“No, I told Maeri I would check on you before I came home. My business simply took a bit longer than expected.”
“That is fine. Please, do come in –”
“I cannot stay,” he cut in. “Thade has returned. He sent me here to request your presence.”
Her heart fluttered in her chest. Thade? He was back? “Yes, of course,” she nodded emphatically, reaching for the cloak hanging on a stand near the door. The coming winter had already put a chill in the air. It was depressingly fitting for the mood that had fallen over them of late. “We should not keep him waiting then.”
“You should not keep him waiting.” Feolan’s tone was distant. Worry filled his eyes, the way he gazed at her in the dimming light. “I will not be joining you. He desires your company in private, but I must warn you – he is in a very troubled state of mind over the stress of the past few weeks. Think carefully about what you say to him.”
Private? The fluttering in her heart intensified at the thought. Something wasn’t right. It was unlike Thade to call for her in this manner. Over the past year they’d spent a few occasions in private company, but never had he directly requested it. And to deny Feolan’s presence… she shivered at the thought of what might be wrong. “I see. The look in your eyes has me worried. Is there cause for alarm?”
She was already out the door, pulling it shut behind her. Feolan shook his head. “No alarm. Not yet, anyway. I will accompany you as far as his door though you really should not be walking too much.”
“My leg is fine,” she argued. “The distance is not far. You should get home to Maeri. I will be alright, I promise.”
“I am not comfortable leaving you –”
“Feolan, please. You worry more than you should about me. After all the battles we fought by each other’s side, I would like to think you have a bit more faith in me.”
“I have faith in you, Leyna. But you have changed since I first met you. We have all changed. Even the Consul. None of us are the same as we were back then, and I recognize that those changes open us up to more than I like to admit.” He looked pensive. Leyna could see something was troubling him that he wasn’t saying. “I just do not want to see you get hurt.”
Lightly, she patted him on the arm, hoping to give him some reassurance. What did he think was going to happen to her between her house and Thade’s? The distance wasn’t enough to leave her vulnerable to the extent of his concern. “If it will ease your mind, you are welcome to remain here and watch me until I reach his door. From the corner, you would have a clear view of the path from here to there.”
“No,” Feolan shook his head, offering his arm out to assist Leyna in her steps. “While I respect your independence, we have suffered enough loss. I refuse to risk your safety on account of your stubbornness. Besides, you know the Consul would be very displeased with me if I failed to see you to his door as requested. I only ask that when you leave, one of his guards accompany. If you would do me the favor of coming by to visit my wife and I after you leave this meeting, I have some things I would like to discuss with you.”
Giving in to his insistence Leyna allowed Feolan to help her across the gravel, wishing she’d been more prepared for this audience. She felt under-dressed for a meeting with the Consul. Friends or not, he was an important man. At times she tended to overlook that fact, but his absence had put things into perspective, reminding her of his close relationship with the Queen, and her family; or what was left of it.
Two well-groomed guards stood on either side of Thade’s door as Feolan and Leyna approached, eyeing her suspiciously. The one on the right peered questioningly at Feolan, moving to block the door. “Lord Diah, we have direct orders about not allowing unknown visitors.”
“Lady Evantine is far from an unknown visitor. She is expected. I don’t recommend keeping her out in the cold.” Feolan held the guard’s gaze, the man’s hardened expression softening at the sound of Leyna’s name, stepping to open the door. Before it could swing inward, the motion was stopped by something inside, a somber looking Thade appearing in the doorway.
“Thank you, Officer. I will handle this from here. Lord Diah,” Thade nodded to Feolan. “Your assistance is appreciated. Go home to your wife. I am sure she is waiting for you.”
“Of course, sir. I beg you though; please see to it that Leyna does not leave here alone.”
“She will not leave here alone. Now go. I have kept you long enough.”
With a final hesitant glance Feolan offered Leyna’s arm to Thade, turning away to make his way down the street toward his house. Thade waited for him to be a distance away before addressing the guards again, the tone of his voice authoritative and firm. “You are both excused.”
“But sir, we were told –” the guard stammered uncomfortably. Thade held his hand up, gesturing for him to be silent.
“I know what you were told. My word outranks your previous orders, so I suggest you gentlemen find another location to stand for the night.”
Hesitant, the guard bowed his head in acknowledgment. “As you wish, sir,” he mumbled, clearly uneasy with the new orders. The men awkwardly glanced between each other and Thade, gradually working their way down the steps to the road. Thade watched with a stern eye until they had mounted their horses. Content they would continue as directed, he moved out of the doorway, motioning for Leyna to come inside.
He was dressed in what appeared to be mourning attire. A heavy gold chain draped over his shoulders – a chain of office Leyna had never seen him wear before – extravagant gemstones encircling a crest in the center. His doublet was of the finest quality. Black velvet accented in gold over the shoulders and buttons securing it tightly down the front. It was tailor-made to fit him perfectly, down to the length of his sleeves and height of the collar around his neck.
No smile passed over his lips as he ushered her inside, closing the door behind her, his hands double checking the lock. His appearance was eminent. Regal. It commanded immediate respect from any who crossed his path, sending Leyna reflexively into a deep curtsy, her eyes lowering humbly to the floor at his feet. She thought to say something, but it felt out of place.
