‘SOUND THE HORN! WE’RE UNDER ATTACK!’
Many are the stories told and the songs sung about the glorious victories of the Urks in battle. Unfortunately this wasn’t one of them. The fighting was over in roughly ten minutes. Taken by surprise, the Urks were utterly defeated. By the end, five had been wounded and around a hundred taken prisoner. One of the Nonecks meanwhile had suffered a slightly grazed knee when he slipped in a puddle.
Krakkk had his enemies rounded up and stripped of their weapons. He stood on a rock, watching as they were herded together.
‘You my slaves,’ he gloated. ‘Now you bow to Krakkk.’
He scanned the dirty faces, searching for one in particular.
‘Where is fat one? Chief of Urg?’ he demanded.
‘Not here,’ came the reply.
Krakkk glared at them. ‘Do not tell flibs.’
‘It’s true.’ Iggy’s dad pushed his way to the front. ‘Hammerhead’s not here,’ he said. ‘But he’ll be back – with a proper big army.’
Krakkk laughed, shaking his head in pity. ‘You Urgs, always the big clevers, hmm? But Krakkk not the stupid. You are the stupids now.’
He turned to his men and growled something in his own language. Two of the Nonecks stepped forward and jabbed at the prisoners with their spears, forcing them to move. They hadn’t gone far when there was a scuffle in the crowd and one broke free. It was Borg.
‘Hey, Krakkk!’ he shouted.
The Noneck Chief turned round slowly to face him. Borg marched right up to him, till they were face to face.
‘Listen, you bug-ugly Noneck,’ he said. ‘I has had a bellyful of you.’
Krakkk stared at him coldly, his eyes wide.
‘Why don’t you take your flat-faced friends and crawl back to the swamp?’ said Borg, actually poking him in the chest.
The silence hung in the air like a bad smell. The Urks wondered if Borg had taken leave of his senses. Krakkk’s face had gone red and purple veins were standing out on his forehead. He was swelling up like a bullfrog. Suddenly his right hand shot out and clamped round Borg’s neck, lifting him right off the ground.
‘UGLY?’ he seethed. ‘You call Krakkk UGLY? I KEEEL YOU!’
Borg was struggling to breathe. ‘No, listen!’ he croaked. ‘Remember what we . . . ?’
‘STRUGA!’ bellowed Krakkk, tossing Borg through the air like a rag doll. He spat out an order to his men. One of them dragged Borg to his feet and pushed him back into the scrum of prisoners. The Urks were herded at spear-point to the edge of a deep hole known as the Snake Pit.
The good news was that there were no snakes in it right now. The bad news was that that left more room for them. Borg was pushed in first, followed by the rest, most of whom landed on top of him.
‘OUCH!’
‘OOOF!
‘Mind my . . . YARGH!’
Chapter 8
Things Can Only Get Wetter
While this was happening down in the valley, Iggy and his friends had watched events unfold from high on the hill. The sky had grown darker.
‘Shouldn’t us do something?’ asked Hubba.
‘Such as?’
‘Well, you know – attack.’
‘Attack?’ said Iggy. ‘With four of us?’
‘We could spread out,’ suggested Hubba.
Iggy gave him a weary look.
‘Never mind, things could be worse,’ said Hammerhead cheerfully.
‘Really?’ said Iggy. ‘They’ve stolen our caves, captured our whole tribe and – oh yes – the world might end any moment. How can it be any worse?’
‘At least it’s not raining,’ said Hammerhead.
There was a rumble of thunder. Heavy raindrops began to plop from the sky.
‘Oh,’ said Hammerhead.
The rain warmed to its task, pouring down as if the Ancestors were emptying their bathwater. It dripped off branches and bounced off stones. Iggy hugged himself, shivering with cold, and watched the river swell higher. It reminded him that there was still one ray of hope.
‘The boater!’ he said. ‘We could use that!’
Hubba groaned.
‘I thought her sunk,’ said Umily.
‘It did, but I’ve been working on a better one made of logs. This one will float.’
‘What’s a boater?’ asked Hammerhead, who was looking confused.
