by Caroline Lee
“Not the first night I’ve spent on the range,” Cam mumbled, still not looking at her. Sebastian guessed the other man still hadn’t gotten over losing Serena. Of course, Sebastian hadn’t ‘won’ her yet, exactly, but he had every intention of doing so, and Cam must have known that he didn’t stand a chance.
“There’s no need to apologize, love.” Sebastian kissed her again, just because he could, and liked the way she melted against him. “You showed true selflessness in searching for Noah, and the least I—we—could do was help you.”
“But to spend the night out here in the middle of nowhere…?”
“Hardly the first time I’ve been camping, Serena.” He heard Cam snort, and grinned in response. Did the other man not believe him? So be it.
“Camping?” It did his heart good to hear her chuckle. “Usually ‘campers’ are better prepared, Sebastian.”
“Nevertheless, we’ll make do.” He squeezed her. “Truthfully, I’m less concerned about our provisions, and more concerned about your reputation.”
“Her reputation?” Cam whirled to face them.
“A single woman, spending the night with two single men, I mean.”
She scoffed. “No one will talk! You two are my friends, and friends of my family. No one will suspect anything untoward…” The bravado was at odds with the way she chewed on her lip. “…will they?” she finished hopefully.
Cam’s fists were balled by his side. “They might. They know what happened at the basket auction.”
Serena pulled slightly out of Sebastian’s arms. “Oh dear.” She swallowed, and gripped her hands in front of her. He winced, sorry now that he’d said anything. She’d been through so much in the last few hours, and the last thing she needed was more of a headache. This situation would have meant social ruin to a woman in New York’s society, but maybe things were different out here. The church ladies who ran things seemed to be sticklers for propriety, but maybe they were more understanding of extenuating circumstances? Of course, Cam would know better than he, and the other man had agreed with Sebastian’s concern.
Cam voice was harsh. “What can we do?”
Sebastian sighed, and ran his free hand through his hair, feeling the longer strands fall back against his forehead. “Where I come from, there’d really be only one thing to do.” He paused, suddenly realizing that the situation might actually be beneficial to him.
“What?” Cam snapped.
“She’ll have to get married.”
“Married?” Her whisper was faint.
“To one of us.”
“Oh.”
She didn’t sound devastated. In fact, she sounded a little breathless. Was it possible that she was thinking about marriage to him? He wanted to smile, but didn’t think it’d be appropriate. He loved this woman, and even though she hadn’t said as much, he could guess that she loved him. He wanted her more than any other woman he’d ever met, and he would marry her. This little adventure was just a convenient excuse.
Cam, it seemed, still thought that he might have a chance. The big blonde man stood ramrod-straight, fists by his side, silhouetted by the fire. The light seemed to give him an unnatural golden glow that disconcerted Sebastian a bit. The man was impressive, there was no doubt about it. “Well,” Cam’s voice broke, and he cleared his throat to cover it. “You know how I feel, Serena. I offered for you last month, and my offer still stands. I’ll marry you.”
Flustered, she tried to stand, but got tangled in Sebastian’s legs. He helped her up, concerned that she was still weak. She looked so small; arms wrapped tightly around her middle, without all the fripperies and protections of modern fashion. Her pale hair hung long down her back, and seemed to reflect what little moonlight there was; if Cam glowed gold in the firelight, Serena was a brilliant silver.
She started to say something, but seemed to think better of it, and shut her mouth slowly. Bright eyes searched his out in the darkness, and his heart leapt at the need he saw there. He hoped he understood what she was asking, and straightened.
Cam wanted her, yes, but Sebastian would have her. He’d always gotten what he wanted, once he put his mind to it. And he couldn’t have been more pleased with the situation forcing her hand than if he’d planned it himself. Still, these sorts of things should be handled delicately.
