by Brenda Novak
“This is what I’m supposed to feel,” Ted breathed against her mouth.
She couldn’t say anything. She wasn’t even sure what he was talking about. Her thoughts were too jumbled. She had his hands on her body again at last, and they felt even better than she’d imagined through all the years with Skip. Ted’s touch, the familiarity of his taste and smell, made her feel like a weary traveler finally returning home.
“I’ve been trying to wait,” he said, pressing his forehead against hers with a groan. “I don’t want to push you. I know you’ve been through hell and you’re not out of it yet, but thinking of you out there in your bed alone has had me walking the floor at night.”
She’d had the same problem. But that didn’t change her situation. She was about to say that maybe his first instinct had been a good one, that maybe they should slow down and be cautious. She couldn’t handle a breakup in her current state, and any disruptions in her life would adversely affect Lex. She had to protect her daughter, which meant she was better off avoiding any path that might be too rocky.
But he managed to release her bra at that moment and the thudding of her heart drowned out the voice of reason. “I can’t hold back no matter what I think,” she whispered.
“Thank God.” He pulled off her sweater and the already unfastened bra, and tossed them aside.
The intensity of his expression and the single-minded purpose of his movements put goose bumps on Sophia’s flesh. She couldn’t believe it, but after all this time, Ted wasn’t angry with her anymore. She’d never thought she’d see this day but here it was—the day he wanted her again.
Or maybe she was dreaming. She’d dreamed of this so often....
“I’ve missed you, Sophia,” he murmured as his mouth moved down her neck. “I’ve wanted you for years.”
“Because I’m beautiful?”
He’d said something about her beauty while they were at the dealership, but compliments didn’t flatter her like they used to. She preferred to hear him say something about her personality. He didn’t.
“You are beautiful,” he said.
Perhaps there still wasn’t much else to admire. She’d been trying for years to become a better person, but trying wasn’t enough....
She couldn’t think about her faults right now, however. She couldn’t think of anything except Ted’s hands curling around her bottom and drawing her up against his arousal.
When she moved those hands to her bare breasts, his breathing grew ragged, his kisses more demanding. She didn’t expect him to pull back, but he did.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his voice as hoarse as it was imploring. “Is this okay?”
It wasn’t okay. It left her as naked emotionally as she would soon be physically, and that terrified her. She was in love with him, had never stopped loving him. That was the reason she should say no. No one had the power to hurt her like he did. But it was the strength of those emotions that made “no” so hard.
“It’s fine,” she murmured and managed a smile, afraid he’d let her go and walk away and she’d never even have the memory.
“Look what you do to me,” he said, holding out one hand.
He was shaking. That reassured her—to know she wasn’t the only one who felt as if she’d just stepped off a cliff. Maybe this would be okay; maybe they were in it together.
Or maybe she’d bitterly regret it. Regardless, seeing the effect she had on him made her want to press the throttle to the floor—to push him to the very edge of control.
“I want you even more now than I did when we were younger,” she told him, and it was true. Back then she’d taken it for granted that there’d always be another encounter, and another after that. But now...she’d had to go without his touch for so long that she knew what a gift these moments were.
“That never changed for me,” he admitted.
There was a fierceness, a possessiveness, in Ted’s lovemaking that created such excitement. The muscles of his back and shoulders bunched as he lifted her in his arms and placed her on the rug. She felt the heat of his gaze like a hot flame licking over her body as he stripped off the rest of her clothes.
“Should we go upstairs?” he asked, glancing at the tree as if he’d only now realized where they were.
Sophia couldn’t help it. She thought of Eve coming out of his room the morning after Halloween and shook her head. She couldn’t hold that relationship against him, not after what she’d done with Skip, but she wanted to be in a different place, her own place.
“No. Let’s do it here,” she said. “I like that the Christmas lights are on and our shopping bags and wrapping paper are scattered all around. This is the perfect ending to the best day I’ve had in years.”
He looked concerned. “I’m afraid you’ll be uncomfortable.”
“I’ll be far from uncomfortable,” she said with a laugh. She had so many hormones flowing through her they could probably make love on a bed of nails and she wouldn’t feel the pain. “But...do you have any birth control?” She’d stopped taking the pill when Skip died; there hadn’t been any point.
“In my wallet.”
“Good.” She unfastened his pants and pulled them down over his hips. “You might want to find it,” she said, her voice husky as her eyes lowered to what she’d revealed. It wasn’t December 25 yet, but this was her Christmas gift to herself—and she was going to let herself enjoy every minute. Even if it turned out to be a mistake.
30
Making love to Sophia was every bit as fulfilling as Ted had expected it to be. He knew in his heart that he should’ve waited, given her more time before getting physical. Their relationship had been progressing nicely, especially today. He would’ve been wise to nurture that a little longer. But it had been getting harder and harder to keep his hands to himself, especially because, as much as he hated to admit it, she’d been the one he really wanted when he’d slept with Eve.
