However, now those very same memories seemed to be laughing at me, along with the rest of my house. My room in that beach house had become a museum of my own misery, but for reasons that I wasn’t even sure of, I could not bring myself to change a thing.
Just like the rest of the house, the unchanged nature of my room was bittersweet, and even though it caused me pain to look at the countless memory triggers, I just couldn’t let go, fearing that if I did, those memories would be lost forever and I would resort to living like my father; an empty shell of the man that he once was.
Still, it did not take long for me to wish that I was back at school. I knew that I would miss it, but I was hoping that there would be at least a few moments this summer, perhaps when I was alone with my father, or just hanging out at the beach, where I would feel my mother’s presence and be overwhelmed with a sense of calm.
If that had happened, even just once, I knew that going to this beach and enduring my new life would have been worth it. But during that first week, I felt nothing of the sort.
When the time was right and I was sure that no one would come looking for me, I snuck out of my window and spent a lot of time on the beach, away from prying eyes. The reason that I had to sneak, besides the fact that I had no interest in even being asked if I wanted to join my father and his wife on their adventures, was because I went at night.
The beach looked completely different at night and being as young as I was the last time I was there, I wasn’t allowed on the beach after it got dark. On the strip of roads, there were still plenty of memories, but at the beach, it felt like I had managed to step into a whole new world. It was the only place and time of day where I could get some peace.
Then, one night, after I had snuck out and had just settled into my spot, I heard someone come up behind me. It wasn’t that uncommon for adults to stroll along the beach at night, since there was a serene nature to it that was not possible to achieve during the day, with all of the kids and people running around.
However, I had a strange feeling that I didn’t want to be snuck up on and so, I turned around to see who was closing in on me.
I felt a sudden sense of dread and aggravation as I watched Tyler, one of the two last people that I ever wanted to see, especially while I was in the only half-peaceful place I could find around this house, sauntering towards me.
I rolled my eyes. “Go away,” I spat.
I saw his form stop short, as though he was shot, before he replied, “Well aren’t you the gracious host.”
“If it were up to me, Tyler, you wouldn’t even have access to the beach, let alone my father’s beach house,” I answered, hoping that if I insulted him enough, he would kindly go away.
“And if it were up to me, that beach house would be filled with myself and a whole hell of a lot of blond, perfectly sculpted women in bikinis that stripped and sucked my dick on command, but we can’t always get what we want, can we?” His eyebrows raised and he smiled at me, but I wanted to spit in his face.
“Ewww…” I exclaimed, balling my shaking fist and hoping that he came close enough so that I could hit him. “You are a disgrace to men.”
At this, he burst out laughing and said, “Okay, so maybe you wouldn’t have said it that way, but if you had the option to have a whole shit-ton of men willing to do whatever you wanted them to do, or our parents, which would you want?” Then, he sneered and narrowed his eyes and teased, “Unless, of course, men actually aren’t your thing…”
“What? No!” I exclaimed. “I like men…” Then, for effect, I looked him up and down, before I retorted, “I just have no interest in immature, whiny men who think they are so irresistible because they are comfortable with words like dick and pussy.”
Instead of getting aggravated or insulted though, he nodded thoughtfully before he answered, “No...Actually, those are two very good words…” Then, his sneer doubled in size before he answered, “Especially when said together.”
“Enough!” I yelled at him and stood in an effort to leave. So much for a nice relaxing night! I thought, before attempting to pass by him, while resisting the urge to put my fist through his perfectly formed features. I knew that if I did and there was any kind of mark, he would probably be the kind of guy to press charges.
However, he grasped my arm, laughing as though I was just overreacting as he said, “I’m sorry. I was just joking. I didn’t know you were so serious all the time…I’m sorry…I meant no disrespect. I was just playing around.”
After trying to tug my arm free, I stomped to a halt and demanded, “If you don’t get your hand off of my arm, I will scream so loud, you will be arrested and charged with some kind of assault faster than you can lay on your charm.” When he gaped at me, I added, “How’s that for serious?”
As he released my arm, he explained, “Whoa…Sorry. I just came out here because I wanted to see if you were okay. I noticed that you haven’t been too talkative and I wanted to help…If I could.”
I knew that I should just walk away, because the look in his eyes was already causing me to have doubts about wanting to drown him, has I had a moment ago, and I was sure that wasn’t good. Now, instead of looking with that stupid, cocky expression, he seemed legitimate and serious. It was almost as though he was giving me a real, genuine answer and I wondered if all of the callous talk was just a cover.
However, I wasn’t sure and so I knew that I shouldn’t put my guard down. Yet, instead of walking away, I felt myself shrug. “I’m all right.”
“You don’t really look all right,” he answered, giving me large eyes and a sensitive expression.
“What do you care?”
“For starters, I don’t think it is fair for your father to shut you out like he did. I think it’s mean and I think that you need someone to talk to, or you are going to go absolutely crazy this summer.” He shrugged before he added in a charming, almost innocent way, “That’s what I think.”
