by Piper Kay
I’m starting with the seat, I had the 2-up seat gel-filled and restitched with red flames. It cool as hell, so I slide it on and bolt it tight, just to see what it looks like. A much needed improvement for her. Now the breakdown begins with draining all the fluids. After that, I’ll remove all the lights, signals, and yank the wires. The handles on her now are trashed, so I’ll replace them with ape hangers, and the exhaust pipes are out of here too, I picked up an old set of fishtails, and finally I’ll remove everything necessary so I can pull the motor.
With tunes cranking the whole time, I’m in my own little world. I didn’t even notice sunset. Glancing at the clock, it’s after ten at night, so I climb off the concrete floor of my garage, heading in for a shower and bed to crash. I’m exhausted from lack of sleep, no doubt I’ll get some tonight.
If it hadn’t been for the bike work today, I’d be bat-shit crazy right now from thinking about Brax. He’s the one thing I want out of my mind and the same thing that refuses to leave. As much as I’d like to see him again, I’m not making any moves or going to his place again. I gave Sparks one of my cards and told him to stay in touch. I’m sure he’ll call, who knows when though. I’m going to handle the Aaron situation another way.
After my shower, I click on the stereo and climb in bed. Six or seven songs play, I lose track, but I feel sleep coming on, and turn on my side situating the pillows. My minds starts to drift off almost immediately into one of those sleeps where you hear the things going on around you, but you’re too wiped out to figure out what it is.
I roll to my back and open my eyes, snapping out of the hazy dream. My cell rings. It better not be another situation with Aaron. I grab for it and answer.
“Yeah?” I yawn, stretching my arm out.
“Payce? It’s Brax, hope I didn’t wake you.”
“No, not at all. Wait, what’s wrong? You okay?” I blurt out without even thinking, worried.
“Um…does the idea of torching my car in my own parking lot mean I’m okay? Because if it does then I’m fucking wonderful right?”
I start laughing, I know that feeling all too well. “Wouldn’t start?”
“Not even a piss poor click like she was even trying. It’s probably the starter. Been fucking with it for an hour and nothing.” I can hear metal tools clanking around.
“Need that ride now?” I laugh again, but don’t mean too. I know how bad it sucks to be stuck.
“Only if it’s not too much of a problem. If you were in bed or anything, don’t worry about it. I can call a cab if I need to.”
“No trouble at all, give me twenty minutes.”
“I appreciate it, Payce. See you in a few.”
“Yep.” I hang up and spring out of the bed like a professional gymnast. I think Sparky’s moves are growing on me.
I’m dressed and out the door in under two minutes flat. I snatch the other helmet to bring with me and fire up the bike, pulling out.
Zooming across town, I get there quick. As I pull in the parking lot, I kill the motor and coast. Brax is the only one there, just like the first night I saw him. The hood is up on his car. His shirt is untucked and sleeves are rolled up, he’s bent over the side of the car digging around in the motor. He looks perfect from this angle.
As I coast in closer, I smile because I can already see what’s about to happen. He taps his wrench on the battery post and is so distracted, he doesn’t even know I’m behind him yet. Here it comes.
Brax jerks back from under the hood and arches back, swinging his arm over his shoulder. With all his might, he brings it forward, throwing the socket wrench at the car as hard as he can.
“Stupid piece of shit.” He paces side to side and lets out some more choice words for the car and I’m about to burst. He’s huffing and puffing, damn near out of breath.
Calm down big bad wolf. I grin and finally decide to say something. “Get it, Brax.” He turns around and looks at me and I almost fall off the bike laughing. “Kick her ass.”
“I hate this hunk of junk car, I swear. If it’s not one thing it’s another and I’m done messing with it. This is just one too many times.” He grabs a rag out of the trunk and wipes off his hands. “Let me get my keys and phone, everything else can stay here and go up in flames with her, I don’t care anymore.” He slams the hood down.
