by Angie Spady
HUH? What did that even MEAN??
What century did Mr. Old School live in? Ladies? Gentlemen? He was speaking a language I didn’t even understand! No wonder some of the kids call him Mr. Martian instead of
Mr. Martin.
I don’t call him that because Sophie is my best friend. But I have to admit Mr. Martin is starting to sound a little weird! Scratch that . . . A LOT WEIRD.
Luckily, Sophie can translate her dad’s
Old School Alien Talk into Reality Language.
I messaged her on my computer after school.
Me: OK, so I am FREAKING OUT!
Sophie: About what?
Me: Oh My Gracious! YOU KNOW—THE DANCE!
Sophie: It’s gonna be awesome, don’t U think?!
Me: ???? It will ONLY be awesome if “u know who” asks me to go!
Sophie: CHILL OUT. Let’s go together or meet at the gym. Guess you’ll just have to wait and see about “u know who.”
Me: G2G freak out about what u just said. TTYL!!!
I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING!
Sophie’s dad has TOTALLY LOST IT! I’m not sure if this is a good day or a total bummer day to be friends with Sophie. I know she can’t tell her dad what to do (I CAN ONLY WISH), but the fact that he’s practically forcing the guys to ask the girls to the dance is TOTALLY INSANE!
What if nobody asks me to the dance?
Sometimes it’s cool being best friends with the principal’s kid (like when we get free leftovers at the concession stand after a ball game), BUT sometimes it can totally stink. Like the day I was super late to class because I was in the bathroom trying to fix my hair. I’d just had my bangs trimmed the night before, and I looked like a third grader. (Can you say NIGHTMARE HAIRCUT?) There was NO WAY I was walking into class first, in front of Miranda. I would have NEVER heard the end of it.
Mr. Martin made me write a three-page paper on “Why Being Late for Class Is Unbecoming to a Student.” Sophie’s dad didn’t cut me any slack whatsoever! And now Mr. Martin was ruining my day—AGAIN!
What was he thinking???
Of course, I already know who I wish would ask me to the spring dance:
JOSH HENDERSON!!!!
It’s a no-brainer. He’s the tallest and cutest guy in sixth grade. We even go to the same church! And I’m not sure if it’s deodorant or cologne, but he always smells nice. Oh, and did I mention that he always prays before he eats his lunch?
I DO THE SAME THING!
But here’s the bad part: he’s pretty SHY and doesn’t talk a whole lot—especially not to ME! Maybe he’ll change before the dance and ask me to go with him. After all, he could ask me at church if he wanted.
I can already picture what kind of dress I’d wear to the dance. . . .
I can only imagine what kind of dress Miranda will wear. I’m sure it will be the LATEST AND GREATEST, and Sophie and I will never hear the end of it!
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!!
Wednesday, March 17
Just when I thought that Tuesday was terrible,
Wednesday was the WORST!
The only thing on everyone’s mind was THE DANCE,
THE DANCE, THE DANCE!
Some of the girls had already decided what color of dress they wanted and were making plans to go shopping together. Some were even looking at Teen Vogue or Glamour Girl and taping pics of dresses onto their lockers.
BUT THEN SOPHIE AND I OVERHEARD The
WORST. THING. EVER.
Miranda and Emily were at their lockers and talking so loud that people on Mars could hear them.
Miranda: Oh, Emily, I am SO excited about the dance. Now
. . . who do I want to go with?
Emily: This dance is going to be awesome! EVERY BOY in middle school will want to ask you to the dance, Miranda. After all, you’re the most popular girl in our class. I bet I already know who you hope will ask you, right?
Miranda: JOSH HENDERSON! He is by far the cutest guy in our class. I hope he’ll ask me soon. Otherwise, I’ll be forced to go with someone I don’t even like. Or even worse—GO BY MYSELF.
Emily: I’m sure Josh will ask you. It’s only a matter of time. You guys will be the cutest couple at the dance!
Miranda: Oh, thanks, Emily. Let’s go dress shopping on Friday! Of course, we can always ask that crazy Catie Conrad to design a dress for us. She thinks that she’s a fashion diva! NOT. LOL!!!
