by E. C. Land
I scoot closer to her and bring her into my arms. “I don’t know why you’d ever think somethin’ like that. It’s just silly. I wouldn’t ever blame you for surviving something horrific. That’s what you are, Ember, a survivor.” I was sent here to hunt down the group of men that attacked Ruby and while I’ve made some progress, I got distracted by Ember. Being with her filled my mind and preoccupied me, but now, now this shit is hittin’ too close to home. “I’m gonna get them.”
Ember tilts her head. “It wasn’t a them. It was one person.”
I blink at her in disbelief. It’s possible this could be a rogue rapist, but I don’t want to think it’s someone else.
I give her a few minutes to soak my shirt with her tears before I clear my throat and begin asking the first of a million questions. It might seem insensitive, but I’m going to find out who did this to her. “Do you remember anything about him?”
She nods against my chest, and I hold onto her tighter, rubbing my hand against her back. “He had a tattoo on his forearm. It was of a sword going through a dragon skull. I know it’s not much, but it’s all I have. He was wearing one of those ski mask things that only show the lips and eyes.”
I nod and thank her for the information she was able to give me. While it’s not a lot, it’s more than enough to go off of. I’ll find this motherfucker, if it’s the last thing I do.
Chapter Fourteen
Ember
Nightmares plague my dreams every night. I’m unable to get any sleep. This has been happening since the night of the attack. I’ve barely stayed in my room. I don’t want to be in there by myself and Cara’s always gone. If I’m here alone, I end up inviting Dex over and he lays beside me the entire night. With him around, I feel totally comfortable. I know he’d never let anything happen to me. When I’m not in the dorm room I share with Cara, I’m in his bed where he holds me against him throughout the entire night. He always tries to soothe away the terror of what happened to me, even if it’s not the easiest thing to do.
Dex has been amazing through this entire experience. I was nervous about surviving what I did, how he’d not want to be with me. He’s been great, reiterating he’s not going anywhere. Yet, sometimes I don’t believe him. Since that evening, I feel tainted, like I’m disgusting, abused, and wrecked. No matter what I do, I can’t stop reliving the night. My burns are starting to heal and I’ve yet to look at the rest of my body.
When I have to go to class, I hide the bruises with makeup and wear one of Dex’s Harley Davidson hoodies. With him being so much bigger than me, it engulfs my body. I don’t care since it’s comfortable and I crave the sense of safety more than anything.
That gruesome night after that horrible monster finished with me, I rushed to the dorms as fast as possible. I thought to tell Cara, but I found her passed out in her bed. Grabbing my shower kit, I grabbed my PJ’s and went to the bathroom.
My phone had been broken in the midst of the attack when it fell off my body, and my attacker snatched it to taunt me with Dex’s text, asking if I made it to my dorm yet. The monster then proceeded to break the phone, crushing it under his foot.
I didn’t tell anyone what happened. Not until Dex showed up after Cara woke up. But I didn’t want to tell her. I didn’t want to tell anyone about my shame.
I’m glad he showed up, though. Keeping my secret was eating away at me, and it slowly started making me feel more and more sickened inside. To say he’d been furious about what happened to me and has become protective is an understatement.
Still, I’m scared of going anywhere alone and you can forget going out after the sun sets. Okay, so as long as Dex’s with me, I’ll go out at night, but the area has to be well lit.
I feel powerless and want to feel like myself again.
Pulling out my new phone Dex bought me after I told him everything, I pull up my uncle Reaper’s number.
“Hey, kiddo,” he mutters through the line, sounding somewhat distracted. I can hear shuffling in the background and know he’s sitting at his desk. With him being the President of the Satan’s Keepers MC, he’s constantly handling some sort of business or another.
“Hey, Uncle Reaper.” I do my best to keep the sadness out of my voice.
“You homesick yet?” he asks, this time seeming more alert.
