by Lisa Cardiff
His finger circled her seam of her closed flesh and then dipped inside her just an inch and she couldn’t stop herself from rocking her hips forward. Then he twisted his fingers, and slid further inside of her and she moaned.
The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. “You like that?”
“Yes,” she breathed out the word.
Then Cam’s fingers stopped moving. “Did you hear that?” Cam whispered.
Her eyes drifted closed. “Mm…” she answered not interested in conversation any longer. She inched forward trying to get closer to him, but his hand gripped her hip holding her in place. His tongue drifted down her neck and her head rolled back to give him better access. The heat in her body was building to an almost intolerable level.
“Cam, are you in there?” The doorknob turned, but the door didn’t open.
“Yes, I’ll be out in one minute,” Cam answered, dropping his head against her chest.
“Fine, but hurry up. Jax and Alec are looking for you,” Marcus yelled.
“I’ll meet you at the side stage in a few minutes.”
Taylor heard Marcus shifting by the door. “Have you seen Taylor? Is she in there with you?”
Crap. Taylor’s eyes went wide, her heart beating out of her chest as she shook her head and Cam’s hand tensed on her hip.
“She’s in the bathroom doing girl things. She needed some privacy,” Cam answered. “I’ll tell her I need to go.”
Taylor covered her mouth trying to muffle her giggle. Nothing halted a conversation in its tracks more than the discussion of female issues.
“Right…I thought I heard her voice a few minutes ago, like you two were talking or something,” Marcus said. “I guess I was mistaken. See you on stage.”
Taylor listened to his footsteps on the concrete floor as they echoed down the hallway. When she knew Marcus was gone, she dropped her head against Cam’s chest. “Do you think he heard us?” Taylor asked.
Cam stepped away from her and she wanted to pull him back so she could feel his heat again. She had felt alone for a long time and, for some reason, Cam had the ability to ease her loneliness.
Cam lifted his head toward the ceiling as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Fuck,” he finally blurted out after a few prolonged seconds.
Taylor flinched at the anger in his voice. “Don’t freak out yet. He won’t say anything because he doesn’t know anything for sure,” Taylor assured Cam as she slid off the table and arranged the folds of her dress.
“That’s not why I’m pissed,” he said cupping her face between his hand hands, his eyes enslaving hers.
“No?” she questioned, confused.
“No.” He kissed her hard, branding her lips before he started walking toward the door.
“Okay. Do you want to elaborate?”
“I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about us and I know he will.” Cam opened the door.
“And what’s the wrong idea?” she asked hesitant to follow him.
“That I’m using you during the tour because I don’t have any other options.” He looked at her over his shoulder. “Are you coming?”
Her stomach twisted even as she nodded and started following him through the door. “And that’s not the case?” She didn’t want to ask him the question, but her insecurities climbed the walls of her chest and she couldn’t stop herself from asking if she had tried.
His back tensing, Cam paused and then turned to face her. Afraid of what she’d see in his eyes, she counted each scuff on her black ballet flats with intense scrutiny. One, two, three …
Cam tilted her chin up so she couldn’t avoid him. “No, not even close. Unless we’re on a different page.”
She nodded, unable to answer, but she felt a smile teasing the corners of her lips.
“And by the way…in case you misunderstood my intentions, I don’t plan on our relationship ending when tour ends, but again, that’s up to you. I’m not the only person in this relationship.”
Relationship; she liked that word. Her heart skipped a beat or two. “Okay,” she whispered.
“Are we good?” he asked, a grin spreading across his sinfully seductive face.
“Better than good,” she answered, her voice a little breathless and throaty, and her mind utterly muddled from his proximity. Would she always feel this way around him? It felt surreal and a little frightening, but she could handle it as long as she had Cam.
***
Standing just outside the side curtain backstage, her finger tapping against her leg, Taylor watched Chasing Ruin rock the final song of the night. She had been caught in Cam’s gaze more than once during the performance and she hoped the rest of the band was too focused on their music to notice the fiery looks he tossed in her direction every few minutes.
