Dreaming of Ayama

by K. A Knight

  “Building 567,” he declares, and I watch as a blue light flows from a spot in front of me, then moves around the circular pad, before meeting back up where it started.

  It smoothly lifts from the ground without even a jolt, and I spread my legs to make sure I don’t fall because Barrott would kill me.

  “I’ve wanted to try this,” I admit and he laughs.

  “I guessed, that’s why I picked the farthest route around our camp.”

  I watch the ground from high in the air as we slowly move around the camp. It all seems so much smaller but no less beautiful from up here. “This planet truly is amazing,” I murmur, my voice tinged with awe.

  “It was one out of two we considered, but once I saw the scouts’ images and videos, I knew this would be home. What does your home look like?” he asks, staring at me with a smile on his thin lips.

  “Not like this, we used to have life, animals, and greenery. Hell, we had horses, elephants, and so many more that we would ride on and play with and go see before they went extinct. We did it, we decimated our planet until it was nothing but an overcrowded wasteland with too many mouths and cities,” I confess, saddened by what has become of our world.

  “I’m sorry, I hope you can learn from it,” he says sadly, and I glance over at him.

  “As do I.”

  “You said you rode animals? Like transport?” he inquires, his lips twisting in what I can only guess is contempt.

  “Erm, yeah, we used to.” I shrug, cringing away from him at the judgement I see there. I guess it does sound silly when he says it like that.

  “Your planet, it’s…gone?” he questions.

  “It might as well be. The air is nearly unbreathable, the cities are crowded with too many mouths to feed so people starve, the water is polluted, and smog fills the air. Most of Earth’s animals are extinct and places that used to be filled with ice no longer are due to global warming.”

  He says nothing, but I see him watching me, so I turn to him, and continue, “By the time my generation came in to power it was too late, we wanted to save the world, we wanted to protect it, but we didn’t have enough time. They took that from us, they fucked over our planet, leaving us with no chance of survival. I promise you, we are not all like that, we have learned from their mistakes and we will respect this planet.”

  “Thank you for your candour.” He smiles and looks ahead, leaving me wondering if he thinks we are all mindless brutes.

  I follow his gaze and my mouth drops…is that a tree house? Two huge trees are on the edge of the camp near the cliff face—one is pink and one is blue—and their branches arch together, mixing their leaves. They are so beautiful I can’t seem to stop staring. On a platform between them, woven within the branches so it looks like it has grown there, is a wooden structure. It has no door on the front, just a hole where one should be with a thick branch, almost like a walkway, in front of it. I can’t see how big it is, but it’s so random and out of place in the modern camp they have set up here, that I find myself looking over at the jinum.

  “Being a leader is hard, Indy, and sometimes we need to escape. My people understand that. On our previous planet, some of our people lived in the trees in huts like this. The freedom, being so close to nature…it was peaceful. It allowed them to think. When we came here I constructed one myself, and after many tiring hours of labour, I had my escape. No one else comes up and when I am here, no one disturbs me. It is just for me, and now you.” With that, the platform stops, adjoining the branch, and the jinum steps onto it. I hold my breath at his action, but it doesn’t even so much as budge under his weight.

  He looks back at me, offering me his hand, and something about this moment feels really important. All my jokes and usual sarcastic nature disappear, and it feels like I am being offered a lifeline. This is more significant than the jinum just showing me his escape, he is putting his trust in me…in humanity. Gingerly, I place my hand in his before stepping off the platform. It stays behind us for a moment before slowly moving away, leaving us completely alone like he said.

  I can’t help it, I glance down. I’ve never been scared of heights, but even I can admit that we are high up. The camp is nearly a dot and everything looks so small from up here. I can see the planet stretching far and wide, and I bet it is beautiful to watch the sunrise from this spot, while dangling over the edge of the world.

  “Please, come in,” the jinum says softly, obviously not wanting to interrupt.

  Turning to face the leader, I cast one last glimpse back at the world before stepping into the hut, and for the second time in minutes I am gobsmacked. The inside isn’t tiny and cramped like I imagined. Instead, it’s probably bigger than half my unit on the Dawnbreaker. It has wooden floors, which are sturdy under my feet, and I can see the natural wood peeking through, showing he lovingly fashioned it from the trees. Next to the doorway, on either side, are two wooden benches, which seem to grow from the walls with a natural curve.

  There is a screen in the corner and when I peek around it, I see it is to hide a toilet. The screen itself looks like it should be weak, since it’s made from wood with leaves on the surface, but the jinum obviously spent a lot of time on it. The colours fade as they go down, like a sunset—it’s a piece of art. Stepping back, I take in the rest of the room and notice there’s a desk and chair in the middle, a bed in one corner, and a small side table in another stocked with water and fruit, but what has me staring the most are the intricate carvings in each wall depicting a story. I say as much out loud, my voice awed.

  “It is our story,” he replies.

  I step to one of the walls by the door, my fingers hovering over each carving as I examine the details. They start from ceiling to floor, each depicting the aliens’ lives—their planet, their people, their pain and suffering…travelling here starting a new home. The last carving finishes on the opposite wall and I look over to the jinum silently. He steps up close to me, his eyes on the carvings.

