I am taking the money that I would be paying out for rent and putting it into a savings account for mine and Cutter’s Europe trip. Gram is tickled pink that we are getting married and she has offered to pay for a small ceremony, once she is back on her feet.
The police suggested we change all of the locks on the house and install a security alarm. Which I admit makes me feel safer staying here on my own. This is a big house and it has always made noises, but with Gram not home the sounds creeps me out. They don’t have any suspects, or any leads to go on. It pisses me off that some jerkwad hurt my Gram, stole who knows what and got away with it.
Cutter sleeps over when he can, but between work and his classes, he is too tired to do much at the end of his day. He has picked up some extra side jobs, helping some of Gram’s old biddies.
I have managed to get a part time job as well. I am doing filing for Dr. Peters. I haven’t told him of mine and Cutter’s engagement just yet. He is like a father figure to me in a weird kind of way and I don’t want to disappoint him. Not that I think he doesn’t approve of Cutter, I just don’t know how he would feel about my getting married at nineteen.
I say nineteen because I will see my birthday before we get hitched. Most people assume you are pregnant when you marry young around here. But that is definitely not the case. I have been on birth control since I was fifteen, and my periods come every month like clockwork.
I am meeting with my adviser later today. He has helped me switch my classes to suit my needs. I have decided I want to be a guidance counselor. It would be a good fit for me. I know what it is like to hurt, to hate yourself. I believe I could make a difference in some kid’s life one day. Even if I only help one, it would be worth it.
Life is moving so fast these days.
Cutter misses having me next door, but he is moving in with Hurley this weekend to save on money too. I have already made it clear for him not to expect me to visit him there. That house holds too many things that have the power to bring the poison back into my life, and I don’t want to revisit those days again. I wouldn’t change meeting Cutter for anything, but I don’t ever want to hurt like I did when we first met. Being in that house of all places could cause me to regress.
I stop by the hospital to check on Gram before I go to my meeting and leave it to her to be holding her quilting lunch in the cafeteria of the hospital. My Gram is tough as nails. It is going to take more than a hip replacement to bring her down. She will get to come home in a day or two. I grab a sandwich and chips and sit down with Gram and her friends. They all start badgering me for wedding plans. They each profess to be an expert on married life and try to give me their unwarranted advice.
To be honest, I want Cutter and me to exchange our vows on the bridge at the falls, where it all began for us. I think it would be so romantic to be married in the woods, with just a few guests. I want the ceremony to be intimate. Cutter and I agree we don’t want anything fancy. He says his family won’t want to attend. So, I figure that it leaves Gram, Hurley, Brianna, and Dr. Peters as our guests. I don’t need anyone else there.
We will have to get a permit to hold the event at the falls, but Gram says to leave all of that up to her and I intend to. She says Cutter and I just need to worry about showing up. Gram has enlisted Brianna to help her plan it all, the only thing I get to decide on is my dress.
Brianna has been throwing bridal magazines at me left and right, it is a bit overwhelming.
I have hinted to her on more than one occasion that we have plenty of time to plan but she seems to think we are already getting a late start on planning. The girl is crazy, I have told her that she should switch her major and become a wedding coordinator. She would be great at it; the girl is bossy. She and Gram already have binders full of ideas. I think they forget that the ceremony is small. They need to downscale their big plans.
*—*
My new classes are going great, and I really am enjoying being back in Gram’s house. The only difference is I have had to move to an upstairs bedroom, so Gram can sleep in my room, being that it is downstairs. It will be a lot easier for her to recover and move about the house. I am so sad to see my clawfoot tub go, but Gram needs one of those medical supply store showers for handicapped and elderly people. She is having my tub stored in her shed outback. I don’t believe she wanted to part with it either.
Cutter is coming over after work to have dinner with us. I think Gram looks forward to his visits more than I do.
Gram is in the kitchen barking ingredients at me. I am cooking because she still isn’t able to move around all that great yet. She says it is great training for once Cutter and I are married. I think she just gets frustrated that the walker she is required to use gets in the way of her moving around in the kitchen like she used to.
Gram claims she is starting me out with something simple, lasagna, but there is a hell of a lot of steps in making her recipe. Mercy, who needs five different cheeses, seriously? If there were enough time, I swear she would have me making the garlic bread from scratch. Simple my ass. I play the good pupil and pacify her, following all her instructions. I bite my tongue when she snaps at me, I know she is frustrated.
Gram is one of them old southern women who thinks that they don’t need help from nobody, she thinks she is as able bodied as a man to do just about anything. She is learning the hard way that she is getting older and that her body has limits.
Cutter comes through the back door, and I must have forgotten to turn the alarm off, because it starts blaring through the whole friggin neighborhood. I hurriedly punch in the code before the whole police force comes barreling through our doors.
“Mmm, it sure smells good in here. What has Gram cooked for us tonight?” he places a kiss on Gram’s cheek then mine.
He is such a kiss ass.
“I’ll have you know, I prepared this lasagna with blood, sweat, and tears.” I smack him with my oven mitt. “Now go wash up, I am starving to death after slaving over the stove for you two all day.”
