When I got back downstairs, Xavier was smiling at me.
“Nice shower?”
“Uh, yeah. Thank you. But I think I should get going. Do you mind dropping me back off at home?” I asked. I made a mental note to take my own car when I went out with Xavier so that I didn’t find myself in this situation again. I hated that I had to actually ask him to take me home.
He frowned. “You want to go?” He seemed surprised. I didn’t blame him. I’d been all over him not so long ago and now I was acting cold and aloof. I felt just as confused as I was making myself out to be, though. The only thing I knew in that moment was that I wanted to get out of there and clear my head. I couldn’t think clearly with him standing in front of me. He made me lose my mind a bit.
“Uh, yeah. I think it’s best if I do.”
“You can stay a bit longer. Or you can even sleep over if you like. We can make something up to your dad if you want.”
“No. I better not.”
“Holly, are you okay?”
I sighed. “I don’t know.”
“Didn’t you enjoy it?”
“I loved it. That’s the problem. I’m just confused. I really just need some time to think about all of this. I’m sorry.”
“Okay. I understand. Come on then; I’ll take you home.”
The nice thing about riding the bike was that we didn’t have to talk at all like we would’ve if we were in the car. When we got home, I climbed off, thanked him for the lovely night, and quickly ran inside.
Chapter Twenty-One
Xavier
A week had passed since I’d last seen Holly. She’d been very clear about the fact she needed time to clear her head and think things through, so I’d made sure not to bother her. I’d have expected her to have called by now, but clearly I had misjudged the situation. I’d have to talk to her eventually and the longer we left things, the more awkward it was going to be when we did finally talk. But I wasn’t going to be the one to call her.
Thankfully I had plenty to busy myself with. Work had been busy all week, and today we were getting things ready for a back-to-school festival that was going to be happening at the park. It was some big event that happened every year, and the fire station always got involved. It was a lot of fun spending time with the kids, and I always loved to see their excited faces as we did demonstrations with them and showed them videos. We also took them through a lot of safety procedures and took them on a bit of a journey to make them realize what it was like to be a real fireman. I was setting up with Kenny, and he was making some joke about Holly and me at the club.
“I knew you had a thing for her,” he said. “Although, I don’t blame you. Little Holly is very attractive now.”
“She sure is,” I mumbled.
“Oh, so you actually admit that you think she’s hot?”
“I never said I didn’t.”
Kenny laughed. “You are in a seriously bad mood today. Mumbling and grumbling and getting irritated so easily. This isn’t like you. What’s up with you, man? Don’t tell me you got burned by her?”
“If you play with fire, you’ll get burned. You’re a fireman, you should know how the saying goes,” I said.
He laughed. “So, is she the fire in this scenario?”
“Does it matter?
“Okay if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. But you don’t have to be so grumpy.”
“Sorry, man. Ah, I don’t know what’s going on. Can I ask you a question? Do you think it’s wrong for me to be thinking of her in that way?” I asked.
“Wrong? Why would it be wrong? You’re both single. Hell, even I thought about her in that way after seeing her in the club.”
I shook my head. “That’s not what I mean. It’s different with her and me.”
“Why is it different? Because her dad looked after you for a while? Come on, man; he’s not your father. He wasn’t then, and he isn’t now. And she’s not your sister. If that’s what you’re getting at.”
“That’s what I’m getting at.”
“She’s not, though. I don’t know why you are worrying so much about this. If you like her and she likes you, then I don’t what the problem is.”
“I suppose. It’s just . . . it's not as straightforward as that.”
“It should be.”
“Do you mind not saying anything to anyone though? Holly feels a little weird over the situation.”
“Of course I won’t say anything. But . . . does that mean that something actually happened between the two of you.”
I looked at him and shrugged, not wanting to give him an answer. Although, truthfully, it felt good to finally talk to someone about it. I’d been going out of my mind keeping it all to myself, and I felt like I going to explode if I didn’t tell someone.
“Something happened!” he said loudly, and I shot him another look. “Something happened, didn’t it?” he whispered.
I nodded. “Oh yeah. So now that we’re crossed the line, we’re a little confused about what to do about it. I haven’t spoken to her in like a week.”
“Shit, man. Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think you should worry about it so much. Anyway, it’s just sex. People make such a big deal out of that.”
I laughed. “Like you having sex with Andrea? Since when are the two of you into each other?”
“Since the night of the club. I don’t know what happened. I mean, I’ve known her for years, and we’ve always just been friendly with one another. But something happened that night, and before I knew it, we were dancing together a little closer than friends would do.”
“You were practically dry humping the girl,” I said and chuckled at the memory.
“Did she look like she was having a good time?” Kenny asked.
“Actually, she did.”
“Well, there you go. I don’t force myself on people that aren’t interested. She was keen. I was keen. And the rest is history. If only I had known she’d be that good in bed, I would’ve tried my luck with her ages ago.”
