“Well, they’ve just had someone escape from here.” The lady didn’t turn her head when she spoke. I assumed that was to camouflage the fact we were talking. I had no idea why she would do that, but I realised I’d done exactly the same by asking over her shoulder rather than directly engaging her. “I bet they don’t put that in the brochure.”
“Last night?” I asked and she gave a single nod, then moved away to get some biscuits. Well, that had to be Katie, right? How many escapee mental patients could be running around the afterlife at one time? I turned to Tommy, whose expression told me he’d overheard our conversation. So, I was having a tour of the facility that my murderous previous housemate had escaped from, the day after she’d escaped. And Tommy was here as well. Well, that just couldn’t be a coincidence.
Tommy and I moved away from the table and stood with our backs to the far right wall so we could see everything. Anna was scowling after the nurse, Jason, while another man I hadn’t seen in the room at the start of the “brief” presentation stood close to her, trying to capture her full attention.
Mendall was talking to a tall, blond man in a navy suit who had the same self-important arrogant vibe that Anna occasionally gave off. Since both men were throwing glances at the Ken doll I figured Navy Suit was the Ken doll’s responsible adult. It didn’t look like things were boding well for Kenny boy.
Timothy, the GA leader, was laughing with a slightly overweight man of average height in his late twenties who wore the same black-and-white check jumpsuit as Jason. Another nurse? The GA’s companion lifted a cup to his mouth and even from across the room I could see he had excessively hairy wrists. He caught me looking and smiled at me before I could look away. His eyes looked grey in the light but brimmed with kindness. So much so it made me feel like a bad person because I wasn’t as smiley.
“So, how do you want to approach this?” Tommy said before sipping his coffee and giving me a reason to look away from the hairy wrist guy.
“Approach what?” I asked.
“You’re not even slightly interested in how your previous housemate escaped? Or in catching her?” Tommy asked.
“Why am I not surprised that you know this was where they imprisoned Crazy Katie or that she escaped?” I asked, taking a sip of my tea and grimacing. Why did non-tea drinkers think it was okay to leave the teabags to stew in the water instead of just giving you hot water and tea bags to make your own?
“Because you’re smart,” Tommy said and raised his cup of coffee in a cheers motion. “So? You interested in finding out how she escaped? Why she escaped?”
I shook my head. “Not even slightly. Unless someone can tell me how to find her and get her locked back up in here I’m just going to quietly mock everyone while finishing the tour and go home to bed.”
“You know the best way to find her and get her locked back up would be to work out why she escaped, right?” Tommy asked.
“You’re as bad as Sabrina.” I took another sip of my tea, hoping that maybe it wasn’t as bad as I remembered. It was.
“I like Sabrina. I think she’s a smart lady, so I’m going to take that as a compliment.”
“It wasn’t meant as one,” I said and he laughed.
“Okay, divide and conquer then?” Tommy asked and grinned at me, obviously not taking no for an answer.
I shook my head again and sighed. “Whatever.”
“Once more into the breach, dear friend.” He clinked his mug with mine before he sauntered over to a small group of tour participants who included the lady who’d told me about Katie’s escape.
“I thought he was never going to leave,” the hairy wrist guy said as he sidled up next to me almost immediately. “I’m Gary.” He extended his hand. I twisted it slightly as I shook it, trying to casually examine the hair on the back of his wrists. It was so thick it was almost like fur. It thinned dramatically as it reached down onto the back of his hand and up into his forearm. It was like someone had glued a swatch of fur to the top of each wrist. I was morbidly fascinated. I had so many questions about it and was trying to think how to politely bring it up when the implication from his first comment registered.
“Oh, I’m newly dead,” I said, almost apologetically. I was aware he hadn’t asked me that question but I figured it was best to make it clear that I had absolutely no legal way to date him and his hairy wrists. You had to be ten years dead to even be able to apply for a relationship licence.
“That’s okay,” he said with a smile. “What’s your name?”
I hesitated. “Bridget.”
He was the kind of guy who, in life, I’d have given a false name. But since there was a pretty good chance he’d hear my real name at some point during the day it seemed like a pointless deception. And I was oddly concerned about hurting his feelings. Oz must have been drugging my tea with some sort of niceness drug. In life I just wouldn’t have cared.
“Such a pretty name for a pretty girl,” he said and I very much had the impression that would’ve been his response whatever I’d told him my name was.
“Thanks. So, I heard a girl escaped from here last night.” I saw no point in being coy.
His eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “Where did you hear that?”
I shrugged. “How did that happen?”
“Gary, there’s been a little trouble in the games room. Will you please go and help Janie sort it out?” Jason spoke from my other side and almost made me jump. As he moved in front of me I had the very faintest whiff of his aftershave. Maybe he could explain to the Ken doll how it should be applied when the Ken doll was incarcerated. Would they still allow the Ken doll to use it if he were admitted?
“I’m sure Janie can handle it.” Gary spoke to Jason but grinned at me. I felt a little bit like a bone two dogs were fighting over.
“Now, Gary,” Jason said and Gary’s smile hardened.
“Sure thing. We can talk later,” Gary said to me and raised his eyebrow suggestively before he backed up and headed to the door. He threw a dirty look over his shoulder at Jason, who was oblivious.
“I’m sorry about that.” Jason gave me a wide smile that didn’t really match up with his words. “He can get a little overfriendly sometimes. He doesn’t always understand where the line is.”
“Is that right?” I asked, since I was pretty sure the kettle had just called the pot black.
“Unfortunately,” he said with a nod. “So what were you talking about?"
“He was telling me about your recent escapee patient.”