After supper, Cutter and I go up to my room to snuggle and watch a movie. Gram has gone to bed for the night. Cutter passes out shortly after the movie starts. I am not sure if it is from exhaustion of the day setting or from Gram mentally draining him by showing him her wedding binder. I curl up beside my fiancée and for the first time in months, I have a nightmare.
I wake up in a pool of sweat, with images of Harlan dancing around in my head. I go to the bathroom and splash some water on my face. I’m not sure what triggered the dreams. It has been so long since I have had them that I almost forgot how terrifying they can be. I am working for Dr. Peters tomorrow after class. I will talk to him about it and see what he thinks might have brought them on. I decide against telling Cutter about it. I don’t want him worrying about me. It could be nothing. It’s probably just the stress of everything getting to me.
I twist the ring on my finger and smile. Cutter decided it was time to replace my string with the real thing. He bought me a beautiful rose ring to match my pendant. It is a silver rose head with a diamond in the center. He surprised me with it a few nights ago. I love it, it is simply perfect. This ring means so much more to me than any traditional ring ever could.
*—*
“Alex, can I ask you something personal?”
“Bella, you can always come to me about anything, you know that.” He takes his glasses off and cleans them on his shirt.
“Well, I have some news to share with you and a favor to ask of you. You can say no, but I just thought I would extend the invitation. I don’t want you to feel pressured to say yes, because of your history with my mom, and well, me. If it crosses the line, it is okay to just say no.” I am twisting my fingers around, and now I really want a cigarette, but I promised Cutter I would try to quit.
“Bella, you’re rambling, what do you want to ask me?”
“Oh, right. I am engaged.” I flash my left hand at him with a nervous laugh. “I was wondering if you’d give m
e away, at the ceremony that is. I just respect you and you have done a lot for me. I don’t want you to be disappointed in me and think I am rushing or acting like an idiot, but I really love Cutter.”
“Bella, you’re rambling again. And yes, I would be honored to give you away at your wedding. Congratulations. But just because you are getting married does not mean you can drop out of school. When is the big day?”
“Thank you.” I give him a hug. “It really means a lot to me and no way am I dropping out of school. The wedding isn’t until October. I am taking next fall off, but only because Cutter and I are going backpacking across Europe and we won’t get back to the states until a week before the wedding, we thought about doing it before, but I want a fall wedding at the falls. Oh, and do you think I will be okay going abroad for five months, how will we handle my prescriptions?”
He steadies his arms on my shoulders, and says, “Just breathe, Bella, and cut back on the caffeine. Oh, and please, go smoke that cigarette you are clutching before you drive us both crazy. I will figure out what we need to about your medicine and how to work it into your travel plans.”
I decide against talking to him about the nightmare until my next appointment. I figured it’d be best to wait and see if they come back.
At home, I snuggle up on the sofa by my Gram and show her the recording of my New Years proposal. She still hasn’t watched it yet.
“Bella, how sweet and romantic. You two look so good together.”
I brush her compliments off and tell her about how that producer guy wanted to make a show about Cutter and me.
“Gracious, I hope you both said no. Marriage is hard enough without the world peeking in your windows and telling you how to handle your problems.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
She goes on to give me more words of wisdom, but I have tuned her out and started texting Brianna, she is wanting help planning a special evening for Hurley on Valentine’s Day.
Brianna: You need to keep Cutter away that day. Hurley is in for one hell of a treat! ;) Do you have something planned?
Bella: Don’t worry, I have my own plans for him! Valentine’s Day is going to be epic.
Chapter 22
February
I am at a physical therapy appointment with Gram at the hospital. She really is doing great. It won’t be much longer, and she won’t have to depend on her walker so much. I think being able to hike the trail for my wedding on the bridge is perfect motivation for her.
My phone starts vibrating in my pocket. I excuse myself from the physical therapy aquatics room to take Brianna’s call.
“Hey, chick. What’s up?”
“Are you busy right now?” She asks in a panicky tone.
“I am with Gram at her appointment, is anything wrong, you sound…I don’t know jumpy.”
“I need you to come over to Hurley’s ASAP, preferably right now.”
“You know I don’t like that house, Brianna, can’t you just meet me after I take my Gram home.”
“No, trust me you are going to want to see this. It is important, and Bella, don’t tell Cutter you are coming here. He is in class all day, right?”
“Yeah, but why? You are seriously freaking me out right now, Brianna.”
“Just get here.” The line goes dead. She better not be dragging me out there to show me her sex game and lingerie she bought for Valentine’s Day. This better be important. There was panic in her voice though, there has to be something going on and I am partly afraid to find out what it is.
Okay, I try to calm my nerves I don’t want to panic my Gram. I go back inside and ask Gram if she would be okay taking a cab home if I call one for her. I don’t go into details, and I tell a white lie. I tell her Brianna and Hurley had an awful fight and she needs me to come get her. Of course, Gram tells me to go. I place a call to a local cab service and take off for Hurley and Cutter’s place like a bat out of hell.
