“I think that sounds like a great party.” Blake leaned back in the seat and smiled at their daughter. “If you want, you can have the slumber party in the stable apartment at Cooper Creek. There’s a projector and movie screen stored somewhere if you want to show a movie.”
Jana listened to the plans, hoping it would be enough to satisfy their daughter, who really only wanted one thing for her birthday. They all knew, without her saying, that she wanted her parents to reunite.
Jana would love to give her her heart’s desire, but she couldn’t. She remembered as a child how she’d wanted to find her birth parents, how it had felt as if her life wouldn’t be complete until she knew who they were.
She hadn’t realized what it took to be complete. It took faith. It took filling up the emptiness with something outside of herself. She had met her birth parents. They were good people who hadn’t thought they could raise a child. They’d hoped she would have love and security with her adoptive parents.
And she had. It had been a different kind of love, nothing at all like the Coopers. It had been quiet, secure. Lindsey felt as if she were missing something. Jana got that.
What she would teach her daughter was that she had two parents who loved her. Two parents who would always be there for her. Even if they couldn’t be there for each other.
“Madeline and Jade are here.” Blake nodded toward the front door of the café. As if to punctuate the statement, the cowbells hanging over the door clanked together.
Lindsey turned quick, as if she’d already known they would be there. She got up and hurried to Jade’s side. The two hugged. Jana loved the sight of her daughter fitting in here. Madeline left the two girls to talk and headed their way.
“We can make room for you,” Jana offered.
“We had lunch,” Madeline confided. “I’m actually here because our daughters have been texting all morning and they’re plotting against us.”
“What’s the plot?” Blake asked.
Jana scooted and Madeline sat next to her. “I think the plan is for Lindsey to come to our house for a while.”
“Oh.” Jana turned to look at her daughter, still standing by the counter talking to Jade. “We just ordered.”
“We can wait for her food.”
Jade and Lindsey returned, both scooting in next to Blake, pushing him up against the wall. Lindsey grinned at her dad and then crossed her arms on the table. “I can get my food to go.”
“I don’t know.” Jana bit down on her lip, not sure about this brave new world that moments ago had seemed so wonderful.
“Mom, I can take my food with me. It’ll give you two time to talk adult stuff. Please, for a few hours.”
It was the most normal request in the world, and Jana didn’t know what to do with it. It had been so long since Lindsey had really been out of her sight. It had been longer since she’d gone home with a friend.
For a year, their lives had been about kidney disease and hospitals. And she’d dealt with it all alone. She was no longer alone. She looked from her daughter to Blake.
“Did you take your meds before we left?” He moved a little, giving himself more room.
“Yeah. I don’t have more until dinner. And I have those in my pack in the car. I always bring it with me just in case we get caught somewhere.”
Jana listened and her heart shifted. This was her daughter, growing up, taking responsibility. Becoming independent. When they met with the transplant team each week they discussed these things with Lindsey. Jana had wondered how much a twelve-year-old actually soaked in and how much she ignored. Now she knew. Lindsey was listening.
“I don’t see why she can’t.” Blake looked at Jana for her input.
She hesitated, because it wasn’t that easy for her, letting go. Lindsey’s eyes widened, waiting.
“You can go.”
A few minutes later Vera walked out of the kitchen with a bag and handed it to Lindsey. “There’s your salad, kiddo. Ranch on the side.”
Blake laughed and Jana felt a little lost.
“How did you know she was leaving?” Jana asked the owner of the Mad Cow, who didn’t look at all guilty, but she did give Lindsey a look, brows arched and a smile hovering at the corners of her mouth.
“A little birdy?” Vera quipped.
Jana waited for her daughter to confess, and she did.
“At the register a minute ago. I asked if she would make mine to go. Just in case.”
That’s how a child turned into a teenager. Jana sat back in her chair and looked at her daughter, the one who had been a little girl not so long ago.
“Fine, go.” Jana managed to smile. “And have fun.”
Lindsey gave Blake a hug, as if he was the hero she’d been waiting for. Jana let him have the moment. She was going to have to get used to sharing.
The hug she got from her daughter was just as warm, just as tight. Jana hugged her back and held her a moment longer. “Be good.”
“Mom!”
And then she was gone, skipping out the door with Madeline and Jade.
Thirty minutes later, Jana and Blake were driving back up to the log home she and Blake had picked together. She remembered that she’d wanted brick, but then he’d taken her to a street in Grove, near Grand Lake and he’d shown her houses like the one he wanted. It seemed to be a trend with these Cooper brothers. Jesse and now Gage also had log-sided homes.
Maybe because they had grown up in the formality of the big brick, Georgian-style home that graced Cooper Creek Ranch? Who had a creek named after them, she wondered? A family that had settled an area long ago, establishing a community and a way of life.
“You’re quiet.”
She looked at Blake and found a smile. “We have to talk.”
“Sounds serious.”
“It is, and really, how often do we get to be alone?”