I knew that he was trying to be charming now, but he also seemed so sincere. I wanted to think that it was and so I said, “It’s just, the last time I was here, my mother was alive and that was five years ago. Now that my life is so different,” I stared at him before I said, “And you’re here, it feels like everyone else…” I stopped there, wondering why I was telling him anything, when he caught my gaze and said something I didn’t expect.
“Forgot? Like everyone is running around, doing their own thing and trying to salvage the happy memories without making effort to acknowledge that even though those times were supposed to be happy, after what happened, they can come across as being almost horrific?”
I looked at him with surprise as we began to walk back toward the house. “Yeah…Something like that. How did you know?”
“I have felt similar…” He answered, but didn’t elaborate. Still, I felt for the first time since I had arrived here, while in the presence of another person, a sense of calm.
It wasn’t enlightening or anything, but it did make me feel just a little bit better and that was enough to give me hope.
Even with all of his callousness, maybe I misjudged this guy, I thought, before I wondered if I had just gone crazy.
Chapter Six
Tyler
That went well, I thought as I made my way confidently up to my room. I couldn’t help but to feel encouraged. I knew that I had made great strides within the female psyche and I was proud of myself. Hell, I’m always proud of myself, but today, I felt as though I had successfully bridged a gigantic gap between me and some fine ass, and that was a cause to celebrate.
Still, I knew that if I did anything now that would be considered strange, I would not be able to enjoy the fruits of my labor. So I decided to get to bed early that night.
I had planned to go out, which was actually how I had discovered Ashley out there and decided that it was a perfect opportunity to get her mind on my efforts. After what had happened, eventually on the beach, I was sure that I was close to rubbing up against
that sweet-spot, which would give her no other choice but to crash into my arms.
It was all a work in progress, but I figured if I laid low for a little while and didn’t annoy her, another golden opportunity would just land in my lap. So, I settled in and soon fell into a deep sleep.
I didn’t even have to wait that long for such a golden opportunity either.
A few days after my intervention with Ashley on the beach, we all happened to be having breakfast together with her father and my mother.
I smiled as I concocted the perfect plan, before I said, loud enough to burst my parents out of their little love bubble, “Hey Ashley, it’s good to see you…Hey, uh…I was wondering if you would like to go to the beach with me today.”
I watched her eyes grow wide as she realized what was happening, but my mother jumped in quickly, asking me, “When are you going to do that?” I knew that she just wanted to know when I was going to be completely out of her sight, but I used it to my own advantage.
“I plan to go chill there after my morning workout.” I shrugged in a smooth, calculated fashion and answered, “Nothing too exciting. Just going to get outside.” I flashed a smile at Ashley, before pressing it around the table.
“Go ahead!” my stepfather urged, no doubt just as eager to empty the house as my mother. “You should go and get some sun...”
“It might make you feel better,” my mother urged.
Still, Ashley seemed hesitant. She looked at me as though to beg for some kind of help, but I only drove the nail in deeper, tactfully of course, in order to shut out any hope of her not doing exactly as I wanted. I put on my best, nice guy face and said to her, “Come on! It’ll be fun.”
“Yeah, Ashley,” her father urged, jumping on the bandwagon as he so often did. “Go out, get a tan and have a good time with your stepbrother.”
Eventually, strategically, after a few more frantic looks, Ashley was bullied into it and just as she promised, after my morning workout, which was made even better since I now had a goal to aspire to, I found her on the beach.
Ashley was easy to spot, since her body complimented a bathing suit incredibly well. The suit hugged her petite frame in a way that her choice of clothing just couldn’t amount to. While I would have insisted that her outfits were a bit too tasteful, she had the body to pull off anything, and this bikini had a way of enticing my inner manhood.
“Funny meeting you here,” I said as I walked up behind her.
Just as she had done on the beach the other night, she turned toward me and rolled her eyes at the confirmation of my existence. “Don’t kid yourself. You and I both know that I had to come or I wouldn’t be fed tonight.”
“Oh, come on. What kind of man do you think I am?” I smiled keenly and teased her as I answered, “I would have made sure you received a few scraps.”
Again, she rolled her eyes, but I was not deterred. I smiled at her brightly and sat down beside her.
We talked for a little while, bantering back and forth, before I asked if she would like to go in the water.
Ashley laughed at me, as though I had lost my mind and therefore, I ran in ahead of her, before coming back out and making my way toward her to give her a hug.
For the first time, I heard a genuine laugh escape her lips, before she jumped up and tried to playfully plead with me, but I didn’t care. I just made myself larger, like a massive, virile bear, before I ran after her, which made her squeal with excitement as I continued to make my way toward her.
Eventually, I caught her and hugged her, which she clawed her way out of, before running, breasts bouncing around wildly, right into the water.
“What the hell did you do that for?” I asked, spreading out my hands and speaking over the crashing waves.
