“What’s the prognosis?”
“With a transplant, good. There will be challenges, of course.”
“Okay, we’ll get her a kidney.”
Jana shook her head at his belief that it would be so simple. He didn’t get it. They were here because she’d been on a donor list. They tried hospitals in Europe. They’d been fighting this battle for a while.
“Blake, it isn’t that easy.”
He clenched and unclenched the steering wheel, and she knew he was working through his anger. And his concern for their daughter.
“Is she on a list, and is she in a hospital that can do this type of surgery?”
“She is on a list, and this hospital has been doing kidney transplants for a decade. But the best donor is a living donor. A parent or a close relative is best.”
“So we’ll find a donor.”
She nodded because she hoped they would. And she hoped his confidence would rub off on her.
“How is she right now?” he asked after they’d been driving awhile.
“She’s getting stronger. Since we got here they’ve put her on dialysis to get her body healthier in preparation for the transplant.”
“I need to know what you’re thinking.” He briefly looked her way and then refocused on the road.
“I guess my first thought is that we need to get our daughter better.”
He let out a deep sigh. “I won’t let you leave with her, Jana. I can’t do that again.”
“I know.” She shuddered at the coldness in his tone. He had every right to be angry. She’d known when she boarded that plane back to the U.S. that she would face his anger. She had known that returning could mean any number of things. But for Lindsey, she’d been willing to risk it.
“I want to know my daughter.” He took off his hat and tossed it in the backseat of the car and brushed a hand through his dark hair, now touched with silver at the temples. “Jana, do you realize that something could have happened and I wouldn’t have seen her again.”
She heard the break in his voice. “I know, Blake. I’m here because I know she needs you. I know I’ve hurt you all, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make that right. But please...”
“Please what?”
“Don’t take her from me. I know you could probably have me arrested.”
“I never pressed charges, Jana. It’s hard to go that route when there wasn’t a custody hearing. And I also didn’t want the fear of being arrested to keep you from coming back with her.”
“But you have the ability to take her.”
“I don’t want to discuss that right now.”
She nodded in agreement, her heart slowly returning to normal. For now she could relax. She knew Blake, knew that they would handle one problem at a time. And the most important thing was their daughter’s health.
“Thank you.”
“Does she have any idea that she has family here?”
“Yes. I told her she has family in Oklahoma who can help us.”
“Did you ever tell her that she has a dad who loves her? That she has a family who misses her?”
“Not until recently.” She brushed a hand across her eyes. “I think she knew. She would question me sometimes, like she had some memories of being here.”
“I don’t even know what to say to you right now.” Blake ground out the words. Jana shivered and hugged herself tight, wishing that she could take back every last moment of the ten years they’d been apart. She wished she could undo what she’d done to all of them.
Eventually she would explain to him what had happened to her. Now wasn’t the time. The car zoomed along the highway. Jana looked out at passing fields, searching for the right words to make this situation better.
“I hope someday you’ll forgive me, Blake. And I hope Lindsey will forgive me.” She sighed and allowed herself to look at him.
“I can forgive you, Jana. I’ve had a lot of years to work on forgiveness. I can’t say that I’ll ever trust you again. And I definitely won’t let you leave the country with her.”
“Understood.”
“I’ll have her passport frozen.”
“I know. Blake, I’m here. I know it will take you time to trust me, but I’m not leaving with her. If we can help her...” She covered her face with her hands as the tears unleashed again. “If...”
“Not if.” His tone softened and she felt a handkerchief being pushed into her hand. “We’ll get her through this.”
“I’m praying you’re right.”
“Oh, you pray now? I guess...” He stopped, sighed. “I think we’ll both have to do a lot of praying.”
“I want you to know her, Blake. I want to stay here so that you can build a relationship with her.” Life, she realized, was precious. Her daughter deserved a relationship with Blake. With all of the Coopers.
“So, after nearly eleven years, I’ll get weekends and maybe a couple of weeks in the summer?”
“Can you give me a chance?” She wiped at her eyes with the handkerchief. “Don’t expect me to know every step we’ll take from here. I want you to have a relationship with Lindsey. It’s important. Life is too fragile to go on like this.”
“You can stay in the guesthouse at the main ranch.”
“Thank you,” she whispered. “And just give her time. She doesn’t know you. And before you say anything, I know that’s my fault. But please, give her time to know you, to know your family.”
They drove on in silence. Soon they were driving through the crowded, rush hour streets of Tulsa, headed toward the hospital.
“Does she know that you came to get me?” Blake asked as they parked.
“No. I didn’t know what to tell her.”
“You need to think of something. ‘Surprise, here’s your dad’ isn’t going to work.”
“I know. She does know we’re here because her family is in this area. She knows she’s going to see you.”
They got out and headed across the hospital parking lot, side by side, not touching. Even though his hand didn’t reach for hers, Jana felt stronger just having him with her. She’d been alone in this battle for over a year. Having Blake at her side meant someone to lean on, even if she couldn’t reach out to him.
