“I’ll be there in twenty minutes.” She hung up the handset and made a mad dash for her tennis shoes. The dishes in the kitchen sink, the clean laundry waiting to be folded, the evening news would all have to wait.
Exactly fourteen minutes later, she pulled up in front of Sunrise Ranch. With a quick twist of her wrist, she parked her car, killed the ignition and pushed the door wide-open as she got out.
Cade and Lyn came out onto the white wraparound porch to greet her. Lyn stood beside the swing, holding little Clarisse while Cade pounded down the steps. From their morose expressions, Julie could tell they were very upset.
“Thanks for coming. I didn’t know who else to call.” Cade spoke in a rush.
Since he was a medical doctor, Julie figured he truly was at wit’s end. But what news could have caused Dal this much angst?
Marcus bolted outside and would have run down the porch, but Lyn caught his arm and pulled him back.
“But I want to go with Cade. I want to go see Dal,” the boy cried.
“Not right now, buddy. But you’ll see him just as soon as possible. I promise,” Julie reassured the child.
Marcus sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve. For once, he didn’t fight them, seeming to understand the gravity of the situation. And that was when Julie realized Marcus had become truly attached to Dal.
Cade directed Julie to the back of the complex, toward the staff cabins. They walked side by side, with Julie lengthening her stride to keep up. Past the gazebo, the fire pit and the volleyball court. Through the tall cottonwoods outlining the perimeter of the ranch.
“Where is he?” In all this time, she’d never been to the staff cabins. Never seen where Dal lived and spent his time when he wasn’t working with the horses and kids.
Cade pointed at the largest cabin on the farthest end. Big enough for a private room and bath, but little more. Not a real house. Not a place anyone would want to live long term. Poor Dal had lived here for several years now.
Not much of a home.
“He’s said nothing to you about the letter he received?” she asked.
Cade gave a solemn shake of his head. “Just that it was from a friend with some very sad news.”
“Has he... Has he been yelling or throwing things inside his cabin?”
“No, Dal’s never been a violent man. He hasn’t said a word.”
A dark foreboding blanketed her heart. Dal had no family anymore. So what news could be bad enough that he’d sequester himself away like this? “Are you sure he’s okay?”
The thought of Dal needing medical attention tore her heart to shreds, and she picked up her pace.
“Physically, he’s fine,” Cade said. “I’ve kept an eye on him all day. I peer inside his window from time to time.”
She blinked. “You mean he’s just sitting in there? All day long, by himself?”
“Yeah, he hasn’t moved since nine o’clock this morning when I brought him the mail. He didn’t even go check on the horses. I fed them myself. That’s never happened before. He always checks on the animals, no matter what.”
Oh, dear. What had happened? When she faced the prospect of questioning Dal, she lost all her courage. An urge to run overwhelmed her, but she resisted with an iron will. Dal needed her. “I can’t do this, Cade. You’re the doctor, not me.”
“Just speak to him,” Cade said. “Please. He doesn’t want me.”
He gazed at her with pleading in his eyes. As she approached the door, Julie had no idea what to expect. No idea what was wrong. No idea how she could help.
She glanced over her shoulder, feeling a little frightened and unsure, drawing reassurance from Cade’s presence. He stood beneath the canopy of cottonwoods, his hands in his pockets, a tight smile of encouragement on his lips.
Looking down, Julie noticed a large clay pot of bright pink petunias outside Dal’s isolated cabin. How lovely and simple. A mask for the anguish that lay on the other side of the door.
She knocked and waited.
Nothing. No response.
She knocked again, harder this time. Leaning her face close to the rough wood panel, she spoke gently, but loud enough for Dal to hear. “Dal? It’s Julie. Can I come in, please? I really need to speak with you.”
The silence lengthened. Then a shuffling sound came from inside, followed by the click of the lock, and the door opened just a crack. Through the slit, Julie saw Dal step aside and drop back onto a worn recliner. Determined not to fail, Julie gripped the doorknob and stepped inside, closing the door behind her.
In the dim interior, Dal sat forward in his chair. He rested his elbows on his knees, his hands cupping his face as his fingers threaded through his short hair.
The two-room cabin looked meticulously tidy, with a desk along one wall, a twin-size bed on the other, a love seat and small TV on a table near the entrance. Dark curtains hung across the two windows to keep the sun out. A cloying sadness filled the entire room with gloom.
A shudder swept Dal’s body. Julie went to him, going down on her haunches beside him as she rested one hand on his arm. She gazed up at his face, trying to get him to focus on her. “Dal, are you okay?”
He took a tremulous breath, his eyes centered on the coffee table in front of him, his shoulders tensed. The shattered look in his eyes spoke volumes. And that was when Julie saw the letter. Just lying there, the top seam torn open.
Confusion raced through her mind. She changed position, sitting on the table facing him, her head level with his, mere inches away.
“Dal, what’s happened? What’s wrong?” she tried again.
He sat back and shook his head, refusing to look at her. Grief emanated from every pore of his body. His eyes looked cold and empty.
Defeated.
“I want to help,” she said. “I’m not leaving until I get some answers, so you might as well tell me what’s going on.”
