He’s concerned; I can see it by the way his eyes follow mine. “You’ll be fine, Sam. I couldn’t have accepted the job even if I won.”
“What do you mean?”
“I might as well tell you. You’re going to hear it sooner or later, better from me. I have cancer.”
I gasp and reach out to take his arm. We move toward the table and lean against it.
“All those times I disappeared, you thought I was hiding something or that I was him? I was sick. I was in remission when I started the show, but at some point during filming I began having symptoms again. The producers knew I wanted to continue. I’m going back into treatment now this is all over.”
My eyes water again. This whole day has been the absolute worst. “Tom, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
“I wanted to be known as someone other than Tom from the basement. That’s what they called me at work. I wanted people to see that everyone, no matter what their position, has something to offer. I’m smart. I listen to the people in the halls. I hear all about their business dealings, but because they underestimate me, they never thought I understood. Ever since this show started, I’ve been getting phone calls. The same people who treated me like I was nothing now want to know me. I say to hell with them.”
He frowns for a moment before a slow smile returns. “Maybe they’ll learn from it. We all have something to offer in this life and people need to know they’re not any better than anyone else. You always treated me as a worthy competitor. This whole experience has been one of the best in my life. Thank you, Sam.”
“May I…” I can’t believe I’m about to ask this. “May I hug you?”
He opens his arms and I squeeze him tightly. “Will you keep in touch please?” I ask.
“Absolutely!”
The studio is all but empty and as he’s about to tread away, I have a thought. Calling out to him I ask, “Tom, what was in the box?”
He smiles. “It never made any sense to me. Still doesn’t. The box was filled with toothpicks.”
I huff out a breath and close my eyes, realizing how much of the pain I’m feeling right now could have been avoided if I had been the one to open the box to begin with. Of course it was toothpicks. The toothpicks he always had in his mouth. I wonder if anything he ever told me was even close to being true. The pain in my chest grows with every passing second until I feel like I’m going to be sick.
Someone touches my arm and I don’t even have to turn, I know it’s him. Just as quickly as I think I know, I’m faced with the reality that everything I thought I knew was a lie. I’m a fool in the king’s court. Kingston Kerrington’s court.
“Sam, we need to talk about this. Can we go somewhere private?”
Shaking my head and prying my arm from him at the same time, I growl, “I don’t think you understand. I will never go anywhere with you again. You will never fool me with another one of your lies. You really are talented, Hogan, or should I say Kingston?” I clap my hands. “Bravo, bravo!” You are a master of deception. You are a true fabulist. You fooled everyone, including me. Did I actually win because I was talented or was it simply so you could get in my pants? Were you filming me even when I was fucking you? Will that show air at a later date? Maybe you can make a movie about how a stupid girl from New York fell madly in love with you just so you could break her heart on national television.”
He takes a stumbling step back and his eyes fill with pain. “You fell in love with me?” he asks, his voice barely audible.
“That’s what you heard? You fucking asshole!” My lips quiver. It’s not at all how I pictured telling him I was in love with him.
“I’ve never loved anyone in my life, Hogan. Ever. And then you made me feel. You made me want more. You’ve completely destroyed me. You’ve destroyed me!” I scream. The tears I thought were impossible flow down my cheeks.
Shaking, he steps forward, his breath hitching as he moves to me. “Oh God, Sam, don’t cry. Please forgive me. Please!” He falls to his knees in front of me.
“What is this?” I question through my sobs. “A king on his knees? There is nothing you can ever say to me that will ever make me believe in you again. You were my everything. You lied to me. You touched me and said you cared and I bought it! I believed all of it. I’m so dumb. It was all a game to you. How could you, Kingston? How could you do this to me? I put on an act for the cameras, but now that this show is over, find a way to announce to everyone that I will not be accepting this job. I will never look at, talk to, or come near you again.”
As I dash away, he yells, “Sam, don’t go! You promised you’d never walk away from me without letting me explain. Let me explain!”