He would help make decisions. He would be the strong voice she couldn’t always be. And maybe, just maybe, they would be friends someday.
Together they walked through the doors of the hospital, leaving behind the heat of an early Oklahoma evening. The cool, antiseptic world of the hospital greeted them. A lady at the desk smiled and asked if they needed anything.
Blake looked at Jana. “I’m assuming you know where we’re going.”
“Of course.”
He followed her to the elevator. They stepped inside. Jana pushed the button and looked at Blake. She could see the pulse in his neck. As frightened as she was, she knew he had to be reeling right about then. She knew he’d searched for them. She knew he loved, had always loved, Lindsey. It had been her own selfish fears that had caused her to flee with their daughter.
She had to make it up to him, and to Lindsey. Regret welled up inside her and without thinking she reached for his hand. She held it tight as she looked up at him.
“I am sorry.”
He nodded. The doors opened. Jana led him through the corridor and to the locked door of the children’s ward. Clowns and balloons were painted in bright colors, making it look like a happy, fun place and not a place where sick children fought to get well.
“I can’t believe this.” His voice broke.
“I know.”
“She was just a baby, Jana.”
She pushed the intercom and told the nurse on the other end her name. The door buzzed and Blake pushed it open. Jana remembered the only other ti
me they’d gone to a hospital together. She’d been in labor. He’d been so excited. They’d been crazy in love.
They walked to the room at the end of the hall. The door to the room was closed. Their daughter was inside, waiting for Jana to return, and not knowing that Blake would be with her. Jana reached for Blake’s hand. He didn’t resist. She laced her fingers through his.
“Blake, she’s small. She’s frail.”
He exhaled and then nodded. She reached for the door and his hand slipped from hers. As she pushed the door open, he removed his hat. He was strong again. He didn’t need her to prepare him or to lend him strength.
They walked through the door into the darkened room, slivers of sunlight filtered through the blinds. The television played on mute. Lindsey—dark haired, pale and tiny—opened her eyes and turned her head to smile at her mother.
Jana watched as Lindsey’s eyes widened. Her mouth opened as she stared first at Jana and then at Blake. Jana’s heart broke all over again as she soaked in the reality of what she’d done to her daughter. All those years ago she’d been scared and selfish; she’d made a decision without thinking about the people whose lives would be affected by her choices.
Blake walked toward the bed. “Lindsey.”
Their daughter watched him, her lips trembling but forming a smile.
“I remember riding a horse with you.” Lindsey whispered the words, then without hesitation Blake was at her side, gathering her carefully into his arms.
Jana stood a short distance away and watched as the strongest man she’d ever known held their daughter and cried. She had hurt him, and she knew that not being able to heal their daughter would hurt him all over again. Because that was Blake. He was a man who fixed things.
She knew that about him. Even after years of running around the world, she had known that Lindsey’s greatest chance of survival would happen here, in Oklahoma, with Blake Cooper. For Lindsey’s sake, Jana could face Blake’s wrath. She could face what being near Blake would do to her heart.
Chapter Two
Blake held his daughter’s frail body gently. She’d been a toddler the last time he’d seen her. He still remembered that day. He’d looked back at her as he walked down the steps of their house, heading for a meeting in Oklahoma City. She’d stood at the door and waved a pudgy little hand, grinning, a bite of cookie in her mouth and chocolate on her chin.
“I missed you so much, ladybug.” He whispered the nickname against her dark hair.
“I think I missed you, too.” She spoke with a soft accent. He remembered her voice. She’d had a Southern drawl, even on words like cookie. Now it was more English and unfamiliar to his ears.
Behind them, Jana sobbed. Blake didn’t turn to look at her. He couldn’t.
“We’re going to get you better,” he promised, as he settled Lindsey back in her bed, pulled the blanket up to her chin and then kissed the top of her head.
“I know.” Her voice sounded thin, weak.
“I mean it.”
She smiled up at him. “I know that I’ll be okay.”
Blake’s throat tightened at the look of confidence and assurance his twelve-year-old daughter gave him. She wanted him to believe she’d be okay. He would make sure she was.
He settled in the chair next to the bed, reaching for her hand. Jana took the seat on the other side, close to the window. She watched them together. Blake tried to ignore her presence. He couldn’t. Somehow their gazes connected. More like clashed. She smiled a little and he nodded, trying not to be touched by that smile, by the regret he saw in her expression.
It was ironic, really. He wanted her to be sorry, to feel guilty. And yet he didn’t want to believe that she meant it. He wasn’t ready to think good things about her. He definitely didn’t want to still be attracted to her. Leftover emotions were bubbling up inside him as he remembered how much in love he’d been with her.
Lindsey moved, drawing his attention back to the bed. She looked up at him, her face thin, her skin sallow in the dim light of the room. She didn’t smile but her hand tightened on his. “Why didn’t you come see me?”
