Dreaming of Ayama

by K. A Knight

  I nod, before heading past her, but she moves in front of me, twisting her hands. “There is more?” I ask, rubbing at my forehead.

  “I mean it, you might not want to believe me, I mean, why would you? I didn’t exactly ever give you any reason to, but up there…I felt like I had to be that person, you know? It was expected, it’s how my mom is—was—” She stops, sucking in a breath, and although we have never got on, I feel for her because like most people she doesn’t know if her parents survived the crash, and I can sympathise with that. “I was raised that way, to never show weakness and to always be the best, but I was never good enough. My own parents hated me, always telling me why I wasn’t as smart as Effie, or strong as you. It wasn’t me. I lost myself in the act until I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I’m so sorry, and then I met Liam and it felt like he could really see me. For once in my life he saw through the act and to me, the real me, and he liked what he saw. Then I realised he still wasn’t over you, but we saw you with Cain and I figured…but it turns out he still loves you. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, I just—I guess I just needed you to know why, but either way I’m trying to be a better person and I hope that one day you can forgive me.”

  I stare open-mouthed, unsure what to say, until I hear a noise and turn around to see Liam at the bottom of the steps. We both jump, too lost in our conversation to realise he had snuck up on us. He doesn’t even spare me a look, just hurries to Chrissy and grabs her hands, holding them to his chest. I feel awkward all of a sudden, like I shouldn’t be here, but they are blocking the entrance so I linger.

  “Chris, I don’t still love Indy. I’m sorry about what happened, because she was a good friend and I shouldn’t have hurt her like that, and no matter how many times you pushed me away or pretended to be that bitchy little girl, I saw you underneath. The one begging for someone to stay, to prove her wrong. I love you, Chris, but I hated Christina. Down here, you’ve been the girl I saw every time we were alone, the one who cried because her parents where cold bastards. The one who studied hard to try and make them proud, who changed her looks to get their attention. The girl who confessed she hated the way people looked at her and Chris, babe? It’s only making me love you more.”

  Spaceballs, that was all sorts of fucked up and beautiful at the same time.

  “You love me?” she exclaims, looking staggered, and my heart softens towards her. How can I hate someone when I can see how much they have been through and how hard they are trying? I know people can change, and we are only human if we make mistakes…maybe I should forgive her?

  “I do, I love you, Chris, and I’m not afraid of that.” He grins and leans his head back. “I love you, Chris!” he yells and she laughs, grabbing him.

  “Silly, silly man.” She giggles with tears on her face as she jumps into his arms and they start kissing. Okay, now it’s weird. Heading past them, I flatten myself against the door, getting a front row seat to their make out session…it’s bizarre.

  Auden and Eldon are watching from the door and when I get to them they laugh. “God, do we look like that? All soppy and shit?” I shiver in horror and they laugh harder.

  “Yep, better get used to it.” Auden winks and wraps his arm around me as we head to the medical room.

  Effie is inside with Howard when I get there, and I blow out a breath and turn to the brothers. “I need to do this alone. Will you wait for me though?” I request, suddenly shy.

  “Always, Good Looking.” Eldon leans down and kisses me hard before I am spun into Auden’s arms and he kisses me softly. “Good luck.”

  I step back, dizzy from a different reason now, before I turn to face my best friend. I slip inside and Wrenil gets up from his perch in the corner, and with a look at me leaves as well. Effie ignores me, buzzing around the room, banging cupboards and trays until I sigh and step into her path. “Babe?”

  “What?” she replies snottily, not looking at me.

  “Effie Jenkins, you look at me right now,” I snap.

  She whirls, her hair flying around her, and pokes me. “Don’t you last name me, Indy Stewart. You were the one who told me to basically fuck off. I just wanted to be there for you,” she finishes, losing steam and seeming to deflate.

