“What? I don’t understand what is so disgusting about this. The two of you are not even related. Not even a little bit. This is crazy. Rick must’ve put those ideas in her head.”
“Yeah, maybe. But she listened to them. That’s the difference. That’s the part that I can’t believe. She actually listened to him. She’s made her decision and there’s nothing that I can do about it. I’m not going to force her to love me, you know. She either does or she doesn’t. There’s no in between.”
“That’s messed up man. You’re in love with her, aren’t you?”
I thought about Holly curling up to me in bed. I thought about the way she looked at me. I thought about the way she kissed me. I sighed.
“I’m completely in love with her.”
“Then maybe you should go after her. Maybe you should finally go after what you want in life.”
“Yeah, but it’s not just about what I want. It’s about what Holly doesn’t want. She doesn’t want me. I’m not going to force that on her. She knows whether she wants this or not and she doesn’t need me telling her. I don’t want to beg someone to be with me. I want them to want to be with me as much as I want to be with them. It’s not worth it otherwise.”
“Then maybe it’s time you let her go. I know that’s not easy, but why go after someone that is not even willing to fight for you? Maybe you deserve better than that.”
I nodded. “I think you’re right, man. I will always fight for someone but there comes a point when you have to realize that it’s not worth it. She’s not worth fighting for if she doesn’t actually want to be with me.”
“I’m sorry, man. It sucks.”
“Yeah. Tell me about it. I think I better stay away from girls for a while.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good thing.”
I laughed. “That is very different advice to what Kenny would probably say to me. He’d tell me to go out there and be with as many girls as possible to forget about her.”
Silas chuckled. “Well, Kenny and I are two very different people. But, to be honest, you must just do what you want to do and forget about everyone else. Holly is missing out on a great guy, you know.”
I nodded. “Yeah, we could’ve been something great if she only let us be.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
Holly
A month had passed since the day I told my dad all about Xavier. I’d spent most of the night with Andrea, and we’d watched stupid movies and ate chocolate until I was feeling more like myself again. We talked some more, and she insisted that I speak to my dad one more time. I thought back to that night now as I had on so many occasions. It still hurt, but at least I could think about it now without crying.
“Dad, we need to talk,” were the words I said the moment I got home. He had looked relieved to see me and happy that I was home safe.
“I was so worried about you. Where did you go? I’ve been worried sick.”
“I went to visit mom,” I said. He nodded. He knew that I did that often. “And then I went to see my friend Andrea. I needed to talk to someone that wasn’t going to shout at me.”
“Oh, my darling, I’m so sorry. It was just a shock, that’s all. Listen, we need to talk.”
I’d been relieved then. Happy that my father at least wanted to talk to me about it some more. That was a good sign. I sat down, and he took my hand.
“Darling, Xavier came by.”
“What? What do you mean? He’s here?” I had looked around frantically thinking that Xavier might suddenly appear out of nowhere. I felt a surge of happiness at the thought that he and my father had talked and made amends.
My father shook his head. “No. He’s gone. He came to talk to you, but when you weren’t here, he decided to talk to me instead. The man was a mess. A complete mess. He said that he just couldn’t get over what he had done. He openly admitted that he had been chasing you. He said he thought it would be okay and he thought he would be fine with it, but he’s not. He apologized to me and told me that he wasn’t going to go after you anymore. He said he’s having sleepless nights about it. Sickened by what he has done.”
My face had crumbled. “He’s sickened by it? Sickened? He actually used those words?”
“He did. I’m sorry, my darling. You both knew that you had taken this too far. Don’t feel bad. God will forgive you.”
I had cried then, and I’d been crying on and off for the past few weeks. At first, I didn’t believe my father. But when Xavier didn’t call or come and see me, I knew he had told me the truth. After everything that we had been through together, he had decided not to be with me. Did that mean everything that he had said before had been a lie? He’d told me that he was never going to leave me. He was the one that told me that everything was going to be fine. If he wasn’t willing to fight for me, then I wasn’t willing to fight for him either.
After a week of moping around, I’d finally picked myself up again. It wasn’t worth crying over someone that wasn’t prepared to fight for me. I’d gone for a haircut, taken myself out for coffee, and spent a day pouring over job advertisements. I’d assumed that it wouldn’t be easy to find a job in such a specific field, so I’d been surprised to find one almost immediately. I’d called, and they’d invited me in for an interview.
Sarah Bellington was a nice lady, about ten years my senior, with a positive attitude and a kind face. I took an immediate liking to her. She was soft-spoken and yet commanding at the same time, and when she spoke, I listened. We sat together for an hour over coffee discussing the job, and I decided to be very open and honest about why I had left my previous job. When I walked out of the café that day, I wasn’t sure if I had blown it with my honesty, but later that day she called me back and offered me the position. I started two days after the interview, and it was by far the best decision I had ever made.