“Have you seen her again?”
“No, of course not. I’m not looking to date anyone. You know that.”
“Does she know that?” I asked as I remembered Holly telling me how many guys had hurt Andrea in the past. I didn’t want Kenny to become just another statistic in her life.
“Of course she knows. You know me, I’m outright and honest. We both knew that it was nothing more than just a fling.”
“Pity, the two of you look good together.”
“Yeah, we did, didn’t we?” Kenny said and grinned. “I’m sure we’ll end up hooking up again. Who knows? That’s the fun of it I guess.”
I sighed. For the first time in my life, I wished I was a bit more like Kenny. He never took anything seriously, and his entire life was just one big carefree adventure.
“Good for you, Kenny,” I said and patted him on the back. He looked at me strangely but didn’t get the chance to say anything because our captain had spotted us and was walking our way.
“Hi boys, how’s it going here?”
“Almost done with the setting up. Should be good,” Kenny said.
“Make sure you give out the pamphlets we printed too.”
“We will.”
“Okay, I better get going. I just wanted to let you boys know that we are running drills on both Saturday and Sunday, so I hope you don’t have any plans because I need you all there.”
“Sure, no problem,” Kenny said.
“No problem,” I said and smiled.
We waited for him to walk away before looking at each other and groaning.
“Seriously? The whole damn weekend?” Kenny said. “He’s so annoying. Today is Wednesday, and he tells us this now. What if we really did have big plans this weekend? I don’t understand why those drills can’t be scheduled so that we at least know when they are coming. This drives me crazy.”
“I think he likes to feel like he has some sort of control over us.”
>
“Well there goes my weekend,” Kenny said.
I sighed. It was annoying, but it was probably a good thing for me to keep as busy as possible. The last thing I needed was to think about what happened with Holly. I felt sexually frustrated just thinking about it, as well as annoyed that we were now not even on speaking terms.
“Uh oh. Your girlfriend is heading this way,” Kenny said, and I looked up to see Holly and Rick walking towards us.
“You said you wouldn’t say anything,” I hissed at Kenny.
Kenny chuckled. “Relax. I was just joking around with you. I’m not going to say anything. Hell, she’s hot man.”
I punched him on the arm and then forced a smile on my face when they got near.
“Hi, Rick, Holly; nice to see you both.”
“Ah, I was hoping you’d be here,” Rick said. “It’s nice that you guys always get involved at this festival.”
“Hi,” Holly said shyly.
We stood there talking to them a little bit, and I tried not to look at Holly who seemed to be pretending to be busy looking at our setup. Then she picked up her phone and spoke into it even though I was sure I hadn’t heard it ring. She waved goodbye and pointed at the phone as if to say that she had to take the call and walked away.
“Well, that was awkward,” Kenny said the moment they left, and I sighed.
“Yeah, she clearly has no interest in talking to me again.”
“Whatever, dude, you deserve better than that.”
“Yeah.”
I pretended not to care, but I couldn’t help but feel a pang of pain in my heart at the way that she was treating me. I’d always been good to Holly. I’d protected her from the bullies when she was in school, and I’d always looked out for her. She’d made it clear that she wanted to sleep with me that night. She was the one that had initiated it in the first place, so I wasn’t imagining it. Maybe she just wanted to try me out for size, and now that she’d tried me, she wasn’t interested in taking it further. Perhaps I was just not her type. Kenny was right. I deserved better than her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Holly
I didn’t want to go with my father to the back to school festival. I knew that Xavier would be there. My father had already told me that the entire community gets involved and that the fire department was always a big hit with the kids.
“Everyone wants to be a fireman when they grow up,” my father said fondly.
I didn’t blame them. Who wouldn’t want to be like Xavier? I felt nervous at the thought of seeing him again, especially because I hadn’t talked to him since the last time we’d been together. I hadn’t intended to ignore him for so long, but the longer I left it, the harder it was to speak to him. What could I say? Was I supposed to tell him that I was in love with him? Was that even true? Or was I just lusting after him? Was it both? I’d never been more confused about anything in my whole life. I’d always had a thing for him, but I’d never allowed myself to really think about it as anything more than a little crush. It had always felt too wrong to me to give it too much thought. The last thing I had ever expected to happen was for my fantasy to come to life. I had never in my wildest dreams believed that Xavier would want to be with me too. Now that it had actually happened I didn’t know what to do with myself. My head was spinning.
As expected, Xavier was at the festival with Kenny. I spotted them way before my father did, but I pretended to be busy with other things. I inwardly groaned when my father saw him.
“Oh, look, there’s Xavier. I was hoping he would be here. Come on, let’s go and say hello.”
“Don’t you want me to stay here for you?” I said.
“Nah, let’s go together. I want to show you around anyway. It’s so nice to have you here with me this year.”
