She had already threatened to call the police and lie about me. I had no doubt that she was capable of it, but if I gave her a reason to fear me, I would probably be incarcerated for murder before the day was done.
Therefore, I tried my best to resist the urge to go there. After all, she had already done her damage. There was nothing left that she could do to fix it. That was the funny thing about rumors. Once they were said and believed, even the person who started them could not take back what they did.
However, I had a feeling that the rumor was only the beginning for Dalilah and that scared me more than anything. Knowing her, this was her warning shot. I hated to see what her main event would end up being.
Still, I knew that I couldn’t go there and so, after driving around, erratically and aimlessly for a long while, I realized that I recognized the street that I was on.
After careful consideration though, I knew that I didn’t really want to be here either. I didn’t want to show up there at all, much less feeling as crazy as I did right now.
Even still, I kept driving and as I rounded the corner, I saw something strange in the driveway of the house where I grew up.
Curious and for the moment, forgetting my anger slightly, I leaned forward and squinted my eyes, but I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on.
I sped up and continued down the road until I could make out Valerie’s car filled with black bags. She was just sitting in the driveway though, with the motor running, as though she was about to leave.
Is she moving out? I thought as I parked the car in front of the house and suddenly, I was overcome with fear. If she moved, I might not know where she went. I could lose her forever!
With that, I jumped out of the car and ran up to her.
I put my hands on the side of the car, sure that she would not move it away like she did before without running over my feet. That probably wasn’t the best plan, because like Dalilah was for me, I was pretty certain that if Valerie was going to run over anyone today, I would be her first choice.
“What is going on?” I asked her.
When she stared at me, she had tears streaming down her face. “Go away!” she screamed. “This is your fault!”
I narrowed my eyes with concern as I stuck my head into her car. “What is my fault? What happened?”
“Go away!” She glowered at me with hateful eyes.
“No!” I exclaimed, slamming my hand down on her door. “Tell me what happened. I need to know! I need to fix this!”
“What does it look like, genius?” Mom kicked me out!”
“What?” I felt my heart sink deep and defeated in my chest. I never thought, even for a second that I would have to worry about what my father and my step-mom would do to Valerie. I knew that they might be mad at her, but I never expected that they would do something so cold; especially considering that they didn’t even kick me out when I was having my plethora of problems with them.
I left on my own.
“Are you serious?” I asked, trying to find some way that I could make everything disappear for her. I wanted her to have a good life and she was right, this was all my fault. She might have wanted it, just as much as I did, but she was the one who was suffering the most, while I was had caused the problem by telling literally the worst people on the planet for me to have told. I felt awful.
As an answer, she shoved a letter at me and my eyes skimmed over it, but I didn’t need to read it. The important attributes that I found was that while it mentioned my father, it was from Valerie’s mother, just like she had said. “This doesn’t make any sense,” I breathed impatiently.
“Like I said, this is all your fault. But I have to be out of here by the time they get home, so I have to go…” With that she snatched the letter back from me and made a motion like she was going to drive away, no matter what.
I panicked and grasped her car harder. “Wait! Please! I don’t know what to do, but please…I want to fix this.”
“You can’t fix this…” she spat harshly.
“Well, then at least let me try to make it better. Meet me at our spot…now.” When it looked like fuck you was going to be the next thing that came tumbling out of her mouth, I allowed myself to show the anguish and the desperation I was feeling as I added, “Please…I want to help you.”
“I think you’ve done enough,” she answered and moved as though she was going to leave again.
“Please!” I yelled, feeling myself grow emotional. I didn’t want to be showing this unstable, crazy side to her, but right now, I couldn’t help it. Learning what happened to her made me feel an intense sense of pain. I wondered, probably selfishly, if my father and stepmother had done this specifically to hurt me, since they knew they couldn’t do anything else that would have near as much of an effect.
When she stared at me, almost as though she was angered by my outburst, I swallowed hard. “Please…I can’t…I can’t let you go without having a plan. I owe you that, at least.”
She thought about this for a moment and stared deeply into my eyes before finally she shook her head. “Fine. I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
I nodded, trying to find some assurance of sincerity in her voice. Normally, she was a very honest person, but considering what I had put her through, I wouldn’t blame her in the least if she had decided to lie to me, just so she wouldn’t have to look at me any longer. I wouldn’t blame her, but I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, especially since she had nowhere to go and it was all my fault.
Still, when she turned now, I had a sneaking suspicion that she was going to leave this time without worrying if I was in the way or not. I backed up quickly. “Thank you,” I said as I gave her space, hoping that the genuineness that I felt would come across to her.
“Whatever.” She rolled her eyes as she pulled out of the driveway.
As she pulled away, I wondered exactly what the chances were of her actually coming to meet me at the park. I figured, as I made it back to my car that they were probably slim to none, but that didn’t matter.
