And then there was what she did to Chad regarding Lainey. Which was, basically, one of the most mean-spirited actions Mitch had ever heard of.
The pen bent beneath the weight of Mitch’s fingers and snapped in two, spraying ink all over the desk, his papers and even on his dress shirt.
He picked up the pieces and flung them across the room.
And that was when his employee walked in.
* * *
Kate opened the office door at the precise moment that a plastic hunk of pen landed a few feet in front of her, spraying ink in its wake. She glanced toward Mitch’s desk and saw that the remainder of the pen had apparently headed the opposite direction and the majority of the ink had landed all over and around her boss.
She’d woken in a happy mood, the memory of Mitch’s kiss keeping a smile on her face, so now, seeing this scene made her giggle. “Oh, my, bless your heart,” she said, closing the door behind her and tossing her purse on the top of her desk. “Let me go get some napkins or a towel out of the back and help you get cleaned up.” She started quickly maneuvering through the front office, but then noticed his eyes zeroed in on her, his mouth flattened and tense.
Especially after their date last night, when the majority of the time they’d been laughing, she didn’t understand why he was this upset over a broken pen. “Mitch, is something wrong? Is it the girls? Are Dee and Emmie sick again? Because I can run things here, and you can go take care of them. Or we could work from your house again, if you’d rather.”
“The only thing wrong with the girls, the way I see it,” he said, his words clipped and short, as though he were forcing them through a clenched jaw, “is that they’ve gotten so attached to you.”
Kate stopped, stood stone-still and braced for the worst. “What?”
“That’s what happened before, isn’t it? People would get attached to you, fall for you, and then once you didn’t need them anymore, you left them.” He shook his head. “You nearly destroyed Chad, broke his faith and shattered his confidence. Do you know how hard it was for him after you left?”
Kate’s head pounded at the rapid change of events. He knew...and she had missed the opportunity to tell him herself. “I am so sorry for everything I did and for everyone I hurt,” she said. Last night she thought she might be falling in love with Mitch, and she’d prayed he might be feeling the same thing. And now he looked at her as though she disgusted him, as though he hated the fact that she’d ever entered his life.
And maybe he did.
“I won’t let you hurt my girls that way, get them attached and then leave them behind. They don’t deserve that.” He paused. “No one deserves that.”
“I need to explain,” she said, struggling to pick the right words with her blood pumping so fast it burned within her veins. “I was going to tell you—”
“When?” he yelled. “Exactly when were you going to tell me, Kate? After I completely lost my heart to you? After I fell in love with you? After my girls started seeing you as a part of their lives? When?”
She backed up until her hip hit the desk and then she got a bearing on her emotions. He’d just spouted everything she had hoped would happen. That he would lose his heart to her, that he would fall in love with her and that she’d become a part of Dee’s and Emmie’s lives for good. And Lainey’s. Help me out, Lord. Please, let me say the right thing. I’ve hurt him. Help me fix that, Lord. I think I may be falling in love with him, and I don’t want to ruin this relationship before it even gets started.
“I was going to tell you last night,” she said.
One brow lifted, and his mouth slid into a sneer. “I don’t recall you mentioning needing to tell me something.”
“That’s because I couldn’t.”
“Couldn’t, or wouldn’t?” he asked. “Do you realize I haven’t been on a date with anyone but my late wife?”
“I know, and that’s part of why I didn’t want to ruin our perfect night by bringing up my past. I knew I had to tell you, and I wanted to tell you. I still do! But last night was one of the most beautiful nights of my life, and I knew you hadn’t been out with anyone else since Jana passed away.”
“Ever,” he said. The word snapped out as though he wished it could inflict physical pain.
But Kate didn’t know what he meant. “Ever? What?”
“I’ve never been on a date with anyone but Jana. Asking you out was huge for me. It meant more than merely a date. It meant...that I felt something toward you and that I thought there might be a possibility in commitment. That’s the way I am, Kate. That’s the way I’ve always been. When I do something, I don’t do it halfway, and I certainly don’t do it for my own selfish means. I asked you out because I thought you might be special, that God might have sent you here purposely...for me.”
