Grant pulled me toward him and kissed me gently on the mouth. We sat there for a while, talking about anything other than the dinner we were about to go to, and I knew he was only trying to get me to relax. I looked at him and smiled. For the first time since being with Grant, I couldn’t help but wonder if this would end up being a real relationship. Why would he go so out of his way to be there for me if he didn’t want it to go further? And for the first time, I felt like I wanted more out of it.
“Thanks, Grant. I appreciate you being here so much,” I said.
He smiled. “It’s my pleasure. So, are you ready?”
“I don’t know if that’s the right word. But yeah, I guess I am.”
“Remember, no matter what happens, I’m here for you. And this is a good thing, Em. No matter what way this ends up going, it’s going to give you some sort of clarity that you never had before. Either way, this is going to be good.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
I stood, took a deep breath, and smiled.
“Okay, let’s do this.”
We were meeting John at a restaurant about an hour’s drive away. I’d decided on the place when I realized how fast news would travel if I went somewhere nearby. All it would take is one person to listen in on what we were saying and to spread the news to someone else. I didn’t mind anyone knowing about it, but I wanted to process the information by myself first. The restaurant was big, but somewhat noisy, which is exactly what I wanted. I didn’t want anything too small or too quiet. I wanted us to be just another number in a sea of people.
I spotted a man in the far corner, looking down at the menu. I could see that he wasn’t reading a thing, but merely desperate for something to do. And I knew that I was looking at John. I gulped and pointed him out to Grant.
“You can do this, Em,” he said and took my hand.
Together, we made our way over to the table. John looked up and gasped when he saw me. I wondered if my reaction matched his. Right then, I had no idea what I was doing. I seemed to just be going through the motions. The whole time I had been wondering if perhaps this man that I’d be meeting was going to be a fraud. But now that I was facing him, I knew without a doubt that he was my father. I looked just like him. The same sandy-blond hair. The same dark-blue eyes. He looked so young, though. I wondered how old he was, but I could barely even find my words to greet him, let alone ask him questions.
“Oh, Emily,” he said and his eyes filled with tears. “You’re so grown up. And you’re so very beautiful.”
I gulped. “Hi, John. It’s . . . it’s nice to meet you,” I finally said. He put his hand out in greeting, but I pretended like I hadn’t seen it. “Uh, this is my boyfriend, Grant.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Grant said. He shook his hand and then we all sat down. Grant clasped my hand under the table and squeezed to let me know that he was there. I shot a grateful look at him. I had never been so happy to have him in my life.
“It’s great to meet you too,” John said. I could see he was nervous. “Well, uh, thank you so much for meeting me, Emily. I can’t even imagine how hard this must be for you.”
I nodded. “Okay,” I said in a weird voice.
The waiter came around, and we all ordered a glass of wine without hesitation. Clearly, we needed something to get us through the night, and I couldn’t wait for the wine to arrive. We sat in mostly awkward silence as the waiter brought the bottle and poured us each a glass. It was obvious that we were all feeling uncomfortable and I was sure the poor waiter could sense it.
“Uh, can I get you anything to eat?” he said.
I looked at the menu as if seeing it for the first time, and I noticed John doing the same. I breathed a sigh of relief when Grant took control of the situation.
“How about we just get two pizzas for the table and share?” he said. I nodded, and so did John. “John, is there anything you don’t like or anything you want?”
“Order whatever you like. I’m not fussy,” John said.
“Right, can we get one very meat-lovers pizza, and one vegetarian,” Grant said to the waiter. “Lots of cheese on both though, please,” he said and then looked at me and smiled.
“Thank you, Grant,” John said.
“It’s my pleasure. Look, I can imagine this must be a very strange situation for both of you. John, this is very hard on Emily, but I want you to know that anything you want to say to her, you can do with me here. I’m not going to leave her tonight. But please be honest with her. She deserves it.”
I looked at Grant in surprise. I hadn’t expected him to say anything, let alone to put John in his place. Grant smiled at me, and I smiled back. What would I have done without him there? For someone that was only pretending to be my boyfriend, he was doing a very good job at it.
“I completely agree,” John said. “This is the time for honesty.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“So, uh, is it okay if I ask you a few questions?” John said.
I knew I should be the one asking him questions, but I didn’t know what to say, so I just nodded. For now, I wanted someone else to drive the conversation. I took a big gulp of my wine. It had never tasted so good before.
“What . . . uh, what do you do for a living?” he asked.
“I’m a speech therapist for children.”
John beamed as if I’d just told him I’d won the Nobel Prize or something. “A speech therapist? That’s incredible!”
“And she’s brilliant at it,” Grant said.
“Oh, I don’t doubt it. How about you, Grant? What do you do?”
“I’m a firefighter,” Grant said proudly, and I squeezed his hand. It was probably one of the first times he was really saying it out loud, and I knew it made him happy. I was glad that we had something so good to tell John about our lives. I wanted to shout and say, You see! I’m doing just fine without you.
