The Tied Man

by McGowan, Tabitha

  ‘Want some?’ Finn offered me a decanter with a couple of mouthfuls of liquid left in it; I guessed it had been full not too long before. I wordlessly took it and finished off what had been a fairly decent Laphroaig.

  ‘Look, Lilith, we don’t have to do anything with this one,’ Nat said. ‘I can just delete it.’

  ‘Bury him. Do anything you can to destroy whatever remains of that pathetic, parasitic inbred’s existence.’ I jabbed a finger at the screen. ‘I want that sending to the editor of the Herald, the secretary of his gentlemen’s club and the Archbishop of bloody Canterbury if you can find his email address.’

  ‘Don’t hold back now,’ Finn said.

  ‘Okie-doke.’ Nat began to type. ‘The tabloids are going to have a field day with this one – you know that, don’t you?’

  ‘Well I’ll just have to weather the storm, won’t I? If it finishes that spineless little shit, it’s worth it,’ I said. ‘And anyway, I shouldn’t get too much hassle from them once we’re home, thanks to Benedicta.’

  ‘The landlady of our favourite bar. She’s kind of protective of Lilith,’ Nat explained. ‘She pulled her dad’s old civil war Mauser on the last pap who came sniffing around. It was a pretty effective deterrent.’

  ‘I can well imagine it was,’ Finn said.

  Just then, a decidedly crumpled Gabriel returned to the study, clearly ready to crash. He stared at the screen and shuddered. ‘Holy fuck, who the hell’s that perv?’

  ‘Daddy,’ I said.

  Gabriel slapped a hand to his mouth. ‘Oh. God, sorry.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it – I’d say ‘Perv’ is spot on. So, did you met any restless spirits?’

  ‘No, but I’ve been keeping my eyes tightly shut, just in case,’ he yawned, all trace of his Mockney accent long gone. ‘Henry said he’d do an hour or so by himself if I wanted a break, then I’ll take over when he does the bacon sandwiches.’ He collapsed onto the divan. ‘Seriously, Lilith, I didn’t know what the fuck to think when we got here, other than you were in some kind of trouble, but I tell you what, this place – it’s really freaking me now. Me and a couple of the guys from the band, we’ve had a few nights at…’ he cast a quick glance at Finn. ‘Well, you can probably guess. And it was okay at the time, you know? We had a bit of a laugh, the girls were pretty amazing, but this?’ He pulled his hands through his hair. ‘It’s just wrong, isn’t it? Evil.’ He gave a shudder. ‘I can promise you, from this day forth I’m a changed hedonist.’

  ‘Oh yeah? And what do you think now, then?’ Finn asked.

  ‘Seriously?’

  ‘Seriously.’

  ‘Well for a start, you, my delightful Irish friend, terrify me,’ Gabriel said, and pulled the blanket over his head like a shawl. ‘You look like you’ve just stepped off the catwalk, you’ve got the stare of a serial killer, and you’re clearly one of the hardest bastards I’ve ever met. Basically, I’m terribly keen to ensure that I’m never on your wrong side for the remainder of my existence – will that do you for now, you fucking sociopath?’

  There was silence as Finn considered Gabriel’s statement, then he gave a tired grin. ‘Aye, you posh twat. That’ll do.’ He turned to me. ‘Lili, would you do us a favour, and pass Little Lord Fauntleroy here the sherry, would you? He looks like he needs it.’

  *****

  At ten to six in the morning, Gabriel was sound asleep on the hearthrug and Finn and I were dozing against each other on the divan when Nat stood up and stretched, exposing a couple of inches of tanned belly as his sweatshirt slid up his lanky frame. ‘Well, that’s my bit done, people. As of now, there’s a whole bunch of dudes whose lives have just been flushed down the pan of creation.’

  ‘Excellent news. So, what now, genius?’ I asked.

  ‘We wait. Ed’s holed up with his techie guy in a B and B just down the road, and I imagine he’ll stay put until he’s had a chance to check through the files I’ve just sent him before he heads over here.’ He looked at his watch. ‘We’ve got about forty minutes, I guess.’

  As if on cue, the phone rang, and Nat picked it up. ‘Hi, Ed.’ He paused and nodded. ‘Sure. Cheers for that. Yup, will do. See you soon.’ He put the handset back on the cradle and turned to us. ‘Make that an hour – apparently the snow’s made the roads absolute hell. And he says to have the kettle on.’ He nudged Gabriel gently with the tip of his toe. ‘Come on, megastar, rise and shine; we’d better be keeping an ear open for guests beginning to wake up. And what was that you were saying about a bacon sandwich?’