  “Our story isn’t finished, Indy Stewart, and neither is yours. I would be honoured if one day you would add your carvings here, because you are part of our lives now, part of our legacy.” He drops it like a bomb and I stare at the blank wall.

  “You want me—us—to be part of this?” I wave my hands at the carvings, their story. “After everything you have learned about our people?”

  “I rely on science and intellect, Indy, but some things can’t be measured in charts or scrolling data. Sometimes, you have to just take a leap and trust that the person you are handing your fate to will catch you.” He looks down at me. “I have watched you, I have seen you, and I am putting my trust in you, Indy. I hope your people will be there to catch me.”

  I turn back to the wall, swallowing hard as his words resound deep within me. Cain’s face flashes in my mind but I push it away. “You shouldn’t, you—” I shake my head. “I can’t protect anyone, never could. My own parents died and I—” Tears gather in my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall. “Everyone around me gets hurt, I try not to, but I can’t seem to help them. Every time I do it only gets worse.”

  “I don’t think that’s true,” Jinum argues gently.

  I whirl on him, my face a mask of fury, as all of my hidden self-doubt and hatred rises to the surface. “My parents died and I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t protect them. I couldn’t prevent a rebellion that I knew about and thousands died. I couldn’t stop the man I love’s mother from dying, and now the only man, a man who welcomed me into his home and arms, is out there. Maybe dead, maybe hurt, and I can’t find him!” I scream the last, the tears finally falling. “People keep looking to me, all with so much trust, like I can make it all better, but I can’t. I am trying my best, but it’s not working.”

  My chest is heaving and I quickly wipe away my tears with my arm, before turning back to the wall, embarrassed that the jinum saw me break down like this.

  His hand drops on my shoulder, the heavy weight reassuring, like a parent. “That is
all we can do. Being a leader isn’t easy, Indy. I know that burden. You take the weight of the world on your shoulders, every pain or failure is your own, but you can’t fight fate. What will be, will be. It is how we react to what happens that makes us who we are. When my world was destroyed, I was barely a man, so young and sure I knew I could save us all. I had to watch as we floated away in space as the place I had grown up on, where my ancestors were born, where my sister and brother grew, where my father died, disappeared into nothing. I nearly let it kill me. I took all the pain and anguish into myself, never sharing it or letting them see me falter, but Indy, they needed to see me break. We had lost our planet, homes, and family, and I was as cold as a machine, pushing us forward. I didn’t grieve with them, and that is all they ever wanted, they didn’t need a callous, calculating leader in that moment. They needed a friend, a family member, and someone to hold as they mourned. It took me a long time to realise that if you let it all stay inside then it will eat you from the inside out until nothing is left. Pain is meant to be felt, Indy Stewart, but it does not mean you should let it consume you. No, let it guide you. Your heart, even when broken and hurting, is what makes us different. It is what makes us real.”

  I look up at him, watching the years of pain and suffering in his eyes, knowing he has experienced the worst thing possible as a leader. “When I found these trees, they were dying. They had no water, no way to live on the rocks, but somehow they were managing it. All they needed was a little help and someone to protect them, support them. It wasn’t easy, but I brought them back to life, and now they are the most beautiful of all, they are flourishing. Lean on the people around you, Indy. I can promise you they are waiting for that, aching to help you…who knows, you might even flourish yourself.” With that, he steps back, silently allowing me to digest his words.

  I can’t help the grief and guilt for my parents, but is holding on to it really eating away at me? Do I blame myself for everything? All my jokes I use to mask, everything… do I just need to let them see beneath? Do I need to put my trust in my family and hope they are there to catch me? But what if they aren’t…what if I simply just fall?

  Ground Day Six

  I pulled myself together after that, letting his words heal me before I turned to face him. “Thank you, thank you for showing me this.”

  He smiles at me. “I will share my escape, Indy. Every leader needs one, maybe this could be yours? A place to think, a solace to remind you what you fight so hard for.”

  I look around as a watery smile comes to my lips. “I would like that.”

  “Then it is settled. I will program you into the biometric sensors upon the transport so you may come here whenever you wish.” He turns to the desk before bringing up a computer and typing away. I leave him to it for a moment, heading back outside and just watching the world. Sitting down, I dangle my feet over the edge, and Barrott’s voice and stern look come to mind. Warning me to not fall or he will kill me himself. The jinum is right, I have a great support system around me and I need to lean on them more. But for that to happen, I need to know I can trust Cain implicitly, and right now I have doubts that are tearing me up inside. I could be projecting my own insecurities and lack of trust, but something tells me for once I am seeing things clearly. He is hiding things and I have a feeling the truth is going to be worse than a ship crashing.

  Shaking my head to dislodge my thoughts, I let them disappear, knowing I can focus on that later. Right now, I just want to watch the world around me. We were lucky to crash here. It is an amazing world, so alive and wondrous. What if we never leave? I would be okay with that, I realise with a start. I have already started thinking of this as my home. Outwards, I am planning for when we finally leave to go to Ayama, but if we don’t…I wouldn’t mind either. There was nothing for me on Ayama, just more ghosts and empty units. It’s a kick to the face that it took the crash to finally realise I had a family around me. I had to lose everything to recognise what I had.

