But now he felt only emptiness as he held her, the fire crackling in the hearth behind her. “It’s okay,” he said. “I would have gone anyway, out of a sense of loyalty to Longwell, to help him. And I still would have stayed, because everything that happened afterward was my fault. I had to be there. It was my duty.”
She looked up at him, lifting her head off his shoulder. “But I could have-should have-been at your side. Been with you.”
He shook his head slowly. “No. You did well, you held Sanctuary together while I was gone. That was the task appointed you, and you did it marvelously, better than anyone else could have in your stead.”
“But …” she whispered, “… after all that’s happened … after all we’ve been through … do you think that there’s a chance … that you still feel for me the way you did on that bridge in Termina?”
He took a deep breath, pondering his answer. “I don’t know. There was a time when I believed in the idea of us-you and me-with everything in me. I believed that you and I could be together, could be something more, something greater than anything else I’d ever experienced in my life. I went to war for you, I killed for you, and I even tried to die in your stead, because I … loved you.” He said it slowly, and bits of it came out as though he were awakening to them. “I felt it so deeply in my bones, in my heart, that I would have done anything for you.” He lowered his head. “I don’t believe that anymore.”
She nodded sharply, almost in denial. “And … do you believe … you could ever feel that way about me … again?”
He breathed out, slowly, felt the emptiness and the fatigue deep inside. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything right now, really … except my duty. Except the promises I made.” He blinked, as though he were coming out of a trance. “I haven’t slept in days, or eaten. I’m so tired … I just don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“Yes, well,” she started to withdraw from him, from his arms. Her hand remained rested on his breastplate, just above his heart, as though she could somehow touch it through the layers of armor and clothing. “I understand,” she said, her face firming up, settling into a mask of sorts into straight lines, the emotion sapping out of it, replaced with the face of the Vara he had come to know-back when I knew her. I haven’t seen her in over a year. “I understand completely. It has been … some time, after all. And there have been … others … in the interim.” She said “others” with a pang of regret so loud to his ears that it cried out to him.
“Yes,” he admitted. “But I don’t know where I stand with them, either.” He placed his fingers over his face, massaging his temples. “I’m sorry I have no answer for you.”
“It’s quite all right,” she said, and the regret now belonged to him as she slipped back to her old self. “I shouldn’t have expected any less from our conquering General, weary from the battles he’s fought to preserve us all from harm.” She gave him a quick nod. “Perhaps we’ll speak again later-once you’re … recovered.” She snapped to a more precise stance and walked toward the door, her back ramrod straight.
As he watched her go, it was her walk that gave her away. She had always been precise in her stride, evenly measured, crisp, almost marching. As she made her way to the door she kept the same stride but he could see the struggle in each step, as though she were having to drag her feet along away from him. It was a difference measured in time that would have been unnoticeable by most … and meant more to him than anything else she had said.
Chapter 121
The knock at the door had stirred him out of sleep, a long, wearying sleep filled with old dreams, red eyes, and worse. The smell of his room was there when he snapped out of the deep weariness, opening his eyes and finding the stone ceilings above him, surrounding him. It took a moment to reacclimate, to adjust to his surroundings, to the fire in the hearth in front of him, filling the room with its smoky smell of home, to lick his lips and realize that the taste of the meat pie Larana had brought up to him was still on them, still hearty and good, better than anything he’d had while he had been away. The sheets were cool against his bare, clean skin, the shower in his own bathroom having done its job, the running water a beautiful luxury after his time away.
The knock jarred him again, reminded him why he’d awakened, and he forced his legs out from beneath the sheets. He wore fresh underclothes, for the first time in-too long. He blinked the sleep away, then rubbed his eyes, and wondered who might be at the door. Longwell or Odellan with a report on the pursuit. He took a sharp intake of breath. Or someone else-perhaps with news of Alaric. His feet carried him to the door, bare feet padding across the cool stone, his step a little quicker with anticipation, and he threw open the door-
“You,” he said dully, the fatigue biting back down on him, hard.
“You sound disappointed,” she said haltingly, staring at him over the threshold.
“No,” he said. “Just surprised.”
She stared at him coolly, hesitant. “May I come in?”
There was only a moment’s thought on his part. “Yes.” He stepped aside to let her in, but as she passed, something clicked in him and he leaned forward, his hand landing on her cheek and pulling her face to his. He kissed her, long, passionately, and she returned the kiss with all enthusiasm, one hand on his chest and the other tugging at his shirt, lifting it up as she broke from him for a moment. He lifted hers as well, kicking the door shut with his foot while he undressed her, leading her to the bed as he felt her slip his cloth pants off. His naked back hit the bed when she pushed him. The last of her clothing came off a moment later and she was upon him, kissing him deeply, the flavor of her in his mouth, then he pushed his lips against her neck. She rolled over and he was leaning atop her now. Their passions took over, and it was as though everything he had ever wanted were here, in this room, in this moment.
She kissed him, brought him close, and they made love, loudly and long into the night. When they were done, he fell asleep contented, his rest now dreamless and all his worries relieved, her head lying on his shoulder.
NOW
Epilogue
The noise was subtle but there. Cyrus heard it, out of the archives, on the staircase, the scrape of a shoe against stone. He put the journals aside and pulled a blade. Letting it point in front of him, he felt the strength surge through him from it. There was an odor blowing through now from the darkened plains outside. It smelled of decay, of rot-out of the east, no doubt.