He met her gaze, openly assessing her. “You shouldn’t have come here. Did Cade call you?”
His words came out in a hoarse croak, as though he’d been crying or screaming. Maybe both.
“Yes, we’re all worried about you. What’s happened?”
He blinked his eyes with misery. His hand visibly shook as he pointed at the envelope, but he didn’t speak.
The envelope crinkled as she picked it up and noted the return address—a Doris Hadley in Texas. “May I read it?”
At his subtle nod, she opened the letter and scanned the pages. The words poured into her mind. Her head buzzed, and her stomach clenched. Halfway through, a gasp tore from her throat and she pressed trembling fingers to her lips. By the time she finished, she was heartsick. Now she knew what was troubling Dal. And she realized he had every reason to be upset.
In slow movements, she tucked the letter back inside its envelope and placed it on the table. Her mind raced as she thought about what she should say. For the first time in a long time, she prayed for help.
Reaching out, she rested her hands on Dal’s knees, willing him to meet her gaze. He did, his features harsh.
“Quinn Hadley was a friend of yours?”
Dal nodded.
“A good friend?”
Another nod.
“And Doris is his mother?”
“Yes.” An emotional croak.
“Were you in the war with Quinn?”
“No. We met at the veterans’ hospital, after...after we both lost our legs.”
“Ah, I see. Quinn was an amputee, too?”
“Yes, he lost his leg up to the hip and also his right forearm. His wife divorced him six months ago. She couldn’t accept him anymore. She got tired of being with him, and it broke his heart.”
Julie clenched her eyes closed, fighting off the pain his words caused her. Fighting to find
the right words to ease his anguish.
“I...I thought he was doing so much better,” Dal said. “He’d moved in with his mom. But then he stopped writing. I hadn’t heard from him in eight weeks. I don’t have a computer out here, so we didn’t send email. We both kind of liked using the U.S. Mail instead. No one answered the phone when I tried to call him last week. I figured maybe they’d gone on vacation. Then I got the letter from Doris today.”
“I’m so sorry, Dal. So very sorry.”
Dal choked out a harsh laugh. “Quinn always had more courage than me. He finally did what I didn’t have the guts to do so long ago.”
Julie released a shuddering breath. “No, you’re wrong, Dal. You’re the most courageous man I know. It takes a lot of guts to keep on living after what you’ve been through. Living and working every day. Serving others the way you do. Never giving up. That’s real courage.”
“Well, Quinn is home now. He’s free,” Dal said. “But I don’t know if I should rejoice for him or cry for him.”
Tears burned the backs of Julie’s eyes. But Dal didn’t cry, and she thought it might help if he did.
Suicide. A ghastly option for people who had given up all hope. Quinn had taken his own life. Something Julie had once thought of doing herself, before her social worker had pulled her out of a horrible foster home and sent her to live with Berta Alvey. In retrospect, Julie was so grateful she’d chosen to keep living. But her heart ached for those people who chose not to keep going.
“And what about you?” she asked.
He licked his lips. “What do you mean?”
She inclined her head toward the letter. “Would you ever take your own life?”
She held her breath, fearing the worst. Fearing she might have to get Cade in here with a straitjacket to haul Dal off to a mental hospital. No matter what, she was not leaving Dal alone until she was certain he was okay.
He snorted. “I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t thought about it back when I first lost my leg. But that was a long, long time ago, Julie.”
Her throat tightened and her face grew hot. “And what about now?”
His gaze locked with hers. In his eyes, she saw complete conviction.
“No. I feel terrible about Quinn taking his own life, but that’s not for me.” He reached out and cupped her cheek with his hand, looking deep into her eyes. “Were you afraid for me?”
She nodded.
He gave her a comforting smile. “No need, sweetheart. I’m fine. I’m not done living yet. I’m just mourning the death of a good friend.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
He sat back and gazed at the letter. “I was in shock, finding out the way I did. This hit a little too close to home. I needed to take the day to grieve. I’m not sure why, but I know God hasn’t abandoned me. He never did, even at my darkest moment. I can’t see it yet, but I believe the Lord has my life all figured out, if I can just have faith and endure to the end.”
A breath of relief rushed past her lips, and she smiled. “I think maybe you’ve been alone too long today. It’s time to move on now.”
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry I frightened you.” He reached out and brushed his fingertips against her arm. A soft gesture that sent warmth radiating throughout her entire body.
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” she said.
“Me, too. And I’m starving.”
She laughed. “I’m so glad to hear that.”
But now she had an even greater problem on her hands. She never should have started working at Sunrise Ranch. Never should have gone jogging with Dal or ever seen him again. Never should have agreed to come out to the ranch today. Because now, whether she liked it or not, she was irrevocably in love with Dal. And that scared her most of all.
* * *
Dal gazed into Julie’s eyes. He saw the fear etching her face. The concern for him. He hated for her to see him like this. Hurting. Brokenhearted. Bereft. She had enough problems of her own without having to deal with his troubles, too.
“Thanks for worrying about me, Julie. There are a lot of men who come home from the war pretty torn up. But you need to know suicide was never for me.” He spoke the words with conviction. Meaning them with every fiber of his being.