‘It’s like sticks,’ Iggy explained. ‘Sticks float, right? So does this.’
‘Except when it sinks,’ said Hubba.
‘It won’t sink!’ scowled Iggy. ‘We can use it to escape.’
‘How?’ asked Hammerhead. ‘They’d see us.’
‘Not if we wait until dark,’ said Iggy.
‘But what about the others?’ Umily objected. ‘They’re prisoners. We can’t just leave ’em.’
Iggy had forgotten that. His mum and dad were trapped in the snakepit, along with the rest of the tribe. ‘We’ll just have to take them with us,’ he said.
No one answered. Iggy had come up with some wild ideas in the past but this was probably the looniest yet. There were a hundred Urks and he wanted to rescue them by floating them downriver on some sort of log. In Hubba’s opinion they might as well jump off a cliff and have done with it.
Down in the snakepit, things were beginning to look desperate. The Urks were trying not to panic. For one thing they were squashed together like beans in a tin, but worse still, the pit was filling up fast. When the rain had started there was only a puddle lapping around their ankles. Now the water was up to their waists and still rising. They had tried yelling out for help but the Nonecks couldn’t hear (mainly because they had retired to the caves to keep out of the rain).
‘Dad,’ shivered Snark, ‘I’m coooold!’
‘Stop whining!’ snapped Borg. ‘We’re all cold.’
‘But what if no one comes?’
‘They will!’
‘But what if they don’t, Dad? We’ll drown! We’ll all die!’
‘You’ll die if you don’t stop moaning!’ said Borg.
The rain was bouncing off the water and running in rivers down the sides of the pit. Even when Snark had tried to climb out, treading on people’s heads, he couldn’t reach the top and slithered back where he started.
A flash of light lit up the heavens followed by a deafening rumble.
‘What were that?’ asked Snark, clutching his dad’s arm.
‘Old Grumbly,’ answered Borg.
They turned their heads towards the mountain where the sky was an angry red. Something strange was happening.
‘Woe! For the end is upon us!’ wailed an old woman.
‘Put a rock in it!’ thundered Borg. ‘Listen! You hear that?’
They fell silent, clinging to each other in fear. There was a different sound in the darkness: hushed whispers and feet splashing through puddles. Suddenly they jumped back as a huge, hairy face loomed above them.
‘Hammy!’ cried Iggy’s dad. ‘We thought you was dead! Where’s Iggy?’
‘Here!’ Iggy’s face came into view, along with Hubba and Umily. The Urks in the pit surged forward. They cried out, begging to be saved.
‘Quiet! They’ll hear you!’ hissed Iggy.
‘Iggy’s right,’ boomed the Chief. ‘Everyone stay calm and we’ll get you out.’
Umily brought a rope made of knotted creepers, which was lowered down into the pit. Hammerhead and Hubba held tightly to one end, providing an anchor, while the Urks clambered up. They emerged one at a time looking like drowned rats and huddled in the rain, waiting for the others to join them. It took for ever. Iggy noticed the rain was starting to ease. Dawn wasn’t far off. At any moment the Nonecks might emerge from the caves and see them. He staggered as O
ld Grumbly made the ground shake again.
At last there were only two Urks left in the pit – Borg and Snark. Umily began to lower the rope again, but Iggy’s dad stopped her.
‘Wait,’ he said. ‘How does we know this weren’t their fault?’
‘What?’ said Borg. ‘Don’t be stupid!’
‘Think about it. Where’s Borg been all this time?’ asked Dad.
‘Hunting!’ snapped Borg. ‘I been hunting with Snark.’
‘And the hour he comes back we’re attacked by Nonecks. Don’t that strike you as funny?’
Hammerhead nodded. ‘Hmm. If you put it like that.’
‘The rope – hurry up!’ pleaded Borg.
‘I’m drowning!’ moaned Snark.
Iggy glanced at the sky, which was growing lighter in the east. ‘We need to hurry,’ he urged. ‘Do we take them or not, Chief?’
Hammerhead looked down at the two muddy faces. He had never trusted Borg.