By the time the performance ended, the members of Chasing Ruin were drenched in their own sweat as smoke and lights swirled along the depths of the stage. Alec beat on his drums unaccompanied by the rest of the band for less than a minute, and then the stage went entirely black. The crowd chanted, “more, more, more,” their cell phones held high in the air illuminating the shadows of the stage. Finally, all the lights turned back on and the crowd filed out of their seats as electricity and excitement buzzed through the room.
She loved watching live music. It was the main reason she worked as a band promoter in Seattle during college. The energy and power of a live performance cradled her damaged soul. As a kid, she listened to music to drown out her mother’s drunken rants or late night visitors, but as she grew older, music became her escape where she could feel something other than the pain and destruction in her life.
She couldn’t take credit for zeroing in on music as a way to escape her depressing reality. Alec inspired her love of music one night when he shared his earphones with her as way to pass the time and ignore the sounds of drunken strangers filling their home. Both of them had listened to the music streaming from his headphones until they fell asleep. It was a ritual that she continued even after Alec moved away from home and joined his first band. By the time she left for college, she had playlists for every unhealthy circumstance her mom had brought into their home—another new boyfriend, one night stand night, alcoholic binges, parties, drugs and…the abuse.
When the stadium seats were nearly empty, Taylor made her way back to the green room. She couldn’t wrap herself around Cam like she wanted to, but she wanted to see him and be close to him, let him know that she loved the performance tonight and maybe they could slip away for a few minutes before the band had to be on the bus again.
Standing at the entrance to the green room, she scanned the room for Cam. A parade of women, in all different sizes, builds and colors trailed behind the security staff to join the party. From her casual scrutiny, the women only shared a few traits—a lack of clothing and several unnaturally bloated body parts.
“Hey,” Alec said, placing his hand on her shoulder.
“Hey,” she replied, her eyes still focused on the mayhem threatening to erupt before her eyes.
“Do you want to grab something to eat?”
“I’m working,” she replied absently.
“Cam will be fine tonight. I hardly saw you in Vegas and I wanted to catch up and see how things are going. I miss you, sis.”
“I don’t know,” she prevaricated. She really wanted to talk to Cam. “Let me find Cam first. Maybe he’ll want to come with us.”
Alec wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her a few steps into the room. “He’ll be fine.” He pointed toward the far corner.
Cam stood in the corner with an extremely tanned, blonde woman whose arms were wrapped around his waist, a playful pout on her face. Taylor didn’t say a word for a few excruciating moments as her lunch threatened to make another less appetizing appearance.
“You okay?” Alec asked, his dark eyes roaming her face, dissecting every twitch and tic.
She inhaled deeply, trying to control the rage threatening to explod
e. “Yeah. Are you sure I can leave Cam alone with her? I thought I needed to watch him so we don’t have a repeat video performance posted on the web.” With every word that fell out of her mouth, her stomach twisted into a tighter knot until she didn’t think she could breathe.
“That’s Anna and he’ll be fine with her for now,” Alec said pulling her toward the door, his hand on her lower back as they walked down the hall. She didn’t resist. She couldn’t, not when she felt her heart shriveling into dust and ice clawing at her veins. Not even catching her ex in the act with her neighbor elicited a similar response. She felt betrayed and a little disgusted by Miles, but she didn’t physically ache like she did right now. It was as though something had cracked deep inside of her. She should have expected it and the fact that she convinced herself that he wouldn’t hurt her made her insides crumble with humiliation.
“Oh,” she said dumbly. “Are they friends?”
“Hm,” Alec muttered. “I wouldn’t call them friends. They used to date if you could call it that. Don’t worry. He won’t get into any trouble tonight.” He brushed his fingers along her jaw line. “You look tired. Are you having nightmares again?”