“A speech therapist and a firefighter. Both wonderful jobs. That’s amazing,” John said. “Do you live together?”
“No,” I said.
“Not yet,” Grant said and grinned at me.
For the next half hour, we spoke in broken sentences, and I didn’t dare start a conversation. But the longer we sat there, and the more wine I drank, the more I wanted to know. Finally, when there was a lull in conversation, I snapped.
“Where have you been all these years?”
John looked taken aback, but then he composed himself. He must’ve known I would eventually ask him some real questions. He sighed and looked down into his glass of wine.
“I was a mess, Emily. I moved away. I tried to pretend like you didn’t exist. I started a whole new life. But I couldn’t do it. I found myself unable to hold down a relationship. I never stayed in one job for a very long time. I was always on the move. I traveled a lot, and I told myself that it was what I wanted in life. And then, one day, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t stop thinking about your mother. She was the only woman that I truly loved. And I’d abandoned her. I always thought she was better off without me. But now I realize that I should’ve fought for her. I should’ve fought for our family. And soon,” he said and stopped to catch his breath. He sounded on the verge of tears. “Soon, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I saw her everywhere. I’d walk down the street and think she was walking right toward me. I saw her face when I closed my eyes at night. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. I . . .”
“She’s dead,” I said solemnly.
He looked up. His eyes were filled with tears. “I know. I only just found out.”
I wanted to tell him that I was sorry. I wanted to tell him that I wished he’d had the chance to tell her everything that he’d wanted to say. But I was too angry to say anything. My mother had been dead for a very long time. He’d had plenty time to apologize. He’d had my whole life to come back. I stood up.
“What’s wrong, Em?” Grant asked.
At that moment, the waiter came by with our pizzas. He looked alarmed as he saw me standing. He put the pizzas down and looked at us nervously. Grant, thankfully, took charge again.
“Unfortunately, we have to leave,” he said as he fished out his wallet. He took out some bills and handed them to the waiter. “But this should cover it. I’m so sorry.”
Grant turned to John. “You can keep the pizza. Thanks for coming out to see us. But we really have to go.”
Grant took my hand and led me out the restaurant. We drove back to my place in silence as we both thought about what had just happened. When we arrived at my house, I turned to look at him.
“I’m sorry for running out like that,” I said.
“Are you kidding? You had every right to. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some time. You might want to see him again once you’ve had time to breathe a bit.”
“You think so? I’m not sure I ever want to see him again. Do you think I should?”
Grant nodded. “I think your father was making an effort. I think he made a terrible mistake, the biggest mistake of his life, and I think he’s trying to turn things around. It’s up to you if you want to let him. But I don’t think he’s a bad guy. But I’m here for you, Em. I promise. How about I go and get us some pizza for home?”
I shook my head. I knew that Grant had an early start the next day. And I didn’t want him to think he had to stay over just because I was upset.
“No, you’ve got an early start. I’ll be fine. I’ve got some leftovers in the fridge. I’ll have that, take a bath, and go to sleep. I’m exhausted.”
“Are you sure?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’m sure.”
“Call me if you need me, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks for being the best pretend boyfriend in the world,” I said.
“Anytime, Em. Anytime,” he said. He leaned over and kissed me gently on the mouth.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Grant
“Thanks for helping again today, man,” Brady said.
As it turned out, the firefighting job was not going to be an everyday thing. If there was no fire, or no training, then there was no point going in. As long as we had our phone on hand, we were free to do other things. So I decided to dedicate that time to helping out Brady at the ranch. It was nice in a way.
“No problem. I get the best of both worlds this way. You know I enjoy the ranch work.”
“Appreciate it. So, how did things go with Emily’s father? Did the two of you go for that dinner?” Brady asked.
The sweat was pouring down my face, so I ran over to grab a towel to wipe my forehead and then walked back over to where we were walking.
“We went. It wasn’t easy. He seemed like a nice enough guy and very apologetic about everything. At first, I thought it was going to be okay, but after he tried to explain why he hadn’t been around, Emily got mad and walked out.”
“Oh yeah? I’m not surprised. I’m not sure I would’ve even gone to the dinner. That was brave of her.”
“You think? I’m not surprised she went. I mean, she must’ve been curious.”
“Hmm. So, what do you think is going to happen? Is she going to see him again? Or was that it?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea. I’m hoping she gives him another chance at least.”
“Why?”
“Why what?” I asked.
“Why are you hoping she’ll give him another chance? If you ask me, she’s better off without him.”
“Why do you say that? You don’t even know the guy. You don’t know what sort of issues he had in the past. And yeah, what he did was a pretty shitty thing to do, but at the same time, you can’t always judge someone from their past behaviors. He clearly knows he made a mistake and you can see he regrets it. Sometimes it’s good to just forgive and forget.”
Brady laughed. But it wasn’t the laughter of a happy man. That was a purely cynical laugh. “Forgive and forget? You make it seem so easy. Look, I don’t want to get into the whole father situation right now. But I just want to say one thing to you.”
“What’s that?”
