by Lia Lee
I did feel a lot more for Rena than I had even allowed myself to believe, and it was time to stop hiding my feelings. Now that Rena was pregnant with my child, I wanted to make things work between us. I was serious about it. For the first time in years, I was serious about a relationship with a woman. I was serious about something other than work.
When we arrived at my place, I unlocked the door for Rena and let her enter first. She stopped in the entry hallway and looked around. This was the first time I had brought a woman home with me, and I had no idea what she would think.
My house was a mansion, as I had the money to buy and maintain it, and I’d had it decorated by an interior decorator so it looked like one of those houses they featured on the covers of home magazines. But I saw it now through the eyes of an outsider, and I hoped Rena would like it.
I wanted her to start feeling at home in my life.
“This place is amazing,” Rena said, still looking around. “Did you do this?”
I shook my head. “No, I paid someone. The only things I chose myself are the paintings.”
Rena studied the few art pieces on the walls. “I’m impressed. I didn’t know you had an eye for art.”
I shrugged. “It’s not an eye for art. It’s an eye for expression. At least, that’s what one of the curators at an art gallery once told me.”
Rena smiled.
We walked through the kitchen and to the bar area where I made her a drink. Nothing alcoholic because she was pregnant. I put together a virgin cocktail, and she took it from me.
“Fancy,” she said.
I nodded. “I work as hard as I do so I can have the best. So why not?”
“Right,” Rena said and took a sip. I poured myself three fingers of whiskey. I needed a stiff drink after the last couple of days. And I needed to have another serious conversation with Rena tonight. I wanted her to move in with me so we could raise the baby here. I had space, and I wanted Rena to be comfortable.
We sat at the bar together, and it was a little awkward. I hated that it had come to this. I wasn’t sure where this thing between us had broken, but it wasn’t how it used to be with Rena. I wanted it back, and I didn’t know how to get there.
“I’m sorry about today,” I said. “I shouldn’t have ambushed you in the office like that.”
Rena shrugged. “I don’t think I would have listened if you did it differently. Next time I’ll take you up on your offer to talk somewhere privately.” She smiled at me, and I chuckled. It wasn’t easy to look back and laugh about what had happened yet, but we would get there eventually.
“Where did you see yourself in five or ten years’ time?” I asked.
Rena thought about it. “Not with a husband and kids, if that’s what you’re asking. To be honest, I never had a long-term plan. I was happy with my job, and I focused on that. Now that so much has changed, with you and me and with my sister, I will have to reevaluate, anyway.”
I nodded. She had a lot going on.
“What about you?” she asked.
“I never envisioned something like this,” I admitted. “Once upon a time I considered marriage. But that ship sailed long ago, and since then I only focused on my career, building my company bigger and stronger.”
“You thought about getting married?”
I nodded. “I was engaged. I was very young, and it didn’t last. I realized she was only with me because of the lifestyle I could offer her. I broke up with her when I realized it had nothing to do with me as a person.”
“She was after your money,” Rena said. She was starting to see where I was coming from. “I never wanted your money.”
“I know,” I admitted. “And I couldn’t understand it. It made me nervous. To me, spoiling you is a way of showing affection. I don’t know anything else. It was how my father showed us affection, too.”
Rena frowned. “That sounds cold.”
“It was. My parents were very distant from each other since I could remember. When they got divorced, my father stopped giving us money to survive. It was why I started working so hard to have my own money.”
I didn’t know why I told Rena all of that. I hadn’t talked about it in years. My father had been heartless and cold, and my mother had been unable to look after us emotionally because she had been so broken herself. But telling someone else about it all had seemed out of the question.
It flowed with Rena, and her reaction after I told her—understanding but not pitying—didn’t make me regret it.
“I want to do it right this time,” I said. “If we’re going to have a family I want to give my kids everything I needed but never had.”
I watched Rena’s face as she took in what I was saying. My stomach was bunched into a fist of nerves. I still didn’t know if she would rather get rid of the child. I was terrified that as soon as I had managed to open up and care about something, she would rip it all away from me. I had worked so hard to be invincible. When I wasn’t attached, I couldn’t get hurt. But I was very vulnerable now.
“How was your meeting with your sister?” I asked. I hadn’t spoken to Rena about it yet. There had been too many other things to worry about.
“It was different than I thought it would be,” Rena said. We were finally slipping into the relaxed conversation we’d had before. “She looks exactly like me, except not at all. Does that make sense?”
I nodded. “She’s a twin, right?”
“Right,” Rena said. “And she’s loaded. With eight-month-old twin daughters, apparently. She wants me to meet her family.”
“How do you feel about that?” I asked.
Rena pulled up her shoulders. “I haven’t thought about what it would mean. I’ve been struggling to wrap my mind around where I come from. How can I be a good mother to my own child if I don’t know who I am first?”
I thought about it. “You knew who you were before the PI contacted you. That hasn’t changed.”
“Hasn’t it?” she asked.
“We’re the sum of our experiences more than a product of where we come from.”
