Even harder to grasp was the realization that there was much more to Jonathan Campbell than she’d first presumed. Although by outward appearances he seemed to live a lavish lifestyle, all she’d learned about him in the past few weeks did not correspond to that picture. What if her initial assumptions about him had been completely wrong?
The possibilities that notion created—to give her heart the chance to experience a man like the one she was starting to suspect embodied the real Jonathan—took Ivana’s breath away.
This time when he grabbed hold of her hand, Ivana didn’t flinch. These thoughts raging through her brain had her so confused, she couldn’t summon up a protest as Jonathan grabbed her folding table and carrying case and guided her out of the French Market. Like a zombie, she followed without protest.
He settled her into the front passenger seat of his car. The leather seats were like heaven, and Ivana sunk into the impossibly decadent softness. She watched in the rearview mirror as the trunk lifted.
What was she doing? She should get her butt out of this car this minute. She’d vowed to stay as far away from this man as possible. That’s the only way she could preserve her sanity.
But, God, that kiss! She would be insane not to want to experience that again. After going at it solo for all these years, she had forgotten what it felt like to have a man’s chest braced against her own. To have his hands roam over her body as his tongue danced intimately inside her mouth. Jonathan had brought back all those feelings. But it was different this time, because he was different. No one else had ever made her feel this way.
The driver’s side door opened and Jonathan got into the car. He went to put the key in the ignition, but capturing his wrist, Ivana stopped him. He turned to her, waiting.
Ivana wasn’t sure what she wanted to say, then the words just blurted from her mouth.
“I want you.”
The words hung in the air like a smothering shroud. Jonathan stared at her for the longest time, not saying anything.
Finally, he said, “But you won’t allow yourself to have me, will you?”
Ivana’s chest tightened, her reply restricted in her throat.
“Why deny us?” Jonathan asked with a raw whisper, the question cloaked in desperation. “You know it would be good.”
She shook her head, knowing if she tried to speak nothing would come out.
“After what just happened back there, how could you even think we would be anything short of spectacular together? I could kiss you for the rest of my life and it still wouldn’t be enough.”
Ivana closed her eyes and let his words wash over her. It had been so very long since anyone had made her feel this way. She felt wanted. Desired.
And it felt so good.
She could not allow herself to fall for this man. But Ivana had this niggling feeling that maybe it was too late. She was pretty sure she had already fallen.
It was too much to fight, and frankly, she was tired of denying her needs. Ivana made the decision to hate herself in the morning. Tonight she would allow her body the pleasure Jonathan Campbell was sure to provide. Resolute with the choice she’d made, Ivana placed her hand on his thigh, leaned over and kissed him.
“Let’s go to your place,” she whispered against his lips.
Jonathan pulled back from her kiss, disbelief clouding his handsome face. “I don’t want to give you a chance to change your mind, but I’ve got to be certain you’re sure about this.”
Ivana nodded. “Let’s go.”
Jonathan grabbed her by the head and plowed into her mouth, pushing her back into the seat and nearly climbing over the gearshift to get on top of her.
Ivana managed to wedge her hand between them and push at his chest. “You don’t live that far from here, do you?”
“I’ve got ten minutes in me. That’s about all I can wait before I do that again, so you’d better pray there’s no traffic between here and St. Charles Avenue.”
Ten minutes was about all she could wait, too. “Let’s see if all the money you paid for this fancy car was worth it.”
Jonathan pulled from the curb and sped down Decatur.
Chapter Twenty-One
Sienna used the key Toby had given her to get into his rented penthouse. The aroma of something succulent hit her as soon as she entered the apartment. Toby was in the kitchen, and she could see the table on the balcony set with candles.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. He turned from the stove and Sienna’s heart lurched. “What happened to your face?” She threw her purse on the bar and ran to him.
“It’s nothing,” he answered. He planted a kiss on the side of her head and continued sprinkling spices into the Dutch oven pot bubbling on the stove.
“You’ve got a bandage above your eye and your cheek is purple and blue. That seems like a bit more than nothing to me.”
“Don’t worry about it. I just had a talk with an old friend.”
Sienna felt her blood beginning to boil hotter than the liquid in the pot. “Toby, if you did what I think you did.”
“I told you not to worry about it. Kick off your shoes and go chill out on the couch. I’ll get you something to drink.”
This was not even close to the end of this conversation, but Sienna was too exhausted to think about arguing with him right now.
“What about Aria’s performance? Doesn’t she have two tonight?” The show had already aired in prime time, with Aria capturing nearly forty percent of the airtime.
“The second performance doesn’t start until ten o’clock,” Toby answered. “So, I decided to treat you to dinner after your long day.”
Sienna’s heart melted at the sweetness of his gesture. Draping her suit jacket over the seat of a bar stool, she sent him a tired smile. “What are you making?”
“Gumbo.”
Cue mouth watering.
“Oh God, Toby, thank you. I am so in need of comfort food right now. I’ve been on my feet all day.”
“I heard.”
“I’ve made more promises than I could ever hope to keep. Aria had better be up to this.”