“Ah, Gary.” Jason shook his head with an indulgent smile. “I’ll have to have a chat with him about his storytelling. There haven’t been any successful escapes from here. Ever.” Jason was oddly convincing. If I hadn’t known that Katie had definitely escaped from somewhere he might have sold me.
“Huh. Maybe you should let the GBs know that because they think someone escaped from here.”
The smile dropped from Jason’s face. “How do you know what the GBs think?”
I shrugged. “So, hypothetically, if someone had escaped from here—”
“No one has escaped from here,” Jason repeated.
“Hmm, doesn’t bode well that you haven’t noticed you’re down a crazy person, does it?” I asked.
Jason leaned his face into mine. “Are you deaf? No one has escaped from here.”
“No, I hear you fine. You’re just wrong,” I said without backing away. I had no idea how I’d gone from pumping him for information to antagonising him.
A small group of tour participants threw a couple of furtive glances our way. Almost like they wanted to eavesdrop but figured that would be the maladjusted thing to do and didn’t want to give themselves away.
“That’s quite the attitude you’ve got on you,” he said with a sneer. “I’ll need to speak to your adjustment companion about it.” I think he meant it as a threat but I just shrugged.
“Go ahead. I got the impression she doesn’t like you anymore than I do.”<
br />
“That just proves how wrong you are,” he said and flashed me a humourless grin.
“I think we’re starting up again,” Tommy said as he came up behind Jason, casually looking Jason over as if taking his measure. If it came to a fight I was betting on Tommy.
“Excellent, shall we take our seats?” I offered Tommy my arm and let him guide me back.
“That was an interesting information gathering technique,” Tommy said, throwing a glance over his shoulder at Jason, who had moved to the side of the room, preparing for his presentation. “I’d have gone with flirting if I’d been you.”
“He annoyed me, okay, Mr Judgey Pants? He claimed no one had escaped.”
Tommy raised his eyebrows. “You asked him outright?”
“Yeah, why? How do you do it?”
“A little more tactfully than that!”
“Okay, well, I’ll give the flirting a try next time. Just don’t leave me alone while we’re here, okay?”
Tommy raised his eyebrows at me. “You’re worried he could get violent?”
I shook my head. “No, but since we just had a semi-public spat I’m worried someone will kill him and I won’t have an alibi.”
“Why would someone kill him?” Tommy asked, watching Jason prepare.
“So they could frame me for his murder.”
“Why would someone do that?” Tommy asked, turning back to me.
I huffed a laugh as we returned to our seats. “I have no idea. It’s just the way the afterlife goes.”
Chapter Five
“Where did you get to this morning, Bridge?” Pete asked as I sat next to Sabrina in the canteen at lunch.
“You can’t answer that, hon,” Anna said. She placed her tray at the head of the table and grabbed a chair from beside Sabrina. Anna was basically sitting in the walkway, but since that was the only way she could sit next to me, and apparently she had to sit next to me, that’s what she’d taken to doing. In her defence, I did purposely sit at the end of the table with Sabrina on my other side. It was petty of me but it always felt like a small victory.
“Why not?” asked Charlie. He was the opposite of Pete in pretty much every way. Charlie was bigger than Pete, not fat but sturdy, with a full head of grey hair and a happy face littered with laughter lines.
“It’s confidential,” Anna said, stirring a large pot of cream into her tomato soup.
“Won’t that make it cold?” Sabrina mumbled to me, utter disgust all over her face as she watched Anna.
“That’s your main problem with that? The temperature?” I asked.
“Well, no one likes tepid soup,” Sabrina said and turned back to her chicken burger and chips.
“Was it like therapy or something?” Pete asked me.
“Whoa, why is your first thought therapy?” I asked. Pete didn’t say anything, just grinned at me.
“It was, Pete, after a fashion,” Anna said, placing the empty tub of cream on the table, still stirring her now pale orange soup.
“Because that worked out so well last time,” Sabrina said. “What type of therapy was it?”
“You can’t answer that, hon,” Anna said before gesturing to Sabrina with her spoon. “And you shouldn’t have asked, since I’ve just explained to Pete that it’s confidential.”
Pete, Charlie and I all stared at Sabrina. Waiting. Anna slurped her soup from her spoon, totally unaware of the hornets’ nest she had just battered with a meat tenderiser. Sabrina reached for her fork and Pete tensed as though he was about to launch over the table and tackle her for it at the first sign of movement toward Anna.
“Just to be clear,” Sabrina said as she forked up one of her chips and dipped the end in some ketchup at the edge of her plate. “When Pete asked Bridget where she was you told Bridget she couldn’t say. Then you told him it was therapy despite the fact I’m pretty sure Bridget’s attendance to therapy should be confidential unless she wishes to share it. But when I ask what type of therapy it was that’s confidential?”
“Exactly. I’m glad you understand, hon,” Anna said. She was quiet clearly the only person who missed Sabrina’s point. Anna slurped some more soup and then smacked her lips together. “I think it needs salt. Sabrina, hon, can you pass it over please?”
Sabrina passed the salt. “Y’know, Anna, there’s a reason why hypocrisy and bureaucracy sound so similar.”
“Really? What is it?” Anna asked as she looked up from salting her soup.
I looked over at Charlie, whose eyebrows had inched up while he stared down at his plate. Pete was scratching his earlobe and examining the ceiling.
“I forget,” Sabrina said. Once again, her point was lost on Anna. Sabrina turned to me. “So what type of therapy was it?”
“Sabrina!” Anna snapped and nearly choked on the mouthful of soup. There was a lot of choking going around lately.
“Are you okay, Anna? