Her head pounded and her hands shook. She’d been dizzy off and on all day, and even thinking about the blue room hadn’t helped much. Her anxiety was choking her, making it hard to breathe. She felt like panic was just seconds away – she felt like it was inevitable.
When she heard the knock at the door, she jumped. Her nerves were all on the outside of her body, and every little sound or movement was magnified.
“Julie?”
Oh, shit. Jake. Just about the last person in the world she could handle seeing right now. She stayed quiet.
“Julie, it’s Jake.” Pause. “Look, I know you’re in there. I was wondering if I could talk to you? Just for a minute?”
She cleared her throat. “I’m busy Jake. Now’s not a good time.”
“It won’t take long. And I’m not here to argue. I promise.”
She stared at the locked door in despair.
“Please, Julie. Five minutes.”
She sighed and got to her feet unsteadily. A wave of nausea washed over her and she held on to the desk for a second, waiting for it to pass. “OK. OK, I’m coming.”
She walked across the room, trying to ignore the dizziness. She unlocked the door, backed up, headed back to the desk quickly. She sat down and felt much better. Then she looked up at Jake.
He was standing in the middle of the room, looking uncertain.
“What can I do for you, Jake?”
He came a bit closer. “Well, the thing is… I heard from Mattie that you’re leaving tomorrow.”
“Yes.”
“And – and she also told me about this morning. That some of the things that we’d all assumed about you – that these things weren’t true.”
“Actually, pretty much everything you assumed about me wasn’t true.”
“I know.” He fell silent again.
“So. What do you want?”
“To apologize. To ask you to reconsider leaving. To – to stay. Let us all get to know you.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re Dave’s daughter.”
Julie wasn’t hearing him much anymore: it was getting harder to breathe and she fought to stay calm. “No, I’m not.”
“But you are, Julie. In ways you don’t even know yet. Did you know that Dave designed all these buildings?”
“What do you mean?”
Jake gestured around the room. “He had a talent for architecture and interior design. He did this office, every cabin, the restaurant, every single room in the staff quarters and in the Big House.” He cocked his head at her. “I’d guess that’s where your design abilities come from. Wouldn’t you?”
Julie stared at him in horror. The one thing that she thought she could claim for herself – something separate from her mother or father or upbringing or childhood – was her gift for design. She had fought for it, worked to learn it, slaved to excel at it. And now, Jake was standing there telling her that it wasn’t hers, after all, that it came from the heartless bastard who had abandoned her?
Jake was still talking. “Your father was an incredible man. Kind, smart, hard-working. He treated us all with respect. He’d be ashamed of how we’ve all treated you, I know. Maybe you can give us another chance? We’ve all talked about it together, and we want you to stay. We’d all like you to stay.”
His words were hammering against her, and she had no way to get away from them. She was trapped here, in this office, and she stood up, thinking about trying to escape out the door. The room seemed to be getting smaller and darker and Jake’s voice was very far away now. Oh, God. The black spots were appearing in front of her eyes. And now the real danger sign was happening: everything around her was blurring and wavering, turning watery around the edges. She was going to lose it, lose all control. She closed her eyes.
No, no, no! Blue. Get in to the blue room. Breathe in the blue. It’s OK.
Jake looked at Julie. Her eyes were closed and she was very pale; she was holding on to the desk tightly. Puzzled, he walked a bit closer to her. “Julie?”
Blue. Blue. Oh, God, too late. Too late. I’m going to fall down, I’m going to fall down.
The black spots exploded behind her eyelids. A shaft of glass sliced in to her skull and she gasped from the pain. Her body was gone, she couldn’t feel her feet under her. She was freefalling, going down, down, down.
In to darkness.
**
“Julie? Julie? Can you hear me?”
Large hands were in her hair, stroking her cheek.
“Julie?”
She slowly came back in to her body, started to feel the space around her again. She was lying down, her head on something soft. Her hair was loose – she could feel it falling over her shoulders and cheeks. The hands smoothed it back.
“Julie?”
She took a deep breath, found that she was able to breathe freely again. Her head hurt. With an enormous effort, she opened her eyes.
She was in her office, lying on the leather sofa, a cushion under her head. Jake was kneeling on the floor next to her, his hair tumbled over his forehead. He was gazing down at her, his face tight and lined with worry.
Confused, she blinked up at him. What the hell?
“Jake? What happened?”
He looked at her and shook his head. “I don’t know. You just – you just fell down. I caught you before you hit the floor, thank God.”
She stared at him for a second and then remembered. Oh, God! She tried to sit up and the black spots reappeared. She closed her eyes.
He gently took her shoulders and pushed her down again. “Easy now. Just lie still.”
Julie felt the tears start – she couldn’t believe how humiliated she felt. Here she’d been trying to show everyone how in control she was, how she couldn’t be pushed around or treated like some gold digging schemer, and now she was lying flat on her back on a sofa, like some pathetic damsel-in-distress. And in front of him, of all people. Jesus.