“Everything okay?” he murmured when she stirred. They’d been dozing on the floor, lying naked in each other’s arms.
“Fine,” she mumbled and snuggled closer.
“You’re getting cold.” He rubbed a hand along the smooth skin of her side. “Let’s go up to bed.”
He wasn’t sure she’d agree to spend the rest of the night with him.
She never got the chance to say one way or the other, because the doorbell interrupted.
“Shit,” he groaned. “Do you think we can pretend we’re not home?”
She hid a yawn with one hand as she sat up. “I doubt it. You didn’t put the garage door down when we drove in, did you? And the lights are on.”
“Good point.”
He didn’t want to bother answering, wasn’t happy that Sophia had pulled away and was starting to put on her clothes. This was an intrusion he wouldn’t have welcomed no matter who was at the door. But then he heard his mother’s voice calling to him, and realized she’d let herself in through the garage.
“Holy hell!” he snapped and jumped up.
Sophia went white as a sheet and began to scramble, too.
As he yanked on his jeans, he wondered if he should yell out for his mother to stay put. But that would give them away for sure. He thought they still might have time to dress, but he was just reaching for Sophia’s sweater so he could help her get it on when his mother walked into the room. She was carrying a stack of presents—which she dropped when she saw him standing there bare-chested and barefoot. He hadn’t even taken the time to put on his boxers or fasten his pants.
“You can’t wait for me to answer the door?” he asked, thrusting Sophia behind him to shield her.
“I wouldn’t expect to find my son having sex in the living room!” she retorted. “Especially when he doesn’t even have a girlfriend.”
“Can you please go out and give us a chance to dress?”
He didn’t have to ask twice. No doubt she was as embarrassed as they were. Leaving the presents where they’d fallen, she pivoted abru
ptly and headed down to the kitchen.
He turned to Sophia. “It’s okay. No big deal. You don’t need to worry about this.”
“I’m sorry,” she said as if it was somehow her fault. “I should’ve known better. I did know better.”
“Better than what?”
She was so upset she was shaking, which made it difficult for her to get her sweater on. He saw that it was on wrong side out and stopped her to change it around.
“Relax,” he soothed. “This isn’t the end of the world. She’s the one who walked in. She shouldn’t have done that.”
“But it was my fault we were in the living room.” She started toward the door leading out to the deck, but he grabbed her hand.
“Stay. Don’t scurry off like we were doing something wrong.”
“According to your mom, we were doing something wrong. She’s not happy she found you naked with me. Eve can have sex with you because she’s a good person, someone she’d deem worthy of being her daughter-in-law. But me? Never.”
She pulled away but he went after her. “Sophia, stop! We’ve got to go in there together, or she’ll continue to treat you the way she’s always treated you.”
She cast a longing glance at the door. “Dealing with your mother is a no-win situation for me. She’ll never believe I’m not the terrible person she thinks I am. How could I convince her, anyway? With the embarrassing scene she just witnessed? I can guarantee she’s not impressed.”
“Maybe she can’t be convinced, but she’d damn well better respect my choices!”
“That’s between you and her. It has nothing to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you,” he insisted.
When she started to dig at her cuticles, he stopped her.
“Fine. I’ll go in there if you want me to,” she said. “But...don’t get into a fight with her, okay? I don’t want to feel responsible for that, don’t want to ruin your Christmas.”
Christmas was the last thing he was worried about.
“Whether or not we get into an argument will be up to her,” he muttered and walked downstairs to the kitchen, gently tugging Sophia behind him.
The second they walked in, his mother glanced pointedly at their clasped hands, and Ted didn’t have to look at Sophia to know that her color had returned—with a vengeance.
“Well, wasn’t that a lovely surprise!” his mother said.
He shrugged off her sarcasm. “I’m not the one who walked into your house uninvited.”
“I apologize. When you told me you weren’t sleeping with your housekeeper, I made the mistake of believing you.”
“Why didn’t you wait until I answered the door?”
“I assumed you’d be writing. Last I heard, you had a deadline looming. I thought I’d slip a few gifts under the tree, since I’d gone to the trouble of hauling them over here.”
The fact that she’d been bringing gifts reminded him how much she loved him and helped keep his temper in check. “Mom, I appreciate what you do for me, what you’ve always done. And when I said I wasn’t sleeping with my housekeeper, I wasn’t. But...things change. At least, they did tonight.”
Her lip curled. “As I’m sure she’s been hoping all along.”
Sophia tried to release his hand, but he tightened his grip, stubbornly believing that he could achieve some sort of truce. “If she was hoping for that, all she had to do was come to my bed,” he said.
“She would’ve been there long before now if she’d known that,” his mother said. “My God, Ted. You’re not some randy teenager anymore. Can’t you see what’s happening?”
“Whatever it is, it’s none of your business.”
“It’s none of my business that she’s using you?”
“You don’t even know her, not anymore!”