  “I know, I was stupid and ungrateful and instead of facing my feels I tried to outrun them…I thought it made me weak to let you see me break down. I’ve hidden them all for so long, especially after my parents, always hiding them until I had to lock myself away, but that isn’t fair. I know you only want to help and it was immature of me not to see that, and instead lash out. I love you, babe,” I admit, tears in my eyes. “He hurt me bad, Ef, real bad. I love him and he—” I look away, breathing deeply. “How could he? Betray us and use us like that? How could he hurt those people? That’s not even the worst bit, I thought I knew him. It’s so fucking stupid. I thought I was the one to finally get through to him. To see beyond Cain the upper to the man he hid beneath, but it was all lies and I am left reeling and feeling so fucking dumb.”

  “Babe, you are not dumb. You aren’t going to want to hear this yet, but it has never stopped me before. You did see a different side of Cain. I watched him change around you, open up. So what? He lied about something. He made a mistake. It doesn’t mean everything else was a lie. The bad comes with the good, Indy. Are you going to let this mistake stop you? If we only love perfect people, no one would have love. Listen to him at least, hear his side of the story. You are the only person he will tell it to and I know he hurt you…but you hurt him, Indy. I saw his face when you attacked him, when you screamed at him, he was broken. Did you ever think he was crying for help? That he wanted to get caught so he could tell you everything?”

  “He’s-he’s a rebel, Ef,” I whisper.

  “Okay, so what if he is? Yeah, they have done fucked up things and I know that most of all, but they are fighting for a cause, for the truth, maybe that’s why he joined. I know Cain and I know you, he wouldn’t have wanted to hurt anyone. You can’t condemn a man based on half-truths and gossip, Indy. I know you still love him. Are you really going to walk away from that because you’re scared, or are you going to find the truth whether it hurts you or not?”

  I swallow hard, looking into her eyes. I did promise him that I would never leave, that I would stay, and at the first sign of trouble I turned my back on him. Maybe he isn’t a rebel, maybe he is, but I need to know the truth from him. This is about more than just him and me now. I need to know if he is a threat…and yeah, my heart wants to know as well.

  “You’re right,” I agree.

  “Yes I fucking am. Don’t let fear control you, Indy. That’s what is so amazing about you. You face everything head on, no thoughts for the past and future, you face fear, you make it yours, and you get stronger every time for it. You were never going to love a shy, boring man—or men. So pick yourself up, wash your face, and get back on that track. No matter who wins, know that you have done your best and raced this race.”

  “Spaceballs, when did you get so smart?” I grumble and she grins. “Okay, fuck, how’s Howard?” I ask, changing the subject from my love life.

  “He’s okay, still resting. I need to look at your head again, sit,” she orders and I do as I am told.

  “Bossy,” I tease. “Ugh, I ran into Chrissy and Liam outside. She made this big speech…” I trail off and Effie waits. “I dunno, Effie, she’s telling me she’s changed? I don’t care that she’s with Liam, I hope they are happy, but I can’t forgive her for the way she treated you.”

  “Well, if I can you sure as hell can, babe. Mistakes, remember? I didn’t tell you, but Chrissy tended to Howard on the journey to camp. She’s probably the reason he is alive. She went out of her way to help someone and now she is changing? Today I saw her working in camp. People do change, Indy, and if she has, I’m happy for her.”

  “Spaceballs, can’t you let me keep any grudges? How will I warm myself at night and think evil thoughts?” I moan.


  “I’m not even going to start on that.” She laughs and turns my head, lifting the gauze taped there, before taping it back in place. “I did put nanites on it, so it will be healed soon with no scar. Don’t sleep alone and get someone to wake you in case of a concussion. If anything changes, you need to come back here immediately. You hear me?”

  “I hear ya,” I grump with a reluctant smile.

  She sighs and wraps her arms around me, and we just hug for a while. “I’m scared, Indy,” she admits.

  “He’s going to be okay, he’s a fighter,” I tell her before pulling away. “How are your aliens treating you?” I wink and she blushes, turning away to ignore me.

  “Oh my God, have you touched their mating stick? How big?” I wiggle my eyebrows and she smacks me.

  “Out, now,” she orders and with a laugh, I do, but at the doorway I stick my head back in.

  “No alien babies. I am way too young to be an aunt,” I joke, before ducking with a laugh as she throws something at me.

