by Barker, Kira
When she finally broke the silence, it was with a question I’d thought would come much later.
“Does the FBI know what you did? Or whatever agency is leading this investigation. Do they have concrete evidence against you?”
I shook my head. “Adam knows. I think Agent Smith suspects, but she could have just been provoking me. But I think I’m safe. Darren sent Ray Moss to be my personal pit bull, and as much as I can’t stand that man, he is a great lawyer. I’m probably also his only case right now, so I’d expect him to be on top of his game. Alison’s taking care of Darren’s side of the investigation. If you ask me, we’re probably the two people in this city who are the least likely to be convicted for anything, with that team and our shared connections.” We really did make a great power couple, I realized. With the dirt I had on so many people, and him the means to enforce virtually anything, we were unstoppable.
That was probably not a good thing.
Brigitte gulped down her drink—the only sign that she was deeply upset by those news—but her game face was on already as she set the glass back down on the counter.
“Well, then, what are you even concerned about? You now know exactly where you stand with all the important people in your life. You have all your ducks lined up in a row—your private life, your job, what mines not to tread on and which ones to deliberately set off. That sounds a lot like the perfect solution to me.”
With someone else I would have asked her if she’d even heard a single thing I’d said, but I didn’t embarrass myself like that with Brigitte.
“So you think I should just ignore what happened? Put it all behind me? Just, you know, go on? Keep my secrets close, and my enemies closer?”
Her shrug was ambivalent. “That no one but you can answer. Is it something that will, in the short or long run, break your back? Then find a different solution. Is it something you can keep doing until the end of your life? Then, by all means, do it. Unless, of course, you suspect that the momentary peace is just a phase, and before long you will find yourself on the knife’s edge again?”
I considered that, but shook my head to that last bit.
“As deranged as everything that Darren and I have is, I think he was completely honest with me when he told me that I’m safe from him. That now that he has torn away all the pretense and distilled me down to my very core, I’m all he could ever have dreamed of. He made a mistake back when he twisted me around and manipulated me into becoming the woman he got bored with, while at the same time not being able to stand even the suggestion of me walking out on him. He is a rather complicated man, you understand?”
While her answering smile had a very sharp edge to it, it was still a smile. “You have to put up with him. No one else.” She paused, then snorted. “Although it does sound like he’s deadly serious about that last part.”
“Is he ever,” I admitted, staring off into space before I forced myself to focus back on her. “So you don’t think I’m insane? That I’m making the biggest mistake of my life if I stay on this path?”
“I think that you’ve already made that very mistake, and paid the price for it. Might as well reap the benefits for it now, right?”
I didn’t quite know what to make of her answer.
“You don’t think I made a mistake throwing my lot in with Darren?”
She considered that long enough that I was starting to wonder if she was already plotting the fastest way out of the city.
“We all make mistakes,” she offered. “You know how the world works. You’ve been toeing the line for years, working for me. I think you’ve by now accepted the fact that what we do may be of some good, sometimes, but we are not the women society smiles upon. We belong to the seedy underbelly of society. We are the first to be abandoned and will be thrown under the bus if that helps anyone advance their cause. Is what we do morally wrong? Likely the answer to that is yes. And from there, it’s a slippery slope. You have to decide if getting your hands dirty is what you want. What you can live with. You know that if you don’t do the job, someone else will, and likely not as good and with as much care for the well-being of those involved. Securing your alliance with the powers that be strengthens your position. From the business side, I’d say it’s the right decision.”
“And disregarding that?”
A shudder ran through her, but she held my gaze evenly.
“Can you stand being with a man who manipulated and tortured, and almost killed you from what you told me? Do you trust him enough not to change his mind on a whim? Does this come with other concessions that you’re unwilling to make? I can’t answer this for you, Penelope. God knows, none of us is immune to that poison love really is. If your case is already terminal, why not make the best of it?”
That was probably the most apt description of our relationship that I’d ever heard.
We remained sitting there in silence, both staring at the bottles behind the bar for what felt like a small eternity.
“I kind of saw it coming,” I finally said. “With Darren, I mean. The signs, they were all there. But already then I was obsessed with him. Or with that perfect fantasy version of him that I’d created in my mind. That’s why nothing you said got through to me. But Adam? That really sucker-punched me. What is it about me that I seem to attract this special kind of psychotic characters?”
Brigitte snorted, very unlike her usual poise. “You’re a whore. What do you expect? The good guys wouldn’t even touch you with a stick. The moderately good ones pay you, and then confess to their wives and vow never, ever to do it again. It’s only the morally corrupt ones who’ll let themselves enjoy your company to start with. And the selection in that pool is… let’s say very limited. I don’t need to tell you that.”
“Guess I needed to hear it, though.”
She nodded. “Sometimes we do.” Another pause followed. “Do you think he will be a problem? Adam, I mean.”