She giggled as she responded, “Well, I can’t just be half wet. That’s no fun.”
I laughed at her logic and dove in after her, continuing our rough play in the water.
Our fun attracted the attention from other girls on the beach, as I normally did. Some of them were hot, while others probably shouldn’t have gone to the beach wearing anything less than a thick poncho, in addition to a bathing suit, but it was all in good fun.
When one particularly attractive woman came up and captured my attention, Ashley encouraged, “Go ahead. You can stop messing around with me. I know you probably have some kind of beach body quota to fill or something, so it’s fine.”
I looked at her expression and studied her demeanor. The best I could tell, she was actually telling me the truth. I didn’t think she would care very much if I went off with one of these girls. In a way, she might actually prefer it, but I could feel that there were barriers breaking down, so I didn’t want to risk losing all of that for a woman that I could charm any day.
I answered in a quick, powerful, convincing voice, “No…That’s okay. I would much rather stay with you.” Then, without giving her any warning, I jumped up and continued our horseplay.
She let out a shrill scream before she went after me again.
I knew that I had an image to maintain, but I also had a challenge to peruse and today proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was able to keep up with both.
After all, if nothing else, I knew how to attract women. I had practiced it my entire life. Just like with anything, there was a finesse that needed to be met, no matter who the woman was.
During the course of this particular beach day, I knew for sure that my stepsister was no different.
Chapter Seven
Ashley
After spending the day at the beach with Tyler, there was a strange sense that was cast over me when I made it back safely into my bedroom.
Not only did I feel I might have misjudged my stepbrother, I also had a sneaking suspicion I might be more attracted to him than I thought I could ever be.
This thought, which I curbed on more than one occasion throughout the course of the day, absolutely horrified me.
In fact, I hated that I was attracted to him, especially since I was sure, as he had insinuated multiple times, that he was also attracted to me.
However, the more I tried to ignore those feelings, the more I realized I could not help them.
Love is a choice! I found myself thinking, but then, an even more pressing thought bounded over the first. Oh my God! I am not in love with him! Gross!
Then, after a moment of panic, I had the ability to rationalize my feelings.
Of course I am attracted to him, I thought. He is an attractive guy. I would be crazy not to think that he is attractive, but that doesn’t mean that I am attracted to him. I just appreciate beauty…or manliness…or something.
I sighed when my first attempt to make myself seem normal was to absolutely no avail. I breathed in deeply, before letting it out slowly and once again, tried to think about calming my mind and ridding it of all these crazy thoughts.
“Okay…” I whispered to myself, “What is it about him, besides his looks, that makes me want to be around him…Hmmm.” Then it hit me and I smiled broadly, thankful that it wasn’t a love interest attraction.
In fact, it was far more basic than that.
I came to the conclusion, after a day of literally freaking out over the way I thought I felt about my stepbrother, that the only real reason I liked him was because he was the only person I had felt even the slightest bit comfortable carrying on a conversation with since I came to this house.
Even when I would pass people I used to know well on the beach or on the street, it was still hard to talk to them. They gave me the looks I hated growing up in my hometown after my mother died, but since it was the first time a lot of them had seen me, it was almost as though she had died all over again. Even though I was past the initial stages of grief, each and every one of those people seemed to give me the same reaction as those who attended my mother’s funeral and I hated it. I had absolutely no interest in rehashing the events before and after my mother’s death with anyone, and since Tyler didn�
�t really care to know any of it, he was the only one I wanted to have a conversation with.
There, I thought as a sense of peace encased me. Problem solved.
So, with this in mind, over the next few days the two of us made a point of hanging out whenever we could. It was Tyler who helped me to come out of my room and feel the sun on my face, but he also was quick to leave and never lingered.
Even though we went to the beach and I helped to maintain his high-energy, caloric diet by going out to eat, he would also work out a lot and disappear for hours at a time, which gave me the ability to be a recluse for a while.
That was all I wanted, and as we settled into a routine, I started to really enjoy his company.
Throughout our time together, he insisted on cursing like a sailor and every once and a while, something invariably raunchy would slip out of his mouth. But after that night on the beach, when I first started to feel a small sense of calm around him, he seemed to try to treat me like a lady, which for him, meant toning down attitude.
Then, one night, while we were sitting on the beach watching the sunset, while I was taking advantage of the moments he was actually quiet, I noticed Tyler getting closer to me. He did so casually, as though it really was no big deal, and therefore, I didn’t stop him. After all, he was the closest thing to me within a couple hundred miles, so I figured if he wanted to get next to me, I should let him.
It was strange to think but it was true. He was the closest person to me. My father was still basically disowning me and I had no interest in talking to anyone in this town except Tyler.
However, I noticed finally, that he had placed his arm across my shoulders. The weight of it made me slightly uncomfortable, but I still didn’t say anything. In a way, it was really nice to be hugged.
Dirty Stepbrother - A Firefighter Romance (The Maxwell Family) Page 89