He took one of her small hands in his, and sank to one knee before her. Was it his imagination, or did she seem to glow brighter suddenly? She raised delicate fingers to her lips, as if to stifle a gasp, and watched him with wide eyes. “Serena, I fell in love with Cheyenne when I arrived. It’s nothing like what I left, but so much more exciting. And then I found something else to keep me here, and I was captivated. I want to stay here with you. I want to build you a mansion and escort you to church and the opera and your charity functions. I want to teach beside you at the Charter School. I want to help this city and her citizens achieve the potential I know is there. I want to build a life here. With you. I will do everything and anything I can possibly imagine to make you happy, if only you’ll agree to become my wife. I would be the luckiest man alive if you’ll marry me, Serena.”
She was crying. Actually crying. He wanted to remember that, so he could tell their children. He imagined himself bouncing a beautiful little silver-haired girl on one knee, explaining how her mother was so overcome with love for him that she cried when he proposed. He couldn’t help but smile at the fancy, and the way her fingers shook when she wiped the tears away.
But she didn’t say anything. At all. No “Yes, I’ll marry you, Sebastian!” No “I love you”. None of the things he’d assumed—hoped!—she would say when he proposed marriage to her. In fact, she gently pulled her hand free of his, and took a step away from him. Her face was a mask of misery as she gripped her hands together in front of her bosom. The tears had stopped, but she still looked down on him, kneeling in the Wyoming dirt, with such despondency that he desperately wanted to leap up, to go to her. Only the thought that he’d caused her sorrow with his marriage proposal checked the impulse. Somehow, he was responsible for her unhappiness.
“Serena?” He whispered, because he didn’t think he could speak then. His throat was so tight, he felt like he was being choked.
She tried to say something, but turned away from the fire as two more fat tears worked from under her lashes. They stood like three statues in the fire’s glow, until finally she croaked out “Thank you for your offers. I think we should all get some rest.”
And that was that. Sebastian slowly stood up, and glanced towards Cam, but the other man had turned back towards the fire. Serena didn’t say anything further, and in fact sat down on the far side of the blaze, her arms wrapped around herself. Sebastian hung his jacket over her shoulders; although she pulled it tight, she didn’t say anything to him.
Soon after, they were all stretched out on the ground, well apart from one another. Sebastian was trying to figure out what had happened so quickly to foul the situation. He’d been so sure that she’d happily accept his proposal. What happened?
For the first time in… well, in ever, Sebastian was unsure. He knew what he wanted, and he thought he’d known how to get it. He loved her, and wanted to marry her… and she’d bawled when he’d suggested it. Maybe he was wrong about her feelings for him? Maybe she didn’t care as much as he did about her? Maybe she really did prefer Cam? Sebastian tried to scoff away the insecurities, but even he had to admit that the other man was everything he thought of when he thought of a cowboy. He was tall and broad and Sebastian supposed he could be considered handsome. But anyone who spent any time with Serena knew that she wouldn’t be happy living out on the range for the rest of her life, no matter how handsome her husband was. No, Cam MacLeod wasn’t the man for her.
But did she know that? Why else would she not want to be married to Sebastian? Why else cry and refuse to answer when he’d proposed? What else was he not seeing, not understanding?
He laid there, his hands stacked behind his
head, and thought of where he wanted his life to go. As sure as the stars above, he wanted Serena to be a part of it. He would prefer it to be here in Cheyenne, with the city’s endless possibilities, but he’d take her wherever she wanted to reside. But how could he achieve that goal, if she turned down his offer of marriage? Why wouldn’t she want to be his wife? What was wrong with him?
He sighed, hating the uncertainty. He wasn’t willing to give up, not at all. Carderocks didn’t give up. It was practically their family motto. He would talk to her tomorrow, to find a way to to figure out what she was thinking, why she had been so upset at his offer. And then, once he heard her objections, he’d address them all.
And then she’d marry him, by God.