I shook my head. “If Darren spoke the truth—and I still believe he did—there won’t be any more prostitutes disappearing. The trail will go cold. Sooner or later, whoever they have to report to will put them to use elsewhere, and that problem should have taken care of itself.” I briefly wondered if I should mention the borderline lunatic ramblings he had thrown in my face today, but refrained from it. I might be pissed as hell, but there was no reason to further tarnish his reputation.
“Are you going to tell him that you told me?” Brigitte asked. At first, I thought she meant Adam, but that was clearly not the man in my life that she was concerned about.
I shrugged, hating that I couldn’t give her a different answer. “Probably yes. But I think he already assumes that I told you everything upon my return. And I think he trusts me to keep you in check.” That seemed to amuse her, making me roll my eyes at her. “You know how I mean that. You and me, we’re a team. You know me better than most people, and I think the same is true for the reverse. You wouldn’t do something so stupid as go to the police now. If anything, I’d suspect that Darren already had you in his pocket, paying you off to keep quiet.”
Now it was her turn to make me squirm, but only for a moment. “He approached me,” she admitted. “After you disappeared. That’s when I realized that there must be a lot more to this than just a relationship gone wrong. I didn’t take his money, if you’re wondering. But we have a mutual understanding that it’s in neither of our best interests to involve anyone in this who isn’t already involved.”
“Is that the reason why you never even tried to dissuade me from going after him? Or when things turned around, keep me away from him?”
“That I did because it was obviously what you wanted,” she told me. “I’ve given up on telling you what not to do. See where that got you. Now? Correct me if I’m wrong, but haven’t you pretty much settled into the exact position that I advised you to take? You fuck him. Maybe you even love him. But you keep your own life independent of his, and you won’t let him mess with it.”
“A
h,” I groaned. “So here it is. The most epic ‘I told you so’ in the history of men.”
The smirk she graced me with was answer enough.
“I should probably return home,” I said when there wasn’t anything else to say. “Tell my phalanx of lawyers what else they should look out for. I can already see Darren gloating at me for having been so gullible all over again. Or maybe not. He wasn’t very concerned about Adam when he still thought he was just a friend, and a criminal to boot. Now that it turns out that he’s an agent, too, and deliberately endangered my life…” I let that hang in the air between us.
“Even when said danger was only coming from the man himself?” Brigitte inquired.
I couldn’t help but offer a rueful grin. “That, I think, won’t matter. As I said, he’s a complicated man.”
Brigitte gave an affirmative sound that wasn’t quite a scoff, but told me plainly enough that she herself would never have chosen to put up with the likes.
“Your choice, your consequences to bear,” she said, then hugged me, taking me somewhat aback. She usually wasn’t that physically warm a person. “Take care of yourself, girl,” she whispered. “I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Me, too,” I replied. “Me, too.”
Chapter 23
Darren was less than pleased when I relayed the news, but he took it better than I’d feared. He was clearly annoyed, but remained relaxed where he was leaning back in his desk chair in the library. This time I was sure that he’d called me up here rather than come down because he knew exactly how antsy the surroundings were still making me.
“I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed,” he finally said after letting me stew for a good thirty seconds.
“Because I told Brigitte,” I half stated, half asked.
The way he looked at me told me that I needn’t have inquired for verification.
“Can’t say I’m surprised,” he admitted.
“She’s the only one I would trust with anything,” I offered. “Let alone, she’s the only one I have that I can talk candidly with.”
A small smile ghosted around his lips. “You have me.”
“Yeah, you’re exactly the right person to talk about our relationship with,” I bit out, then forced myself to hold on to the fleeting calm I’d managed to rally in the meantime. “Besides, she likely expected something of that nature. I wouldn’t call her your biggest supporter, but she has ceased trying to dissuade me from staying with you.”
“A very pragmatic woman, I’ve come to understand,” he said, agreeing with me. “She won’t be a problem?”
I shook my head. “If I’d thought you’d give a damn, I’d say I vouch for her.”
That starting smile morphed into a smirk now. “Oh, you wound me. Of course I care about your opinion. It’s just not always something I can take into consideration when I make my decisions.”
“Adam is by far the bigger problem,” I pointed out.
Darren shrugged, but it didn’t seem to faze him much that who I had thought was my friend turned out to be a deceitful, lying bastard. Figured.
“Maybe, but I’m still not concerned. But you should get that restraining order against that entire lot of them,” he advised. “Both because then we have something to use against him if he gets any stupid ideas, but also because it makes a point. Unless you have other intentions?”
“Like what?”
The pleasant look remained on his face, but his eyes hardened. “It can’t be news to you that you have a thing for men that play games with you. Do I need to be concerned?”
For just a second, I was tempted to play with the idea of letting Darren make sure that there couldn’t be any competition—but that was a low I vowed to myself never to sink to.
