As he laid out the tools and sketched ideas on a scrap of paper, he prayed. “Lord, You know my heart. You know how much I love Beth. I’m asking You, if she’s the one for me, that You’ll make it plain to her and to me. And if she’s not …” He sucked in a breath and made a few more pencil strokes, gathering his courage to say what needed to be said. “Lord, if she’s not the one for me, I’m praying that You’ll make that plain to me, too. If she’s not Your best plan for me, then I’m asking You to take these desires from my heart.”
Even as he said the words, he knew how hard it would be if God chose for him not to have Beth. And yet, he had to trust that following God’s will, even if it meant a future without Beth, would be better than going his own way.
In the meantime, he would concentrate on making something beautiful that showed what was in his heart. Surely if she knew how much he cared, she’d consider his suit. Patience usually wasn’t too hard for him, but where Beth Sorensen was concerned, he couldn’t seem to lay hold of any.
Chapter 4
Todd strode toward the log church. Light streamed from every window, and through the panes, figures moved. He shouldered open the heavy church door, his arms wrapped around a bundle of pine boughs, stomping in the entryway to rid his boots of snow before entering the big room.
Feminine laughter and the pounding of hammers greeted him. Church folks clustered at the far end, busy transforming the stage into Bethlehem and a piney bower rolled into one.
Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and he’d made little headway with Beth. Perhaps tonight would be different.
“Hey, you finally made it.” Billy reached for the branches. “I thought you’d never get here. What happened?”
“Sorry. I got held up out at the camp. Half the logging chains decided to break today.” He shrugged out of his heavy coat and hat and ran his fingers through his hair to straighten it. “Did I miss much?”
His eyes sought out Beth, bright as a cardinal in a red dress. Lamplight shone on the smooth wings of her hair pulled into a fancy knot high on the back of her head. Color danced in her cheeks as she laughed at something one of the ladies said.
“Hello? Are you listening?” Billy tipped his head to the side and nudged Todd’s elbow.
He jerked his attention away and focused on his friend. “Huh?”
Billy rolled his eyes. “I said we were waiting to do the rafters until you got here, but it doesn’t look like you’ve shown up, even though you’re standing right there.” He grappled with the branches and wound up dumping half of them on the floor.
Beth and several others looked over at the noise.
“I’ll get ‘em.” Todd bent and scooped up the fragrant limbs.
“Follow me.” Billy made a beeline for the women. “Think they’ll work for the rafters?”
The ladies pounced on the decorations Billy carried and began weaving them into wreaths and tying them into long strings.
Todd stood there with his arms full, feeling like a bull moose in a herd ofgraceful deer. His heart thudded against his shirtfront and stopped altogether when Beth turned away from draping the piano with a crimson cloth and looked right into his eyes.
God, if this is You taking away the desire to be with Beth, I don’t think I’ve quite got the hang of it yet.
Skirting a group of men hammering together a set of risers for the choir, she came to stand before him. “Here, let me take those. We thought maybe you weren’t coming.” She sounded like a teacher scolding a tardy student.
So she’d noticed he was late. That was good news, wasn’t it? She gathered the boughs he held, and when her hand brushed his, his heart leaped into a gallop.
“Sorry I’m late. Where would you like me to help?” A board clattered to the floor, drawing his attention to the stage.
Beth sighed, her mouth twisting. “Help Mr. Hampton. He insisted he knew how to construct the stable, but he’s been at it all evening, and he won’t take any direction from me. ‘A little lady like you couldn’t possibly know one end of a hammer from the other.’ “Her voice, though low enough that only he could hear, wavered in a perfect imitation of Hampton’s nasally twang.
“Sure thing. Glad to help. And I’m sorry I was late.” But she’d already turned away to direct the hanging of the wreaths in the windows.
Hampton heaved and shoved, his face turning purple as he struggled to lift a plank over his shoulders and brace it on a crosspiece.