CHAPTER TWELVE
She woke, wrapped in his scent. Serena was confused for a long moment. The ground was hard beneath her, and it took a while to remember last night’s adventure, how she’d ended up sleeping on the packed Wyoming dirt. They’d found a blanket in one of the saddlebags, and Sebastian had laid it out for her. It was a balmy night, and while she hadn’t needed the rough wool for warmth, she’d appreciated the slight cushion it’d offered. It was her first experience sleeping outside, and it hadn’t been particularly pleasant.
But Sebastian’s jacket had somehow made it all okay. Having the soft cotton wrapped around her was nice enough that she could pretend it was his arms engulfing her. It had been such a heart-breakingly beautiful feeling that she’d found herself crying again, deep into the night. Crying because as much as she wanted to marry him, as much as her heart had leapt when he’d gotten down on one knee, she couldn’t. She’d wanted to say ‘yes’, had started to, but there was still the Double-S to consider.
Cam had reminded her of his proposal, but she knew she could never marry him. He was just as rough as her father had been, and had proved that on Sunday when he’d struck Sebastian. She would never be happy married to him. But Sebastian, as much as she loved him, wasn’t the man for her father’s ranch. Her husband would have to live on the Double-S, pouring his heart-and-soul into it to keep it running. She could see Cam doing that, but her heart sunk to imagine herself in that life. The life she wanted was with Sebastian in Cheyenne, not out here in this wilderness, with the dirt and the animals and the danger.
She kept coming back to the possibility of selling the ranch. But Cam could never afford it, and finding another buyer would take time. Maybe, if she accepted Sebastian’s proposal, she could sell the Double-S for less than it was worth, and rely on her new husband to keep her and her aunts in style? But that would make her feel like she was trading herself for a place in civilized society; she’d worked hard at something she disliked to be able to support the three of them. The ideal solution would be to sell the ranch to someone who would work it the way it deserved—the way her father had wanted—and then be able to marry Sebastian. But the way things stood now, it was a longshot.
Serena knew that she was pouting when she sat up and hugged Sebastian’s jacket around her shoulders. It was unladylike, but she figured that she was entitled. She hadn’t slept well, had woken up several times crying silent tears for the life she couldn’t have, and must look like something Caesar or Calpurnia had dragged home.
“Hungry?” Cam was offering her a stick of what turned out to be jerky. She took it, and smiled wanly at his gruff attempts at politeness. He was handsome and kind, but just so… so coarse. He lacked sophistication, and even his civility was strained. He didn’t bother asking after her health, although she did catch him eying her askance, and she made an unconscious effort to straighten her hair. She gave up when she realized that she’d lost all of her pins in the creek, and had to be content with pulling it over one shoulder. Between her unbound hair, her lack of skirts, and her general dishabille, she must look like a fallen woman. How utterly mortifying, to be seen by one’s beaus in such a situation. She blushed, and tried to pull the jacket closer, to block Cam’s view of any skin. Sebastian’s gaze, for some reason, didn’t bother her, and she wondered why.
The beau in question was squatting on the opposite side of the cold fire, which had burnt out sometime during the night. His shirt was open, and she could see a shadow of hair at the base of the triangle of skin it revealed. His position accentuated the muscles in his haunches and thighs, and she blushed to be caught looking at such an intimate area. His dark gaze was intent on her, his hair disheveled and wild. She should have been uncomfortable with his unwavering gaze, but instead, his attention made her breathless. He was like some kind of wild animal, waiting to pounce, and she was his prey. She felt her pulse speed up as she met his eyes, and had to lick suddenly dry lips. What was it about this man that made her feel so special? It was a magnetism, and she didn’t know if he was even aware of it.
His expression was blank, but she couldn’t forget the look of hurt on his face the night before, right before she’d turned away from him. Hurt that she hadn’t said yes? Hurt that she hadn’t responded at all? She never intended to cause him pain, but couldn’t think of a simple way to explain her feelings. Couldn’t think much at all, with her head pounding as hard as it had been. But he had deserved an answer, and she hadn’t had the decency to give him one.