You never know what might be going on with Brianna. I know it sounds selfish, but I hope whatever is going on is more to do with her and Hurley than it is Cutter and me. But I know things have been going so well lately. I get a sick feeling in my gut telling me she wants to tell me something about Cutter. Karma is coming back to tip the scales, life has been going too good for me lately.
I throw my car into park and run up the walkway and through the front door without knocking. I know it is bad that Cutter has been living here for weeks and this is the first time I have come over. “Brianna, I’m here. Where are you?”
“In here,” she calls from one of the bedrooms down the hall.
I make way down the hall pausing to peek in each room. I’m not sure whose room she is in. I stop at the door that I know has to belong to Cutter. Hurley uses the back bedroom.
I look into the room and sure enough, Brianna is sitting on his bed sifting through a huge box.
“What are you doing and what’s in the box?”
“Okay, one, don’t freak out on me, I wasn’t being nosy. So, two, I was snooping, sort of, but it isn’t what you think. I was looking for an address for Cutter’s parents. I know he says they don’t have anything to do with him, but I thought just maybe if you reached out to them, they may consider coming to your wedding. But that is beside the point. You are engaged to a fucking creeper, Bella. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t show you this?”
I take a seat on the opposite side of the box from where Brianna is sitting and look at the contents.
I am going to be sick.
My stomach rolls and my head feels swimmy.
Inside of the box are pictures of Harlan. Newspaper clippings about the accident and me. He even has Harlan’s obituary. There are pictures of me at the falls, at Harlan’s grave. But that isn’t the worst part. He has my fucking patient file, the one that was stolen from the hospital.
What the serious fuck—in the bottom of the box under the pictures and papers is a wig that matches Harlan’s hair color almost spot on and there are hundreds of paper daisies inside of a manila envelope. My heart tells me, Cutter didn’t do any of this, that someone else is behind it, but my logic tells me it’s true.
I run from the room, I am overwhelmed and numb all at once. I violently throw up in the gravel driveway beside of my car. Tears are streaming down my face as the darkness consumes my heart once more. All this time, he has been fucking with me, but why? Why would he dress up like my dead boyfriend and fucking stalk me? It makes no sense. None if it makes any fucking sense. How could I be so blind? I can’t control the sobs as they escape my throat, ripping me in half as they come out.
I was going to marry this psychopath! I just want to die. I have been sleeping with the enemy. I gave him all of me. All this time I have just been giving him the ammo he needs to ruin me. I said goodbye to Harlan for him, I gave up on him, for this!
Brianna comes running out of the house carrying paper towels. She rubs my back trying to console me, but I shrug off her advances.
“We need to call the police, Bella, who knows what kind of sick plans he has for you. Thank the good Lord you haven’t married him. He could have been trying to kill you.”
“I have to get out of here, Brianna. I can’t be here.” I begin dry heaving once more as Hurley pulls into the driveway.
Hurley jumps from his truck and runs over to Brianna and me. “What’s going on, Bella, are you alright?”
I can’t even look at him right now.
What if he is in on it.
What if they all are?
No. I can’t be completely wrong about all of them, can I?
All this time were they playing me?
“No, she’s not alright. You live with a freaking fucking sociopath, Hurley, a motherfucking psycho. Did you know about this?” Brianna is getting all up in Hurley’s face like he is an accomplice.
“I don’t even know what you are talking about,” he shouts back and throws his hands up in frustration.
“Come on, I’ll show you.” Brianna
starts pulling Hurley into the house.
“Wait, we can’t just leave Bella lying in the driveway. I am going to call Cutter and find out what in the hell is going on around here.”
“No!” Brianna knocks his phone from his hand. “You cannot call Cutter he is crazy! Bella, I want you to get in your car and lock the doors. I will come back out in a few minutes to drive you home.”
All I can do is nod as I slide into my car and lay my head on the steering wheel trying to digest what I just uncovered. I bang my head against the steering wheel, wondering how—why? I fucking let him in.
I let this happen. Cutter said he loved me.
He lied to me.
He’s been playing a sick and twisted game with my mind…with my heart.
I open my car door to violently throw up again so hard that bile is coming through my nose. Taking the hem of my shirt I wipe my face with it.
How did I not see the signs?
There had to be signs.
Every time something happened, it could have been him. I was always alone, and he would show up or meet up with me shortly after. Those motherfucking daisies—was he messing with me while I was in the hospital?
Several minutes later Brianna pecks on my window looking as crazy as I feel. “Unlock the door and scoot over. I am taking you home.”
I comply with her orders and go through the motions of pretending to listen to everything she is explaining to me, well shouting at me in her frenzied state. She isn’t that great of an actress, so I think she is on my side. From the parts that register with my brain from our one-sided conversation, this is what information I can gather.
Brianna put the box back where she found it and reported it to the police.
She broke up with Hurley because he thought she should call Cutter to come home and explain himself. There was no way she was going to be in a relationship with someone who would side with a lunatic.
Don't Let Me Go Page 17