He took a step forward, letting his armored boot land on the floor as quietly as he could make it. There was no fear in him, now, only caution. He could feel the weight of the sword in his grasp, the strength it gave him-and the slightest twinge of hunger from his stomach, protesting loudly at having not eaten for hours. It sent a swell of dryness to his mouth, and reminded him to take a drink of water at his next convenience-a strange thought for a man who has just heard an intruder in a dead place. He stepped out of the archive into the Council Chambers, letting his eyes ease around the room. The fire was going in the hearth, the torches were all lit, and he waited, trying not to even breathe, listening for the sound outside the half-opened door, which was hanging partially off its hinges. He was at an angle where it was not possible to see the stairs, though he knew that whoever was climbing them-or had already done so-would have to enter his field of vision in moments.
Cyrus tensed, bringing his sword back for a swing. The weight of it was solid in his hand, and he held it straight back, ready. He let his breath out slowly then took another as quietly as he could.
“You know,” came the voice through the open door, “if you’re going to invite someone to a place, it’s not really very sporting to sit just inside the door, waiting to ambush them.”
Cyrus felt his breath all come out in a rush. “You.”
“Me,” the voice came again from the room outside. “Would you mind lowering your sword so I can come in without fear of being filleted?”
Cyrus chuckled darkly and lowered the blade,
putting it back into the scabbard that waited for it on the right side of his belt. “Come in.”
“About time,” came the voice again, and the man who said it was only a moment behind it, stepping in past the broken doors, avoiding hitting his head on the low-hanging arch of the trim. “Place looks like hell,” the man said-though I wouldn’t always have called him a man, Cyrus thought. Troll, in fact, would have been the preferred insult for quite some time.
“Vaste,” Cyrus said with a nod. “It’s good to see you.”
“Thanks,” Vaste replied. “I get the feeling you don’t say that much anymore.”
Cyrus shrugged, turning his back to the troll and walking toward the window. “Perhaps I might out of politeness. But meaning it? No. Not since …” he cast a hesitant, regretful look back. “Well. You know.”
“I know.” There was a pause. “You left poor Windrider meandering about outside. I felt bad for him. He looked lonely.”
“He knows the way to the stables,” Cyrus said idly, staring out into the dark.
“Because there’s so much for a living horse to do in there,” Vaste quipped. He eyed his old chair at the table and bent over, picking it up and setting it upright again. “What are the odds that this old thing will still hold my-” He pulled his hand away from it and it promptly broke in half along a split at the back, then the bottom collapsed under its own weight. “Well, damn.”
“There’s a chair in the other room if you’re of a mind to sit,” Cyrus said, waving at the archive.
“I don’t really want to sit, but my body would appreciate it after a few days of unpleasant travel. Hard to find a ride down here nowadays.”
“Do you blame ’em?” Cyrus asked, looking over his shoulder dully at the troll.
Vaste pursed his lips. “No. Not particularly. Not after what happened. Still, made it damned inconvenient to get here.” He stood in the middle of the room and looked around. “So … before I go get that chair … you were serious, weren’t you?”
“About what?”
“In your letter.”
Cyrus waved vaguely at the walls around them. “Clearly.”
“But, I mean … the other-”
“Yes,” Cyrus said quietly. “Yes, I meant it.” He waited for Vaste to say something, something light and funny, something to redeem the darkness of the moment that felt as though it had seeped in from outside unchecked by the candles. “It really is good to see you, by the way.” He looked and caught the troll staring back at him. “I meant it when I said it to you. I wasn’t just being polite this time. It’s … good to see another one of us around.”
“One of us?” Vaste said mockingly. “You mean … one of the handsome? The debonair?”
There was that lightness I was looking for. Cyrus looked around the wrecked Council Chambers, felt the pervading sense of grief and loss that came with the memories of this place. It didn’t have quite the effect I was looking for, he decided, looking back out the window. It never does anymore. “No,” he said, and his eyes took in the world outside-darker than it had been a few years ago-and with … so much less to believe in. “That’s not what I meant. I meant-”
“I know what you meant,” Vaste said. Cyrus felt the troll’s tall presence next to him, and they looked out into the darkness together. Just like we always have. “I know what you meant. You meant …” The troll’s scarred face grimaced, and his onyx eyes flicked toward Cyrus, the light dancing off them.
“Survivors.”
FB2 document info
Document ID: fbd-a328ae-e136-fa46-fc94-565c-5525-96873f
Document version: 1
Document creation date: 30.10.2013
Created using: calibre 0.9.36, Fiction Book Designer, FictionBook Editor Release 2.6.6 software
Document authors :
Robert J. Crane
About
This file was generated by Lord KiRon's FB2EPUB converter version 1.1.5.0.
(This book might contain copyrighted material, author of the converter bears no responsibility for it's usage)
Этот файл создан при помощи конвертера FB2EPUB версии 1.1.5.0 написанного Lord KiRon.
(Эта книга может содержать материал который защищен авторским правом, автор конвертера не несет ответственности за его использование)
http://www.fb2epub.net
https://code.google.com/p/fb2epub/
Crusader s-4 Page 91