Rayma came to her feet, and her voice rose an octave at the same time. “What’s to know? Can’t you be objective enough to see the truth? Of course she’s going to cling to you, and put out for you and do whatever you want. How else will she survive? There isn’t another person in this entire town who gives a damn about her!”
Shocked silence followed this outburst. Even his mother seemed to realize she’d gone too far. He opened his mouth to tell her just how out of line she was, but before he could say a word, Sophia interrupted.
“You’re right,” she said. “You’ve revealed my whole diabolical plot. I’m the worst person ever born, and I wanted to sleep with your son so I could manipulate him into...what? Giving me money? Is that what you’re afraid of?”
He’d offered her a loan for that car just tonight and she’d refused. Although he wanted her to say that, she didn’t. Maybe she feared that it would only make his mother angrier at him.
Rayma started to answer, but Sophia cut her off.
“It doesn’t matter. I take full responsibility for what happened tonight, so there’s no need to be mad at him. But before you panic, I’m not trying to twist his arm into marrying me. I won’t be staying here long enough for that. My typing’s improved. I’ll have other options soon.”
When she walked out, Ted let her go. He regretted dragging her in here to be lambasted by his mother. Damn it! He’d known how fragile she was, how much she’d endured, but this encounter hadn’t turned out as he’d expected. For one thing, he’d thought it might do Sophia good to see that he felt enough loyalty to her to tell his mother that she needed to butt out.
Now he realized how stupid he’d been to put her through more of the same kind of bullshit she’d been contending with since her husband betrayed her....
The door leading to the deck slammed as Sophia left the house. “Happy now?” he murmured in the wake of her departure.
Taken aback that Sophia had given him up that easily, his mother blinked. “Is it true?” she asked.
“Is what true? She didn’t seduce me, if that’s what you’re asking. She’s lost so much and been put down by so many people that she has a problem with trust. It’s a miracle she let me touch her.” He waved Rayma off when she started to interrupt. “I’ve been watching for my opportunity to take her to bed, but it wasn’t there until tonight.”
His mother sank into a chair. “That’s more than a mother wants to hear.”
“What you saw is more than a son wants his mother to see, but here we are.”
“We’ve never let anything come between us,” she said, her tone conciliatory, as if she was beginning to understand that she was the one who’d be excluded from his life if she continued her behavior. “All these years, it’s been you and me against the world.”
“Then don’t let that change!”
She frowned. “I have to do what I can. She’s no good for you.”
“Then let me learn the hard way. Is that too much to ask? If you’re right, you’ll be able to say ‘I told you so’ later.”
“That won’t heal your broken heart.”
“If I lose her, my heart’s going to be broken anyway.”
“She said she’s leaving.”
“She’s planning to. As soon as she gets a car and earns enough money, she wants to put this place in her rearview mirror, and I can’t blame her—”
“She hasn’t been perfect, Ted.”
“And she knows that. But how much longer do you think she should suffer for the mistakes she made when she was a teenager? Another decade and a half? Would that be enough?”
“She was suffering when she had everything money could buy?”
“With the way Skip treated her? Yes!”
“That’s hard to believe. She was so cold and remote, always acting better than everyone else.”
“It was a defense mechanism, a way to cover for the fact that she was miserable and hanging on the best she could.”
His mother folded her arms. “So you’re hoping to convince her to stay.”
“I am. And I’m hoping you’ll accept her, for as long as she’s part of my life.”
“How can she be happy here? With
the way so many people in town feel toward her.”
“If she has me and you and my friends and Alexa, she won’t need anyone else.”
“There’s a lot stacked against you.”
“Mom, do you need to hear me say it? I’m in love with her.”
With a sigh, she propped her chin on her fist. “I guess I’d better add her to my gift list, then.”
That broke the tension enough that he almost laughed. “Now you’re talking.” It wasn’t exactly an apology, but coming from his mother it was darn close. He walked over to massage her shoulders. “Having someone else to care for can’t be so bad, can it? Think of this—she comes with a ready-made granddaughter.”
She perked up immediately. “That’s true....”
“And before you ask, she’s the sweetest thing ever.”
“I know Alexa. She went to my elementary school.”
“There you go.”
“We didn’t have much interaction, but she seemed like a nice girl. A pretty one, too.”
He could tell she was sifting through all the possibilities. “She’s both,” he agreed.
“But...if Sophia doesn’t have any money, Alexa can’t be getting much for Christmas.”
Ted purposely didn’t mention that he intended to take care of that. His mother needed to be needed, and he was glad to let her focus on someone else for a change, someone who would enjoy the attention far more. “That’s true. And there’s not much time. Christmas is only four days away.”
“I’ll go back to the mall tomorrow,” she said, suddenly energized as she collected her purse. “What kinds of things does she like?”
Chuckling, he dropped a kiss on her cheek. “You’re leaving?”
“I know when I’m beat.” She managed a wry smile. “Go after your girl.”
“You’re not going to apologize to her?”
“I’ll have to work up to that,” she said.
* * *