“I guess so,” Rena said. “When I found out I was pregnant, my first thought was to give the baby up for adoption. I didn’t feel like I could do a life like this when I hadn’t planned at all.”
My heart constricted. After I had found the person I wanted to be with and wrapped my mind around the idea of having a family, it could still be taken away from me. But it wasn’t my choice to make alone.
“I met Zoe and wondered how it was possible that I’d grown up without knowing that another life existed, another person who was my blood was out there. And then I started thinking. Would I be able to move on with my life, knowing I had given up my own child? Knowing that he or she hadn’t been giving a choice any more than I had? It seems unfair. I had had a great life, but I had still lost a lot more than I’d thought.”
“What have you decided?” I asked carefully.
Rena looked up at me, her dark eyes large and beautiful.
“I never planned to have a baby. My whole life right now revolves around my career and going through the motions every day. Until this morning, I wasn’t even in something resembling a relationship.”
I liked that she referred to what we had as a relationship.
“But I can’t do that to my child. Not only would it be unfair to the baby, but I’m pretty sure it would kill me.”
“So, we’re keeping the baby?”
Rena nodded her head, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears again.
“We’re keeping the baby,” she whispered.
I couldn’t help myself. I grabbed her and held her against me. There was nothing sexual about it. It was a prolonged hug, something I hadn’t done in years. And it was beautiful. It felt amazing. Having Rena in my arms felt amazing.
We moved to the living room where we sat down together, our limbs tangled so that I didn’t know where my body ended and Rena’s started. I played with her hands, interlinking our
fingers, running my fingertips up and down her arm to her knuckles, feeling how soft and smooth her skin was.
“I am all for making this work,” I said. “But I need time to get used to the idea of being a dad. It might take me a while. It was as much a shock for me as it was for you.”
Rena nodded and chuckled. “I can’t give you more than nine months,” she said.
I laughed. “That will have to do, then.”
I kissed her. It was a chaste kiss, not leading to anything. Tonight, I wanted to be with Rena. I wanted to love her. It was what I had been feeling for her. I hadn’t wanted to admit it, but I could barely deny it now. I wasn’t going to tell her that yet, though. That would come in time.
“I have a proposition,” I said.
Rena looked at me. “Oh?”
“I was thinking about raising the child and what we would do as a couple and all that. And I was thinking it might be better if you come to stay here. With me.”
Rena blinked at me.
“I have the space for a baby, and I can make sure you’re comfortable. And if you’re here, I’ll be here to help you when you need it. We can do it together. You don’t have to move in right away—you can stay here now and then and tell me how you feel about it. But we can try?”
Rena thought about it for a moment before she nodded.
“I think we can try,” she said. “I’d like that.”
I let out a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. We were together, but I hadn’t officially asked her yet. She would stay here, but she hadn’t moved in yet. Everything was still uncertain. But I did know how I felt about her, and I was sure she felt the same. We were having a baby together. In a life of uncertainties, there were two things I could rely on as fact.
And it was a great first step.
Chapter 29
Rena
On Saturday I was meeting Zoe again, this time without Morgan, and I was nervous. I had no idea what to expect. I knew Zoe now after spending time together during our first meeting, but she was still a stranger to me rather than a sister. I was as nervous as I was the first time, and I thought again about turning back and ignoring the whole thing.
This time, Brent was with me. I was in the car he had ordered for us, so turning around wasn’t an option. Which was probably a good thing. With Brent at my side, I felt like perhaps I could deal with it.
When I had seen Zoe last, I told her that I didn’t see things working out with Brent. So much had changed in the last week.
It was a little strained between me and Brent. We hadn’t fought again since our fallout in the office, but he wasn’t happy about me wanting to find a new job. When this whole thing had started, I thought it would be perfectly fine for us to still work together in the same office. I had banked on that, in fact. I couldn’t very well have an affair with my boss if he wasn’t my boss.
Since then, my thoughts had changed. If we were going to do this long-term, we had to be equals, and as long as we were equals, I couldn’t work for him. It would be better if I worked somewhere else.
Brent had refused my resignation. It was a touchy topic between us, and I tried to avoid it if I could so we wouldn’t fight again. I didn’t have what it took to have more fights the way we’d already had.
“It’s going to be all right,” Brent said, putting his hand on mine where I twisted my fingers together. “You’ve already met her, and this time I’m here.”
He was right. He had been such a pillar of strength regarding meeting Morgan and Zoe. He had been there for me when I needed him, but he allowed me to make my own choices. We would get to a point where he supported me in the same way about wanting to work somewhere else.
The car pulled up in front of the restaurant where we had agreed to meet for lunch. We were early; Zoe hadn’t arrived yet. We found a table and sat down. I ordered a glass of water while we waited.
“When are you coming back to work with me?” Brent asked after the water had been brought to the table.
I sighed. “We talked about this. I’m not coming back to work. I want to work somewhere else.”
“That’s not necessary and you know it. It’s just work. It won’t affect us.”