He didn’t answer. He pulled up to the garage and parked. “Not often, I guess.”
They walked in the front door of the house, greeted by cool air and the smell of roses she’d cut from the flower garden. She’d filled vases with them earlier, and the scent hung in the air.
“The house looks good.” Blake walked with her to the kitchen. “It feels like a home again.”
“I don’t know what to say to that.” She poured herself a glass of water.
“The house was empty for a long time. Just one man rattling around in this place doesn’t make it a home.”
“I know.”
As they walked to the kitchen, she heard the familiar scratching at the back door. She hoped Blake wouldn’t hear. He did. He went to the utility room and looked out.
“Why is my dog at the back door, acting like this is the way he gets let inside?”
She smiled and opened the door. “Because it is.”
“He’s a farm dog. What have you done to him?”
Sam ran to the area in the utility room where she’d placed food and water bowls for him. His tail wagged, and he looked back at Blake, just momentarily.
“It’s really hot outside,” Jana explained. “He has all of that thick, long fur.”
“Right, and plenty of shade and a pond to swim in.”
“He makes me feel safe at night.”
He laughed at that. “You think that dog is going to protect you? He’s the biggest chicken around.”
“He’s not. He’s very brave.” She said it in a voice that made Sam thump his tail a little more.
Blake shook his head and walked off. “I’ve lost. My house smells like roses and there’s a dog sleeping in my bed. With my wife.”
“Am I your wife, Blake?” She followed him into the kitchen. “Because it doesn’t feel like it. It feels like I’m a temporary guest in your home.”
Bl
ake walked to the French doors that led to the patio. He glanced back at her only briefly. “I’m not sure who you are or who we are.”
She changed the subject. “How are Teddy and Sissy doing? Any news on their mother?”
“No, she’s still missing. They think she’s probably on the streets. Her family said that she went through this years ago, before the children. She was on the streets quite a while before she got help.”
“It happens to people every day. I was fortunate that I got help and I had the resources to keep up my medical care. I was fortunate that my depression wasn’t chronic.”
“I’m just not sure what will happen to the kids.” Blake sat down at the dining room table.
Jana stood at the door, unable to sit. “You should have had more children. You should have had a son.”
“We can’t go back, Jana.”
“No, we can’t. But I need for you to know this.”
He rested folded hands on the table. “I’m not sure if I like the way this sounds.”
“I’m not leaving, if that’s what you think.” She looked away, because it was hard to talk with his hazel eyes watching her, intense, questioning.
“Okay, then what are we talking about?”
“I’m not leaving.” She started again. The dog had wandered in from the utility room, and he sat down at her feet, looking up with dark eyes that always seemed to understand.
“Jana?” Blake’s voice was soft, but she knew he was losing patience.
“I’m moving to town. I can’t stay here. I think if I stay here, it gives Lindsey the wrong ideas about us. She’s holding on to hope that we’re going to be a family again.”
Maybe Jana had been holding on to the same hope. Hope had been vanquished when a few days earlier she had answered the phone and it had been the lawyer handling the divorce, wanting to confirm an appointment. She’d given him Blake’s cell number.
He didn’t answer. He stood and walked to the French door. The dog moved to his side, and he reached down to run his hand across Sam’s head. The dog whimpered softly. Blake turned around, his eyes dark and unreadable.
“Where are you going to live?”
“Mia’s house, believe it or not. With Breezy.” She and Mia’s half sister had become friends because they both felt somewhat out of place in Dawson.
“I’m really not sure why you think this is necessary.”
“Aren’t you, Blake? This is your house. You’ve mentioned that a time or two. You’ve moved out, and you’re living in a guesthouse at Cooper Creek. It’s all temporary. Lindsey and I living here, you living there. All temporary. It’s as if our lives are on hold. We need something permanent. Lindsey needs to know that her parents are here for her, but that maybe we can’t give her what she wants.”
Blake walked away. She followed him to the living room, and she waited for him to say something. She wanted him to disagree and tell her she was wrong. She wanted him to get mad and say something that would make sense and put an end to this. She couldn’t live in limbo this way.
And yet, his life had been in limbo for ten years. She’d been the cause. Maybe it was her turn to wait for him.
“Blake, please. Say something.”
He brushed a hand through his hair and sank onto the sofa, his face in his hands. “I want you here. I want you in my life. And at the same time, I’m not sure how to give you a second chance. Every single time I come over here, I worry that you’re not going to be here.”
She sat down next to him. “That’s the problem, Blake. I’m not a twenty-four-year-old woman anymore, uncomfortable in my own skin and trying to figure out the darkness by myself.”
He sat back on the sofa and she settled next to him.
“Jana, I can’t tell you that I’m ready to call off the divorce. I want to. I want to move back in here and take up where we left off, like none of it ever happened. But it did happen. And what if we, the people we are now, don’t work as a couple? Then we’ve given Lindsey false hope.”