“Other than it starting to get cold and I miss the warmth, not really,” I say, somewhat lying. I am homesick. But it’s not about going home to Texas. I miss being around the men who raised me—the safety they represented. I didn’t think I’d miss all of that, but I do.
I miss it so, so much.
“Yeah, I bet it gets cold as fuck up there,” he chuckles.
Guess he could say that since it’s forecasted to snow next week.
“So, what’s on your mind, sweetheart?” he asks, getting to the reason for my call.
I bite my lip to stop myself from telling him what happened to me. If he knew, the entire club would descend on Stonewall and cause havoc until the monster has been found.
“I just missed your voice, is all. I finished classes early and figured I’d give you a call,” I mutter.
“I call bullshit. Remember, Ember, I know you. You might have thought you hid shit from your other uncles and me, but you didn’t hide shit. We know about that fuckhead ex-boyfriend of yours and everything else. Just ‘cause you’re up there doesn’t mean we can’t find out what’s going on. Now spill, kiddo,” Reaper commands.
“It’s nothing, Uncle Reaper. I promise. I guess . . . I . . . I just needed to hear your voice. You know something familiar. It’s that time of year and you know,” I murmur, thinking of my parents’ death. It happened in November on Thanksgiving Day.
Reaper sighs, and I swear I can see him in my head slouching back in his chair. “Yeah, sweetheart, I know it’s that time of year. I get it sucks, baby, but remember this, they’d want you happy and not let the night get to you. What did your momma always tell you?”
“Don’t let anyone tear you down, not even the dead. Raise your head and never show weakness. There’s a monster out there who will rip you open if you let them. Don’t give them a chance. They feed on it,” I say, repeating what my mom always said, word by word.
“Exactly, Ember. Remember those words and let them take hold. I know you’re not gonna tell me what’s going on with you right now, but I hope you do soon. Just so you know, we miss you here as well,” he murmurs. I suck in a deep breath to keep myself from crying.
I might’ve wanted to leave home to get away from the biker life to find a life for myself, but I miss it. I miss being around the chaos and my family.
“Thank you, Uncle Reaper. I gotta go,” I tell him as I make my way up the stairs to my dorm.
“Alright, kiddo. Call me when you want to. Day or night. You know your uncles will always answer your calls,” he states.
Finishing the conversation with a promise to call later on, I put the phone in my back pocket and head to my dorm room and open the door.
I find Cara sitting at her desk, studying. She lifts her head and stares at me cautiously. Since that night, I’ve barely spoken to her.
Guess she’s had enough of my avoiding her since she puts her pen down and turns in her chair to face me.
“What’s going on, Ember?” she asks.
I can’t tell her. I don’t want to. I don’t want to speak ever again of what happened.
“Nothing’s wrong, Cara. I’m just stressed,” I murmur.
“If that were the case, you wouldn’t have that fear in your eyes.”
Sighing, I shake my head and sit on my bed. “It’s just something I’m dealing with. I’ll be okay.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” I nod and close my eyes. “Don’t let them know how much it hurts, Car. Don’t show weakness. Animals like him, they feed on it,” I say, thinking of my mom’s words. I can tell Cara that much because weakness is something that I can’t show and it’s a lesson she could learn fr
om.
Cara looks at me oddly with her brows furrowed.
Standing, I pack something to wear and head back out without a word.
The entire time, I think of what I just said to Cara.
Weakness is something that can’t be shown.
I make my way to Dex’s dorm and knock on the door. It opens instantly to him standing there shirtless.
Oh my.
Meeting his gaze, I lick my lips nervously as I make a decision. “Will you touch me, Dex?” I whisper when I step into the room to find Josh already gone.
“Em’ . . .” Dex utters, his eyes filled with concern. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea, baby. Not with what just happened. You need some time, time to work through shit, and I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
“Please, Dex. Please make me feel like he didn’t take everything from me.” The words are barely audible.
“Ember, he didn’t take everything from you. You’re still you. Right now, you’re still overcoming what he did,” Dex mutters.