  Tracing my eyes over the land stretched below me, I send out a prayer for the first time in over a year. Please, please let Howard be okay.

  The jinum sits down next to me, startling me and pulling me from my own thoughts. “This was not the only reason I brought you here, Indy.” I turn to look at him, his face serious as he watches his people. “Last night, my people were out hunting to fill our stores and they sensed a presence. When they decided to investigate, they found a huddle of humans. They were plotting. About what, I do not know, because my people did not understand them. When they saw us, they were not friendly.”

  I suck in a sharp breath and he looks over at me. “I think you need to be careful, this rebellion you speak of, I think it followed you here. I think it still exists and they are planning their next move.”

  It’s like a punch to the gut and I look back over the land, trying to hide my anger…and fear. The rebels don’t care for human lives…they won’t care for alien life either. When someone is so sure of everything, including their own truths and mission, it makes them blind. If the rebellion still exists, it means some people in the camp are in it, people I have spent days working side by side with. My family is there. We can’t wait for their move, not this time. I won’t let them destroy this peace, or this world, the same way they did with our ship. We have to make the first move this time. We have to destroy the rebellion once and for all.

  “I assure you they don’t speak for all of us, I will weed them out. Thank you for your warning.” I grind my teeth as faces flash through my mind as I try to think who could be part of it.

  “Of course, I would hate for anything to happen to you, I consider you a trusted friend.” With that, he gets to his feet and I copy him.

  “We should get back before your people look for you,” he suggests, waving his hand over a screen pressed into the wood. I watch as the platform starts to float up, and when it reaches us, we step on, but I drop my hand on his arm before we start moving.

  “Why did you tell me here, alone?” I ask, confused.

  “Because I don’t know who you can trust. I, myself, have been betrayed. The people who killed our planet were in our midst for years—they had wives and children before it happened, before they betrayed us. Trust your heart, Indy, but know that as a leader you have to make hard decisions. Who can you trust in your people? I wasn’t sure, I wanted to let you make that decision, it is your people after all.”

  I let go of his arm and we start to descend back to the camp, my insides twisted up. I trust Barrott, that’s an instantaneous conclusion, that man would die for us…for me, but I need to figure out the rest, I need to get people alone and see. I need to stop this before we destroy another chance at life. I just hope my family is by my side while I do it.

  Once we reach the ground again, the jinum drops a comforting hand on my shoulder before heading over to some of his people who are calling for him. I stand next to the building, wrapping my arms around myself as I look around with fresh eyes and a new determination. We can’t be the destruction of this species’ planet, we need to stop the rebellion. To do that, I am going to need help. Blowing out a breath, I turn and head into the building in search of Effie. Sometimes a girl just needs her best friend, and mine just happens to be a super sweet medical officer who knows everyone.

  I somehow find my way back to the medical room, ignoring the four times I got lost, and when I get there I lift my hand to knock, but the door opens and a red faced Effie comes storming out, only to run into me. We both go down hard with her on top of me.

  “Er, hi babe, if you wanted a hug all you had to do was ask,” I joke, still feeling raw but I have to act normal.

  She huffs, blowing her crazy blonde hair from her face as her eyes narrow on me. “You, what are you doing here?” she demands, still on top of me.

  Laughing, I wink. “Shit, did I interrupt your mating?”

  She starts smacking my side and I laugh, blocking her hits as she swears and rants at me about mating sticks
and stupid best friends until a noise has us both freezing and looking up. Wrenil is staring down at us. I smile at him as Effie jumps to her feet, tugging down her clothes and looking everywhere but at him, her face flaming.

  I slowly stand, reaching out to fist bump Wrenil, but he just stares at my hand in confusion. Grabbing his and ignoring his growl, I fist bump myself before leaning back against the wall. “What’s up, big one?”

  Effie shoots me a look, one only a best friend would understand, but I ignore her. “Come to mate with Effie yet?” I tease.

  He swings his head to her before looking at me with narrowed eyes. “I came to say goodbye, I am heading out on patrols,” he grumbles, with one of his hands behind his back.

  I make an agreeable noise and stare at them both while they just look at each other, both unsure and not talking. Fucking hell. “Whatcha got there?” I ask all cutesy.

  He frowns before pulling his hand forward, like he had forgotten. My heart swells when I see the beautiful flowers he has picked. “Here.” He thrusts them at Effie before turning and racing away. We both watch, bewildered, as he turns a corner and disappears. I look back at Effie to see her mouth open, clutching the flowers to her chest.

  “Do you think when you have alien babies they will have a tail?” I question her. She screeches, actually screeches, and turns to me to give me an earful.

  “Hmm, it is a possibility. I am unsure if we would be compatible to have children with your species though.” I look up at the voice, and Rhet must realise what he just said because he blinks and looks at Effie. “Not that it would be an issue, we could—I mean, they could always keep trying,” he blurts out, panicking.