by M Helbig
My nerves were somewhat soothed when I remembered to turn on Tracking after the second fight and saw that the mayor was not moving. The Tracking arrow led us to an overhang of rocks. This was the first one I’d seen that had anything resembling walls for privacy. Its sides were covered with hides, and in front stood two broad-shouldered hylves. I didn’t need to use Tracking or Inspect to tell they were the ones called Hylf Guards.
Before I could pull the group behind a nearby rock, Alizia charged. “Death before discussion!”
Olaf summoned his dagger and raced to catch up to her. “The saying is ‘death before dishonor.’”
Alizia’s Shield Slammed the first Guard, stunning him, and used Shout on the second one to draw him on her. “Ohhhh . . . That makes way more sense.”
Yary tapped her bracer, healing Alizia of the paltry 22 damage she’d taken from the first hit. I pulled out my bow and began work on the one Alizia had used Shout on. After a few shots, I noticed that Yary was still tapping her bracer and motioned for her to join in with her fists. Her eyes brightened, and she joined in a few seconds later. Perhaps there was hope for her yet, but we’d need to discuss her role in our group as soon as there was time. Alizia was down to 56% by the time Yary’s first tiny heal from her attack landed, so I sent my bow back to my bag.
As I scanned the area for more potential opponents and planned out what we’d do if I found any, I lost track of my spell. Green smoke billowed from my fingers as the spell fizzled out. I focused harder on the next two attempts, and the spells went off without issue. Thankfully, nothing new arrived.
When Stunned wore off the first one, Alizia’s HPs began to slowly go down despite Yary’s small heals from her attacks. I was about to cast another heal when Olaf clicked Yary’s bracers to bring Alizia back to full. The second Guard went down a minute later, and with only one left, Alizia’s HPs slowly rose.
I was quite surprised that even with the nearby noise from the now bustling main area no other hylves had overheard us, especially with Alizia’s constant Shouts (only a small portion of which came from her using the ability of the same name). I should’ve known better than to think that, because as soon as I did, five hylves came from around the bend.
“Incoming!” I said as I nocked an arrow toward the lead one.
“Horus, don’t,” Olaf said. “I think I have figured them out.”
“That we could make a fortune by introducing them to soap and hair-care products?” Alizia said as she turned toward the newcomers.
“Watch,” Olaf said.
The lead one began sniffing the air back and forth, and the ones behind him joined in a few seconds later. Just like the ones that’d almost run into Yary, they eventually stopped sniffing and went on their way, walking right past our fight with one of their stunned kin and not joining in. The last guard sniffed the air as they turned away and looked about to say something, but Alizia Shield Slammed him again before he could. We finished the guard off a minute later.
You have gained a total of 1,650 (1,500 +150 Group Bonus) Experience Points! 81,871/100,000 to next level.
You have received +15 Faction with Town of Grimrag! Total: 70 Town of Grimrag (Receptive).
“Well, that was easy,” Alizia said. “Let’s go grab Mayor Beardie and head on back. I can taste the alcohol already.”
“I sincerely doubt you have ever waited long enough to taste it before it goes down,” Olaf said.
“Why didn’t that pack that wandered by attack us?” I asked. “They couldn’t have possibly mistaken all of us for hylves.”
“Horus, you’re really off your game if even I figured it out,” Alizia said. “It’s because they’re blind. They navigate through a complex system of facial gestures, armpit sniffing, and what the cultured people I like to hang out with call ‘the touching of the naughty bits.’”
“Oh,” I said. “Yary, I want you to closely watch everything Alizia does, and especially says, and do the opposite.”
Yary chuckled.
Olaf turned on Sneak and went into the “building” with the mayor to scout it out. “Alizia is partially correct,” he said in group chat. “They are blind. To compensate, they have an extraordinary sense of smell and above-average hearing.”
Alizia sniffed my hair. “Does kinda smell like a hylf . . . not that I’ve ever sniffed one of those filthy things, just guessing. But I can guarantee I smell fabulous, so I don’t see how they could not smell me from a mile away.”
