Hold Me Down Hard
Page 5
With everything in the way she was looking at him, he suddenly had the uneasy feeling that she knew. Knew why being on the streets was so important to him.
She grabbed his hand and pulled it into her lap. “Tell me something.”
“What?”
“Tell me about Jess.”
Air left his lungs in a whoosh and he tried to pull his hand back but she wouldn’t let him. “Eden—”
She gave a reassuring squeeze and as her heat moved through him, he felt something inside him give. Her voice was so soft, so low when she asked, “What happened to her?”
“It was a long time ago.”
“I still want to know. I want you to open up. I want to help you with the pain.”
A long moment passed between them, but when he realized she wasn’t about to give up, he moved to the couch and leaned into her, needing her touch in the most unfathomable ways. “She died when we were teenagers and I wasn’t there to protect her,” he finally admitted, suddenly so tired of keeping it inside, bottled up in a place that tied him up in knots and turned his world inside out. But as soon as the words left his mouth, as soon as he shared them with the girl he wanted to make a future with, he felt a new lightness inside him. A new kind of relief.
“Jay,” she said. “I’m so sorry, but these are the things I want you to share with me. Things I want to help you deal with. I want to be there for you. To celebrate the good and help you through the bad.”
He swallowed and suddenly needed to tell her more, to get it all out so it could no longer eat him up inside. The truth was, he loved Jess and missed her fiercely, but maybe it was time to let go of the pain. “She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Got caught in the crossfire during a gang shootout.”
“And that’s why you became a cop? To protect the innocent?”
“Yeah,” he said, realizing how astute she was, how much she really did know about him. “It’s important for me to be on the streets, to honor her memory.”
“I love that you want to protect me from your world. And I love that you’re honoring your sister’s memory. I’m so glad you’re on the streets because they need you.”
“Wait, what are you talking about?”
She gave him an odd look. “I’m saying the streets need you.”
Confused and guessing she wanted him to choose the streets over her, he gripped her hand hard and asked, “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to be a part of that life with you and that I need you exactly the way you are.”
“But I thought you’d want me off the streets.”
Looking like she just had an epiphany, she said, “And that’s why you always kept things platonic between us.”
“You’re a sweet farm girl. Danger hasn’t been a part of your world.”
She gave a slow shake of her head. “Listen. There are lots of dangers on the farm. It’s just dangerous in different ways.”
“And, well, I didn’t want to do something to ruin our friendship. I couldn’t handle not having you in my life.”
“Jay.”
“Yeah.”
“I have a confession.”
He crooked his head, his stomach tightening. “A confession? What are you talking about?”
“I wrote the script.”
With so much going on inside him, he had a hard time trying to sort through what she was saying. “What script?”
“The one I asked you to rehearse with me last night.”
Hardly able to believe what he was hearing, his heart began pounding, the room fading in and out of existence. “You did? Why?”
“Because I wanted you to notice me.”
He shook his head. “I’ve always noticed you.”
“But you never did anything about it.”
“I wanted to.”
“And I wanted you to know the real me, because you’re the man I want in my life.” She let loose a slow breath. “I was pretty scared for a while there. Not only did I think I’d ruined our friendship, which is the last thing I ever wanted to do, and that maybe you had no interest in settling down, I was worried that you thought I was some sort of sexual deviant and that’s why you flew out of here so fast this morning.”
“I flew out of here because I thought I fucked things up and wasn’t sure how I could be the guy you needed.”
She gave him a sexy grin. “Oh, you fucked things up all right.”
Heat moved through him and he didn’t miss what she was saying as he thought about the roles they’d played. He shook his head and grinned, loving this side of her. “So you have a uniform fetish, then?”
“Among others,” she admitted.
“Handcuffs?”
“Uh-huh.”
“BDSM, spankings? So I guess when you said it was like the character was written for me, it really was.”
“Yeah, it was.”
As he thought things through, it occurred to him that not only was he the guy she wanted and needed outside the bedroom, he was the guy she needed inside it as well. His heart swelled as he brushed his thumb along her jaw. “And the alleyway? You’ve got a thing for outdoors?”
She gave him a sheepish smile and said, “You see, I took a chance and shared something very private with you. Something I never thought I’d ever share with another guy. But I want a real relationship with you and in order for that to happen, I needed you to know who I really am inside.”
“I want a relationship with you, too.”
She poked him in the chest. “Good, and now I want to know everything about you. If we’re going to give this thing between us a shot, you have to open up to me and share your day, even the bad parts.” She paused for a moment and looked at him long and hard before asking, “Do you think you could do that?”
He nodded, his mind focused on one thing and one thing only, and there was nothing he could do to hide his crooked grin when he asked, “So you really wrote the script?”
She chuckled. “Yeah, I did.” She nibbled on her bottom lip and questioned, “So you don’t think my fetishes are deviant?”
“Hell yeah, I do.”
She gave him a nervous look and he pulled her to her feet. Their bodies collided and when his thickening cock pressed against her sweet spot, she gasped.
“But Jesus Christ, there is nothing sexier than a sweet farm girl with fetishes.” When her eyes lit up, he glanced around his apartment.
“What are you looking for?”
“A pen and paper.”
She crinkled her nose. “What for?”
“Because sweetheart, you’re not the only one with secrets.”
Her eyes widened with equal measures of shock and delight. “I’m not?”
“Hell no. And I’m really anxious to get started on a few of mine.” He looked back at her and when he noticed the warm flush crawling up her neck, he asked, “Do you think you’re up for it?”
She grinned, aligning her hips with his so she was pressing against his hard erection, and when she said, “I know you are,” his heart soared like a leaf caught in an updraft. Because he knew as long as he had sweet and sexy Eden in his arms, his bed, and his life, his future was going to be a very bright and happy one.
Not to mention a deliciously naughty one.
Acknowledgments
I have so many people to thank for my first book at Entangled Publishing. First, thanks to Theresa Cole and Libby Murphy for helping me make this story shine! You both rock! Secondly, thank you to Jan Meredith for sharing so much with me and always believing in me. And last but not least, thanks to my daughter, Allison, for always supporting me and for making me laugh when I need to the most.
About the Author
A multi published author in the romance genre, Cathryn is a wife, mom, sister, daughter, and friend. She loves dogs, sunny weather, anything chocolate (she never says no to a brownie), pizza, and red wine. She has two teenagers who keep her busy with their never-ending activities and a husband who is convinced he can
turn her into a mixed martial arts fan. Cathryn can never find balance in her life; is always trying to find time to go to the gym; can never keep up with e-mails, Facebook, or Twitter; and tries to write page-turning books her readers will love.
A maritimer at heart and former financial officer, Cathryn has lived all over Canada but has finally settled down in her childhood hometown with her family.
For more about Cathryn, please visit her website at www.cathrynfox.com.
Don’t forget to follow her on Facebook and Twitter, @writercatfox
She also loves to hear from readers at Cathryn@cathrynfox.com.