“Let me help you.” Todd grasped the rough wood and hoisted it onto his shoulder. “Go ahead and nail it to the supports. I’ve got this.”
Hampton growled and hefted a hammer. Instead of whacking in the nails, he tapped and tinkered and took his time. Though Todd could hold the heavy plank easily all evening, he had no desire to, and after a few minutes of Hampton messing around, Todd lifted the hammer from his inept hands. With two mighty blows, made awkward by still holding the plank on his shoulder, Todd sent the nails home, anchoring the roof of the stable to the wall of rough-barked pine logs that he’d helped raise into place when they’d first constructed the church three years ago. The pine still gave off a resin scent and leaked pitch when the weather got hot. “There. That should do it.”
The shopkeeper’s mouth puckered like he’d just kissed a sourball. “Thank you.” He snatched the hammer out of Todd’s hand and marched away.
Todd shrugged and stood back to survey the construction. The plank he’d nailed formed the roof of the “stable” and was supported by another upright board that formed the side wall of the temporary structure. Todd stood a foot taller than the peak of the stable roof. Since he was supposed to play Joseph inthe nativity scene, he’d have to kneel or sit. Standing would make him look like a lone pine in a pasture.
Beth seemed to be everywhere, overseeing everything, and though she kept her distance from him, he supposed he was the only one who noticed. She remained tactful and calm, juggling opinions and quirks. And she’d planned a very nice program. The only problem he could see was that she tried to control everything and wasn’t much for delegating, not even to her assistant director.
After the stable was completed, Beth kept Todd and everyone else hopping with projects. Hanging more lanterns, moving the piano, and finally winding yards and yards of pine and fir garland around the exposed rafters crossing the sanctuary.
Since the peeled-pine logs that formed the rafters were only a few inches above his head, Todd had no need of a ladder. Billy fed him ropes of boughs. When they’d finished the next-to-last beam, Todd lowered his arms and flexed his shoulders. The quietness of the room caused him to turn around.
Nearly empty. Only Beth and Billy remained. A mischievous glint lit Billy’s eye. He stretched and let go a fake-sounding yawn. “I sure am tuckered. I think I’d best get home. You can finish up here, can’t you?” Before Todd could comment, Billy sprinted for the door, snatching up his hat and coat and slamming the door in his wake.
Todd grimaced at the obvious ploy. He turned to where Beth swept up loose pine needles and bits of ribbon, his collar growing tight. Would she think he had conspired with Billy to be left alone with her?
But her expression was clear of accusation when she looked up. She stacked her hands atop the broom handle and rested her chin on them. Candlelight reflected in her blue-green eyes. “It’s starting to look like I imagined it would. It’s beautiful.”
He swallowed hard and took a steadying breath. Better get busy before he did something stupid. Like giving in to the urge to kiss her. “I’ll just finish this last rafter.”
Without his having to ask, she took Billy’s place, handing up the garland and lengths of string. They worked in such harmony Todd had a hard time believing she had refused his suit. Again he petitioned God to make it work or make these feelings stop.
When the last bit of greenery was in place, he stepped back to survey their work. A wreath hung in every window. Red ribbons decorated the greenery. Fat, white candles stood on a tray atop the piano. “What
about this corner?” He pointed to the only empty space in the room.
“That’s for the Christmas tree.” She laced her fingers under her chin andbreathed deeply. “You’ll bring that tomorrow to the dress rehearsal?”
Mention of the tree reminded him of her gift. Her present was complete, a delicate silver ornament, a tiny nativity scene inside a heart frame. He’d labored over it for hours, calling upon every skill he possessed and drawing upon every lesson his father had taught him. It was the finest, most detailed metalwork he’d ever done.
Would she like it? Would she think him too forward? Would she even receive it? Maybe he shouldn’t give it to her at all. Maybe it had been a dumb idea from the first.
She stirred. “I had no idea the decorating would take such a long time. I’m sorry to have kept you so late. You don’t need to stay. I can finish up here. You’ve probably got a lot of work to do tomorrow.” Picking up the broom once more, she dabbed at the floor.