“Probably because we’re in an area full of overpoweringly stinky hylves. It’s literally all I can smell,” I said. “Like the noise the ones in the main area are making. When someone isn’t talking in group chat to dim the background noise, I can’t hear anything else.”
Alizia’s mouth moved, but I couldn’t hear anything she said. “Ah, like that,” she said in group chat.
“Everyone, come in,” Olaf said. “The mayor is the only one inside.”
We pushed back the flaps of hide to enter. The surprisingly wide area was littered with objects, most of which were junk, though there were a few assorted jewels, objects possibly made of silver, and serviceable weapons. Alizia reached down to pluck up one of the jewels but retreated when the smell got to her. I was quite confident that the hylves had not discovered the concepts of the trashcan and toilet.
The mayor’s face grew wider and wider as each of us entered. He almost fell over when Olaf appeared after dropping Sneak.
“Peace, good sir. We have come to rescue you.” My friendly smile only caused him to retreat further away.
Alizia shook her head while keeping one hand on her nose. “Jeez. You just can’t get anything right today, can you? What he means is we’re gonna take you back to Grimrag and to your loving wife, whose name I never got but is going to reward us with lots of booze. Now come on, mayor guy, join the Alizia train. Next stop, beard town.”
“Grimrag?” the mayor asked. “That’s not my home. I live here.”
“Classic case of Copenhagen Syndrome,” Alizia said.
Olaf laughed. “You mean Stockholm Syndrome, where they sympathize with their captors. You clearly have a glitch in your programming.”
“Olaf, I’m flattered that you think I only have one. Completely warms my heart. Now, what’re we going to do, Horus? Keep in mind I expertly pulled the information out of Laniel that you can’t stuff living things into these portable black holes we call backpacks.”
I turned to the trembling mayor. “Sir, we’ve been tasked by the residents of Grimrag to bring you back. They miss you. Your wife would like you back for your anniversary tomorrow. Do you remember your wife?”
The panic in the mayor’s eyes subsided at the mention of his wife. “Lagereyes. The sweetest lass. Our courtship was pure bliss. We got free drinks at her mother’s bar, something no dwarf lad can resist. Ahhh, how I miss those days.”
Alizia snuck up behind the mayor and raised her shield, but she lowered it as tears rolled down her eyes. “Don’t you worry, Mayor Beardiekins. We’ll get you back to your lovely wife before you know it. Shouldn’t it be Lagerbeard? You know, to go with the fact that your god has some sort of ‘free beard with the purchase of every baby’ sale going on.”
“‘Beard’ on the end for lads and ‘eyes’ on the end for the lasses.”
“Ah, that’s how you hairy people can tell through those thick beards what’s underneath.” She pointed to the door. “So, let’s not waste time and get you back to that ‘sweet lass’ in a jiffy. I’ll get free booze and everyone wins.”
The mayor nodded confidently. “Aye. Everyone wins. I win, me beautiful lady love wins, the GUAAAAARDS win. GUARDS!”
Alizia scratched her chin with her shield. “How exactly do the guards win in this scenario?”
The noise from the main area was still going strong, but if any hylves happened to come near, there was a good chance that they might still hear him. There wasn’t enough time for me to explain it to Alizia. I had to act fast and shut the may
or up. Unfortunately, he was twenty feet away from me but dependable Olaf was already on the move. Olaf smacked the pommel of his dagger down hard on the dwarf’s temple.
A deafening metal-on-metal ringing reflexively made me cover my ears, but beyond the slight damage the mayor was no worse for the wear and had resumed shouting for the guards. Olaf tried again to the same effect and seemed unsure of what else to do. The echoing noises of his strikes had stopped me in my tracks. I really wasn’t sure what to tell him, since the quest had said we had to bring him back alive.
Yary leapt in front of the mayor and began laying waste to his stomach. My heart caught in my chest, as I knew she’d obviously forgotten the “alive” part of the quest. As the metallic ringing subsided, I was about to yell for her to stop when the mayor doubled over and collapsed to the ground. I flipped on Inspect, already knowing what I’d see, but was shocked that his HPs read 37/140 and that he was currently Stunned.