“I know you like to see the good in everyone, and that’s not always a bad thing. But you don’t always know the full story. You’re seeing it from an outsider’s point of view. But that viewpoint is very different when you’re the one involved. Don’t think you know what’s going on just because it seems obvious to you. You don’t have any emotions attached to the situation like Emily does. So, please—I’m asking you, just be there for her. I think Emily is going to need you more than you think she does. Probably more than she even knows.”
I looked at Brady. I’d never heard him talk so passionately about anything before. I thought about saying something, but I changed my mind.
“I’ll do that,” I said.
Later that day, I decided to visit Emily. If Brady was right, then she was going through a hard time, and I didn’t want her to be alone.
“Grant!” she said. “I didn’t know you were coming over.”
I grinned at her. I realized I’d taken a chance, but I was glad she was there. And I was even happier that she seemed pleased to see me. She looked incredibly cute in her little pajamas. They were light pink with hearts all over, and she was barefoot. She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed me.
“Did you take the day off?” I asked.
“No,” she said and looked at her outfit. “But I put these on as soon as I got home. You know me; I’m all about the comfort. Also, I didn’t know I’d be having company.”
“Well, it suits you. You should wear that all the time. You’re so cute,” I said, and she blushed. I held up the bags in my hands. “Also, I come bearing gifts.”
I walked over and placed the bags on the counter.
“Gifts? What gifts?” she said with excitement as she tried to see inside.
“Food gifts.”
“I thought I smelt something amazing. I love food gifts,” she said and squealed.
I chuckled. “I thought you’d like that. I was going to cook for you but decided that probably wouldn’t be the best idea. I mean, I want you to have a good night after all. The last thing I wanted was to give you food poisoning. So, I stopped off at the shop and got Chinese for us. Chopsticks and all. And a bottle of wine. Okay, two bottles of wine.”
“You’re the best. Thank you. I’m glad that you’ve realized the way to my heart is through my stomach. And I love Chinese food.”
We decided to sit in the living room instead of at the table. It felt like the sort of food that you’d want to eat curled up on the sofa. She laughed as I attempted to eat my food with the chopsticks. Every time I tried to pick it up, I’d drop everything and end up with a mouthful of air.
“You’re so good at that,” I said as I watched her working the sticks. She was actually quite fascinating to watch. She did it with so much precision and expertise it looked like she ate with them every day.
“Ah, years of practice. I know you don’t know this area so well yet, but you actually got food from my favorite Chinese place tonight. Terra and I used to get from them all the time when we were too lazy to bring lunch to work. We haven’t gone in ages though, so it’s so good to have it again. I’ve missed this food. Would you like a fork?” I asked.
“I feel like saying no, because I know I’m never going to get better if I don’t try. But if I don’t use a fork I might not get any food tonight. I’m starving. I’ve hardly eaten a thing.”
/> She chuckled and got me a fork.
“Such a westerner,” she said and laughed. “This is so nice, Grant. It’s good to have you here. Thank you so much for doing this tonight. I needed this.”
“Ah, it’s my pleasure. I can’t think of a better way to spend a Friday night, to be honest. I mean, I know he’s my brother and all, but I’d rather spend the night with you then with Brady. How are you doing by the way?”
She sighed. “I’m okay. I guess. I don’t really know what to feel, to be honest. I didn’t sleep well last night at all. I kept tossing and turning and running through what had happened. I’m not sure if I handled myself correctly last night, but I didn’t know what else to do. I just couldn’t be there anymore. I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore.”
“Have you heard from him?”
She nodded. “Just one message telling me that he’s sorry and that he’s ready to meet again whenever I want. He told me he’s not going anywhere.”
“Well, that’s nice at least.”
She looked at me and frowned. “Nice?”
I suddenly remembered what Brady said and sighed. “Look, I’m talking from my point of view. I know it’s different for you. Brady was telling me today that it can’t be easy.”
“Brady said that?”
“Yeah, he doesn’t have the best relationship with our father. So I guess he feels like he understands these things more than I do.”
“Why not? Your father sounds like such a nice man. I know he misses you so much.”
“He does. But, there’s a lot that’s gone on in our family. Some of which I know about, and some of which I don’t know about. I’ve always had a good relationship with my dad. We’ve always gotten along well. But I know very well that he has a temper on him and that he doesn’t like it when things don’t go the way he wants them to go. I’m not sure exactly what happened with Brady, but I do know that my father used to hit him.”
“Hit him? Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” I said sadly. It was something I didn’t like to think about too often. Neither of them had truly ever given me the real story, and I still didn’t know what was going on. I’d decided long ago not to take sides until I knew more. “There’s a lot I don’t know. And I know my father wouldn’t do something like that without being provoked. Not that it makes it okay or anything. I know it’s not okay. But I still think that Brady can be very difficult when he wants to be too. All I know is that there are past issues and that Brady and him have been estranged for a while. I keep trying to bring them back together, but I know it’s not up to me.”
Dirty Roomie Page 108