Reaching out his hands, Thade caught her arms gently, raising her back to her feet. “Leyna, please. Why do you greet me so?”
“It felt appropriate,” she said quietly, her eyes shifting to his nervously. He sounded sad. It was all she could do to keep from taking him in her arms to assure him everything would be okay. But she couldn’t say that. She had no way to know whether anything would ever truly be okay again.
“I beg you to look me in the eye the way you always do,” he frowned. “We are equals here in this house. Friends. Titles mean nothing between us right now.”
At his pleading tone, she nodded in understanding. How could she deny him when he looked at her with such silent desperation? His silver eyes made him broodingly handsome. Sexy, in a way she hated to admit even to herself. This was hardly the time or place to admire his form – though there was much for her to admire.
Straightening her posture, she stepped away from Thade’s hands, fidgeting with her own against the clasp of her cloak. “Feolan made it sound as though something was terribly wrong. I must admit I was a bit surprised to hear that you requested my presence without his.”
Thade turned away in a blur of shimmering black and gold. Casual yet strong. “I have not had a moment of peace since I left for Tanispa last. I desired a bit of privacy before I forget what the word means.”
“Then I should not bother you – unless you need someone to speak to.” Hesitantly, she moved further into the room, leaning against the back of the settee. They’d shared so much in this very room. If the walls could talk…
So many things had changed since her first visit here. And now they stood, so close yet so far away, separated by some grim barrier which made Thade feel like a stranger, stiff and closed off. “There are some things I must discuss with you, and I cannot do so with all those eyes and ears
prying into my business. I want to be able to speak openly. Do you promise that you will not hold back anything, no matter how much you think it might offend me? I ask only for your honesty.”
“My honesty is all I have ever given, Thade.”
He turned around to face her, the melancholy expression on his face deepening at the sight of her eyes. “I do not know how best to say this, so I must come right out with it before I go mad.” With long strides, he moved closer, pausing a few paces from the settee, holding her solemn gaze. “Tomorrow I am returning to Tanispa. Once I depart, I will not be coming back to Siscal – and the harsh truth I have come to realize is that you and I may never see each other again.”
The words were like a sword piercing through her chest, impaling her heart, savagely tearing it to pieces. Never see each other again? Her mind wouldn’t accept it. She couldn’t imagine a life without Thade being there, waiting in this place for Leyna to come with the latest news of her excursions. He was the only person who really knew her. Who understood her. She had bared everything to him until there was nothing left to hide.
Except the way she felt about him.
Caught up with grief at the thought of losing him forever, she covered her mouth with her hand. Her throat contracted. Tears were threatening to fall, and she wasn’t sure she would be able to hold them back. She wasn’t sure she wanted to. What sense was there in hiding it now? After tonight, anything she said or did would be nothing but a memory for him while he traveled back to Tanispa.
Giving in to the emotion, she let the tears fall from her eyes. He looked startled by her reaction. His hand reached out as if to touch her arm reassuringly, but he seemed to decide against it, holding his ground, staring at her, grimacing. “In all the years we have known each other, I have only witnessed you weep once. I regretfully am not prepared with how I can console you. This is rather… unexpected.”
“You have been my closest friend for all these years and you did not expect me to weep at the thought of losing you? Do I come across so heartless? If so, I have made a terrible error in expressing how much your friendship has meant to me. And now, it seems it is too late for me to rectify my mistake.”
“Then we both mourn our failure,” he replied. Slowly, he took a step toward her, offering his arms, as if afraid she might pull away if he embraced her. “I have many regrets about things I should have said or done over the years. A part of me took for granted that we had all the time in the world. But I see now that I was wrong.”
“Why must you go away?” she sobbed. “What requires you to leave without promise of return?”
“My family commands it.” He grimaced at her unwillingness to come to him, his arms dropping back to his sides. “They granted me a single day and night to tie up loose ends and say my farewells. That is not enough time for me to do it.”
“Then do not go back!” It was irrational. She was no longer thinking coherently. They were on the brink of war! What good would it do to take their best soldier away?
Thade winced at her outburst. “If you could give me a reason to defy them, I would. The gods know I have thought on it harder than I should.”
She couldn’t hold herself back any longer, stepping toward him, covering the distance that had been opened to her before. It was out of line, but she didn’t care. She needed to hold him. To feel him close. Part of her hoped she would discover him to be nothing but an apparition, that she would find herself once again in her own home, suffering from a nightmare sparked by the fear of losing her friends to the war.
But he was very real, his muscular chest firm and strong against her. It felt good. Comforting. She didn’t want to let him go. Fear lingered in the back of her mind that he would push her away. It was surprising to her that he didn’t. Instead, he slowly lifted his arms, wrapping them around her gently.
She stood, lost in his embrace, inhaling the sweet scent of his hair and skin where her head was cradled against his shoulder. No words could express the emotions she felt rushing through her body at his touch. Why had she never told him before how much she cared about him? Maeri had told her to, but she’d foolishly disregarded the advice. And now she clung desperately to him, soaking another of his shirts with tears.