“Sorry,” Yary said. “He kept resisting my spells.”
“Again, you don’t get any spells,” I said. “But it looks like you hit him with some sort of stun skill, so good job.”
Yary beamed. “I just kept using my Stun Punch spell until he stopped moving.”
Alizia patted her on the back. “Exactly like my story with that handsome beaverkin, except you replaced ‘gremlin rum’ with ‘Stun Punch’ and ‘mouth’ with ‘Scottish mayor.’ Good to see I’m having such a positive influence on you.”
I fished a rope out of the junk below, pinching my nose the whole time. It took me a few tries, but I eventually remembered my year of Boy Scout training and tied the mayor’s hands behind his back. “Olaf, see what we have outside. Alizia, get in front for when the guards come. Yary, hold off on using your bracers until Alizia gets below 70% from now on. Hit whatever she’s on the rest of the time. Sorry, I forget myself. Olaf, does all of that sound like a good idea?”
Olaf was gone long before I finished talking. He responded in group chat a few seconds later. “What? Oh, sure. That was perfect. The blonde hylf is outside and she is organizing at least ten of them to charge in. Should we fight them out here or wait for them to come in?”
I looked around at the floor littered with trash. “If we stay in here, we risk tripping over the random objects strewn about. Although . . . having the rock walls around us would give our more numerous enemies fewer directions to attack from. But then again, the hide walls give them an easy time surprising us by leaping out. Plus, the walls also block off escape routes. Olaf, what do you think?”
“Horus, you are leader,” Olaf said. “It is for you to decide.”
“Great idea, Laffy, we go outside.” Alizia pinched her nose.
“The smell!” I said. “Alizia, you’re a genius.”
“It’s about time you recognized my accomplishments in—Why am I a genius?”
I picked up a rotted piece of what might have been a fruit and handed it to her. “Rub this on you.”
“Umm, no. I’m too much of a genius to do that, and I’m beginning to think the stink has rotted what’s left of your brain.” She pushed it back.
“With the background noise so loud, these things are probably navigating mostly by smell. If we can mask our scent with something else they recognize, they’ll think we’re just some random trash and pass us by.” I rubbed the rotting thing on me, fighting the urge to retch the whole time, and handed what was left of it to her.
Olaf appeared near the entrance and did the same with a green and black liquid he found in a gourd. Yary reluctantly spread a squishy, round object on herself. Olaf had maneuvered behind Alizia and was about to ambush her with what was left in the gourd when she took the fruit from my hand. After she finished, Alizia raised her shield and moved toward the entrance. She was about to exit when Yary let out a gasp.
“What about sound?” she asked. “They can hear really well too and there’s nothing else loud going on right now.” To demonstrate it, she spoke out of group chat. She was right. We could hear her perfectly. The nearly deafening noise from the main area was gone.
“I could Sneak past them and make a loud noise,” Olaf said.
“That could work,” I said.
The mayor began to stir in my arms and I directed Yary to stun him. As the mayor’s head shot back, it connected with the edge of Alizia’s shield, producing a lesser but still slightly annoying ringing. I immediately peeked through the hides and all the hylves were holding their ears in pain. I summoned my sword and conked the mayor over the head again with the pommel. All the remaining hylves collapsed to the ground writhing in pain. Olaf reached down and stabbed one of them a couple times. Alizia and Yary quickly joined in to finish it off.
When Olaf turned toward another one, I jumped in front of him. “We need to get out of here. There’s too many more of them nearby, and there’s no telling if this noise will keep them down forever.”
Olaf glared at me but eventually backed down. I conked the mayor a few more times just to be safe, tossing a Regrowth on him more out of guilt than because he was anywhere near death. We exited the village a few minutes later.
“You know, with the way that sound Stunned them, I don’t think we even needed to put this stinky stuff on us,” Alizia said aloud. “Was this because I said you smelled funny earlier, Horus? Did you only do this so we’d all smell as bad as you?”