I had to try my best to be there for her. I had to try.
After all, with the way things seemed to be going, she and I were really the only people on the planet that the two of us had left and in my mind, we had to make the best of it.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Valerie
While I drove, heading in the general vicinity of the spot that we had deemed ours a few lifetimes ago, I contemplated whether or not I really wanted to do this.
Ultimately, I knew that I really had no idea.
Besides the fact that I had everything that I owned packed in a car that I wasn’t completely sure I wasn’t stealing, I also was not too thrilled with the idea of seeing Shawn’s stupid face ever again.
This is all his fault! I angrily mashed the pedal down on the floor and growled hatefully. I was scared. That was for certain. Everything was happening so fast and even though I was happy, at least on some level that Shawn was trying to be there for me, I was also very afraid that he would try to hurt me like he had done before. I was still so raw from the last time he had thrown me to the wolves that I didn’t want to be near him.
When he was leaning on my car, with his head sticking in the window, it was all I could do not to punch him in the face.
My whole life was turning upside-down before my very eyes and all I could do was sit back and gape in astonishment. I would have never thought that my mother, of all people, would stoop so low as to kick me out of my own childhood home, without even having the decency to explain what was going on in person. That just wasn’t like her.
However, I couldn’t think about it too much, because every time I did, it made me feel even sicker than when I had first realized what was going on. It was literally all that I could do to keep myself from having to pull over and spew what little I had left in my stomach onto the side of the road. I was nervous and scared. Everything I had ever worked for, all of the trust that I had built up
with my mother and even with Paul was gone in a moment; not only that, but it was taken from me and I wanted it back.
Yet, everything was just so out of my control that all I really wanted to do was crawl into a hole and hibernate or something until my mom missed me.
How can her marriage be more important to her than her daughter? I thought with a searing sense of hate burning deep into my core. She had always told me that I was the most important thing in her whole world and yet, she didn’t even have the decency to talk to me about what happened; why it happened.
I was disgusted.
By the time I decided that I was going to go to the park, I had come to the terrible conclusion that I really had nowhere else to go.
When my car pulled into the parking lot that melded with gravel before giving way to a green park, filled with playground equipment and more recently, a path with exercise equipment, I had realized that as much as I wanted to hate Shawn right now, there was no way I could. There was no one else in the whole world that I could turn to right now.
My family had completely shut me out and Zachary had cheated on me. I didn’t want to expose my problems to the same girls who I was sure were snickering behind my back during school today and therefore, that left only Shawn. The same jerk that had always been there for me, aggravating me intensely for the entirety of our friendship.
When I looked up, I noticed that once again, there he was, waiting for me, with a smile on his face; the only true smile that was passed my way all day.
It was because of this, that even though I was still angrier at him than I had ever been at anyone in my entire life, I was still happy to see him. I smiled back, briefly, but meaningfully, before I turned off the car and got out.
He did not rush up to me which I was happy about, because I might have used that as an excuse to punch him in the face; but rather, he allowed me the freedom to come to him.
I made my way toward him easily. I was scared, but then again, I was pretty much scared of everything now. There was nothing that did not plague me at the moment. I felt even more lost than I had when I found out that my father had died.
I could still remember that day. Shawn was there too. He was my beacon of light and right now, as I focused on him in front of me, I decided that no matter what had happened between us or what was going to happen to us, , that was exactly what he was to me again.
So, as I walked up to him, even though I still had a strong urge to hit him, I resisted and instead, put my arms out. When I was close enough, I wrapped him in a hug.
He seemed surprised at first, but within a few seconds, he pulled me in close to him as well and hugged me tighter.
“I am so sorry, Val…” he said as I began to sob.
“Shut up,” I answered carefully. “Don’t talk Shawn, or I will hit you.” I hugged him closer and sniffled as tears began to stream down my face and onto his shoulder.
“Okay. Good call.”
“Shhh. Just hold me.”
And to my surprise, instead of trying to get a word in edgewise, Shawn did exactly as I told him to. He did not try to push me into talking and he didn’t even try to comfort me with his words, which likely wouldn’t have worked anyway. Instead, he just held me close and rubbed my head with his hand. He stroked me slowly and I closed my eyes, trying desperately to forget the world in its entirety.
I didn’t want to think about anything. I didn’t want to contemplate how angry I was at Shawn, or how hurt I was by my mother cutting me off; none of it. I just wanted to enjoy the peace and serenity I felt while wrapped tightly in Shawn’s arms, being consumed by the darkness.
We stayed like that for a long time. I was happy this way. I didn’t want to stop.
However, eventually, I began to calm down and realized that it would probably be a good idea for me to talk to Shawn.
This reminder of our closeness had done a lot to help me come to terms with the fact that I needed him, especially now, but it did not erase what he did. It did not help me come to terms with what was going on.