His honesty was more painful than any lies Kate had ever been told, because she could see the truth of his words in his eyes, and she could see the pain that she’d inflicted by holding back her truth.
“Let me tell you everything, Mitch, please. Because I want the same things that you do, and I don’t want last night to be my only time spent with you. Please, let me tell you about everything back then.”
He wadded up the top sheets of ink-covered papers on his desk and tossed them in the trash. Then those blue eyes that Kate had always seen so much compassion in looked up at her, but she saw only revulsion now. “No, Kate, why don’t I tell you about everything back then. You met Chad in Atlanta after he’d been abandoned by the love of his life. He was alone in a new city and he was heartbroken. You were, according to Chad, one of the most beautiful girls he’d ever seen, and you had a zest for life that enamored him, because he had basically been ready to give up on life. You had a great big dream of marrying a doctor, and you set your sights on Chad because he was in med school and he was also vulnerable and easy to manipulate.” He waited a beat. “Let me know if anything I say isn’t true.”
Kate gripped the desk to keep her hands from shaking. “It’s all true,” she whispered, “and it’s what I was going to tell you last night.”
He gave her a single nod that said he didn’t believe her. “Then he asked you to marry him, and you said yes. It all happened so quickly, the intense dating and then running off to Vegas, that all of us in Claremont merely knew our buddy had fallen head over heels and gotten married. I was actually happy for him.”
“I’m sorry for what I put him through,” she said. “I am, Mitch.”
“Is it true that your friend called him when you were trying to abort Lainey?” Mitch asked, his voice no longer angry but converting to something that sounded pained. “Is it, Kate?”
“I did go to the clinic, but I didn’t do it,” she said. And then, before Mitch could tell her what she was certain he already knew, she added, “But Chad came to the clinic and stopped me.”
“And then you were miserable,” he said. “You didn’t like being pregnant, and you didn’t like being married to Chad while he spent all of his time working on his med degree. You wanted to marry a doctor, but you weren’t willing to go through the intern years so that he could be...good enough for you.”
“I’ve changed, Mitch. I have, and that’s why I came to Claremont. I want to show Chad that I’ve changed and I want to have a relationship with Lainey. I want to be her mother.”
He moved his hand to his forehead and then pinched the bridge of his nose. “You see, that’s the thing that I remember the most, the part where you not only left Chad to raise Lainey, but you twisted the knife. You told him that you’d never wanted to have her anyway and that if he wanted her he could have her...but that she wasn’t biologically his.”
Kate’s sob tore through the room, the pain of that moment, of recalling the horrified look on Chad’s face when she’d told him he wasn’t Lainey’s father and then slammed the door witho
ut ever looking back. “Chad loved her, whether she was his or not. I knew he did. I knew he would be better to her, be better for her, than I would be.”
“But that isn’t why you left her with Chad, Kate. You weren’t doing what was best for Lainey. You were doing what was best for you. Right?” He slammed his palm on the desk and repeated louder, “Right?”
“I’m sorry. Sorry for what I did back then and sorry for what I’ve done to you now. I never meant to hurt you, and I would never ever hurt Dee and Emmie, I promise. Please believe me, Mitch.”
This time, he tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling, and Kate was almost certain she saw a tear leak from his eye and streak down his cheek. “How would I know whether to ever believe you, Kate, when you nearly killed him with your deceit? Chad believed you back then. What if you’re doing it again? What if you’re here playing me so that I’ll convince him to let you see Lainey?” His words were spoken toward the ceiling, but then he lowered his chin and looked at Kate. “You’re obviously very good at manipulating, and you’re definitely a pro at keeping secrets. Just look at the secrets you’ve kept from me ever since the day you got here.”
“I was going to tell you, and I did tell you that I gave up my little girl.”