“Quiet,” I said in group chat. “We’re not that far from the village and there’s still patrols to worry about.”
Alizia conked the mayor on the head with her shield. “There. More ringing . . . Does he have a metal plate in his head or you think he’s had a bit too much iron in his diet?”
“Less talk more running,” I said. “There’s no way this’s going to work forever. The faster we’re out of here the better.”
Four more hylves appeared in front of us and I barely managed to stun them with another mayor conk. Alizia smacked two of them with her club as we ran by for moderate damage, then went back and hit one of them again a few more times when she noticed it was wearing the same shirt as her. I finished it off more to get her moving than to take advantage of the free experience. As we cleared the last occupied outthrust, I glanced back and could see a large pack of hylves led by the blonde one with crude earmuffs in the distance.
I handed the mayor to the much stronger Alizia. “Everyone turn on Sprint.”
With how little I’d put into Endurance, it was no surprise that my Action Points ran out first a couple minutes later, even with Alizia carrying the mayor. Alizia’s ran out thirty seconds after that. Shortly after, Olaf and Yary noticed we were no longer with them and turned theirs off to let us catch up. I flipped on Tracking and could see that none of our pursuers were within its 1,500-foot range. I directed us to stop next to the first large rock we came across after that.
“So, should we stop by Laniel and turn in her quest first or go straight back to town?” Olaf asked.
I checked the quest again to confirm what I suspected. “We only killed sixteen. We’re nowhere close to completing that. Though with the faction gains those things give per kill, we might want to come back and finish it off anyway after we hand the mayor over.”
Alizia grinned devilishly. “The quest doesn’t say we can’t re-kidnap him after we finish it either.”
“Do you really want to piss off the owner of the only bar in town?” I asked.
“Not to mention there has to be a faction hit for doing it,” Olaf said.
“I’m not sure if it’s the stink affecting your brain, the fact that you have a pretty lady besides me to distract you, or that you’re in mourning for ole Deccy, but you too are really off your game. Mayor equals hylf stun drum. We ring his skull, they go down, and we reap the easy XP. You guys are really in trouble if I’m now the smartest person here . . . Or we could just cut off his head! He’d be much easier to carry like that. Right, Yary?”
Yary continued to stare off into space. If this’d been a normal game, I’d ha
ve assumed she was AFK. The mayor groaned and Alizia stunned him with a quick Shield Slam.
“I’m sure there’s a lot of other things we could find that neither require us to kidnap or behead anyone, such as a metal pot or a gong, which I’m definitely not letting you anywhere near,” I said.
“There’s the old, smart Horus I miss,” Alizia said. “It’s no fun if I don’t have someone to keep me constantly on my toes. But as the group’s Bard, I’m going to have to veto that and take anything resembling an instrument. Professional pride and all that.”
“You’re a Bard?” Yary asked as her face suddenly came to life. “But I thought…That was my favorite class in the pen and paper games I used to play.”
Alizia patted her on the back. “Yup. And I knew there was a reason why I liked you, not-new-Deccy. You know, I think you’ve graduated from that title. From now on, I shall call you not-new-Yary. Congratulations. You’ve really earned that.”
“There is no Bard class in this game, young one,” Olaf said. “Our Alizia only likes to pretend there is so she can have an excuse to make loud noises.”
Alizia stomped up to Olaf and flicked his ear. “I’ll have you know, good sir, that I have never needed an excuse to make loud noises. I am perfectly capable of making them for no good reason whatsoever.”
“Like how you just yelled that in regular speak instead of group chat, so anyone nearby could hear?” I asked.
“Exactly.” Alizia crossed her arms confidently. “See Horus here just gets me. That’s why he has always been the perfect nemesis for me. Keeps me from going too far and getting everyone killed.”
I cleared my throat and pointed behind her, where the pack of hylves wearing earmuffs were moving in to surround us. “You’re right. I might be off my game.”
I’m Not Going to Tell You Who Dies in This Chapter, But There Are A Bunch of Chapters After This One, So . . .