I face him one last time as the tears fall down my face. “I promised Hogan I would never walk away from him. I don’t know who you are.”
And then I run. I run hard and I never look back.
I DON’T WANT to be found. I don’t want to talk. I grab my things from the dressing room and take a cab to the airport, avoiding Carmen and anyone else who might know my pain. The driver takes my luggage from the trunk. I gaze up at the stars in the sky. How can the sky be so clear, when everything in my life is so dark?
A plane soars overhead and I realize I’m going home. Home to Carmen’s apartment, her pity, my family’s questions, and my mother’s I told you so.
I can’t go back there. My heart is broken and I’m embarrassed I was so easily manipulated. I won the show for being the best at uncovering lies, yet the biggest lie of all was in my bed and I never saw it. Love made me dumb.
Telling the cab driver I made a mistake, I slide back in and ask him to take me to the bus station instead. Using some of the little money I saved, I hop on a bus to New York. It will take me three days if I don’t stop along the way, but I plan on stopping somewhere and maybe staying forever. I’ll miss my interviews, but I don’t care. Let Kingston sue me. I need to be alone with my thoughts and my newfound ability to cry.
And I cry. I cry and sob, alone in the back of the bus. Taking time to remember every detail, I consider every moment I spent with him, every lie he ever told me, and every chance he had to tell me the truth.
I get off in Texas and find a run-down, dirt-cheap hotel to spend the night. When I lift the bed, a cockroach runs out from under the mattress. No bed bugs, just cockroaches. I name one Kingston before I stomp him into oblivion. My rage and humiliation goes into every pounding motion of my foot. I hate him. I loved him. He was never who I thought he was.
I don’t sleep. I can’t. At daybreak, I shower and check out, wandering around the tiny town near the bus stop. I grab a cup of coffee from a small diner, and the waitress won’t let me pay. I must look as bad as I feel. As I sit and wait for the next bus, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I haven’t looked at in two days.
I remove it from my pocket. The battery is almost dead. I have forty missed messages. I scroll through the list. Hogan, Hogan, Herman, Carmen, Hogan, Hogan. Carmen, Dad, Hogan, Carmen, Dad, Dad, Herman, Alex, Carmen, Mr. Druthers, Carmen…
I delete every single message from Hogan without even listening to them. Then I delete his number and block him. My heart shatters all over again as I remove him from my life. I thought it was just beginning and now it’s over.
A day later, with a fully charged phone, I’m in Chicago, completely panicked. I don’t want to go home. Sitting in the bus depot, I cry again. I’m falling apart over a guy, something I promised myself I’d never do. Who am I?
My phone buzzes. It’s another text from Carmen.
CARMEN: Sam I’m begging you! Please let me know you’re okay! I’m so scared.
My heart aches, knowing I’m causing her pain. Holding the phone in my hands and gazing at the time—3:00 A.M.—I decide to stop being a shit and let her know I’m all right.
“Sam! Oh my God, Sam!”
“I’m alive,” I tell her.
“Where are you? I’ll come get you. I’ll get in the car and come get you.”
“I’m in Chicago.” I sob. I can’t control the tears anymore. I’m weak.
“I’ll leave right now.”
“No, Carmen. I don’t want you to come get me. I just wanted you to know I’m okay.”
“You don’t sound okay. Please talk to me.”
“I loved him. I’ve never loved anyone before. And he lied to me. He lied about everything.”
I hear the pain in her voice. She feels so bad for me, and normally I wouldn’t want her to be sad. But in a weird way, I feel better not being alone in my pain. I’m completely pathetic.
“Sam, I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but you need to talk to him.”
“What?” Freaking out, I stand from the bus bench and begin to pace. “How can you say that to me? Are you going to tell me I need closure? Because I don’t. I don’t need anything except to never, ever hear his voice again.”
“He was here, Sam. For the last two days. He left this morning to go look for you. I found him sitting outside our door, still in his suit from the show.”