  I link hands with Auden and Eldon and head back to our camp to face the music. I need to talk to Cain and get his side of the story, as well as talk to Barrott about who else was there at the meeting, not to mention figuring out who knocked me out. Once I leave the alien camp, I see Ker lingering in the trees. A heart breaking noise is coming from his mouth, and when he spots me he bounds towards me, knocking me onto my ass.

  “Shh, I’m okay,” I whisper as he rubs against me, noises pouring from his mouth, and I gasp when he stops and lick at my head wound. “Shit, he can heal it.”

  Auden quickly rips off the gauze and Ker licks it. I can actually feel it healing under his tongue and the headache disappears. When he is done, he sits back before loping into the trees. I watch him in confusion, but he soon rushes back over with a scrap of material held gently between his teeth. I reach for it and he releases, laying down in front of me with his tail swishing behind him. Holding up the material, I frown at the jumpsuit.

  “This is from a member of the Dawnbreaker crew. Where did you get it, buddy?” I ask, then instantly feel stupid.

  He growls, before getting up and nudging my head where my wound was, then lies back down. “The person who did this?” I point at my head and he growls louder.

  I look at Auden and Eldon in shock. “He tracked the person.”

  We hear screams and I shoot to my feet. With a shared look, we all burst into a sprint, the material still in my hand as we head to our camp. When we get there, I weave through the crowd gathered around the firepit, shoving my way through the shouting and screaming before I reach the front and a gasp leaves me lips.

  No!

  Ground Day Eight

  I try to jump forward but arms wind around me, keeping me immobile. I glance back to see the grim face of Jim before my eyes cut back to the scene unfolding before me. Jolp, for the first time ever, has left his post in the command centre and is currently curled up on the ground before the fire pit, with what looks like blue blood covering him. His skin is torn and bruised in places, yet he isn’t trying to fight back.

  “This fucking alien was trying to steal from us!” Harron shouts, kicking Jolp again, so I start struggling in Jim’s grasp.

  “Let me go,” I hiss, and when I kick back and hit his family jewels he does, and I stumble forward. “Bullshit!” I scream

  Harron turns towards me, a smile curling up on his face when he spots me. I hear the crowd murmuring, all unsure what to do.

  “What could we possibly have that an advanced race would want to steal?” I demand, stepping closer, but two men step forward, blocking me from Harron and Jolp.

  “I saw this one,” he kicks Jolp again and I nearly growl, “sneaking into that little command centre over there that we never get to see in. Seems the aliens want our secrets, we can’t trust them! First, they sneak into our camp, then what next?” Harron shouts, and I hear some agreement from the gathered crowd. When I look over the masses I see some grim faces who stare right back at me with anger.

  I look over to Auden and Eldon. “Find Barrott,” I hiss and they nod, rushing away to do just that. “Bullshit, Jolp here—”

  “Oh the fucking cat has a name. How cute. Are you choosing an alien’s side over ours?” Harron asks loudly.

  “No, but I know him. He is helping us find survivors, he helped us find you, or have you forgotten?” I demand, stepping closer and ignoring the two men who copy me.

  “She’s an alien sympathiser! Who’s to say she is rounding us all up for them? Who knows what they will do to us! We haven’t seen that doctor or her father in days. What if they are dead or experiments for this race?” he yells, the crowd getting louder now with his words.

  Blowing out a breath, I hold my hands out to the side. “You need to calm down. Effie and her father are safe and sound at the aliens’ camp. They have the medicine to treat him there, we do not, feel free to go check for yourself.”

  “What, so they can capture me too? No thanks.” Harron laughs, the sound ugly.

  I hear yelling and look over to see Barrott pushing through the crowd with a bruise on his eye, but I don’t have time to question it before he is next to me, seeming to swell with anger. “You send your goons to attack me? First Indy and now me? The only person hurting humans here is you!” he roars, but Harron only smiles and I start to get a bad feeling. What if this was all planned?

  “Are you sure it was us? Did you see your attacker, couldn’t it have easily been the aliens? So now they are attacking our people!” he finishes on a yell, and the crowd starts shouting back. I look at Barrott with wide eyes. He is turning us against the aliens, trying to start a war.