I forced a smile and followed my father over to the fire station stand. I said hello to Xavier and tried not to look him in the eye. I was sure that Kenny knew something too because he kept giving me funny looks. Eventually, I pretended that my phone was ringing and walked away as if I had to take the call. I just couldn’t take it anymore. The more I looked at him, the more I wanted him, and the guiltier I felt about it.
My father walked up to me a little later.
“Everything okay with you and Xavier?” he asked.
“Uh, yeah, everything is fine. Why do you ask?”
“You just seemed a bit nervous around him, which isn’t like you. I thought the two of you were always such good friends. He’s a great brother to you.”
My father was looking at me strangely, in a way that was making me very uncomfortable. He didn’t often refer to Xavier as my brother, and I wondered why he was doing it now. Was he onto us? Was it obvious? Had someone told him? A million thoughts were running through my mind. I tried my best to not look panicked. I was never very good at hiding my emotions, though.
“He certainly is. Sorry about running off like that. I just had to take a call, and then I figured I might as well take a walk around and see what was happening. I thought maybe someone could use my help. I assumed Xavier was going to be very busy. I remembered you said his stall was always very popular.”
“Yeah. It is. They do a great job those boys. So, I bumped into Stephanie on the way over,” my father started.
I felt my cheeks begin to burn. Stephanie was the woman from the church that had bumped into Xavier and I the other night. I should’ve known that she was the sort of woman that would go around telling people that she had seen us. The people of the church and the community were great people, but they also loved to gossip. They could turn any small story into something big and unnecessary.
“Oh yeah, I saw her the other night,” I said quickly. “That night Xavier took me out for dinner on this motorcycle. He took me for a slow ride around town, and as we stopped to stretch our legs, she drove past. Nice lady,” I said.
“Oh, uh, yes, that’s what she said. She seemed to think it was very strange that you were hanging around the football field at night. She said it looked like the two of you were on some sort of romantic night out.”
I laughed. “Romantic? Are you kidding me? He’s my brother,” I said even though I regretted saying the words. Saying that to my father was not helping my case but I also desperately wanted to appease him.
He seemed relieved. “That’s what I said. I guess it’s because she saw you on his bike. You know what she’s like. Anyway, she’s into gossiping, isn’t she?”
I chuckled. “She sure is. Nothing better to do.”
“Anyway, speaking of things romantic. Have you thought any more about going on a date with Ryan?”
“Ryan? Who is that?”
“Ryan! Theresa’s son. Remember?”
I pulled a face. “What? Since when do you want me to go on a date with him? I thought you said he was full of himself. You said you didn’t want me to date a guy that was so into himself. Didn’t you?”
“I did say that. But she keeps asking, and I fear she may never give up. Anyway, maybe we have the guy all wrong. I don’t want to just assume he’s one way when maybe he’s not. Maybe we should give the guy a chance.”
My father wanted me to go out with a guy that was full of himself? I knew the real reason even if he didn’t say it out loud. He wanted me to get away from Xavier. He wanted to make sure that no more rumors about us were spread about town. He wanted to keep his reputation intact. I suppose I couldn’t blame him, and I felt terrible for putting him in this position.
“Maybe you’re right, Dad,” I said. “Maybe I should give him a chance.”
“Wonderful!” my dad said. He seemed delighted. “That’s great. Well, I’ll see what I can do. Okay, I have a few people I need to talk to. You’re welcome to just enjoy the day.”
“You don’t need me for anything?”
“Not for now. I’m mostly here just to show my face, to be honest. So take a walk and have a good time.”
He was in a much better mood after what I had told him.
This meant he would rather have me go out with someone he didn’t even like than me go out with Xavier. That said all I needed to know about what he would say if he ever happened to find out about us. I took a walk around and eventually went over to the lake to take a step away from it all. I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic from all the people and all the fake smiles I had to give them. I got to the lake and was surprised to find Xavier sitting there too. He didn’t see me at first, and I almost walked away, but then he turned to me and smiled. My heart skipped a beat at the sight of him. He was by far the most gorgeous man I had ever seen in my entire life.
“Hi,” he said almost shyly.
I walked up to him and sat down on the bench next to him. “Hi. What are you doing here?”
“I’m on a break. I felt like a bit of a breather. It’s a nice day out, but it can get a bit much. How about you?”
“Yeah, exactly the same reason. I feel like I’m smiling too much. My face is hurting.”
He laughed. “I know that feeling. So, I see you ran away from me when you first arrived. What’s going on?”
I sighed. “I’m sorry, Xavier. I’m just so confused. Did you know Stephanie went to tell my dad that the two of us looked romantic the other night when she drove past us?”
His eyes widened. “Are you serious? What the hell is wrong with her? Does she not realize that she’s just going to cause problems by saying things like that?”
“You know how these people like to gossip. I don’t think she meant it with malicious intent, but she just can’t help herself.”
Dirty Stepbrother - A Firefighter Romance (The Maxwell Family) Page 13