Jake saw the tears glistening in the corners of her closed eyes, and had the sudden urge to wipe them away with his thumb, to pull her close and hold her while she trembled. This surprised him, the desire to touch her, to comfort her.
Julie opened her eyes then and Jake stared in to them, shocked at what he saw there.
She was scared. Confused. Vulnerable.
He never thought he’d use those words to describe Julie Everett – but there it all was, deep in those tear-filled green eyes. Hurt. Bewilderment. Fear. Uncertainty.
He’d seen that exact look in those exact same eyes not so long ago and the memory pierced him, made him gentle.
“Do you need a doctor?” he asked her in a soft, low voice.
She shook her head. “No.”
“Has this happened before?”
She looked down. “Yes. But not recently. Not for a long while, actually. Well over two years.”
He leaned back on his heels. Her hair had fallen out from the severe little pulled-up style she’d had it in, and red curls now tumbled around her face. It made her look younger, somehow, and softer. He was swept by a wave of longing to touch her face.
“Why does it happen?” he asked.
“It happens when – when I feel overwhelmed by things.”
“Overwhelmed?” The thought that this calm and collected woman could ever feel that way seemed impossible.
She nodded. “Yes. When I start to feel like things are spinning out of my control. I panic when I can’t stay in control.”
Now that made sense to Jake. He’d never met a more tightly-wound human being in the whole of his life.
“But you can’t be in control of everything in life,” he said. “Nobody can be.”
“I can try.”
He paused. He realized that he had just been given a big piece of the puzzle that explained Julie Everett’s personality. Maybe – just maybe – she was afraid of being seen as weak or vulnerable.
Julie was trying to sit up again and he put his arm around her shoulders and helped
her. Her face was terribly pale and her hands were freezing and that scared him a bit.
“How about I get you a shot of whiskey?”
She managed a small smile. “That sounds good.”
He got to his feet and went over to the largest bookcase and opened the cabinet at the bottom. He rummaged around and then produced a bottle and a cut-glass tumbler.
“I didn’t know that was in there,” she said.
He poured out a finger of whiskey and brought it over to her. “Haven’t you gone through all the cabinets and stuff in here?” He handed her the heavy tumbler.
She wrapped both hands around it. “No. Not yet. I haven’t been able to face it quite yet.”
“Drink that.” He nodded at the whiskey. “You’ll feel better.”
Obediently, she drank a bit. She coughed and her eyes ran and a burst of color returned to her cheeks. “Argh. That’s vile.”
“Not a whiskey drinker?”
“No. I’m a white wine kinda girl.”
He grinned at her. “Yeah, figures.”
She was quiet. She took another sip and shuddered.
He sat on the sofa next to her and studied her face. She looked much better, but still not fully herself. She looked tired, he saw now, and sad.
“What do you mean, you haven’t been able to face it?”
She looked up at him. “What?”
“What you said a minute ago, about not being able to face it yet. Face what?”
“Just what we were talking about when I – before I fell. About David Reid.”
“Yeah?”
She shrugged. “Well, now you know that the man that you all knew was a stranger to me. You all thought so highly of him – but for me, he was the bastard who abandoned my mother when she was pregnant with me. He just left her to deal with everything on her own. For my whole life, I never knew one damn thing about him. And then out of the blue, I find out that he’s left me a ranch and a hotel in his will.” She looked up at Jake and a touch of her coldness returned. “I just don’t know if I want to get to know him the way that you all do. What if I start to go through all his things – here and at the Big House – and I get to know him, and I start to like him?”
“You don’t want to like him?”
“I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that part out.” She was quiet for a second. “To tell you the truth, Jake, I’m having a hard time with that part.”
Jake stared down at her, suddenly understanding a lot more about Julie than he had done ten minutes before. He hadn’t really thought about things from her side: he’d never thought how hard it might be for her to be here, surrounded by people who loved and respected her father. Who loved and respected the man who had cast her mother aside, cast Julie aside.
It can’t have been easy for her mother to struggle through as a single mother; Mattie had hinted that Julie and her Mom had had a tough time of it. Jake knew a thing or two about being raised by a single mother, about how hard it was to find the time and money for even the basics. Dave had been a multi-millionaire by the time he was thirty – why hadn’t he made contact with his daughter then, supported her financially, gotten to know her? No wonder Julie was angry. No wonder she was struggling here.
He leaned back, regarded her with new eyes. “Julie, can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Can you tell me about your mother?”
She looked up sharply. “Why?”
“Because I’m wondering what your childhood was like, without a father. Without Dave.”
“It was hard as hell. What did you expect it to be like?”
She was back now, that hard, cold, detached Julie. But he knew now what lay beneath the surface, how soft she could be. He was determined to see that woman again. He wanted to get to know her, he was surprised to discover. He wanted to know the real Julie, the one buried so far down that she’d only shown it by mistake, when she was forced to do so in a moment of weakness.
“I’d expect it to be hard.” The gentleness in his voice startled her. “But I still want to know. I want to know you, just a bit. Can you tell me?”
“Not now.” Not ever.
“But do you think you might?”
“Maybe.” No.