  Harron’s goons grab Jolp and drag him to his feet, his eyes meet mine, scared as hell and I echo it. my heart is racing and bile crawls up my throat as one raises a gun to his head. “No!” I scream, trying to dart forward. Barrott beats me to it, grabbing the gun from the goon and knocking him out in the process. He pistol whips the other and turns the gun on Harron.

  “Anyone wanting to get to him goes through me,” he growls.

  I spot Riley in the crowd and she shakes her head at me so I freeze.

  “You are a traitor to your own kind and your job!” Harron yells, and I look over the crowd to see some people nodding. Are they crazy?

  “Lock him up!” Harron shouts and I scream, kicking to get to Barrott, but arms wrap around me again and pull me from the swarming crowd. I watch breathlessly as at least ten people converge on Barrott, but he doesn’t go down easy—fighting and swinging until someone gets the gun and knocks him out cold. I watch in horror as he drops to the ground, blood trickling down his face, and it’s not until someone covers my mouth with a hand that I realise I’m screaming.

  “You fight back now and they will throw you in with him, and then we will never get him free,” Riley hisses and I slump against her.

  In the chaos, I see Jolp slip into the trees and sigh in relief, but it quickly disappears when Barrott is thrown into the command centre and the door shut behind him, then framed with guards. Harron grabs a lock and chains and wraps them around the door and sides, before pocketing the keys and turning back to the crowd. Harron steps into the middle again, looking every bit concerned and upset as I am.

  “I am sorry we had to do that. It seems we have people willing to betray our kind for the aliens in our midst.” He spits before carrying on. “We will meet to discuss a sentence for the traitor, but I wish to put forth this idea for you to think about. We have no rules or government down here. If we don’t deal with this threat seriously, it sends a message that anyone can get away with what they wish.” His eyes meet mine then. “I suggest the harshest punishment, the death penalty for being a traitor to our race.”

  I start to struggle again but Riley drags me away, and Auden and Eldon help her until we are in the shelter of trees. I can hear the crowd shouting and discussing, but my ears are ringing and my vision blurring, my breathing coming quicker and quicker until Riley
slaps me hard across the face. “You need to calm the fuck down. Right now he needs you more than ever, panicking won’t help anything.”

  I nod, calming down my breathing, and look at her helplessly. “What do we do?” I whisper, barely holding myself together. She is right. He needs us. I can’t break down now. I forced this, this was sloppy and definitely not planned, so it can only mean Harron knows I know. I made this happen and now I need to stop it. She wraps her arms around me, offering me a hug before stepping back. I see her mind whirling, a plan forming. I would trust her with my life, but instead, I am trusting her with Barrott’s.

  “Ever wanted to be a spy?” Riley questions with a grim smile.

  “Everybody know their places?” Riley double-checks, whispering from the side of her mouth as we collect food and get situated at the farthest table.

  I blow out a breath and stare down at the food, stopping myself from looking over at the command centre where Barrott is housed. It has only been around twenty minutes, but in that time we have come up with a plan to free him. It does mean playing nice with the rebels—Harron is cocky, egotistical, and so full of himself that it just might work. He will actually think he has beaten us if we play that card and will happily let me be his poster for the rebellion. I have to get close to him and Cain. Riley is going to work the guard angle until she can get duty on the command centre. Auden and Eldon are going to work the others in camp, figuring out who is an ally and who is not. We are starting our own fucking rebellion, right under the Saviours’ noses.

  “Yes,” I whisper, playing with my food. It won’t be easy, I have so much to say to Cain, but I will do whatever it takes to set Barrott free. That man risked it all for me, for us and for the treaty, and I have never loved him as much as I do now. Nor have I ever been this scared. There is still talk of a death penalty, though I am happy to see most seem uncomfortable with the idea. Barrott has always been so strong, a rock, my saviour, and nothing could ever hurt him, but now it’s time for me to save him. I have to be everything he has taught me, I have to be the strong one in the relationship or it could cost him his life and I can’t live with that. I can’t live in a world without Barrott, so no matter what it takes, even if I have to kiss the hand of the fucking devil himself, I will get my man free.