The difference between my last job and my new one was so incredibly different. The work was similar, but the people in the office were all just as willing to work as I was. I’d been nervous the first day, worried that I’d immediately be typecast as the outsider. I’d been surprised when people had come to talk to me, and how interested they all seemed in my life. The office was situated in the middle of the city, with a forty-minute commute to and from my father’s house. I didn’t mind. The forty minutes gave me a great opportunity to listen to audio books, which is something I used to do a lot a few years ago when I had more time. I’d stopped only because I’d been too busy and stressed out to concentrate on the voice, but now I was back to loving them. Work had also come at a great time to help me from thinking too much about Xavier. I was sure I would’ve gone into depression had I not gotten a job so easily. I missed him every single day, and I was angry at him for giving up on me just as often. But I was glad that I least had a good job now to concentrate on.
I was sitting at work now, marveling at how fast it had taken me to feel like part of the team, and happy at how supportive my new boss was of me. The thing I liked most about Sarah was how she treated everyone the same, and how she was simply a part of the team. After work, she became everyone’s friend, but at work, everyone treated her like the boss that she was. There was a sense of support and respect that my last company didn’t have.
“Friday tomorrow,” Sarah said as she walked past my desk.
I smiled. “The week flies here.”
“That’s because I keep you guys so busy,” Sarah said and chuckled. “But I’m all about a life of balance. Want to join us for happy hour tomorrow? Might as well celebrate Friday in style.”
“I’d love to join you for happy hour. Thanks for inviting me.”
I felt flushed with happiness at the thought of finally being included in a company. I heard her walking around inviting the others and almost everyone said that they could make it.
After work, I made my way to Andrea’s house for dinner. Andrea and I had gotten very close since I’d moved back home, and I had a feeling that we now had a bond that wouldn’t be b
roken. We were meant to find each other again. She was good for me. Supportive, caring and extremely fun to be around. She gave me a big hug when I walked through her door.
“Look at you, all dressed up in your work outfit.”
I laughed. “It’s not exactly a work outfit, but yeah, I guess it’s nicer than the clothes you used to see me in.”
“You look happy, Holly. I want to hear everything about the new job.”
I smiled and flopped onto the sofa. “Oh, it’s wonderful. I have finally found a company that has the same beliefs as me. They’re all such hard-working people with such a passion for the job. But they’re also just really nice. Nobody has been mean to me. Which makes for a nice change.”
She chuckled. “Hooray for nice people! I’m so happy for you. You deserve this. You’re the nicest person I know. It’s about time that you find some like-minded people. I must come over and visit when you’re not so busy.”
“Please do. Come over at lunch. There’s this amazing café just outside our office. I’m spending way too much time there, to be honest, but they make the best coffee and the most incredible muffins. You’ve got to come.”
“I’ll be there. You just tell me when. So, any news from Xavier?”
I shook my head. “Nothing at all. Clearly, he doesn’t want to see me, and I now don’t want to see him either. Pity that it had to end that way but that was all his doing. I was willing to make it work. He took the cowardly way out. I’m surprised we haven’t bumped into each other, but I guess it’s because I am at work all day now.”
“He missed out on someone amazing, Holly. His loss.”
I sighed. “Yeah. His loss.”
“So, are you looking for someone else? Going on any dates? I know some guys that would love to go out with you if you want me to set you up.”
“Definitely not. The last thing I want to do is rush into something else. What I had with Xavier might not have been real for him, but it was very real to me. It’s going to take me a while to recover from something like that. I’m not ready to date. One day, but not now.”
“Good for you. Give yourself some time to heal from this all. But don’t leave it too long either. Don’t let him be the reason that you don’t date. It’s not fair that you have to suffer because of him. You deserve to be with someone amazing, and I truly believe that someone amazing is out there waiting for you.”
“Thanks, Andrea. I won’t leave it for too long. I just need some time, that’s all. I was completely in love with him, you know. I’m not ready to move on just yet. I don’t think rushing to someone else will heal my broken heart. Time will, though. As clichéd as it is, I do know that time will heal all of this and I’ll move on.”
“And you’ve got me. You’ve always got me,” she said, and I smiled at her.
“Thanks, Andrea. I wouldn’t be able to this without you. You’ve been my rock through it all. How about you? How’ve you been? Have you seen Kenny again?”
She sighed. “We slept together a few times. I thought there might be something between us, but you know what Kenny is like. He doesn’t want to settle, and he was pretty clear on that. At least he was honest with me. But I think I’m going to stay clear of him for a while too. I could easily see myself falling for him, and that wouldn’t be a good thing. Let’s just both be single. Men complicate things don’t you think?”
“Oh yeah. They sure do.”
“I’m glad to have you here. I hope you don’t mind, but I didn’t feel like cooking, so I’m ordering us some pizza.”
“Pizza sounds like just the thing. Is there wine too?”
“Of course there’s wine. Although, I hope I’m doing the right thing by having pizza and wine tonight. I’ve been feeling a bit sick today. Carbs, cheese, and alcohol are probably just going to make me feel worse.”