“I thought you meant by adoption, not that you walked out on a husband and daughter because you were chasing doctors in Atlanta.”
His words pierced her heart, but Kate couldn’t deny that they were true. “I was going to explain it all, in detail.”
“When?”
“Before Chad got back from vacation,” she said honestly. But she had no idea whether he’d believe her now. Or ever.
He shook his head. “I don’t have anything else to say to you, Kate. I don’t understand. I’ve been trying all night to wrap my mind around why. Why are you back in Claremont? Why did you apply for a job at my office knowing Chad and I are friends? And why didn’t you tell me the truth about who you were when you had to see I was falling for you?”
He was falling for her. But he wasn’t now. And from the look on his face, he never wanted to see her again. Which, Kate supposed, served her right for the pain she’d caused in the past. She felt the dampness on her dress and realized that her tears had been steadily falling throughout their heated conversation, but she didn’t wipe them away now. They’d serve as a reminder of what she’d done and a reminder of what she’d lost. She picked up her purse, turned and walked out of the office and out of Mitch’s life.
Chapter Eleven
Kate rushed up the steps of the B and B and hurried to her room, thankful that none of the other guests or the Tingles had been in her path. She could barely breathe, much less attempt to speak. She rushed to the closet and, heaving through her tears, grabbed her suitcase. Coming back to Claremont had been a mistake. Everything Mitch said, everything he felt, would only be magnified by the man she’d hurt most of all. Chad wouldn’t let her have a place in Lainey’s world. Why would he?
Her sucking sobs filled the air as she gathered her clothes and were so loud that she must not have heard the knock on her bedroom door, because she jumped when Mrs. Tingle entered.
“I’m sorry I startled you,” she said.
Kate dropped the shoes in her arms onto the bed and wiped at her cheeks. “It’s okay.”
The sweet lady nodded, moved toward the bed, scooted the suitcase over and sat down. “You were crying so hard that I could hear you downstairs.”
Kate swiped again at her wet face, looked at the back of her palm and saw an abundance of mascara mess. “I must look awful.”
“No, you look like a girl with a broken heart. Mitch, I guess? And are you going somewhere?” She placed a hand on the edge of the suitcase. “Because I thought you’d actually decided to stay here a little longer. You said you hadn’t found a rental house yet.”
Kate knew the lady was smarter than that. She could tell Kate wasn’t merely packing to move to a different location in town; she was packing to leave, to run away from the pain she felt...and the pain she’d caused. “I’m leaving Claremont, Mrs. Tingle. I shouldn’t have come back, and I don’t want to hurt anyone else.”
Mrs. Tingle frowned. “You shouldn’t have come back?”
Kate had started gathering her makeup and putting it in her cosmetics case, but she stopped, took a deep breath and decided to tell the kind lady the truth. “Wydell is my maiden name, and my legal name now, but before—three years ago—my last name was Martin. Kate Martin.”
It took only a couple of seconds for Mrs. Tingle’s eyes to widen, her hand to move over her mouth, and then she mumbled against her fingers, “Oh, my. Oh, Kate.”
“I came back because I wanted to do the right thing, and I really wanted to have a relationship—some kind of relationship—with my little girl.”
Her hand still over her mouth, Mrs. Tingle continued, “Lainey. Lainey is your little girl.”
Kate nodded. “And I haven’t seen her in three and a half years. She was only six months old when I left.” She glanced down to the locket around her neck, ran her thumbnail beneath the edge of the gold and opened it. The only picture she had of Lainey, the one Chad had given her when she was still in the hospital after giving birth, stared back. A newborn baby with a sprinkle of fine blond curls and bright blue eyes.
Tears leaked from Mrs. Tingle’s eyes. “Everyone loves Lainey,” she whispered, leaning over to peek at the photo in the locket. “Oh, dear. Chad and Jessica.”