I rushed to the bathroom as quickly as possible, and Sophie wasn’t far behind me.
I won’t lie: I cried.
Even though I was sooo angry at Miranda, I couldn’t keep from crying over what she’d said about me. How could one girl be so MEAN?!
And JOSH HENDERSON! How could she? Miranda could get any boy in middle school to ask her to this goofy crazy insane dance. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO PICK JOSH?
This WAS so NOT FAIR!
Sophie tried to make me feel better, but it was no use:
Sophie: Catie, I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to ignore Miranda. What she said about you was SO WRONG. I don’t know what’s gotten into her. If you ask me, I think we need to pray for her. I know it seems crazy, but I think that’s what we should do.
Me: Thanks Soph, but I just don’t know if I can do that. She acts like a total SNOB. Why does she hate me so much? What did I ever do to her?
Sophie: You haven’t done anything to her. And no matter what Miranda Maroni says, you’re an AWESOME designer! But remember what we studied in Bible class a few weeks ago? In Matthew, Jesus says to love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. And remember Joseph’s own brothers threw him into a pit and then sold him! HORRIBLE!!
Sophie always knew just what to say to make me feel better. I was so thankful she was my best friend. Being thrown in a pit or sold off as a slave sort of made what Miranda had said not seem so bad. When I went inside the stall to use the bathroom, I also said a prayer for Miranda, and for God to bless her. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done at school, . . . but I did it anyway.
However, I STILL couldn’t quit thinking about the dance. What if everybody has a date but me? I know I can go with Sophie, but it’s not the same.
After school, I went home and got out my sketchbook and pencils. Drawing and designing makes me feel happy. And even if Miranda makes fun of me, I know at least Sophie thinks my clothes are cool.
I came up with a few decent dress designs and hung them up on my wall. I also drew some total FLOPS that wound up in the trash can. But one of them I really liked more than the others.
EVEN Miranda might like it!!
Or not . . .
WHO CARES!
Thursday, March 18
I could hardly wait to get home and write about the HORRIBLE thing that happened today! My day had started out so AWESOME but then suddenly took a giant NOSE DIVE!
Sooooo, here’s what happened: Even though Miranda had made fun of me yesterday about being a fashion designer, I decided to brave it and carry my Totally Tie Bag to school. Sophie said it looked like something that even the famous designer Claire Hunter would create. Of course, Sophie is my BFF and is supposed to say things like that. The ties I used in the bag were in every shade of blue and purple. It totally matched the sweater I was wearing to school.
But to my surprise, everyone LOVED IT! Sophie repeated twice that it was the coolest bag she’d ever seen and no one could copy it in a million years. Even Emily walked past my locker and quickly said “Cool bag, Catie” before joining up with Miranda and acting as snobby as usual.
By the time I got to art class (where I totally rule), I was having one of the best days EVER! Mrs. Gibson loved my bag and said it showed “great imagination” and reflected my creative personality. Coming from an incredible art teacher like Mrs. Gibson, that means a lot!
&nbs
p; Miranda was her typical snobby self in class, but even that couldn’t put me in a bad mood. I was sitting in my favorite class AND with my favorite teacher—and I was having a fantastic day.
Mrs. Gibson (BTW, did I say just how AMAzING my art teacher is?) had been teaching us about mosaics. Last week, she showed us pics of beautiful mosaic windows in churches around the world. UNBELIEVABLE. Some of them were even created to look like scenes from the Bible! How in the world artists made pictures of Jesus using tiny pieces of glass, I had NO CLUE.
Since it was too expensive to use fancy glass, we were going to make mosaics out of tiny pieces of tile, beads, and even dried pasta. Yeah, WEIRD! Mrs. Gibson said we could even use our imagination and come up with other things to add to our project.
Our assignment was to create a mosaic of something that was special to us personally. Hmmmmm . . . My mind went TOTALLY BLANK.
Mrs. Gibson showed us examples of mosaics that kids did last year, and they were INCREDIBLE to say the least.