“No, you don’t,” I told him. “And you know that. Want me to show you just how deep my devotion to you runs?”
There it was again, that intensity that made me instantly wet and had the power to override every quint of sense I still had. A flick of his finger was enough to make me saunter around the desk and straddle him, the chair groaning softly as it had to carry our combined weight. Threading my fingers through his hair, I jerked hard on it as I lowered my face to his at the same time, his resulting gasp letting me deepen the kiss immediately. His hands roamed up my back before they settled firmly on my ass, grinding me against him while I continued to devour his mouth.
I guessed it said a lot about me that while I still had many reservations about talking to him, or just plain being around him, sex had never been an issue. That was likely the very reason why I was still alive.
Yet when I tried to take things that one step further, he held me back, making me frown down at him.
“That restraining order first,” he reminded me. “Of course we could just call Ray and shoo him around to get it, but I think it would look better if you went down to the precinct yourself and talked to these imbeciles. After all, the more open and honest you appear, the less reason for doubt they can file in their paperwork.”
I hated having to cut things short, but he was right—and didn’t look like he would let me disagree with him to start with. It still creeped me the fuck out that he acted so… honest—I guessed, was the best term—around me now, but I much preferred it to that latent disapproval he’d used in the past to nudge me in what he thought of as the right direction.
“Very well,” I murmured, getting off him. Rather than remain behind, he followed me. When I eyed him askance, he smiled. “Of course I’m coming with you. After all, this can’t be easy for you. Having to take action against the people you trusted? Who should, by all means, have been on your side? That takes enormous courage. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t openly support you?”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that anything I say has twice the impact when I do it surrounded by three of the most cutthroat lawyers in the city?” I ventured a snide guess.
“Of course not,” he replied as he helped me into my coat, gesturing toward the cars parked below. “How do you even come up with these ideas?”
So it came that, just after ten in the evening, I found myself back in that interrogation room, Detective Donahue taking my statement. It was a laughable situation, really, with Ray hulking behind me—as far as he could physically pull that move off—and Darren and Alison seated next to me. From our first meeting I’d gotten the sense that Donahue was a bright, sometimes conniving man who knew exactly what he did and how to get what he wanted—but under the scrutiny of this display of stony features, even the most well-versed con artist would have started to sweat. I didn’t have to lay on the concerned citizen—I was, after all, more than mildly alarmed because of the recent developments, and finding out that virtually everyone in my life that I had ever relied on had been playing with me was cause aplenty to be jumpy and unable to keep still. I didn’t even have to lie—much—to get my point across, while carefully navigating around the few red flags that I didn’t want to raise. Agent Smith and her temper had done their own to make the detective wary of protesting my points, and I left the precinct about an hour later, a copy of the freshly minted restraining order securely in my purse. It might have even been my own name that had gotten a certain honorable Judge Ponter to sign it even though it was well past his official working hours. All those times I’d visited him in his office must have left a lasting impression.
I debated coming home with Darren, but he agreed with me that, restraining order or not, Agent Smith wouldn’t let up any time soon, so it was probably the better part of valor for me to spend the night at my residence, alone. Darren dropped me off at the Peninsula with the reminder that he still had his Sunday morning thing going in the country club, so if I could hold it in my panties for another day, we could catch up on the lost opportunity earlier then.
I spent another night tossing and turning, sleep eluding me. If it had been anger and betrayal only, I might have found some rest, but for whatever reason, m
y mind kept clinging on to the somewhat disjointed things Adam had flung in my face. I wasn’t sure if he himself knew if he still wanted me. Why throw me to the wolves first? Why help me and uproot himself for months? Yet as soon as we had returned to the city and I had distanced myself from the entire team, he’d faded into the background. It just didn’t make sense. Either he had moved on, or he hadn’t, but this disjointed mess just felt wrong. Maybe that was the difference between someone like Darren, who had had years to refine his polished veneer and keep a tight leash on his madness, rather than someone who was stressed enough to crack and then tried to recover what was left of his dignity and retreat? Adam must have known that we’d never had a shot at a future together. I might have forgiven the deceit, but that he’d let me run straight into Darren’s knife was unforgivable.
When the sky finally started to lighten, I got up and slid into my swimsuit, ready to fall back into my daily routine. Yet just as I shrugged on the fluffy bathrobe, my phone went off—my private phone, the one that very few people had the number to. Frowning, I went over to where it sat on my nightstand, but after only two rings, the call ended, too soon for me to accept it. When I checked it, I saw Brigitte’s name flashing on the display. That was strange. It made me wonder if she’d changed her mind about her somewhat relaxed attitude about the revelations that I’d dumped on her last evening. She knew me well enough to expect me to be up and about, so the time of the call wasn’t that unusual. But why had she hung up?