“So, I move to town and you get back to your life.” And maybe someday, she thought. Maybe he would work through this and trust her again.
“I wish the two of you would stay here.”
“I can’t. The longer I stay, the more Lindsey gets attached to the idea of the three of us in this house. She needs to realize that if things don’t work out between us, she’s not going to lose either of her parents. I want her settled somewhere.”
“Right, I get it.” He stood and walked to the front door. “I have to get back to work.”
“Blake, I’m sorry.”
He nodded, his hand on the doorknob. “I’ll be back tonight so we can tell Lindsey. I won’t bring Teddy, not tonight.”
“We’ll be here.”
“When are you going to leave?”
She put a hand over his. “I’m not leaving, I’m moving to our own place.”
“Okay, when are you moving?”
“In a few days.”
He kissed her goodbye. It took her by surprise the way his lips claimed hers. She moved her hand to his shoulder and closed her eyes, wishing she could stay in his arms forever. She didn’t want to walk away from him, not even temporarily.
Chapter Fourteen
Blake showed up at six to have dinner with Jana and Lindsey. He’d left Teddy and Sissy with his parents. Tonight he had to sit down with his daughter and tell her she was moving out of the house she’d come to see as her home. It didn’t sit well with him, but he could see Jana’s side of things.
They needed time. He needed time.
When he got to the front porch, Lindsey was there waiting. She opened the door and gave him a narrow-eyed look, stepping back to let him inside.
“Mom said we have to talk.”
“Hi to you, too.” He took off his hat and hung it on the hook by the door. “Where is your mom?”
“Getting ready. I don’t know why, if we’re staying home. She made chicken casserole and some kind of strange pie she said you like.”
“What kind is that?”
“Gooseberry?”
“One of my favorites.”
“I tried one—they’re gross. I’ll stick to cinnamon rolls.” She made a face to go with the statement. “Is this about you guys being married?”
“Yeah, it is.”
He followed her to the kitchen. She picked up a cinnamon roll and took a bite, licking frosting off her fingers. He watched her for a minute, because she was his kid and she was back. Jana was back. He couldn’t untangle the feelings. He had ten years of being angry and a month of being relieved and some other crazy emotions that had to do with Jana.
“You could just tell her you love her and then we could be a family.”
Blake didn’t know what to say to that. “Lindsey, life is a little more complicated than that.”
“You could just move back in,” Lindsey tried, looking up at him with her pixie face framed by dark hair.
“It isn’t that simple.”
“Yes, it is. You adults make everything more complicated than it has to be. You’re my parents and you’re still married.”
He shook his head. “We are the adults and we have to make this decision, Lindsey. I know you want us to be together, the three of us, but we have to be able to make a marriage work.”
“It could be the five of us.”
She was including Sissy and Teddy. He smiled at that, because who wouldn’t want those two included in a family plan. If, he thought, if Jana hadn’t left, maybe they would have been a family of five by now. Lindsey would have had younger brothers and sisters.
“You could at least think about it.” Lindsey smiled as she said it. She scooped a cinnamon roll out of the pan and put it on a plate, sliding it in front of him.
She took another bite of her cinnamon roll. “Who wants gooseberry if you can have cinnamon?”
He laughed at that. “People who like gooseberry? And aren’t we having chicken casserole?”
Shoes clicked on the tile floor. He turned, and for a long moment he was lost in time, in some place that made everything else fade away. Jana stood there, unsure but beautiful. The sundress she wore flowed, but swirled around her legs. Her eyes were vivid blue and her blond hair framed her face. They weren’t kids anymore, but man, she was still as beautiful as ever.
“Nice dress.” He choked the words out. Next to him, Lindsey laughed.
“Nice dress?” his daughter questioned. “You can’t do better than that?”
“Hot.” He reached for the cup of coffee Lindsey had poured before he sat down. “The coffee is hot.”
Jana turned pink and pretended she hadn’t gotten it. “I need a cup of coffee, too.”
“The cinnamon rolls are good.”
“We’re having chicken casserole for dinner.” She poured herself a cup of coffee. “You’ll ruin your appetite.”
“Too late. And Lindsey said you have gooseberry pie?”
“For dessert.”
Blake stood and pulled a chair out for Jana. She sat down, smiling up at him.
And then her smile dissolved, because he was there for a reason and not a pleasant one. Lindsey looked first at him and then at Jana. Her smile had disappeared, and she bit down on her bottom lip.
“You’re going to give me bad news.”
“Not really,” Jana started. She looked to him and he shook his head. This was her game plan, not his.
“Lindsey, I’ve made a decision...”
Before she could explain, Lindsey stood and backed away, her eyes wide. “I’m not going anywhere. You can’t make me.”
“I’m not.” Jana stood and went to their daughter, pulling her into a hug that Lindsey pulled away from. “We’re not leaving Dawson.”
Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited FamilyThe Forest Ranger's ReturnMommy Wanted Page 15