“I wouldn’t dream of letting you walk home alone. Let’s just blow out the lamps and go. The sweeping can wait until morning.” He lifted the glass on a wall lamp and snuffed the flame.
Walking with Beth under the stars. Like a courting couple. He grinned to himself. Not much she could do to stop him.
Beth reminded herself as she accepted his help with her coat that they were not courting and that the thundering of her heart was ridiculous. He was seeing her home, a gentlemanly gesture, nothing else. Even Mr. Hampton would do the same. Todd had been helpful and steady at every practice and had done nothing to indicate he hadn’t taken her refusal in his stride, which she had to admit both relieved and perturbed her.
He doused the final light and took her elbow. “It’s bright tonight. We shouldn’t need a lantern.” He guided her out the door and jiggled the handle to make sure it was closed.
She puffed out her breath in a white plume, testing the air. Ice crystals formed instantly and hung like a cloud before drifting away. The starlight made bluish shadows on the snow under the trees. Everything lay under an expectant hush. Anticipation lodged in her chest, and she couldn’t dispel it. But, she assured herself, the feeling had everything to do with Christmas approaching and nothing to do with the fact that she was alone with Todd Rambek.
“Thank you for walking me to the parsonage. It isn’t far, though. If you want to head home, I can make it by myself.” The instant the words were out of her mouth, her shoes hit an icy patch and shot out from under her. If it wasn’t for his quick action and his firm grasp on her arm, she would’ve gone down hard.
He grasped her like she weighed nothing, saving her from a tumble buthugging her against his chest. “Whoops. Be careful.” His arms remained about her, solid as tree trunks. “Are you all right?”
Except for the fact that he was squeezing the breath out of her lungs. Then she realized her breathlessness wasn’t because he was holding her too tight. His arms were gentle. It was her lungs that refused to work properly.
Moonlight shone on his face, outlining his features. He bent, and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, but he smiled and released her. “I guess I’ll have to spread more ashes on the path tomorrow.”
When his arms dropped away and he clasped her elbow again, disappointment coursed through her. And if that wasn’t plain ridiculous, she didn’t know what was. She sought to get things onto a more normal footing. “You’ll be on time for the dress rehearsal tomorrow?” Great, now she sounded as if she were scolding him about being late tonight.
“I’ll be there. And I have a little surprise for you. Something I think will really lend authenticity to the play.” His boots crunched on the snow.
“Really? What?”
“No, it’s a surprise. You’ll find out tomorrow. And if you don’t think it is too late, there’s something else I wanted to show you.”
She stopped on the path, trying to formulate a refusal. It was late, and she didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. If she agreed, he might think she really did want him to court her and was just being coy saying no the first time.
As if conscious of her hesitation, he said, “It’s related to the Christmas service, I promise. And it won’t take long.”
Relief poured over her. If it had to do with the service, she had a legitimate reason to prolong their time together. That thought brought her up short. She did not want to linger in the snow with Todd Rambek, did she? “If it’s church business and it won’t take too long, then that’s fine.”
“This way then.” He plunged off the path and headed toward the river. “Step in my footprints. I’ll break the trail.”
The snow was shin deep to him but clear to her knees. “Wait.” She floundered a few steps. “Your strides are longer than mine.” She giggled and clapped her hand over her mouth at the sound of such girlish silliness coming from her.
He turned back, a grin tugging at his lips. “Sorry about that. I forget.” He took her hand and shortened his steps. “You’re so tiny—I must seem like a clumsy giant.”
Giant yes, clumsy no. The way he’d made short work of assembling the stable tonight and the deft way he’d handled the garland proved he wasn’tclumsy. But how did she answer without revealing that she’d been watching him? “Where are we going?”
“To see something I came across when I was heading back from the logging camp this evening. I thought it would be just right for the service.”
“Is it far?”