All that he was able to provide was comfort; a soft cushion to land on after taking a potentially lethal blow.
Eventually, I pulled away from him and gazed into his eyes.
He smiled back and moved to swipe a tear away from my cheek. Feeling his hands on my face made me feel happy and even slightly aroused.
I had always had a crush on him and the feel of his touch against my skin would always be something that triggered a reaction from me. I couldn’t help it.
Still, even the feelings that he caused to race through my body didn’t erase what he had done and what had happened as a result.
I didn’t need comforting right now. I needed solutions.
Owning this, I sighed deeply and asked him, “What am I going to do?”
He continued to stare at me. “Umm…Can I speak now?”
“I might still hit you.”
He shrugged. “I would rather you not, but I wouldn’t blame you. I definitely deserve it.”
“You do.” I nodded thoughtfully.
I watched Shawn’s face frown slightly and got the feeling that I wasn’t actually supposed to agree with him on that, but I didn’t care. He had hurt me and he needed to know it.
I would deal with him later though, for I had far more on my plate at the moment besides just my contempt for what Shawn did.
When I showed no remorse for my comment, he gave up and added, “Okay, well, let’s think. The first thing you need is a place to stay, right?”
I nodded.
He thought for a moment and then came back to me as though he was almost afraid that I would flat out reject him. “Well…If you want, you are welcome to stay with me?”
I narrowed my eyes at him and thought about what he was saying. Since I didn’t have very many options, I actually considered it before I truly thought about it. Finally, I said, “You mean, at your mom’s?”
He nodded eagerly. “She’s never there, Valerie. Chances are, she probably wouldn’t even notice you there.”
I couldn’t believe that I was considering it, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense, at least in my mind. I did need a place to stay and he was offering.
Finally I decided that might not be such a bad thing. “Okay,” I replied after a long period of silence. “I will stay there for a few nights, but that’s it.”
He shrugged and answered genuinely, sounding relieved, “As long as I have a home, you are welcome to it whenever you want, Val. You know that.”
He smiled at me and I supposed that he was trying to have a heart-to-heart, but I didn’t smile back. Right now, Shawn had something that I desperately needed. That didn’t mean, in any way, shape or form that I was interested in forgiving him. “You know, this doesn’t mean that you are off the hook. We still have a lot to discuss.”
He nodded and answered honestly, “I know. I don’t even expect for you to forgive me, but right now, I think that getting you settled is far more important than you being angry at me.”
“No…It’s about the same, but finding a place to sleep tonight has a time limit.” I shrugged and stared at him with an impassive sense about me. “I guess I will see you at home.”
He shrugged again before he answered, this time a little less enthusiastic, “Yeah, I guess you will.”
Chapter Thirty
Shawn
For the next few days, I was able to keep to my word. My mother didn’t return once for almost a week and that was plenty of time for Valerie to get settled.
We didn’t talk much though and I had come to the conclusion, the hope really, that she just needed a little bit of time. I knew that what had happened was really hard on her and I was all for helping her work through it.
I knew what it was like to finally realize that no one in your family wanted you. It sucked and made you feel awful. That was the kind of terrible feeling I had almost all the time, but especially when I dwelled on it.
However, I
had learned to work through it and rely on my friends and even Valerie, regardless of whether or not she was angry with me. I had learned that no matter what, there were people, even if they didn’t have any relation to you at all, that would do anything for you.
Valerie’s mother used to be one of those people, but I was terrified that she would never become that again after what happened, either for me or for Valerie, and that was sad.
However, I didn’t talk to her about it, even when we went through the stuff to get rid of or sell so that she could make some money, and she broke down and cried.
I just held her and told her that everything was going to be okay. That was really all that I could do though, because I was fairly certain that she didn’t want my advice.
Valerie barely even wanted to have a conversation with me about the weather, much less open her heart to me over a problem that I caused.
So, I was just there, always, in case she felt the need to talk. Sometimes, I would get a smile and some days, I would just get a glower that didn’t leave her face until she was out of my presence. But no matter what, or how she was feeling, I vowed that I was going to help her through this.
There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for her. I knew that, but by this time in my life, I was actually ready to prove it.
I knew now that for as long as it took to get her feeling better, I was going to be there to support her, or even be her punching bag, if need be, because anything was better than losing her.
Besides, living in the same apartment for that span of time, which was close to a week, we basically lived separate lives.
She didn’t come to talk to me and I didn’t dare disturb her. I slept on the couch and gave her my room. We took separate cars to school, even though I thought that was kind of silly, but it seemed to work for her and it kept Valerie from leaving. So I was willing to do some things that seemed stupid.
I figured that she couldn’t very well stay mad at me forever. She had to come around and at least have some closure, so I knew what I was dealing with at some point.
Dirty Stepbrother - A Firefighter Romance (The Maxwell Family) Page 81