Talk about HARD!
I had no idea WHAT to do. I really got nervous when Mrs. Gibson gave each of us a pair of tweezers so we could pick up and glue the tiny pieces to our paper.
I needed an idea to pop into my head and FAST! Suddenly it came to me: MY SEWING MACHINE. Yes! It was definitely something I used every day, and it was also special to Mom. If my art project turned out decent, I might even give it to Mom for Mother’s Day.
After four long and STRESSFUL attempts, I finally sketched a drawing of the sewing machine and outlined it with tiny black beads. My mind was already racing on what kind of other things I could bring from home to add to my mosaic. My fingers got a MAJOR CRAMP after holding those tweezers so long. Is that how Dr. Hamilton feels when he’s poking around in my mouth with those awful dental tools?
After what seemed like forever, I had filled in only a TINY section of my mosaic. UGH. This would take an ETERNITY to complete. Everyone really had to be careful not to bump into one another’s work because one small nudge would cause the pieces to start flying all over the place.
I shouldn’t have been surprised when I saw what Miranda had chosen to create: A volleyball. I’m shocked that she wasn’t doing a picture of a MIRROR.
If you ask me, Miranda’s volleyball looked more like an egg, but of course no one noticed because Miranda is the Most Popular and Perfect Girl to everyone. I even overheard Emily say, “Miranda, I think yours is soooo unique, in an artsy kind of way!”
Of COURSE Emily would say that. She’s Emily—Miranda’s Biggest and Only Fan. Apparently Emily also needed glasses because there was NO way Miranda’s mosaic was “artsy.” It was more like “flopsy” if you ask me.
But I didn’t say anything. I was trying not to say the mean things that were floating around in my head.
(DID I MENTION THAT IS SOOOOO HARD?)
Even though Sophie had the best idea in the entire class, it didn’t look too good. She’d decided to do a mosaic of a cross, but her lines weren’t that straight. “Now you know why I don’t like art!” she said, very frustrated with the whole thing.
I KNOW I heard Miranda laugh a little when she walked by Sophie’s project.
HOW RUDE!
I could tell Sophie was totally embarrassed, and I tried to make her feel better.
“Hey, at least you’ve got the right idea, Soph. Jesus dying on the cross for us is more important than anything!” I said.
“I should have thought of that too.”
I made SURE to say it loudly so Miranda could hear me.
BUT THAT’S WHEN THE NOSE DIVE PART OF MY DAY HAPPENED.
When Mrs. Gibson was in the back of the room grading papers, Miranda “accidentally” bumped my desk! BEADS FLEW EVERYWHERE. It sounded like popcorn kernels—flying all over the floor.
IT WAS RUINED!
All Miranda could do was bat her eyelashes and eke out an “Oops, sorry, Catie Conrad,” and then cover up what I KNOW was a smile.
GRRRR . . . She did it on purpose, and everyone knew it!
Everyone but Mrs. Gibson.
She tries to see the best in everyone, which is the right way to be, I GUESS. But for the life of me, I CANNOT see ANYTHING good about Miranda Maroni.
NOT ONE SINGLE THING.
I quickly tried to glue the beads again, but it was no use. The harder I tried, the worse it became—I even ended up with three fingers glued together! It was a DISASTER.
And since we only have art once a week (which is SO not fair), I’ll probably get a nice fat F for FLOP on this project. I’ll be embarrassed for life because everyone knows I am . . . or WAS the best artist in class.
WELL, NOT ANYMORE.
Friday, March 19
I’ve never been so glad to see Friday in my entire life!
I thought Miranda might apologize for wrecking my project yesterday but OF COURSE NOT. She’s Miranda Maroni. It’s ALWAYS all about HER.
If she’s not talking nonstop about all of her STUFF, she’s going on and on about her performance at the last volleyball game. Everyone in class has to hear about how many points she scored, how many balls she spiked, and blah, blah, blah. IT. NEVER. ENDS.