“I’m sorry.” It was less a whisper, and more just her lips forming the words. She knew that he saw her apology—he was staring dagger-straight at her face—but he didn’t respond or acknowledge it. His expression didn’t change; he just continued to stare at her.
She was suddenly terrified that she’d caused irreparable damage. Had she hurt him so much with her lack of response that he was now regretting the offer? Was he going to forget about it? She wanted to explain, but couldn’t think of how to broach the subject, not with him gazing so impassively at her.
Later, after Cam had re-saddled the horses, the three of them got ready to leave their temporary campsite. The sun was barely up, and they’d each only eaten a few bites of jerky. But last night’s barbeque had been plenty, and she still wasn’t at all hungry. Besides, Brixley undoubtedly had breakfast waiting for her at home. Her personal needs were more pressing, but she hadn’t had an opportunity for any privacy.
Both men swung up on their respective horses, and she took the time to admire Sebastian’s surprising ease with the animal. And then both of them held out hands to her, as if inviting her to ride with him. She stood between them, and knew that this was a metaphor for the rest of her life. The choice she made now—maybe even that moment—could determine the course of her future.
Luckily, she was saved from her agony. “She’s riding with me.” Sebastian’s voice was curt, clipped, but not rough. He sounded like a man used to taking command. He was glaring at Cam, as if daring him to take issue. They stared at each other for a good minute, before Cam shrugged and clucked his horse down the embankment into Crow Creek.
Still dazed at how easily one of her suitors relinquished the field, she put her hand out to Sebastian. He pulled her up onto the horse easily, and before she was even situated in front of him, started across the creek. She was a little miffed at how effortlessly they crossed atop the horse, after the way she’d battled the water last night, but she knew that the bump on her head had probably contributed to her adventure.
His thighs under her were as hard as the ground had been, but she didn’t mind so much. One arm was pressed against her back, holding the reins and supporting her at the same time, and she wanted nothing more at that moment than to lean back against him, to nestle in his embrace like she had the night before. But the memory of his impassive face this morning checked her movement, and she tried her hardest to stay upright, despite the swaying of the horse and Sebastian’s alluring warmth.
She thought that she’d go mad, sitting with him, wanting to apologize, wanting to explain, but not knowing if he still wanted her to. He hadn’t said anything directly to her since that proposal last night, and she could feel the stiffness and formality radiating from him. But soon her bladder’s pressing need d
ragged her thoughts away from him, and she started to squirm. When he snaked an arm around her and pulled her up against him, she decided that he was trying to tell her to stop moving. She tried, she really did, but soon the need became too great.
She’d just spotted a stand of bushes and scrub trees along their trail, when he finally spoke. His voice was low, in her ear, and it sent shivers down her spine.
“How’s your head?”
She answered instinctually, none of the awkwardness she’d been feeling. “Better, thank you. It still hurts,” a result of a night spent silently crying, “but just an ache.”
The fingers of his free hand brushed against her forehead, touching the much-diminished lump. “It feels much better.”
“Yes,” she barely breathed, thrilled by his attention.
“I’m sorry,” he cleared his throat, “I’m sorry if what I said last night offended you. It wasn’t meant to. I’ll admit that I could have been more tactful about the proposition, and it certainly didn’t go the way I’d always imagined it, but I didn’t intend to hurt you.”
Oh no. He thought that he’d hurt her? She’d been so wrong… but then, so was he. She was almost glad that she wasn’t able to see his expression when she laid her hand gently on his forearm, and said, “Oh Sebastian! You…” she had to swallow back tears at his pain. “You couldn’t be further from the truth. I’ve…” The tears came then, just when she thought she’d cried them all. “I’ve been dreaming of you saying just those words to me since the day I met you!”
His forearm was a band of steel around her waist now. “Then why…” He didn’t finish, but he didn’t need to. Serena knew what he meant to say. Why didn’t she say yes? Why did she bawl at the suggestion? She needed to find a way to make him understand her dilemma.