“It’s only guilt, or maybe he’s afraid of being sued. There’s nothing he can say to me that would change anything. Lies are like poison ivy. You tell a little lie and nothing bad happens. You walk through it and think you’re okay. Then later, you see a small red patch where the lie starts to take hold. It hurts and it itches, but you ignore it. You make up more lies to cover it. Then before you know it, you’ve lied so much it has spread everywhere. It’s all over your life and you can’t make it stop. He’s poison ivy, Carmen, and I’m not walking through it anymore.”
She sighs heavily. “He told me everything.”
I laugh, even as the tears flow. “How nice of him to be honest with you.”
“Sam, he wanted to tell you. He was a mess. He was under contract for the show, just like we were. Yes, it was his show, but he never expected to meet you. It changed everything and when he tried to back out, Herman wouldn’t let him. Then he threatened him. He has footage from the elevator and the plane, Sam. He told Kingston he’d make you look like a slut.”
I swallow hard avoiding her words. “He’s The Fabulist. He’s a professional liar. You can’t believe a word he says.”
“He said he begged you to meet him before the show. He was going to tell you. He didn’t want you to find out that way.”
“Carmen!” I yell. “Don’t be a fool. He’s dishing out more crap and you’re eating it up like it’s fucking cake. Once a liar, always a liar.”
“Really? Really, Sam? Does that rule apply to you as well?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I scream. I’m getting a few looks, so I turn a corner and lean against a wall under a light.
She sighs. “How did I get accepted for the show, Sam? Explain it to me.”
Gasping, I cover the phone so she doesn’t hear. “I don’t know…” I start to lie to her and realize what I’m doing.
“You do know. You’ve known for a really long time. It’s okay. I’m not mad.”
“Carmen, I…” I want to make up a story or tell her I don’t know what she’s talking about. My eyes furrow. I’m no better than him. “Did he say something to you? That son of a bitch.”
“He never said a word. In fact I don’t think anyone knows I know except you. I wasn’t ever going to mention it, but now I think you need to hear what I have to say.”
I crumple to the ground against the wall. “If he didn’t tell you, how did you find out?”
“When I got the letter saying I’d made it after being told I didn’t, all these red flags went up. You acted so surprised, I figured maybe they changed their minds. I believed you then when you acted like you didn’t know. I wanted to believe they really wanted me.”
My head hurts along with my heart.
“But then when things started and Carter said I wasn’t supposed to be there, I got suspicious. When you jumped all over him and picked a fight, I knew it. It was just like grade school, and middle school, and high school all over again. Every time someone was mean to me, you came to my defense. You always tried to make them angry with you to take the focus off me. When I got kicked off, I asked Lori Sawyer, the producer, to be honest with me. She told me about your deal but made me promise to never speak of it. I wasn’t going to until today.”
“Carmen, I… I’m so sorry. I just wanted you to be happy. You deserved to be on that show. You’re amazing and I wanted them to give you a shot.”
“I know. You made a deal to cause drama to get me a spot on a show that they never wanted me for. You hated the drama. You didn’t want to be known for it. Even though it went against everything you believed in, you made a sacrifice because you thought it was best for me. But the fact is, you still lied to me.” Her voice is harsh and sad.
Rubbing my head, I try to find the words to explain. “You have every right to hate me.”
“But I don’t. Not at all! Do you know why? Because when you really love someone, you do whatever it takes to make them happy or protect them. I know you, Sam. I know you did it out of love. And it means everything to me. Everything.”
“I do love you, Carmen. I’m so sorry.”
“But what you need to understand is that Kingston—Hogan—made that deal too. He didn’t want to lie to you but he had to, to protect you. Don’t you see? He’s sorry too. I gave you a chance to explain. Can’t you give one to him?”
I cover my mouth with my hand as the tears begin again.
“You need to hear what he has to say. You need to let him tell you in his own words. Have I ever lied to you?”