“I can still feel his touch, Dex. I need you to take that away from me. Make me feel only your touch again. I don’t want to fear intimacy. I do that and he wins. I want to feel again, and I want to do it with you.” I step into his arms, and Dex pulls me into his chest without hesitation.
“Are you sure about this?” he asks hesitantly. I can sense he’s still unsure of what to do, but I pray he gives me this. I need to feel a closeness to him.
“Yes, I’m sure.” I nod, holding his gaze, lifting my arms to wrap them around his shoulders.
I need this and I only want it to be with Dex.
He’s the only one I want and I already know who holds my heart—Dex does. It’s been him since the moment we met.
Chapter Fifteen
Dex
“You don’t sound like yourself. Want to tell me what’s going on?” my mom asks, and no, I don’t wanna tell her jack shit. This is my burden to bear, not hers. On top of it all, she’s pregnant again, and I really don’t wanna upset her. When I was a kid, I know she was abused by her ex-husband, but I didn’t realize the magnitude of what it meant. Not until now.
“Nah, not really. Shit’s just been rough here. I gotta talk to Dad, though, about some club stuff. Mind if you put me on the phone with him?”
Mom laughs on the other end. “Oh, sweetie, I’ll do ya one better.” For a moment, there’s silence and then she’s hollering, “Zane! Dex needs to talk to you.”
Jesus. I didn’t ask to speak to the Prez, but fuck, I will.
“Right on. I’m about to head into church,” I hear his voice in a low tone as he must be bringing it to his ear. “Hey, kid, how’s college life treatin’ ya?”
“Like college should I suppose.”
“Fuck, you sound down.”
“That’s what I said!” my mom repeats in the background.
“I’m sure you did.” My uncle Zane laughs toward my mom, and I hear his heavy footsteps through the phone. “But, kid, what’s goin’ on up there?”
I suck in a deep breath and debate telling him anything, but I need to. Fuck, I don’t have a choice right now. He needs to know, especially if he’s going to help me with shit. “My girlfriend was attacked, and I don’t know how to say this, but I’m not gonna beat around the fuckin’ bush. I think it was the same person who did it to Ruby last Halloween.”
“Fuckin’ hell. You’re kiddin’.” Of course, he’d be caught in disbelief. No one likes to hear a woman’s been violated in the worst of ways.
“I wish I was. I really wish I was.”
“Everything okay?” my dad’s concerned voice comes through the other end. He must be near my uncle slash Prez.
“No, church, now!” my uncle Zane roars, probably striking the fear of God through every man and woman in the clubhouse.
A few moments of silence pass before my uncle clears his throat. “Dex, speak up and let everyone know what you just said to me. They need to hear this shit.”
I swallow hard and clear my throat. “My girlfriend was attacked on Halloween.” I’m prayin’ they read between the lines here, ‘cause I don’t wanna have to say this shit out loud. It’s bad enough as it is, havin’ to tell my uncle and then repeat it to the club.
“Attacked?” Zorro’s voice booms through the other end of the line.
“She was raped, brother,” Zane fills him in, saying the words I don’t want to.
“Fuckin’ hell. I’m so sorry, Dex,” Zorro speaks with the most sincerity since I’ve known him, but he’s one of the few whose women have endured something as horrific as rape. He knows what it’s like to hold the one he loves dearly against his chest at night while she’s in the middle of a nightmare, thrashing, sobbing like it’s happening in front of you.
I glance at the clock on the ceiling and see the time, knowing I only have ten minutes to get to Ember’s dorm. We’re walking to class together, and I had to grab some new clothes from my dorm room. At least Cara was nice enough to stay with her while I went to get more of my shit. “Look, guys, I’m not tryin’ to be rude, but I have class in a few. I just need some backup here. I’m realizin’ this shit is a bit out of my element, as a lone Reapers Reject and all.”
“Shit, the kid’s shovin’ his pride and askin’ for help. I respect that,” Grim speaks up.