If it wasn’t so funny watching him, I’d feel sorry for him. There’s nothing worse than getting stranded, it sucks balls.
He shoves his phone in one pocket, the keys in another and slams the car door, giving a kick to the tire and a final, “Bitch.”
“All done now?” I cover my mouth trying not to laugh too hard. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
He climbs on behind me and puts the helmet on. I start my bike, and he grabs my waist with one hand. “Try not to kill us, Payce.”
“Ready?” I ignore his comment about killing us.
“Yes. I live off 1960 now. Still remember how to get to that road?” He puts his other hand on my waist.
“Smartass, I think I can remember.” We pull out of the parking lot and head for the freeway.
Before we even get to the first light, he slides up close, the slant in the bike forcing him behind me. His crotch presses into my ass and both arms wrap around my waist. His body warms against me. I like the feel of him holding on tight. Probably a little too much for my own good though.
I get to the red light and stop. “You okay back there, Brax?”
“I think so, it’s been a while is all. Don’t try to scare the shit of me by racing around everything when we get on the freeway.” He adjusts himself on the seat, pulling back a little.
“I got this, just hang tight.” The light turns green and we’re off.
His body slides back against mine just like I knew it would, he might as well quit pulling away. I’m going the speed limit, but he still wraps his arms around me. We get through two more lights before catching a red one again.
“Still good, Brax?”
“No. You realize we look gay as fuck right now, right?”
I start cracking up again, turning so he can hear me “Well, unless there’s something I don’t know about, we are gay as fuck, Brax.”
He knocks me in the gut with his fist. “You know what I mean.”
“Dammit, no punching the driver. I don’t really care what anyone thinks we look like, to be honest.” I turn back watching for the switch of the light.
“Easy for you to say, you’re not riding bitch.” He laughs.
“You make a pretty little bitch though. Kidding, don’t punch me, man.” I take off again and we stop at the freeway. “Hold on tight and quit stressing. I can’t afford to crash my bike, so I don’t play around.”
He nods his head and reaches around my waist, tightening me in a death grip as I enter the freeway. He’s watching every single move I make, turning to check cars passing by, but not saying a word. He’s a nervous wreck. I wind us around the 610 Loop to I-45, heading Northbound. I’m behaving myself and not racing down the freeway or anything else that would scare him. After a few minutes, I guess he realizes I’m not going to kill him, and he eases up a bit, leaning his head against my back. We cruise nice and calm for fifteen minutes, before I veer off the freeway at the 1960 exit ramp and he leans back. I jump in the left hand turn lane. At the light, he brings his hands down to my hips again, clamping me there, instead of the full body wrap. That kind of sucks.
“Remember the time we were in that parking lot, and that lady thought we wanted to steal her purse? Hell, everyone thought we were little thugs, we weren’t even close to her at all.” He starts laughing.
I turn left onto 1960. “Yes, she kept trying to hand it to us, even though we were yelling at her that we didn’t want it.” I laugh too.
“Hell, maybe we should have taken it, we’d have eaten that night,” Brax says.
“Probably so.” I nod, giving the bike some juice.
Brax wraps back tight again. In about three mi
nutes, I hang a right on Red Oak Drive, and follow to the end. We pull into his condo complex, he points straight to the back, and I dodge around the speed bumps and slow down.
“Right here, Payce.” He points.
“I know.” I kill the switch and kick the stand down. “Why do you live so far from where you work?”
“It’s not that far really, but it is about three grand cheaper living out here. Besides this place still feels like home, you know?” He climbs off the bike and pulls the helmet off. “Where are you living now, Payce?”
“About ten minutes down the road from here. Back around the old neighborhood. Its home, like you said.” I get off the bike.
“I really appreciate the ride, I didn’t know you were way out here or I would have called that cab.”
“Don’t worry about that, I’m glad you called, I hoped you would.”
He grins, turning toward the stairs. “Thank you.”