As Jake sat silent, Julie glanced up at him. The look she saw on his face surprised her. His usual scowl was gone, and his eyes weren’t narrowed in suspicion and dislike. His handsome face was open and thoughtful, and his gray eyes weren’t hard. Was that an actual spark of humanity in them?
Their eyes met and Julie suddenly felt her breath stop. When he wasn’t glaring at her, when he was looking at her with warmth and kindness, he was drop-dead gorgeous. She hadn’t fully realized how damn good-looking he actually was. She became aware of the closeness of his large, hard body, of his knee pressed against the curved softness of her thigh, of his hands on her arms. It felt good to be so close to him, she was shocked to discover. She wanted to be closer. She’d never felt such a strong attraction to any man in her life, and the fact that she didn’t know him at all hardly seemed important. She just wanted him to touch her.
Flustered and desperate to break all physical contact with him, she put the tumbler on the table and got to her feet. The sudden movement started her head spinning again and she swayed.
Jake grabbed her. “Julie! You OK?”
Eyes closed, she held on to his forearms, waiting for the dizziness to pass. God, he was like steel under her fingers. A small sound escaped her throat – part desire, part fear.
Jake heard it and wrapped his arms around her shaking body. “Are you hurt?”
She lowered her forehead and laid it on his chest. He gently pulled her in closer, stroked her unruly curls. “Julie? You still there?”
She felt his voice rumble in his chest and she pressed herself against that sound. In response, he held on tighter, liking the way that she felt on him.
When the first sob burst out of her throat, she panicked. Oh, no, no, no. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Then another sob came out, and another. The tears coursed down her cheeks, unchecked. She couldn’t stop it, this wave of sadness and loneliness and regret for it all: her mother and her father, for Steve and her job and her whole safe, settled life in New York. It was all just too much, all of a sudden.
Jake was astounded to find a crying woman in his arms – especially this woman. Dear God, what was going on inside of her? He hadn’t even suspected that Julie was capable of being so hurt and vulnerable.
He held her as close as he could, pressed his hardness against her curves. It surprised him that he just wanted to keep her safe, to take away some of what was hurting her so deeply. He buried his face in her hair and murmured her name, telling her that everything was OK, and that he had her, and that she was safe there with him.
Julie barely heard his words; all she could feel was his body against hers. He was huge, and hard, and strong. Her knees could barely support her and she leaned on him with all her weight, trusting him to hold her up. She let go, for the first time in a long time.
Minutes passed. Julie had stopped crying, but her body still shook. Jake had stopped whispering, but he hadn’t loosened his grip on her. Their breaths came at the same time now, in and out; she was melded against him, her body fit his perfectly. Her breasts were pressed against his muscled torso and she felt his hardness against every inch of her body.
He ran his hands through her hair, then stroked her neck. He lifted her chin and gazed at her, searching her beautiful face for signs that she was OK. She looked back up at him, saw the heat and desire in those gray eyes. Without one second of thought, she lifted herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him.
His lips were warm and surprisingly soft, and they moved gently on hers. His tongue entered her mouth cautiously, and when she moaned and curled her fingers in to his t-shirt, clinging to his chest, his kiss deepened. His hands moved down her throat, across her breasts. She shuddered and opened her mouth to him. He slid his hands around h
er waist now, moving down her butt, and she suddenly realized what was going on.
She wrenched her lips away from his, put her hands up to push him away. “Stop. Jake, stop.”
Jake immediately released her. She took one stumbling step backwards and held on to the desk for support, breathing heavily.
“What’s wrong?” Jake said. “Did I hurt you?”
“No.” Julie couldn’t bring herself to look him in the face. What the fuck were you thinking? You have known this guy for exactly ten minutes. You’ve never gone on a date with him, never had a meal together, never even had a civil conversation until two minutes ago. Jesus, Julie. “No. I just – I shouldn’t have – I mean, we shouldn’t…”
“Oh, right.” His face was tight with anger. “You’re going to tell me that was a mistake, right?”
“Yes.” She forced herself to look at him. “It was.”
“Listen, lady. You kissed me.” His eyes were spitting fire. “Don’t you even think of accusing me of doing anything you didn’t want to do.”
“I wasn’t going to,” Julie said. “I was – it was a moment of weakness. I wasn’t really in my right head, after passing out and getting so upset.” She took a shaky breath. “It just felt – nice to have somebody hold me. To be close to someone. I was so scared when I came to on the sofa. It was a – a shock.”
Jake regarded her, saw her lowered face, and softened a bit. She was right, actually. Not even fifteen minutes ago, she’d been out cold; five minutes ago, she’d been crying in his arms. It was kind of an asshole move on his part, to take advantage of her in such a vulnerable state. She was right to stop things from going too far.
“OK,” he said, calmer now. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“No, don’t you apologize,” Jake said. “You weren’t really yourself… I was a jerk for not seeing that.”
“No, it’s OK.” She sat down again in the desk chair and took a breath.
He studied her, took in her pallor. “Did you eat today?”
She shook her head.
“Why don’t we go and get you something from the restaurant?”
Open Skies Page 10