“Don’t worry about Aria. Now, sit down.” Toby motioned toward the sofa. A minute later, he came from the kitchen with a glass of white wine and handed it to her. He sat on the other end of the sofa, pulled her feet onto his lap, removed her shoes and began massaging the arch of her foot.
Eyes closed, Sienna groaned as she took a sip of wine. His thumbs felt like heaven on earth as they moved in tiny, circular motions up and down the center of her aching feet.
“Have I told you how grateful I am to have you in my life?” Toby asked.
“Hmmm,” she managed to murmur. She didn’t want to talk. She just wanted to feel.
“You are amazing, Cee Cee. The way you turned this whole thing around? I don’t know what I can ever do to repay you.”
“No payment necessary.” She lifted one eyelid. “Except for your bill to Mulholland, Davis, and French, of course.” She grinned, then closed her eyes again. “There were some scary moments today. I was sure we were going to lose all our sponsors. But, thankfully, some of them stayed on.”
“With a lot of arm twisting from you.”
She nodded, took another sip of wine. Toby continued his ministrations on her tired feet, and Sienna sunk deeper into the sofa cushions. “We’ve got to make sure Aria lives up to her new expectations. It will probably be hard for her, since it’s not her true nature to be a bad girl.”
“Well, she has no choice now.”
“She did make this bed upon which she must now lie—pun very much intended,” Sienna said. “And, of course, everyone will be looking to see if Isaac Payton is lying in it with her.”
Toby growled. “Don’t mention Payton.”
She raised one eyebrow. “You better hope he doesn’t press charges.”
“He won’t.”
He trailed the heel of his hand up her foot in a strong, sure swipe. Sienna moaned.
“I don’t want to talk about any of this anymore,” she said. “I just want you to rub my feet until I fall asleep. Wake me up when it’s time to leave for the club.”
She finished off her wine, leaned back onto the throw pillow and draped one arm over her eyes. Relishing the feel of Toby’s strong fingers working over her feet, she hardly noticed when his hands moved to her ankles then to her calves. He played along her legs, moving his thumbs over her achy muscles in those sure, circular motions that should be submitted to the U.S. Patent office.
A wisp of breath caressed her jaw just before soft kisses traveled down her neck. The hand that stroked her left calf moved up to her inner thigh, gently squeezing. His other hand moved to her stomach, where Toby pulled the silk shell from the waistband of her skirt and worked his way underneath her top. He rubbed his hand over her stomach, his other inching even higher up her thigh to where the top of her stockings met skin. Toby fingered the stocking’s lacy edge as his tongue trailed a path along her collarbone.
She should stop him, but she didn’t want to. Her guard was way down tonight. And he was making her feel way too good.
“God, you’re soft,” he whispered into her ear.
“You too,” Sienna murmured.
She felt his deep chuckle rumble in his chest. “No, I’m not. I’m the complete opposite of soft.”
“Well, your hands are soft. Your touch, that’s soft. It’s just,” she paused to yawn, “what I need.”
“I’m happy I can be what you need,” Toby whispered as his mouth came to within a breath of hers. He moved the last inch forward and captured her lips in a kiss so sweet, so gentle, it touched her deep within her soul. Sienna sighed into his mouth, breathing in his remarkable scent as his tongue pistoned in and out of her mouth. His hand moved impossibly high up her thigh, almost touching her most private possession. Then it did touch, a light feathering against her rapidly dampening panties.
A familiar panic began to rise in her throat. Sienna tried to push it down. This was Toby. He would never hurt her. He wanted to pleasure her, to make her feel good. She could trust him.
But her body and her mind were at war, and the memories of years ago were winning.
When Toby moved her panties to the side and touched her flesh, Sienna shrieked, kicking and nearly falling off the sofa in her haste to distance herself from him.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
She looked over at him, at the concern in his eyes, and it was her undoing. The years of fear and anxiety boiled over, and she could no longer stave off the deluge of tears that overflowed after being buried for so long.
Toby hurried to her side as the sobs racked her body. He ignored her attempts to push him away, gathering her in his arms and rocking her like a frightened child.
“Sienna, talk to me, please.”
She tried, but the words caught in her throat. She had never told another soul about what had happened that night. The shame was too great. That she had allowed someone to do that to her, and in her drunken stupidity, had done nothing to stop it.
But she wanted to tell Toby. She needed to. Toby would help her past this. God, she wanted to finally get past this!
“He hurt me,” she said.
“Who?” he asked, his hands rubbing up and down her back.
“A…a boy, back when I was in school.”
Sienna felt Toby stiffen. He captured her by her shoulders and pulled her slightly away. His eyes were more intense than Sienna had ever seen them. “What happened?” he asked.
Everything spilled out of her in a rush of words she had no control over.
“It was the night of my debutante ball. I got drunk at a party and he took me behind the house into an alley. And he…he forced...” She could hardly talk as the memories came flooding back. His rancid tongue being stuffed down her throat. His rough fingers pushing up into her body. If she had not broken away from him, the damage he would have done would have been so much worse.
“You were raped?” Toby asked, his voice low and deadly.