Jessica. Chad’s first love. Mother of his son and the only mother Lainey had ever known. Kate was actually grateful that Lainey had someone who had adopted her and loved her as though she were her own. Basically, that was what Chad had done, after he’d learned Lainey wasn’t his child.
“I know that Jessica is her mother now. And I wasn’t going to try to take that from her. I just wanted—hoped—that they might find it in their hearts to let me have some place in her life, too.” Kate’s temples throbbed, and she sat on the bed because she felt as though she might pass out if she continued standing. “But Mitch was so angry, and if he was that mad at me, then I can only imagine how mad Chad will be.”
Mrs. Tingle reached out and placed her hand over Kate’s, her fingers damp from wiping away tears. “It’s just because this is, well, such a shock, dear. Having you come back now and after everything that happened back then. You need to give them time, time to realize and understand that you’ve changed and time to consider how they can let you be a part of Lainey’s world.” She pointed to the suitcase. “Leaving isn’t going to solve anything.”
“But what if they can’t forgive me? What if they never want me to see Lainey again?” She sniffed. “What if Mitch never wants to see me again?”
Mrs. Tingle’s lower lip rolled in as she thought about Kate’s questions, and then she nodded. “You know, my mama always told me that if you wanted to try and figure out the reason a person was acting a certain way, you needed to put yourself in their shoes. Think about this from Mitch’s perspective. Everything he’s heard about you has been negative. He knows you as a person who deceived one of his friends, and the type of loyalty a man like Mitch has keeps him from wanting to do anything that would allow one of his friends to get hurt. Perhaps he’s thinking that he will be hurting Chad if he befriends you, and even more if he had a relationship with you.”
Kate shook her head. “I don’t think that’s it, Mrs. Tingle, or not entirely. He was angry because he thinks I’m going to do the same thing to him, and to his girls.” She squeezed Annette’s hand and said, “I wouldn’t. I’d never hurt him or Dee or Emmie. But he doesn’t believe me, and I don’t think he ever will.”
“You see, that’s the thing about Mitch. And Chad, too, for that matter. They’re good, honest men, and they both love their Lord. And you can’t truly love your Lord without understanding a thing or two about for
giveness.”
Kate thought about that, but then she remembered Mitch’s words.
“How would I know whether to ever believe you, Kate, when you nearly killed him with your deceit? Chad believed you back then. What if you’re doing it again? What if you’re here playing me so that I’ll convince him to let you see Lainey? You’re obviously very good at manipulating, and you’re definitely a pro at keeping secrets. Just look at the secrets you’ve kept from me ever since the day you got here.”
“Even if they did forgive me for what I did in the past, I can’t see either of them forgetting. Or trusting me again.”
“You need to give them time, honey,” Mrs. Tingle said. “They’re still coming to terms with learning who you are.”
“Chad still doesn’t know,” Kate whispered. “I haven’t had a chance to tell him, because he’s been on vacation ever since I got here. I could try to call him, but it didn’t seem like the thing to tell someone over the phone. But I can’t see him acting any differently than Mitch did. He may hate me even more for what I did to him back then.”
“Like I said, you need to give them time.” She lifted the small stack of nightshirts out of Kate’s suitcase, walked over to the dresser and put them in the top drawer. “Running away isn’t the answer to dealing with problems. If you never face them, they will come find you.” She closed the drawer and asked, “Did Mitch fire you?”
“He didn’t use those words,” Kate said.
“What words did he use?”
Kate swallowed, remembering all of the things Mitch had said and shedding a few more tears at the hurt—and anger—in his tone. “He didn’t say anything about my work, exactly, but he definitely didn’t want me around, so I left.”
“So you’re taking a day off.”
Kate couldn’t help it; she smiled for the first time since she’d walked in the office this morning. “I don’t think Mitch would see it that way. I’m pretty sure he isn’t expecting to see me there again. Ever.”
Love Inspired February 2014 - Bundle 1 of 2: The Cowboy's Reunited FamilyThe Forest Ranger's ReturnMommy Wanted Page 51