‘Leave ’em,’ he said.
Snark started wailing like a baby.
‘NO! Get me out! It were his idea. I never did nothing!’
‘Shut up, you idiot!’ growled Borg.
‘They’ll hear you!’ hissed Iggy.
But the warning came too late. Already they could hear shouts from the caves above and swift footsteps running down the hill.
Chapter 9
Rabbit Run
The Urks blundered into each other in their haste to get away. But they needn’t have bothered. The Nonecks already had them encircled, cutting off their escape. Krakkk stepped forward, carrying a smoking torch in one hand and his double-headed axe in the other. He leered at Iggy.
‘Well, well, Urg boy. I knowed you come back. I see you bring your grandpa.’
‘I’m his uncle,’ replied the Chief with dignity. ‘Hammerhead, High Chief of the Urks.’
‘High Chief?’ laughed Krakkk. ‘Look like fat chief to me.’
The Nonecks laughed – it was always safest to laugh if their Chief did. Another boom shook the valley and a flock of flying lizards swooped over, their wings beating the air. Iggy glanced at the mountains but Krakkk paid no attention. A little thunderstorm didn’t scare him.
‘So, Urg,’ he said, coming close to Hammerhead. ‘Shall I keel you now?’
‘Actually I’m a bit busy,’ said Hammerhead. ‘How about tomorrow?’
Krakkk spat on the ground in disgust. ‘You Urgs! Always the big scaredy clots.’
‘Who is?’ bristled Hammerhead. ‘Give me an axe, then we’ll see who’s scared.’
Krakkk looked at him, twirling the axe in his hand. He could slay this miserable Urk by chopping off his fat head, but that would be too easy. Why not have some sport instead?
‘Krakkk is fair,’ he said. ‘You want to live? I give you chance for save your skins.’
He pointed down the slope. ‘Run to the forest,’ he said. ‘Run like rabbit.’
Hammerhead looked uneasy. There had to be some catch – Krakkk wasn’t going to let them get away as easily as that. Maybe he had some kind of game in mind? He hoped it didn’t involve counting because he was rubbish at that.
They didn’t have to wait long to find out. At an order from their Chief, a dozen Noneck warriors spread themselves across the hill. They had spears at the ready and one or two of them bent down to pick up hefty rocks. Iggy felt his legs turn to jelly. This was a rabbit hunt and they were the rabbits. The moment they set off down the hill the Nonecks would pick them off with their spears. Judging from their grinning faces, they were confident no one would escape. They were skilled hunters used to hitting a deer at fifty paces. Even if they ran like the wind, Iggy knew their chances of reaching the forest alive were slim.
‘We ready,’ smiled Krakkk. ‘Who want to go first?’
No one spoke. The only sound was a thin wailing voice begging for help. Iggy realised they had forgotten all about Snark, who was still trapped in the snakepit with his dad.
Krakkk turned his head. ‘Fetch them,’ he ordered.
The two Urks were dragged from the muddy pit. Borg was led to the top of the hill where he stood shivering and scared out of his wits. He knew something bad was about to happen but he couldn’t work out what. He gazed at the line of tall Noneck warriors waiting with their spears.
‘I count to three. Then you run,’ said Krakkk.
‘Run where?’
‘To forest. If you reach, you live. If not, you die.’
‘But wait!’ gasped Borg. ‘They got spears – they’ll kill me!’
‘One,’ counted Krakkk. ‘Two . . .’
‘Run, Dad!’ cried Snark.
Borg didn’t wait for three, hurling himself down the slope as if he were being chased by a swarm of bees. He made straight for the river, knowing his only chance was to get across and reach the cover of the trees. Mud splattered his legs and his arms whirled as he slipped and slid, trying to stay on his feet. The Noneck warriors let him get halfway down the hill, just to make things more interesting. Then they drew back their arms and hurled their spears. One landed to Borg’s left and another just short of him. The rock that followed was more accurate. It struck Borg square on the head. He kept running for a few paces before falling flat. He didn’t get up. Iggy couldn’t tell if he was dead or nursing the mother of all headaches. The Nonecks cheered anyway – so far they’d scored full points.