“As he should. He knows when to ask for it,” my dad tells the rest of the guys.
“Hell, I didn’t even get to the part where I tell you my birth mom is a fuckin’ professor here,” I state, waitin’ to hear if my dad has anythin’ to say.
“You’re shittin’ me,” Zane speaks up, and the line goes silent for a few seconds.
“Nope, and I have a younger half-sister who’s eleven months younger than me. Found both of these things out the first week I was here and talk about blindsided.”
“Fuck, man,” Axel speaks up, and I’m sure he’s runnin’ his hand over his head. It’s kind of what he always does when he’s mullin’ over things.
“It’s not the only thing I’ve heard since I’ve been here . . .” I won’t go into it with them, but I’m over my fuckin’ head, and I need the club. “When can you guys get here?”
“Grim, Zorro, Blackjack, Axel. I want you to head to Albany to give Dex some backup as soon as the holiday passes. Take Turmoil with you when you go. It’ll be a good trial run with him to see how good he is at followin’ orders. Dex, you’re comin’ home for Thanksgiving, yeah?” my uncle Zane speaks up.
“Yep.”
“Okay, good. Come home, relax a bit, and when you go back, shit will be easier ‘cause your brothers will be with you.”
They’re gonna be here soon and I know it. The only thing I need to do is keep Ember safe, so I’ll do it. No one is gonna fuckin’ touch her with me by her side and anyone who tries will feel my wrath unlike anyone ever has before.
Bonus Content
Ember
Leaving my last class of the day, I smile, thinking of the trip coming up that I’m taking with Dex back to his hometown in Montana. We’re heading out this evening and I’m looking forward to spending time alone with him, just the two of us—no one to interrupt us on the way there and back.
“Ah, Ember, I was hoping to run into you,” Ms. Stonewall, the head of the sorority I want to join, says as she approaches me.
“Um, hi, Ms. Stonewall,” I greet her, stopping to see what she wants. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“I know you want to join the sorority, but I have something I want to speak to you about,” she says, going on to speak about a secret society only those who’re invited to may join. “Now, we’ve chosen you as one of the candidates to join and would like for you to see if you can make the cut.”
“Okay, what would I need to do?” I ask apprehensively.
“That’s easy, dear. You need to make sure your roommate Cara fails her class,” Ms. Stonewall announces.
What?
I must not answer her quick enough as she goes
on to speak. “We can get you places in life, Ember, where your friend wouldn’t be able to. You received your scholarship to join us here at Stonewall for two reasons. The first one is obvious, considering your grades are impeccable, but there are tons of girls your age who have good grades. I made sure you got in here because I knew your mother.”
Oh my God.
What?
She’s lying.
My mom went to school somewhere else, didn’t she?
“Anyway, I don’t have time to reminisce about the past, but we need you to make sure Cara fails her history class. I’m sure if you ensure her project doesn’t reach the professor’s desk tomorrow, it won’t be a problem. She has the highest GPA in the class, and I think we can both confirm how it would be such a shame for something terrible to happen to your friend.” With that, Ms. Stonewall leaves me standing in my spot while she walks away like nothing she just said phases her.
Questions swirl around in my head as I make my way to my dorm to get my bags. Cara’s been working hard on that project and is proud of it. If I mess with it, she’ll flunk the class. Our finals are half of our grade. That’s what they told us last week.
Tomorrow’s the last day before Thanksgiving break.
I’m leaving in just a little while. There’s no way I can get to her in time, even if I wanted to.
Shaking my head, I push it out of my mind. Ms. Stonewall wouldn’t do something to Cara just because I didn’t do what she asked me to, right?
No.
There’s no possible way.
Right?
In my dorm room, I find it empty. Cara’s laptop is gone as well. She must be at the library finishing up the project.
I take a deep breath and grab my bags. I’ll just have to explain to Ms. Stonewall when I get back from my trip with Dex.