  ‘Uhm, kitchen, Henry,’ Gabriel mumbled, still half-asleep, and slowly got to his feet. ‘You two coming?’

  ‘Tell Henry I’ll be along soon,’ I said. ‘I need to call in at my studio first. There’s one last job I need to do.’

  ‘You want company?’ Finn asked.

  I thought about it, then nodded. ‘Yeah, company would be good.’

  *****

  Finn stood at my side in the gloom as I hauled away the sheet that covered Blaine’s portrait. She stared down at us, naked and regal and surrounded by greenery, and I resisted the urge to throw the sheet straight back over her smug face.

  ‘I forget, sometimes,’ Finn said.

  ‘Forget what?’

  He slid his hand into mine. ‘That this is what you do. It’s breathtaking, Lili.’

  ‘It’s not my best.’

  ‘Really? Jesus, it looks pretty good to my admittedly uncultured eye.’

  I ran my fingers over the canvas, feeling that wonderful texture of oil over linen for the final time. ‘Oh, don’t get me wrong – it’s good, but it’s nowhere near great. I have this prodigious talent for painting the person behind the façade, but with Blaine the façade is all there is left – just artifice, guile, and an expensive pair of silicone tits.’

  ‘So what’s goin’ to happen to Blaine the Second here, now?’

  ‘That’s why I needed company,’ I said. ‘It needs a finishing touch.’

  Chapter Thirty Two

  Finn

  By the time we got to the kitchen, Nat and Gabriel were demolishing half a pig between them. Henry was in his element, serving food to two highly appreciative, pretty young men, and there was a definite spring in his step as he moved nimbly between the stove and the table.

  ‘Finn! Breakfast?’ he chirped.

  I limped to the nearest chair and pulled another to me for my busted leg. ‘Nah, I’m good, thanks. I’ll stick with the tea and a smoke.’

  ‘Lilith?’

  ‘Muesli and soy, and a chamomile tea thanks.’

  Henry rolled his eyes. ‘Philistines, the pair of you.’

  Lilith planted a dainty kiss on his cheek. ‘All packed?’

  ‘Darling girl, there’s not a single thing from this godforsaken pit that I would dream of taking with me. New day, new start, and all that kind of thing.’

  Muffled thumping from the room beyond interrupted the conversation, and Henry tutted. ‘That racket’s been going on for the last half-hour. Honestly, the wood on the pantry door is at least four inches thick, so I don’t know what good they think it’ll do. They’ve got water, and a bucket to pee in, and that’ll have to do them until someone with a stronger stomach than me lets them out.’

  ‘Get you,’ I laughed. ‘Is that the soldier in you comin’ out?’

  Henry gave me a smile. ‘Oh, it’s amazing the difference a little freedom can make.’

  Lilith stood on tiptoe to look out of the kitchen window, her face lit by an eerie blue glow from the last of the moonlight on the banks of snow outside the hall. ‘I’d top the kettle up if I were you, Henry. We appear to have a small armada landing.’

  ‘Ed?’ Nat asked.

  ‘Well if it’s Santa on an early shift , I hope he’s brought plenty of coal,’ Lilith replied.

  ‘A simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’ would have sufficed.’ Nat snatched the last of the sandwiches from Gabriel’s hand. ‘I’ll go and let them in then, shall I?’

&n
bsp; ‘Ready for this, Strachan?’ Lilith asked me.

  I let fledgling anticipation rise in my chest. It appeared that for once in my life, I might be on the winning side. ‘Oh yeah.’

  *****

  Sergeant Ed strode into the kitchen in a blast of Arctic air and brushed the snow from his hat and considerable shoulders. He was followed by three twelve-year olds dressed as police officers who stopped in the doorway and gaped at Gabriel. Henry was clearly about to have a positive orgy of tea-making.

  Ed went straight to Lilith and flung his arms around her. ‘I am so bloody sorry, pet. I tried to track you down, but it was like the pair of you had disappeared from the face of the earth, then the boss stepped in and told me he’d ‘got things sorted’ and that was it.’ He a deep chuckle. ‘Mind you, having had a quick peek at some of those holiday snaps that Nat sent over, I think he’ll be lucky if he’s allowed to sort his own sock drawer from now on, the mucky old bugger. And can I just say, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer bloke.’ He finally put Lilith down to take a mug from Henry.