“You can’t say that,” I said, keeping my eye on the door for Zoe. “It affected our relationship from the start. It was because of our working relationship being what it was that it all started in the first place.”
Brent grinned. “If I remember correctly, it’s because you were trying to seduce me.”
“If I hadn’t been your secretary, you wouldn’t have looked at me twice.”
“Don’t be so sure,” Brent said. “But I’m glad you did.”
I blushed.
“I’m still not coming back to work,” I said.
The warmth that had grown between us faded away again, and Brent looked irritated.
During the past week, we had been spending time at each other’s places, alternating between my apartment and his mansion. As much as I loved having him in my space, I had to admit that his place was more suitable for a family. I would have space to raise the baby, to have everything I needed set up, and to give my child the life he or she deserved. But I wasn’t sure if I was ready to move in with Brent yet. It had all happened so fast. I knew that I cared a lot for Brent. I could admit that I was in love with him.
He hadn’t admitted his feelings for me in so many words, but I had a feeling he would. I could wait for that. As I had said to him, we had about nine months to figure out how we were going to do it. Until then, we would alternate between our places, figure out what the hell to do about work, and see how things worked between us. We could do nothing but give it time.
Zoe arrived at the restaurant, and I lifted my hand in a wave. She smiled and hurried toward us. I introduced her to Brent. She glanced at me with curiosity, but she took it in her stride and sat down. We made small talk until we placed our orders.
“I’m dying to find out more about you,” Zoe said when the food arrived. “Tell me about your life.”
“There’s not that much to add to what I already told you,” I said. I glanced at Brent.
“I think I’m going to add something to my order,” Brent said and stood up from the table. When he was gone, Zoe turned her attention to me.
“Is this the guy you didn’t see a future with?” she asked.
I nodded, feeling shy. “I changed my mind.”
“He’s very handsome. And he really cares for you.”
“You can see that?” My sister barely knew me, and she didn’t know Brent at all.
“Anyone can see it. He dotes on you like a lover and a friend.”
I chuckled. She had that right, at least.
“We’re still working out the kinks,” I said. I wasn’t going to tell Zoe about my pregnancy yet. My mom deserved to hear about it first. And I didn’t know how I felt about it, either. I knew I was going to keep the baby, but I didn’t know how I felt about everything that had happened. I needed more time to wrap my mind around it all. Until then, this was mine and Brent’s little secret.
My parents had met Brent last night. I had wanted them to get used to the idea of Brent before I told them about the baby. I had gone from a single career woman to a girlfriend and a mother-to-be practically overnight. It would be too much for my parents to take in.
My mom loved Brent. She had offered him coffee and the cookies she’d made since I was a child, then gushed over him as she pulled me into the kitchen with her to gossip about how good-looking he was.
My dad had grilled him about his job and his income and whether he was able to take care of me. He had been worried about his age until he had realized it was Brent Hooper he was talking to. He was more than happy that Brent would be able to look after me, after that.
The visit with my parents had been great, but I didn’t know how to tell them that I was pregnant. I didn’t know if that would go down as well as meeting Brent. Having a child was something completely different.<
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“Well, I think you should hold on to him,” Zoe said. “I don’t know him, but I’m a good judge of character and I think he’s good for you.”
“Even though he’s so much older?” I asked.
“Age is nothing, sis. Love trumps all.”
I blushed again.
Brent came back to the table and sat down.
“I have to say,” he said, “it freaks me out a little that you two look so alike.”
“It freaks us out, too,” Zoe said, and I laughed. It was weird sitting across from someone that was my mirror image since we hadn’t grown up together. But I was starting to feel more comfortable around Zoe. I was starting to like her.
“Tell me about your daughters,” I said. I wanted to know everything about having children, about being pregnant. “Was it a big change?”
“It was a very big change. Having kids changes everything. And sometimes it’s hard. They need so much attention, seeing that there’s two of them. But it’s the best thing we could ever have done.”
“But you planned it,” I said.
Zoe shook her head. “Actually, we didn’t. I didn’t want children. Chris and I were going through a rough patch, and I didn’t know if we were going to make it. I fell pregnant by accident.”
I glanced at Brent again.
“But we decided to keep them. I wasn’t going to do to them what had been done to us.” We thought so alike, I realized. We were cut from the same cloth, after all.
“And it was the best choice we could have made. They’re beautiful and full of life, and they gave our relationship a new life. Things couldn’t be better for us.”
She reached across the table and grabbed my hand. “And now that I’ve met you, my story is complete. I want you to meet them.”
“Who?”
“My family. Chris and the girls. I think you’ll love them, and I know they’ll love you. I want my daughters to grow up with an aunt. It will complete our family.”
I nodded. I didn’t even have to think about it. I wanted to meet them. I wanted Zoe in my life.
The rest of lunch was relaxed and comfortable. We talked and laughed, joked and shared stories of our pasts. We took the time to get to know each other, not only as sisters but as friends.