She shook her head. Being next to Cam had kept the nightmares at bay. “What do you mean they used to date?” she asked woodenly, not liking Alec’s characterization of Cam’s relationship with Anna.
“He was still with Bre when he and Anna dated. She shows up from time to time now.”
“Oh,” she mumbled feeling lightheaded. She tried to ignore the crazy jealous feelings creeping up her spine, but she couldn’t and that made her hate herself even more. When would she be worth something to someone? Cam made her believe in him—in them—and not less than two hours later, she was forgotten, thrown away like she was nothing and maybe she was.
As they reached the back door, Alec paused. “Are you’re feeling okay?”
No, she wanted to scream. “I’m good,” she answered instead, as she stared straight forward because if Alec saw her face, he’d know she was far from good. She felt naïve, used, totally stupid, and utterly heartsick, but she didn’t want to share any of those feelings with him. Alec could always read her moods better than anyone, probably because they spent so much of their childhood communicating silently out of absolute necessity. She used to love that about their relationship, but not so much now.
When Alec opened the door to a black nondescript car, she slid into the seat and Alec followed her.
“What do you want to eat?” he asked, leaning forward, his elbows balanced on his knees.
“Pizza,” she answered, her voice flat and unconvincing.
“Really?”
She didn’t want pizza. She’d lost her appetite the minute she spotted Cam with Anna, but Alec loved pizza, so it was a good choice. Good or bad and everything in between, it didn’t matter to Alec as long as the pizza had cheese, bread and sauce. “Yep,” she said nodding.
Alec pulled his phone out of his pocket, searching for a nearby pizza joint. He barked an address to the driver and then leaned back against the cool gray leather seats.
“So how’s Cam treating you?” Alec asked as he adjusted the volume of the music. Alec liked absolute silence after performing. He never explained why, and she didn’t pretend to understand. It was his thing.
“He’s been nice,” she said, her voice empty and emotionless. She didn’t want to talk about Cam right now when she’d been blindsided ten minutes ago. She needed to process what she saw and what it meant.
“Yeah,” Alec said. “I think he’s finally getting his shit together. After Bre, he kind of imploded and when the band hit it big, he dove head first into every temptation he could get his hands on and did some dumb shit.”
She nodded noncommittally. “I think he’ll be fine. He’s better now.” But what did she know about Cam. After what had happened tonight, she’d say absolutely nothing except that he might be a world-class player and she didn’t mean that in a nice way. She took a deep breath, telling herself to give Cam a chance to explain. She owed him that even if her first inclination was to run away from the potential pain. She was better than that. Running wouldn’t get her anywhere.
Alec tapped his hands against his thighs to an imaginary beat. He’d been doing it since they were kids and the habit had rubbed off on her. For Alec, it usually meant he had something to say and right now she was afraid of what it could be. She couldn’t answer any questions about Cam right now when the vision of that woman wrapped around him was permanently burned into the back of her eyelids.
The car stopped in front of a small pizza shop and Alec tossed the driver a couple twenties and a whispered a few words. “The driver’s going to run in and grab a couple slices. We’ll eat in the car.”
“Afraid of a bunch of fan girls lurking in the darkness?”
Alec laughed. “A little. They can be ferocious when they want something.”
“I think you’d be fine. You have a way of scaring away unwanted visitors.” Alec had a soft heart, but nobody knew that except her. He looked cold and dark, but it was just a mask.
Alec snorted and then turned to face her. “So…” Alec said.
“So?” she said back.
“I noticed Cam looking at you from the stage today.”
“Really? I didn’t notice.” She buried her hands in the folds of her skirt. She hoped the driver came back with their pizza within the next few minutes because she’d like to skip this conversation.
“Did something happen between you?”
She looked out the window, grateful for the darkness in the car because she couldn’t hide anything from him. He knew her too well for lies and half-truths. “What do you mean?”