I follow him, holding back a few steps until we’re at his floor, then he notices me.
“Payce, what are you doing?” He leans up against the wall near his door, looking at me like he’s annoyed.
“Just making sure you get inside safe is all.” I inch a little closer. I can’t help myself, he draws me to him like a fucking magnet. I need to stop this.
“Did you think I wouldn’t be safe for some reason? I’m capable of defending myself.” Braxton has always tried to prove himself, just like he’s doing now.
“I know you are.” My pinky finger hooks around his. What the hell? “It’s not that, Brax. I can’t help it, I’ve always been protective when it comes to you.” Here I go on mouth overload again.
“Really? You like protecting me? I have to give it to you, Payce. That was almost believable. ” He stares at me for a few minutes. His eyes turn almost cold, hard like, the natural pacific blue begins to lighten and cloud over giving him a gray shade. He’s angry. I’m not sure where his head is, but he’s giving off some bad vibes.
“I don’t understand. What is almost believable?”
Brax pries his finger loose from mine and breaks eye contact. His head drops toward the ground, taking several deep breaths. He slowly tilts to the side, his gaze meeting mine again. “I don’t understand how you can say that, that you feel protective over me. Especially since you’re the only one that has ever hurt me, Payce.”
And there it is, the words I always knew I’d have to hear one day from him.
Taking a deep breath, I lean in close to him, caressing my knuckles across his cheek. “I never meant for things to go down the way they did back then.” I close my eyes.
Brax takes a deep breath and holds it. After what seems like minutes, he pushes me in the chest. “Don’t do this, Payce. You know it’s going to get ugly and we don’t need to go there. It was a long time ago. There is no need rehashing all of this.”
“I thought I was doing what was best at the time though.” I keep away from him, at his request. “I’m sorry if I was wrong.”
“Payce, I appreciate the apology, I honestly do, because I think you really mean it. It’s just not enough, and for that, I’m really sorry.” He fumbles inside his pocket, withdrawing his keys and turns toward his door.
“I went to jail, Brax.” Fuck! How can I make him understand?
“You abandoned me, Payce. You did that,” he counters.
“You don’t understand the whole situation.” I put my hand on his hip and he tenses, his body goes rigid and tightens at my touch. Do I disgust him that much? His free hand slips down and rests on my wrist for a second, just a slight hesitation, and it’s enough to make me gasp. I see the confusion, mixed with hurt and anger written all over him. And that quick, he pushes my hand away.
“And you don’t play fair, you never did, Payce. You were the one always deciding what Aaron and I needed to do back then. Even after the night we had together, it should have changed everything with us. I guess it did, boy did it ever fucking change all right. You don’t get to just show up now after seven years and decide that I need to be protected. You lost that right the night you told me to kick rocks, Payce. The state didn’t do that for you, you did that one all on your own,” he snarls.
“I only wanted you to be okay and…”
Brax interrupts me, “Wait, hang on a minute. How the hell did you get me here? I never gave you directions, only the main road.” He folds his arms across his chest.
“I-uh. I...” Goddammit, I’m busted.
“I swear to God if you lie to me, Payce…” He doesn’t finish his sentence, only tucks his hand into his pocket.
“I won’t.” I drop my head, knowing it’s all over now before it even starts again. We’re all over. “I’ve always known where you were. From the time we were kids until now.”
He presses his lips together, completely silent, and fishes the keys from his pocket, tracing his finger along them. He takes a step toward me. He reaches up, and cups my face in his palm. He strokes his thumb across my cheek.
“I’ve always cared about you, Payce.” I push my head into his hand, remembering the way he made me feel. “But you need to go.”
“Brax, don’t.”
“Nothing’s changed, Payce, you’re still deciding everything. I’m a grown ass man now. There’s been one thing I needed from you all this time, and I thought you’d finally realized it too, but you know what? Even that doesn’t matter anymore.” He leans up, pressing his lips against my cheek, then turns with his keys, sticking them in the lock. “Goodbye, Payce.” Brax unlocks the door.
