya, etcetera, etcetera.”
“So, no names already in use by the family,” Levi said with a nod. “Got it.”
They were silent again as they ate, then Samantha said, “So did you enjoy the service this morning?”
“Yes. It’s all still pretty new to me, but Keenan has been good about answering all the questions I have.”
“Keenan and Bennett are both good at that.” Samantha stirred her soup. “We only met Keenan when he started dating Tami, but he’s quickly become part of the family.”
“Your family seems to be very welcoming to everyone.” Levi had noticed that when he’d gone to the barbecue.
Samantha shrugged. “Our family is one that was chosen. We know that family doesn’t have to mean just blood relations. Ethan became part of the family because he married Makayla, but even before that, he and Sierra were a part of us. Maya was a little more resistant to the family’s attempts to draw her in, but now she and her parents feel like they are family too.”
A longing to feel included caught Levi off guard. It had been years since he’d felt as if he were part of a family. In truth, he’d always felt a little like an outsider even when he’d been with his mom and Davy. They’d always had a closer relationship, leaving him to look in from the outside. He thought he’d gotten used to the feeling of aloneness, but seeing how the Callaghans and McFaddens had rallied around each other in the midst of a crisis was enticing to Levi. And though he wasn’t sure how Samantha viewed their daughter, he felt fairly confident that she would be welcomed into the family in the same way they welcomed others.
As he watched Samantha eat her food, Levi found that he wanted to know even more about her. Bits and pieces of their conversation from that night at the bar came back to him, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted to know everything about her. Though he felt that she was keeping a lot to herself, Levi didn’t know if that was how she’d always been or if this was a result of what had happened. After all, she’d kept the pregnancy a secret for three months. What else was she hiding?
“Are you working full-time when you go back this week?”
Samantha shook her head. “I just have three shifts to start with. Monday. Wednesday and Thursday.”
“Is that just to ease you back into work?”
“Yes. Yvette—my supervisor—wanted me to take it easy for the first week or two. Hopefully, it won’t be long before I’m back to full-time. I need the money.”
“Just remember that you don’t have to do all this yourself,” Levi said. “I want to be a part of supporting this baby. My company is doing well, and I have the money to help you buy things for the baby or even for yourself.”
Samantha gave him a sharp look. “I’m not your responsibility.”
Levi knew he was frowning at her, but he couldn’t seem to help it. “Samantha—”
“Why do you call me that?” she asked, interrupting him.
“What do you mean?”
“Everyone else calls me Sammi, but you call me Samantha.”
“That’s what you told me your name was when we met in the bar. I’ve just always thought of you as Samantha.” He paused. “Would you prefer I called you Sammi?”
She shrugged, her gaze down on her food. “You can call me whatever you want.”
Levi tried to excuse her terse mood because of her pregnancy, but he didn’t like it. “I know that you feel you’re not my responsibility, but I…care about you as well as the baby.”
As he said the words, Levi realized that perhaps care wasn’t the right word for what he’d begun to feel for Samantha. The only reason he hadn’t allowed himself to think about it more was because he was fairly sure there was no future for them in that direction.
She stared at him for a moment, her brow furrowed.
When she began to blink rapidly, Levi was afraid he’d somehow reduced her to tears. He reached out to touch her arm.
“Please, just let me help you. I know you’ve got a lot going on right now. I just want you to know that you can lean on me.”
Sammi let out a huff of air as she slumped back in her chair, her hands coming to rest on her belly. “I’m so sorry. I know I’m being ungrateful and grumpy when all you’ve been is understanding and supportive. I don’t mean to be that way. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“I know you do. Your experience with the pregnancy is much different than mine,” Levi said. “I won’t pretend to understand what you’re going through, but I do want you to know I’ll be there for you. Whatever you need.”
“I don’t really know what I need, to be honest. I had planned to move into an apartment of my own, but now with Mom…I don’t feel like I should move out.”
“Did you have an apartment in mind?”
“Well, I was kind of hoping that Bennett and Grace would get married soon so that I could have whichever apartment they moved out of, but they’re not even engaged yet.” Samantha shook her head. “I’m not sure what’s holding Bennett up.”
“How about Gabe and Maya? Have they been together long?”
“They were dating for a bit at the end of last year, but then they broke up because of how Gabe was living his life.”
“He was doing something bad?”
“No. He just liked to travel and go on crazy, extreme adventures. Maya couldn’t handle the idea of possibly losing him to one of those dangerous escapades. After his accident, however, they got back together again.”
“Mitch doesn’t have a girlfriend?”
“Nope. So far no girlfriends for any of the other guys.” She wrinkled her nose. “Well, Kenton has had girlfriends, but none of them have been long term. He tends to go from one puck bunny to the next.”
“Puck bunny?” Levi asked.
“Yeah. You know. The girls who don’t really care much about the game, they just want to date the players.”
Believing in Tomorrow: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 4) Page 21