Of course, Miranda wouldn’t even have all those spikes if it weren’t for Emily, who usually sets up the ball for her. If you ask me, Emily is the MVP of the team.
I got in a bad mood all over again just thinking about Miranda. Did I say how glad I am that it’s Friday?
I tried so hard to get through the day without griping and instead keep my nose buried in my sketchbook. I’ve got a great idea for an apron for Sophie. She’s always cooking up something in the kitchen, so she needs a Catie Conrad fashion accessory to protect her clothes.
I could hardly wait to get home and be by myself for a while. I closed the door, laid on my bed, listened to my favorite music, and said my prayers. Then I got to work on cutting out fabric for Sophie’s apron. Whenever Mom sees fabric on sale, she buys a few yards of something she thinks I might like. Sophie’s favorite color is orange, so I picked out a fruity print in orange and pink, and I’m going to paint an orange S on the pocket. I can’t wait to see her face when I finally finish it.
Of course, I won’t give it to Sophie if Miranda is standing by anywhere close. I’d be laughed out of sixth grade.
I also have a SUPER idea for a new dress! Well, the dress is only sort of new, but it will look ABSOLUTELY NEW when I’m finished with it. I got it at a vintage shop in town for just THREE dollars! By the time I change the sleeves and make a new belt, it will look AWESOME. Sketching my ideas always helps get my mind off things—those things being Miranda
. . . AND the school dance.
BTW, my Prayer List is getting loooonnnggerr and loooonnnggerr. And Miranda is at the very top! TTYL . . .
Mom got home late from work . . . AGAIN. Between her work and Dad being holed up in his office, it’s hard to see my family all at the same time. But I could tell Mom was totally stressed out. Something about “having a grouchy patient who didn’t want to get a shot in her mouth.” WHO WOULD?
Mom works at a dentist office for kids and assists Dr. Hamilton with all the patients. I can’t imagine dealing with that all day. Mom has to calm down screaming kids one minute and assist Dr. Hamilton with the tools of doom the next. When I’m forced to go there, I close my eyes when Dr. Hamilton comes at me wearing that mask and holding a creepy instrument. It’s like something out of a HORROR movie!
Maybe since Mom’s in a bad mood too, we won’t be having a S.A.D. night—or at least that’s what I secretly call it. These are nights where we all have to Sit At Dinner and tell something good about our day.
UGH.
Sometimes it can be fun, but today was NOT one of them.
God, please don’t let it be a S.A.D. night!
I’m way too upset over Miranda and this dumb school dance
to try and make up something good about my day. And I CERTAINLY don’t feel like looking at the Germ and Rosey any more than I have to. That crazy skunk is ready to pounce on any morsel of food, 24/7. Why should that crazy animal be allowed around the dinner table in the first place? WHY???
I’d rather just relax and eat dinner in front of the TV. Maybe I can block the art disaster and Miranda out of my mind with a good show.
Of course, the Germ will turn it to HIS favorite channel and get HIS way because HE’S the baby. (SO NOT FAIR.) I’ll be forced to watch the Animal Channel and hear about some weird freak of nature like a fainting goat or a Japanese spider crab. UGH!!!!!!!!!!
GTG! I just heard Mom yell that
dinner’s ready. . . .
More L8R!
YES!!!! Mom caved tonight and said the Germ and I could sit on the sofa and have pizza for dinner.
I hurried to the kitchen and made sure I got a nice juicy slice of pepperoni before the Germ and Rosey moved in on it.
Luckily, I was just in time for the best show ever: Fashion Star Fever!
Each week a young designer gets to create fashions for a runway show. If the judges really like it and give it a high score, they actually BUY the designs and sell them at a department store!! CAN YOU IMAGINE? I might pass out if I saw someone walking down the street wearing an outfit I’d designed. No, I KNOW I would pass out!
Just as I got cozy on the couch and was ready to watch my show, the Germ stormed into the living room with Rosey. He grabbed the TV remote and turned it to some weird show called The Giant Rodents of South America.
UGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Me: Okay, so WHY are we watching this? You KNOW it’s time for my favorite show. I’m telling Mom!