“Not too far.” He led her around a stand of white-trunked birch trees. There, in the center of a little clearing, the moonlight reflected off the prettiest little pine tree she’d ever seen. Pillows of snow clung to its branches.
She stopped walking and drank in the sight. “Perfect.”
“I thought so, too, the minute I saw it.” His voice rumbled in his chest, and when she looked up, he was staring at her instead of the tree.
Her heart beat fast, and an empty, quivering feeling started in her middle. Her lips parted to say something, but she couldn’t think what.
Todd stepped closer and lifted her hands in his. Even through their gloves she imagined she could feel the engulfing warmth of his fingers. “Beth, I …”
She should stop him. She should hold firm to her resolution. She had a calling she couldn’t ignore.
Then he gathered her close, and despite everything her head was telling her, she went into his arms willingly. His lips came down on hers, so soft and warm, drawing a response from her that sapped her strength and infused her with feelings so strong she thought she might cry. Her arms entwined about his neck, and she allowed him to crush her to his chest.
So, this was love….
Reality hit her like the whiplash of a snowy branch to the face.
She struggled, and he immediately loosened his hold. His chest heaved as if he’d run a long distance.
“Todd, I’m so sorry.” She put her gloved fingertips to her lips where she could still feel of his kiss. “I should never have let that happen. Please, forgive me.”
“Beth, you’ve nothing to apologize for. You felt it, didn’t you? You have to know I love you, and you feel something for me. I know you do. You can quit all this nonsense about us not courting.” He grinned. “I knew we were meant for each other the moment I laid eyes on you.”
Aghast at what she’d done, what she’d allowed to happen, she stepped back, floundering in the snow. “No, Todd. Please. We’re not meant for each other. I can’t let myself be in love with you. I’m sorry!” She flung the last words over her shoulder as she turned to get away from him, to outrun her conscience and her mother’s words.
“You’ll make a perfect pastor’s wife, someday, Beth. You were born to it.”
Tears blinded her vision, but she didn’t stop until she reached her cabin.
Chapter 5
How could she have been so foolish as to let her guard down and fall in love with someone she knew wasn’t right for her? Beth asked herself that question a hundred time
s throughout a sleepless night. Scratchy-eyed and with nerves bare and twanging, she managed to fix breakfast for Grandpa.
“How are the preparations? Will you be all set for the service tonight?”
She dished up his eggs and ham and set his plate before him. “We’ll be ready. Just the dress rehearsal to manage.”
“You were awfully late getting in last night. I’m sorry I dozed off. I should’ve walked up to the church for you. You didn’t walk home alone, did you?”
Not alone. Not really. Not all the way. “I was fine, Grandpa. One of the men walked me most of the way home.” She dug in the cupboard for the flour and molasses. “I’ve got ten dozen cookies to bake before tonight. Gingerbread with icing. I best get cracking.” If she could fill her mind with all the details of the program, maybe she could stop thinking about what a fool she’d been.
“Ten dozen? Who else is bringing treats?”
Beth sorted through her spices until she found the ginger. “No one. I’ve got it under control. Mary Kate is bringing the cider, but it was easier to do the cookies myself. Sophie offered to bring her fruitcake.” Her lips twitched. Grandpa had been the recipient of more than one of those chewy bricks when on visitation.
He grunted and finished his ham. “Cookies will be good, but don’t you think you should’ve spread it around a little? You’re doing so much. There are lots of good folks in the church who are willing and able to help you out. Though I’m glad we’re not having fruitcake tonight.”
“Sometimes it’s just easier to do it myself.”
“Maybe, though I don’t see how taking on so much yourself is easier. Easier doesn’t always mean better.”
She dropped a kiss on his head as she passed behind him to take down her mixing bowls. “You do talk nonsense sometimes. Easier is always better.”
After spending the morning baking and the early afternoon spreading icing on dozens of cookies, trying all the while not to think about Todd and what she would say to him when they met again, rehearsal time loomed. Beth mustered every ounce of courage she possessed to force herself to walk into the church.
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