“Tay,” Alec said and her nickname burned the jagged edges of her brushed heart. Apparently, Cam had stolen her nickname, in addition to a hundred other things because it only sounded right when it came out of his honey-laced lips. “You can tell me about it. I won’t be mad.”
She laughed, but it was harsh and short. “There’s nothing to tell.”
“Are you sure about that?”
No, but she’d never share what happened with Cam. As sick as it was, she still wanted to protect Cam because, deep down, she believed in him even though evidence to the contrary was blinking and shouting at her to take notice. She wouldn’t reveal anything because disclosing what happened between them might be the final straw for Chasing Ruin, and secondly, she didn’t want everyone to know the depths of her stupidity if Cam wasn’t being truthful. She needed a professional reference if she wanted to break into the PR side of the music business, and broadcasting to the world that she and Cam did…whatever, wouldn’t get her anything except a bad reputation. She sighed. “Alec, what are you really asking?”
Alec stretched out his legs in front of him, crossing them at his ankles. “I don’t know. I just got this vibe between the two of you and I wanted to make sure that you weren’t tempted to cross the line with Cam.”
The line had been crossed weeks ago, but Alec didn’t need to know that. “Thanks, but I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for years, and while I’ve made some crappy decisions—”
“Miles,” Alec blurted out interrupting her.
Taylor rubbed her temples contemplating her ex-boyfriend in Seattle. “Yeah, Miles sucked, but I think I knew that even before I walked in on him and Natalie. Cheating wasn’t his only fault.”
“Miles was using you and Natalie was a crappy friend,” Alec added not trying to sugar coat his opinion. He never parsed words, but she liked that about him. She always knew where he stood and what he believed.
“No shit. That’s pretty obvious, but I didn’t love Miles, not even close, and Natalie…well, she served her purpose.”
Alec laughed and she couldn’t hold back a smile because his laugh rarely made an appearance, at least since they were kids. When they were young he laughed a lot. She missed it. “Oh, really? What purpose was that?”
Tayl
or raised one eyebrow. “She gave me a really good reason to dump Miles.”
Alec patted her leg and then squeezed it affectionately. “I can’t argue with that.”
“Good, I’m glad we agree. Now where’s that pizza?” she said leaning over him to look out the window. It was as good of a change of subject as any, particularly given how much Alec loved pizza.
Alec’s eyes narrowed briefly and he shifted his body toward her. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you never answered the question about Cam.”
Taylor held up her hand signaling him to stop talking. “Let’s shelf it for tonight. I’m hungry and tired and I have to sleep on that crappy bunk again for the next two nights.”
“Fine, but just so you know, a relationship with Cam won’t end well. He’s still hung up on Bre and you deserve more than a man pining over the past.”
“I got your message loud and clear and I appreciate your concern. Cam isn’t for me and I can’t compete with Bre. She’s her and I’m me and that says it all.” Apparently, her mom and Miles were right: she was unlovable.
Alec sat back against the leather seats. He was pissed, but she didn’t want to get into it with him tonight. She’d had enough of everything, especially talking about Cam. She felt guilty, regretful and stupid—not a healthy combination judging from the momentum of the knot building in her stomach.
“You’re amazing, Taylor. Don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise.” He raked his hands through his dark spiked hair. “I don’t think she’s better than you,” he added softly.
“Well, you’d be in the minority.” Even as she said the words, she wanted to recall them. She didn’t have anything against Bre. She was nice, talented, beautiful and completely real, but that didn’t mean she liked that she still held a place in Cam’s heart. Not that it mattered. Apparently, a lot of women had a place in Cam’s life or at least it looked that way tonight. Taylor was just the one at the top of the list for the past few days, but she’d already been bumped based on what she’d seen after the show.
“Don’t start with that bullshit. You’re every bit as special as Bre. Cam doesn’t deserve either of you, at least not at this point. He’s talented and he’s a great guy underneath his madness, but he’s not boyfriend material for my sister right now.”