  ‘And it’s fantastic to see you, lad,’ Ed said to me. ‘There’s not a day gone by that I haven’t wondered how you were getting on.’

  I had only the vaguest memory of his voice, and nothing more. But Lilith trusted him, and for now that would have to do. For one dreadful moment I thought he was going to hug me as well, but to my relief he settled for a brief pat on the shoulder then sat down at the table and contemplated his tea. The ineffective thumping from the pantry started up again.

  ‘Ah, that’s just our houseguests, waking up,’ Henry explained. ‘I gather you’ve been informed that Lady Albermarle and her circle are rather more than recreational users. Well, I believe her supplier may have provided her with what I believe is called a ‘snidey batch’ for last night’s festivities.’ I just about managed to turn my laughter into a coughing fit, and Henry continued. ‘They were getting a little unpredictable, so we felt it was safer to put them out of harm’s way. ’

  Ed raised an eyebrow. ‘Must have been particularly snide to knock ‘em all out like that.’

  ‘That’s the problem with illegal drugs though, ain’t it Sergeant?’ Gabriel mused, back in EastEnder mode now there was an audience. ‘No quality assurance. You don’t know what you’re takin’. Best to avoid ‘em altogether.’

  ‘That’s a very commendable attitude, Mr James,’ Ed said, without the eyebrow being lowered. My cough returned with a vengeance.

  From deep within the cellar there was a series of far harder thuds – loud enough to make it to the kitchen – that suggested someone meant business.

  ‘That’s Coyle O’Halloran, descending into a ‘roid rage that might actually be terminal if we all wish hard enough,’ I said. ‘ He’s the only one you’ll really have to watch. It’s goin’ to be like poking a really pissed-off bear out of his cage, moving him. You sure you can do that with them?’ I nodded at the Gabriel James Fanclub outside the kitchen.

  ‘We’ll manage. I’ve had to organise this on the quiet – that’s why I’m here with the kindergarten crew. If I went too high there was a risk that him at the top would find out, and I couldn’t do that to the pair of you. It’ll be fine – we’ll just keep things nice and quiet, take them of them off the island one by one. Well, quiet as we can, anyway. By the time we’d slithered to a halt on the jetty it looked like there were a couple of fellas with cameras there already.’

  ‘That’d be right,’ Lilith said. ‘Those bastards should drive ambulances – they’d be there before the bloody accident had happened.’

  ‘Oh – Nat? Before I forget. Forensics are going to want to take a good look at Her Ladyship’s computer – they’ve asked if you’ll stick around, show them what’s what and make sure they’ve got all the bits and bobs when they pack it up. That okay?’

  ‘Sure.’

  ‘Good lad. Might be a while before they get here, mind you – it’s pretty heavy-going on the roads right now. We can get the rest of you off first…’

  ‘I’ll stay,’ I said. ‘I wouldn’t leave the poor fucker rattling around here by himself.’

  ‘Me too,’ Lilith said, and linked her fingers in mine.

  Gabriel sighed. ‘I suppose the place is growing on me – another couple of hours won’t do any harm. Henry?’

  ‘I’m sure there are people who’ll need feeding. I’m sure I can last a little longer.’

  ‘Nutters, the lot of you.’ Ed smiled at us, then drained his mug in one go. ‘Right then, me and the school trip had better get busy. I suggest you lot just stay in here and keep warm. You won’t have to see any of ‘em,’ he said to me.

  ‘Could I, though? If I wanted to?’

  ‘You’re not planning anything daft, are you?’

  ‘Nah. And it’s just the one.’ I ground out my cigarette into the tabletop. ‘Blaine. I want to see Blaine before she goes.’

  ‘Me too,’ Lilith said. ‘Just to say goodbye.’

  Ed thought it over. ‘I’d have to be with her as well, and you’d get two minutes on the way out of the door. That do you?’

  Lilith nodded. ‘More than enough.’

  *****

  We – Nat, Gabriel, Henry, Lilith and me – sat and drank more bloody tea and then the last of the cooking brandy and whatever else we could find without having to venture into the wine cellar, and watched the snow fall whilst Ed and his little team began to dismantle Blaine Albermarle’s existence.