He’s right, everything he said is true. I made that choice for us and never even thought to ask him what he might want. I turn and walk away, climbing down the stairs when the rain starts pouring. As I get into the parking lot I look up and he’s standing there watching me.
My breath hitches in my throat, and the rain slices into my skin like slivers of glass. I don’t know how to fix this, I’m not sure it can be. I only know that I can’t fucking live through this again, not with him.
I straddle over the seat and look up to him. He’s fucking right. Brax does need to have it all laid out on the line once and for all, and I’m the only one that can do it. He’s owed an explanation of why, after the one night we spent pleasing each other to the best of our ability, and knowing we both loved each other, just a few days later I told him it was over, destroying it all.
“Brax, I’ll tell you. I promise you’ll know everything, you deserve to hear it all from me. Soon, I swear.”
He nods his head, agreeing, and I crank my bike, throttling up to hide his voice before he changes his mind. God, what have I done to the man? Maybe he’ll understand why I had to push him away or maybe he’ll hate me worse than he does now. This whole time, I thought Aaron had at least told him what happened that day and why I got arrested. I have to sort this out in my own head before trying to explain everything, but he does deserve that much at least. If he doesn’t ever want to see or hear from me again, then I’ll have to live with that, as hard as it’ll be.
I glide my helmet over my head and kick off into the midnight storm. I don’t know where I’m going, and I don’t give a damn. This was a big fucking mistake. I should have never gone to Braxton’s and stirred up all this shit again. Every time I get around him, all I do is cause him massive pain.
Chapter Ten
Braxton
My keys dangle from the lock on the door when Payce rides off. I thought everything was over again. Shit and whew! This time around it never even got started with us, but it’s obvious that the feelings are still there. When I saw him enter the restaurant the other night, it took me way back. All the pain came back and took over for a minute. I had to go to him, as much as I tried, the feelings that I had were too strong to fight and I needed to know if he had them too. I never stopped caring for him, it’s been a long time though and our history needs to be straightened out.
I probably care about him more than I should, but I never learned how to stop t
hat. Maybe if he tells me what happened then I can understand, maybe it’ll all finally make sense.
Seven years ago, we had our first ever guy on guy relationship. I was eighteen and Payce was nineteen. It wasn’t some quick bang of curiosity, it was slow and loving. We’d both been with girls before, but the night we became lovers was more intense for both of us. I fell in love with him that night and I know that he felt the same way.
Our love went so much deeper than sex, in fact it had nothing to do with our physical actions. We were there for each other when no one else was, when no one wanted us, and when everyone turned their backs on us. Payce was the only stable person in my life…I loved him because he cared enough about me to take care of me, Aaron too. He felt he needed to do that then. I’m just not sure what he needs now, I only hope it’s me. I’ll make a decision after he tells me what I have to know, the things I need in order to go forward in life. I’m afraid if I lose him now, I won’t want to.
When I was fourteen years old, I’d just had my ass kicked by my mother’s live in and took off. I’d been sleeping out in the woods for two weeks, alone, scared and damn near starving to death when Payce came along. I never suffered another day until he got arrested and when I went to visit him. After that night, I was all I had. Payce went away and Aaron disappeared. It’s hard to believe we’ve know each other that long.
All I know is that emotionally, it’s hard and I’m not sure how to deal with Payce right now. Maybe after some rest and after he comes clean with me, then I’ll feel more emotionally adjusted to deal with it all.
I’ll take one more call from him, but that’s it. And I pray it’s enough. I need this from him, not want it, I need to have an explanation behind it. I need closure. Maybe he is finally realizing that when he went away, his actions from our time together and his words the night I went to visit him at jail, were opposites. I knew it, but he wouldn’t show it. Payce and that fucking image to keep up.