Sienna shook her head. “He never got that far. I got away before he could do that, but, oh God, Toby he still hurt me.” She grabbed onto his shoulders as the tears continued to flow like a dam had burst behind her eyes. “I was so scared. He held me against the building and forced me to kiss him. Then he tore away my dress and used his fingers to…”
“To rape you,” Toby said.
“It wasn’t—”
“It was rape, Sienna. Son of a bitch.” His anguish-filled voice rented the air. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”
“How could I? You were gone. You’d already left to become the big basketball star. I didn’t have anyone I could tell.”
“You mean he got away with this?”
“I tried to tell my mother, but she wouldn’t listen.” Sienna hiccupped. “She didn’t want to believe any of her friends had children who could do something like this.”
A torrent of curses came from Toby in a barely controlled rush. “I can’t believe you’ve been living with this all these years.” He grabbed hold of her and held on tight. “I am so sorry.” He kissed her temple, smoothing her hair back from her face. “I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this by yourself. And I’m sorry you got stuck with Sylvia as your mother. She doesn’t deserve the daughters God gave her.”
“Well, maybe Tosha,” Sienna choked through a teary giggle.
Toby shook his head. “Even Tosha is too good for her. And stop trying to make light of this.”
“I’m not,” Sienna said. “Well, maybe a little. It makes it easier to deal with.”
“Who was it?” Toby asked. “Who?” he asked again when she didn’t say anything.
“It doesn’t matter.” Sienna shook her head. “You’ve done enough fighting for today. Besides, this is my battle to fight.”
“The hell it is. You’ve been fighting it by yourself long enough.”
“No, I’ve been running. I’m not going to do that anymore.”
“Tell me who—”
“Toby.” She put her fingers to his lips. “Please, let’s not talk about this anymore.”
His reluctance to let it go was palpable, but he remained quiet. He held her, rocking her back and forth in his arms while he continued to run his hand along her hair and down her back.
The sense of relief at finally letting go of the secret that had haunted her all these years made Sienna weak. It was amazing how instantaneous the weight lifted from her shoulders. To have her best friend, her soon-to-be lover, here to comfort her was more than Sienna could have ever asked for. She could not remember a time when she’d felt so safe, like nothing could ever get to her.
And she felt free. Free to experience all the things she had not allowed herself to feel all these years. She was ready to experience them with Toby.
“Toby?”
“Hmm?” he murmured, still rubbing her back.
“I’ve never been with anybody before,” Sienna admitted in a hushed tone. “You know, intimately.”
His hand paused for a moment, then resumed with soothing strokes. “That’s understandable after what you went through. I would expect being intimate is the last thing you’d want.”
“Don’t take that to mean I’m completely ignorant about sex. I’ve mastered the art of self-gratification. I’m sure I’ve had more orgasms than many of my married friends,” she sniffed through a tearful laugh. “But I’m ready to learn what it’s like to really be with a man. We have to take things slow,” she quickly cautioned.
Toby remained silent. Sienna could feel the beating of his heart escalate as her head rested against his chest. She wanted to say something, but with his silence ringing so loudly throughout the room, Sienna figured she’d said enough.
“I told you before I would never do anything you didn’t want me to do.”
Relief washed over her like the last big tidal wave after a raging sea storm. “You’re willing to take your time?”
He c
aptured her face in his hands and nudged her chin so he could look her in the eyes. “However long it takes.”
She smiled up at him, pressed her face into his open palm. “Then can you please show me what the big deal is when it comes to sex. In my experience, it’s awful.”
His smoky eyes were intense, almost scary. “Forget what you’ve experienced. Put it out of your mind and never think about it again.”
A wan smile broke across her face at his words, and she nodded. But Sienna knew she would never truly forget. That night was permanently etched into her brain, the fear a part of her soul.
But, just maybe, Toby could help her create a new memory, one that could push the other into a dark, unreachable corner of her mind.
“The first and most important lesson,” Toby said, “is the kiss. When you can get just as much pleasure from a simple kiss as most people get from an entire night of lovemaking, then you know you’re doing something right.”
He captured her lips. Slowly, expertly, he moved his mouth over hers, parting her lips with his tongue and ravishing the inside of her mouth. His tongue traveled with a persistent knowledge that caused Sienna’s body to tense with anticipation. Warm and reassuring, his tongue invaded her mouth. The rhythm was intoxicating, in and out, then around and around his tongue swirled.
Sienna felt the pressure begin to build deep in her belly as Toby showered her with fevered kisses.
“The next thing you have to do,” he whispered, “is learn how to accept my touch.”
He trailed his fingertips along her arm; a light dusting upon her skin. As Toby’s mouth returned to hers, Sienna lost the ability to concentrate. She couldn’t decide which to pay attention to, his mouth or his hands, which had just found their way to her stomach. He pushed up the hem of her silk shell and scooped his hand under, massaging her rapidly warming skin. His hand inched closer to her breast. After the slightest hesitation, he finally captured her breast in his palm.
Sienna moaned.
“Are you okay with this?” Toby asked.
“Yes,” Sienna managed as stars danced behind her closed eyelids. His attention felt so good.
Release Me Page 28