After years of searching for her, he didn’t know how to answer that question. Did he tell his daughter that her mother had kept her from him? As angry as he was, he couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t do that. Jana would have to tell Lindsey the truth. It wouldn’t be easy for any of them. But he wasn’t going to be the one to turn daughter against mother.
“I think we’ll talk about that later.” He eased out the words, knowing it didn’t make sense and Lindsey would question him. “Why don’t you rest?”
She nodded and her eyes drifted closed. “You’re not leaving?”
“They couldn’t drag me away.”
Her eyes opened again. “I’d like to ride a horse when I’m better. Mom says there are a lot of horses in Oklahoma.”
“Yes, there are.”
She squeezed his hand once and then her grip loosened and she slept. Blake looked up as Jana moved to sit on the empty bed behind his chair, closer to him. Too close.
“Have you told the doctors that she has family here?”
“Yes.” Jana scooted onto the bed, sitting with her feet dangling, her hands clasped in her lap. “They’ll have to test you to see if you’re a match. Blake, it won’t be easy.”
“I know that.”
“You might not be a match.”
He nodded and looked at his daughter again. He had to be a match. “If I’m not, there are plenty of us. We’ll find someone.”
“What if there isn’t one? Or what if one of your family is a match but they don’t...”
He cut her off, raising a hand to stop the storm of words.
“Jana, someone will.” He pulled his phone out of his pocket. “You do what you need to do. Tell the doctors. Arrange the testing. And we’ll take care of the rest.”
He got up and headed for the door. Jana followed him. Once they were in the hall, he realized she was about to lose it. She had probably been as strong as one person can be on her own. Now she looked like any strength she’d been holding on to was about to give out.
What could he do about that?
“I can’t undo what I did.” She leaned back against the wall and pinched the bridge of her nose with her fingers. Soft blond hair framed her face.
“No, you can’t.” What an understatement that was. She’d robbed him. She’d robbed Lindsey. Come to think of it, she’d robbed his entire family. Lindsey’s family.
Jana’s shoulders started to shake. Her body sagged against the wall and her knees buckled. He grabbed her, holding her close as she sobbed into his shoulder. She still fit perfectly, and he didn’t want that. He didn’t want to remember how it had been when they were young. He didn’t want her scent or her touch to be familiar.
It all came back to him. He pushed it away by remembering coming home to an empty house and a note.
He held her until her sobs became quieter, her body ceased shaking. He held her and tried hard not to think about the years he’d spent searching, wishing things could have been different for them, wishing she’d come back.
Before long, those years of wanting her back had been replaced by even more years of anger, of resentment, of not caring if he ever saw her again. All the while he never stopped wanting his daughter back.
“Mrs. Cooper?”
“She’ll be fine,” he assured the woman in the white lab coat walking toward them, her gaze lingering on Jana. “I’m Blake Cooper, Lindsey’s father.”
“Mr. Coo
per, I’m Bonnie Palmer. I’m the nurse practitioner handling your daughter’s transplant.”
“I’m the dad who hopes he’s a match. Can an adult give a kidney to a child?”
“Yes, we’ve had great success with adult to child transplants.”
He realized he was still holding Jana, his hands stroking her hair, comforting her. His hands dropped to his sides and she stepped back, visibly trying to regain her composure. She managed a weak smile.
“Where do we start?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“If the two of you could join me in the conference room, we’ll discuss what needs to happen next for your daughter. And I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Cooper. The sooner we can get this done, the better things will be for Lindsey.”
Blake swallowed the painful lump that tightened in his throat. “Let’s get started, then.”
Jana looked up at him, her eyes still misty. “I’m sorry for falling apart.”
“It’s understandable.” He shrugged it off, but not as easily as he would have liked. He looked from Jana to the nurse. “I don’t want Lindsey left alone. I don’t want her to wake up and think I’m gone.”
The nurse indicated a room down the hall. “You go ahead, and I’ll see if we can find an aide to sit with your daughter.”
Together Blake and Jana walked down the hall. He motioned her ahead of him into the conference room that was really just a room with more bad furniture that he barely fit in and a lamp to soften the fluorescent overhead lights.
The door opened and Nurse Palmer entered the room with a compassionate smile but cautious looks as she glanced from Blake to Jana. For thirty minutes she discussed what had to happen, and what were the best- and worst-case scenarios for Lindsey. Blake listened, trying to come to terms with the young woman in that hospital bed and the little girl she’d been the last time he’d seen her. All of those lost years. He glanced at Jana and she looked away.
“What happens if no one in my family is a match?” he asked the nurse.
“We’ll continue dialysis and keep looking for a kidney. We’ll continue to monitor her blood, her heart and her blood pressure. We’re going to do everything in our power to get her well.”
Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited FamilyThe Forest Ranger's ReturnMommy Wanted Page 2