Vaguely she became aware of Thade’s hands moving to pull her arms away from his shoulder. The movement was gentle. Soft. Nothing like the disgusted shove she expected. His hand lightly tilted her head up. She didn’t fight it, trusting him completely. Their eyes locked, staring at one another in silence, losing themselves in the moment. Suddenly, his lips were pressed against hers, his eyes opening briefly to gauge her reaction in fear of what she would do.
Confusion filled her. Her body tingled all over, heart racing, thoughts unfocused. All she could think about was his mouth. It was nothing like the hard passionate kiss of Kael’s. She felt like they were slowly melting together, becoming a single entity. When he finally pulled away, she didn’t want it to stop, leaning forward eagerly for more.
“Was I too – am I out of line?” His voice was barely above a whisper to her ears.
How could he even ask? It felt so perfect! What could possibly be wrong with something which felt so right? “No,” she said quietly, gently resting her hand around his neck. “Actually, I was hoping that maybe you would… do it again?”
For the first time since she arrived that evening, Thade smiled. Fondly gazing down at her, he gave in to Leyna’s urging hands, drawing her into him again, slow and soft.
He was everything she had imagined him to be and more. It was too easy to melt into his arms, clouding her senses with the pleasure the act gave. She was afraid of the lack of control she felt over her body. Her chest fluttered almost uncomfortably, anxious, wanting more, but a nagging voice in her mind told her she could not. It wouldn’t be right.
“Run away with me.” Thade said without warning. He was staring into her eyes. In their depths she could find no sign of jest in the suggestion.
“Run away with you? Thade –”
“I thought about you the entire trip here from Tanispa. If I cannot take you with me, then we will go somewhere else. Away from Siscal.” His tone was growing more excited with every word. “We can find a priest who would marry us and escape from this all.”
This couldn’t be happening. She thought her chest would explode if her heart beat any faster. “Are you asking me to marry you?”
“You are the only woman I desire to have as my wife. If you will have me, then yes – I am asking you for your hand in marriage.”
“I – yes,” she breathed, overwhelmed with happiness. “I will follow you to the end of the world and back if you ask me to.”
“And I may have to ask you to,” his words came out in a relieved exhale, pulling her in closer. “You are the only reason I could find worthy enough of defying everything. I was afraid you would not feel the same.”
“I was willing to give my life for yours back then.” Fumbling over the clasp on her cloak, Leyna released it, letting the heavy fabric fall to the floor around her feet. The bodice she was wearing swept low across her chest. Laces held it firmly in place, accentuating her upper body while exposing the scar over her breast. She took Thade’s hand in hers, touching his fingers to the imperfection there. “I would do it all over again if that was what it took to prove the feelings I have held for you all these years.”
She could see he was captivated. His eyes saw nothing but her. “I would never allow that to happen again,” he said softly, his lips lowering to gently kiss the skin of her neck. “I regret that it took something so terrible to make me see how much you meant to me then. It took me all this time to understand what I was feeling, and everything has stood between us since the gods brought us back together at the masque. I feared I would lose you.”
It sounded strange to her. At the masque? Through her clouded thoughts, she knew the words didn’t make sense, but she didn’t care. Every inch of her was distracted by the light brush of his lips against her
neck, his arms holding her tightly. She couldn’t focus on words with his hands tugging at the laces of her bodice.
When the cords gave way, she felt Thade’s sharp intake of breath as the heavy piece of fabric loosened, held up only by the pressure of their bodies pressed together. She couldn’t help but blush at the thought of him seeing her so exposed. In her dreams, she’d been more comfortable with her figure, free of the scars. She felt like a monster, her only disguise the piece of her dress which now dangled precariously, threatening to reveal everything.
His fingers brushed lightly over the imperfections on her back that had plagued her for so long. “No one will ever hurt you again. I give you my word,” he breathed.
By pure instinct, her hands moved to the buttons on his doublet. They were well designed. Sturdy. It was difficult to get them loose, though she felt compelled to do so quickly. She was becoming more and more aware of her uncertainty at the situation. Not in whether it was wrong or right, but in her lack of knowledge, stumbling through the motions in hopes that she would do everything right.
Only the top few buttons had come free under her curious fingers when he stopped her. “I am not very experienced in how to handle a situation like this,” he said suddenly.
“Neither am I,” she smiled, nervous at the admission. They laughed quietly at their own awkwardness.
The laughter eased the tension between them as Thade slowly guided her around the settee, keeping her held tightly to him, carefully lowering her onto the cushions. As the weight of his body descended upon her, she felt like she should be stopping him. So often she had denied Kael, but this was different somehow. There was no question of her feelings for Thade. This was what she wanted. And though nothing else in her mind had any clarity in this moment, her feelings remained the one thing she knew for sure.
It was Thade who pulled his head away from hers, concern passing over his gentle features. “What am I doing?” he exhaled, leaning back on the settee away from her. “This was not my intention. I apologize –”
The Myatheira Chronicles: The Vor'shai: From the Ashes (Volume 1) Page 78