Sniffling, I respond, “Not that I know of.”
“Sometimes people lie. They lie to save themselves or to cover a truth. They lie to protect feelings or to protect hearts. Not all lies are bad. Some are made with the best of intentions. Yes, he lied to you about the show, but after seeing him with you and then watching him fall apart in front of me, I can honestly tell you I don’t think he lied about caring for you. I think he cared enough to lie.”
My heart constricts as pieces fall into place. I rise to my feet, my head spinning with new information. “I have to go. Thank you for everything, but I need to go now.”
“Sam, wait! Where are you going? Please come home.”
“I can’t come home. I need to go to L.A. I need to see him.”
I SHOWERED AND changed at the hotel when I arrived in L.A. late last night. I called Lori Sawyer and asked her to help me find him. She has a big heart and was happy to work with me. Kingston has a review meeting scheduled with her at ten thirty this morning at his company, Seamore Productions. She told me it was all mine. She snuck me into his office and told me to wait for him. He has no idea he’s meeting me instead of her.
His office is bigger than Carmen’s entire apartment. He has a view of Los Angeles that takes my breath away. My hands shake as I wait for him. I don’t know what I will say to him, but Carmen made me realize I wasn’t being fair.
Just when I think he isn’t coming, the office door opens. His back is to me and he has a file in his hands. He’s speaking to his assistant, who Lori told me about earlier. Her eyes bulge when she sees me. He’s examining the file so I hold my finger to my lips. She nods and he doesn’t notice.
“I don’t care what Monroe wants. I told him I needed the contract by five thirty. If I don’t have it by then, the deal is off.”
My heart flutters in my chest. He’s in a navy suit that was obviously made for him. It hugs him in all the right places. His hair is styled in typical Hogan fashion, but I know he’s not Hogan Harper, the cameraman. He’s Kingston Kerrington, the mogul. He’s not the man I thought he was and even though I’m here to listen to what he has to say, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to see him the way I used to. I wonder if I really ever knew him at all.
“Yes, Mr. Kerrington.”
He closes the door, still examining the file. “Sorry for my tardiness, Lori. These fuckers in accounting think—”
/> He turns and stops suddenly when he sees me. His mouth gapes and he lurches forward but stops himself. He’s at a loss for words. That’s odd for him.
“Carmen told me I should hear you out, so here I am.”
He scans me, desperately trying to read me. He doesn’t know what to say so I give him an out. “It’s a nice view,” I say, pointing to the window and wrapping my arms around myself.
Brows furrowed, he slowly moves to his desk and tosses the folder on it. “I’m glad you like it.” His eyes are dark and glossy. He seems to be in need of sleep.
“So, Kingston Kerrington, what is it you think I need to know?”
“It’s Kingston Hogan Kerrington. I’d prefer it if you continued to call me Hogan.”
“I don’t know if I can do that.” I move closer to the window. “You’re not the man I thought you were.”
My words pain him. I can tell he’s fighting his desire to approach me. “You may not think you know me, but I can assure you, you know me better than anyone. I’ll always be Hogan to you and you alone. You made me want to be Hogan Harper.”
I try to control the way I’m breathing. It’s hard not to be affected by him, even though I don’t trust him. “Hogan is your middle name. Where did Harper come from?”
“It’s my mother’s maiden name.”
“And this is your family’s business?” I ask, pointing around.
“My parents own Kerrington International Bank and Trust. I wanted something different, so against their better judgement, I went to film school. I made my own company. I started with nothing and never took a penny from them.”
“That’s impressive,” I say, skimming my fingers over the alabaster statue near the window. It reminds me of the chess pieces. “Assuming any of it is the truth.”
“Sam, please.”
The anger I feel for him threatens to blow, and I don’t think I’m ready to hear any more. “I don’t know how to read you. You’re The Fabulist and a professional liar. This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have come.”
The Fabulist Page 28