“I’m so glad to hear that, Dal. I...I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you again.”
Her words shredded his heart. What little he had left. If only they’d met again before he’d gone off to war. Before he’d lost his leg and given up on love and marriage.
“Is Cade outside?” He jutted his chin toward the closed door, knowing Cade must be there waiting for them. Hovering around the cabin like a mother grizzly bear.
“Yes, both he and Lyn were afraid for you. They didn’t know what to do, so they called me. Even Marcus is worried. You have a lot of people who care about you, Dal.”
Of course she cared about him. A pathetic amputee whom she feared might be on the edge of taking his own life. But the last thing he could accept from her now was pity. He wanted her to look at him as a man, whole and complete. Strong and virile. Attractive and masculine. Not as someone she felt sorry for.
“I appreciate your concern.”
But he wanted so much more. Why had God spared his life only to let him live as a lonely man like this? Yes, Dal had friends. He had a great job that made a difference for lots of amputee kids who had many struggles facing them throughout their lives. Dal loved his work, but he wanted more.
If only God could take this longing from him, Dal would be a happy man. In all these long, lonely years, he’d never lost his desire for marriage and a family to love. And since Julie had entered his life again, that longing had increased, blazing inside him like an inferno.
He braced his hands on the armrests of his chair, set his feet beneath him and stood. “I think it’s time I left this dingy cabin. I’m starving.”
“I’m so glad to hear that.” She stood also, a soft smile creasing her lips.
“It hasn’t been easy, you know?”
“What?”
“Seeing you again. Being near you.”
She looked away. “I know.”
So many words were left unsaid between them. So many emotions waged war inside his heart.
“Come on.” She walked to the door, opened it and called for Cade.
Dal waited for his best friend to appear. Cade stood in the doorway, his face drained of color, looking ashen in the growing darkness of twilight. Dal flipped on an overhead light.
“You didn’t have to worry about me,” Dal told Cade. “I just needed time to mourn by myself for a while.”
“Mourn who?” Cade asked.
Dal walked with them to the main house while Julie told Cade about Mrs. Hadley’s letter.
“I guess I never knew Quinn Hadley,” Cade said.
“No, he came into the veterans’ hospital right after me,” Dal said. “We went through a lot of pain and rehabilitation together. I should have introduced you to him during the many times you came to visit me, but he didn’t want to see anyone for a very long time. Not even his own mother. I’m sorry now that I lost that chance. You would have liked him.”
“I’m sure I would have.” Cade paused and embraced Dal with one arm. “I’m glad I haven’t lost you, pal. Next to my wife, you’re my best friend. You were there for me when I needed you the most.”
“Likewise, brother.” Dal didn’t know what else to say.
Inside the main house, Lyn hugged Dal tight and wiped the tears from her eyes. Kristen threw her arms around his waist. Marcus stayed close beside him, quiet and withdrawn. Like most kids, they didn’t understand all that was going on, but they knew Dal was in pain and they wanted to comfort him somehow. They all sat in the living room while he told the kids what had happened and
that he’d been mourning the death of a dear friend. Marcus didn’t speak, his face stoic. And Dal took that opportunity to express his love for life and God. He figured children ought to hear that now and then from the adults in their life. It meant something. It was important. Everyone cried, and Dal felt blessed to have such wonderful people around him.
Marcus sat off by himself, looking grouchy and sullen. They’d made a lot of progress with the boy, but they weren’t fully there yet. Dal wasn’t sure what might get through to the boy and hoped by the end of the summer he was happier. He didn’t want to ever receive a letter from someone telling him that Marcus had committed suicide, as Quinn had. But how could he get through to the boy? What words could he say that might make a major difference? At this point, Dal didn’t know.
Starting tomorrow, he’d make a change in their work schedules. He wasn’t sure how, but he’d insist that Cade or one of the other staff members work with Julie in the kitchen. Dal would tend Clarisse while Lyn or Cade helped serve the meals to the kids. Anything to put more distance between him and the girl from his past.
Anything to keep from falling more deeply in love with Julie than he already was.
Chapter Eleven
Dal didn’t work with Julie in the kitchen the following week. Lyn told her they’d needed to make some changes in job assignments. Julie understood, but doubt niggled at the back of her mind. She couldn’t help wondering if Dal had done this because of her. To put some distance between them.
Julie soon got very good at opening the industrial-size cans of soup, tossing large bags of salad and even baking the preformed balls of bread dough to perfection. She enjoyed her work at the ranch, but she missed Dal. Missed his mischievous smile when he snapped his towel at her as she walked past him. Missed helping him scoop out ice cream for their evening chats together.
Tonight, she finished washing down the kitchen countertops before walking outside toward her car. The kids had gathered over at the gazebo, painting porcelain bowls to take home with them on Friday. Frantic screams erupted from the area by the worktables. Without thinking twice, Julie ran in that direction. Two other staff members responded, as well. A group of kids stood clustered together, their arms waving wildly as they beat up on another child. Dal turned from one of the tables, holding a paintbrush in one hand, wearing a red plastic apron over his chest and legs.
Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited FamilyThe Forest Ranger's ReturnMommy Wanted Page 32