  Thanks to Nat, each of her special friends would have their own handcrafted nightmare waiting for them on their doorstep; every dirty little secret laid bare to the world, from assaults and endless galleries of child porn to tax fraud and insider trading. And then there was Blaine herself, who would possibly need an entirely separate, alphabetised and indexed charge sheet by the time the courts had finished with her. I knew that sometime in my undefined future, there would be statements and trials that would come from this and I would have to unpack all the shit again, but Lilith would be with me. I would get through. All would be well.

  Just before I disappeared up my own arse, Gabriel produced the largest spliff I’d ever seen and lit it from the stove top. ‘I was saving it for a special occasion. First go, old chap?’ he asked me, and moved up another step in my estimation. I took the deepest draw I could manage, and felt the pain in my knee recede like the tide.

  ‘That all right?’

  I nodded and held my breath for as long as I could manage, then exhaled slowly so that the smoke formed pale blue rings that drifted softly to the ceiling.

  ‘Impressive.’ Gabriel took the blunt from me, just as Ed returned to the kitchen.

  ‘Bloody hell, Benson and Hedges are making ‘em bigger these days,’ Ed said as Gabriel attempted to hide the evidence under the table. He turned to Lilith and me. ‘Right then. Her Ladyship’s on her way to the front door. You sure you still want to do this?’

  Lilith was already on her feet. ‘Yes,’ she said, before I had chance to think better of it. My mouth went dry, and I wondered if I’d manage to speak at all. I wished I’d kept hold of the spliff.

  *****

  A young female officer brought Blaine up from the wine cellar, and to my utter joy the bitch was plasticuffed and looked as rough as shite; I reckoned a night spent with a few hundred dusty bottles and at least a dozen big bastard spiders would do that to a woman. Her beautifully coiffed hair had collapsed and hung in rats’ tails around her face, and her make-up had run and collected in the lines around her mouth and eyes. For the first time since I’d met her, she truly looked her age.

  ‘Once I’ve spoken to my lawyer, I’ll consider speaking to you. Or at least one of your senior officers,’ Blaine said to Ed, and went to walk straight past us without a glance. My worry about being able to speak vanished as I realised I had to wipe that bloody imperious, shit-eating look off her face.

  ‘Ah, that’ll be Nicholas Van der Lande Q.C, will it? Member of the Inner Temple, charming wife, unbearably cute kids
, and a liking for snorting a few lines off an underage Lithuanian’s arse, with the photos to prove it? That lawyer?’ That stopped her pretty fucking sharpish. I took a quick drag of my cigarette so I had sufficient ash to tap onto the rug. ‘I think you’ll find he’s a wee bit busy this fine morning. Have you considered legal aid?’

  And with that, I knew I was done with her. Everything else I’d ever wanted to say no longer mattered, because from the look in her eyes she knew. Knew where that information was hidden, and knew what else was hidden with it. I could pass out now, or even just puke on her shoes, and it wouldn’t matter. Maybe even try both at the same time. I’d done it. I watched her struggle to find her composure, or even just enough breath to speak.

  ‘Oh, this is possibly the most foolish mistake you’ve ever made, Lilith.’ Blaine said, without even glancing sideways at me.

  In response to this barely-veiled threat, Lilith gave Blaine an apologetic shrug and smiled. ‘What can I say? My computer geek is better than your computer geek.’

  ‘All of this effort, just for him? Do you have any idea just how broken he actually is? You disgust me, Lilith. You’re taking in a stray dog that’ll bite you as soon as look at you,’ Blaine spat. ‘So, is your little moment of misplaced triumph over now? Because I’m quite bored with it already.’

  ‘Not quite.’ Lilith strolled over to where the portrait now stood, still covered in its sheet and propped up against the dining table. ‘I’d hate you to miss the unveiling. Happy birthday.’ She pulled the sheet away, and we waited for her patron’s response.

  Blaine screamed. The woman who could calmly inflict pain like a leading light in the Spanish Inquisition gave a screech of such despair that anyone listening might have thought Lilith had just smacked her one. Which in a way, she had.

  The thick layer of cheap white gloss that covered the entire canvas hadn’t had time to dry, and the sheet had stuck to half of it, but it still did the job. Not a trace of Blaine remained; just dripping, stinking paint that was starting to drip and puddle onto the floor.