“Or maybe, just maybe, it will make you feel better,” I said.
She laughed. “And that, right there, is why we are best friends.”
“You know, maybe this single life isn’t such a bad thing after all,” I said. “We can eat all the pizza we want and not worry about getting fat.”
She chuckled. “Yeah. Hell, I’m even going to order extra cheese on mine!”
I ignored the aching in my heart and the emptiness Xavier had left behind. I didn’t want to be single. I wanted to be with him. I wanted my happily ever after. But I would get through it. I had a great job, a wonderful friend, and a pizza on its way.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Xavier
There was a track near work where Kenny and I often met to run. We had just done three times around the track, and we stopped to take a breather.
“Who the hell decided that this would be a good idea?” Kenny said. He was out of breath and immediately sat down.
I sat down next to him and laughed. “You’d be better at this if you didn’t smoke, you know.”
He rolled his eyes. “I do this so that I can smoke. Life, you see, is all about balance. But seriously, I hate running.”
“Actually, so do I. But I always feel better afterward. It’s like I’m running away from my problems.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, and how’s that working out for you?”
“Not great. You?”
“Terrible.”
We both chuckled. “Why don’t we go out for a drink tomorrow night? I sure could use a night out.”
“Tell me about it. That sounds great. Count me in.”
“Actually, there’s something I wanted to tell you,” Kenny said. He looked nervous suddenly. I thought something was on his mind but then he kept joking around, so I wasn’t sure.
“What’s going on?”
“I was going to tell you tonight, but I’d actually like to just get it over with.”
“Uh, okay, fire away,” I said. It wasn’t like Kenny to look so nervous. He was the most confident person I knew.
“Andrea is pregnant.”
I looked at him in surprise. That was the last thing I expected him to say. “Holy shit. I’m assuming you’re the father.”
He nodded. “That’s what she says.”
“Oh wow. Kenny, that’s big news, man. What are you going to do?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve sort of been avoiding the whole thing.”
“How long have you known?”
“Over a week now. I’ve been dying to tell you but telling you also meant admitting to what was going on. It was easier to just pretend like nothing was happening.”
“I know that feeling. But it doesn’t make it go away.”
He nodded. “I know. In fact, it’s probably made it a million times worse. I feel sick from it.”
“How’s Andrea doing?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t really spoken much to her since she told me. I sort of . . . ran away from it all.”
“Are you in love with her?”
“I don’t think I know what love is, to be honest. I’ve said from the beginning that she’s a cool girl and I have a lot of fun with her. And, obviously, the sex is great. But love is a whole new ball game. I think it was always just lust between her and me.”
“Did she say she’s keeping it?”
“She’s keeping it. She’s definitely keeping it. I don’t know what to do, man. I don’t want to run away from the problem, but I’m so not ready to be a dad. What am I supposed to do? Marry someone I don’t love? I don’t want to settle down. I’m happy being who I am. I like going out and partying and meeting girls, and not committing. I like my single life. Why should I change?”
“Just because she’s pregnant doesn’t mean you have to marry her. Things are different now. You can still be a father without marrying her.”
“But a father? A father! How can I be a father? I’m still a child myself.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I feel like I am. I act like I am. This isn’t for me, man. This really isn’t for me.”
“You can’t run away from it, man. You’re
a good guy, Kenny. You’re one of the best people I know. You just can’t run away from something like this. You have to do what’s right by the girl. She’s going to need you. It’s not fair to just leave her like this. Just because she’s the one having the baby doesn’t mean that it’s just her responsibility.”
Kenny sighed. “I hate that you’re right. Okay, I’ll talk to her soon. I just need to clear my head. What’s happening in your life? Talk to Holly yet?”
I shook my head. “Nope.”
“I hear she got a job in the city.”
“Oh yeah? Good for her. No wonder I haven’t bumped into her.”
“Have you seen Rick at all?”
“I haven’t seen Rick or Holly since he told me that she didn’t want anything to do with me. It’s been about a month now. That’s the longest I’ve gone without seeing Rick. For the past few years, I literally saw him a few times a week. It’s weird. But I’m not going there. He obviously doesn’t want me to, and Holly clearly wants nothing to do with me. If she did, she would’ve called me by now. I’m still shocked and angry at what she did, but I’m not going to let it get to me anymore. I deserve better than that.”
“You do. It’s her loss man.”
I laughed. “When did our lives get so fucked up? Remember those days when life was easy and carefree?”
Kenny chuckled. “They seem like forever ago. So this is what it’s like to be an adult, huh? All heartbreak and stress. Can we go back in time a bit?”
“If only. So, one more round?” I said and pointed to the track.
Kenny groaned. “You’re killing me, man. I just want a cigarette.”
But we didn’t get a chance to run because I heard my phone ringing from my bag and I ran to answer it. It was our boss telling us that there was a big wildfire and they needed everyone on the team there as soon as possible.
Dirty Stepbrother - A Firefighter Romance (The Maxwell Family) Page 19