Krakkk grunted with satisfaction. He turned back to the other Urks, who were beginning to wish they’d stayed in the snakepit.
‘You!’ he said, pointing to Hammerhead. ‘And you, Urg boy.’
This was directed at Iggy. He looked at Hubba, who gave him a thumbs up. Umily hugged her father tightly, squashing her nose against his hairy chest. Krakkk pulled them apart and shoved the Chief towards the top of the hill. In a daze, Iggy took his place beside him. He glanced back at his parents, who were watching helplessly. This is probably the last time I’ll see them or this old valley, thought Iggy. It was a pity it was drizzling with rain. In the distance Old Grumbly was still rumbling as if working itself into a rage.
Hammerhead leaned closer, lowering his voice.
‘So. Got any cunning plans?’ he asked.
‘Run like crazy,’ replied Iggy.
Hammerhead nodded. ‘You would have made a good Chief, Iggy,’ he said.
‘You too,’ said Iggy. ‘I mean . . . you are.’
‘Am I?’
‘Everyone says so. Well, nearly everyone.’
Krakkk wanted to get on with it. He started to count.
‘One . . .’
Iggy crouched forward, head down, fists bunched, ready to run for his life. It was just like a game of Boulderball, he told himself, except that in this case the other team were armed with spears. A raindrop was hanging from Hammerhead’s nose.
‘Two . . . three!’
They burst down the hill. Iggy slalomed from side to side, hoping to present a more difficult target. He had already left Hammerhead way behind, but there was no helping that. The river below looked impossibly far away. Even if by some miracle they reached it, they wouldn’t be safe till they made it across, into the trees. Iggy pounded through the mud, his feet flying. He heard the first spear zip past his left shoulder and wheeled away sharply to the right. He was running flat out but the spears were coming fast, falling like rain. Ahead the ground fell away suddenly – the slope was too steep and he didn’t see the muddy puddle till he hit it. Suddenly his feet slid from under him and he was tumbling head over heels down the hill. He rolled to a stop, muddy and winded, just before something heavy slammed into him – Hammerhead. Iggy panicked, struggling to get up. Lying in the mud they were an easy target for the Noneck marksmen. Any moment now a spear might . . .
KABOOOOOM!
The
whole world rocked as if a giant had reached down and shaken it like a ball. Iggy thought for the moment he had gone deaf. Staggering to his feet, he heard shrieks and cries from up the hill. The Nonecks had forgotten them and were staring in terror at the mountains. It had finally happened. Old Grumbly had erupted! Giant red-black clouds mushroomed into the sky. The mountain seemed to be melting – or at least something strange was happening. Waves of red-hot lava were pouring from the crater and running down the sides.
‘Thundering Urk!’ gasped Hammerhead. ‘The world is ending!’
Chapter 10
Sink or Swim
The Nonecks had never seen an erupting volcano before but they were pretty sure it wasn’t safe. With each boom the red fire leapt into the air and the valley shook again. The gods were angry – in fact judging by the noise, they were furious.
‘Hella bella! Scarpa!’ yelled the terrified Nonecks. Krakkk tried to force them to hold their ground, but it was no use. They flung down their spears and ran. Some ran for the rocks, while others made for the shelter of the caves.
Iggy knew there was no time to lose. He had climbed Old Grumbly and seen what was inside. Already scorching waves of lava would be pouring from the crater. Before long they would sweep down into the valley. Trees, plants, lizards, Urks – everything would be swallowed up. He looked around for Hammerhead and grabbed his arm.
‘Quick, get everyone to the river!’ he yelled above the din.
Hammerhead gaped at him. ‘The river? But I can’t swim!’
‘Never mind that, just do it!’ shouted Iggy.
It was too late to run away. They needed to get out of here fast and Iggy could think of only one way. Whether or not it would work was another matter.
The Urks were running down towards them, dragging crying children along. Iggy stood with his arms raised, shouting at them to gather at the river. He caught sight of Umily and Hubba and told them to spread the word.
BOOOM! Page 4
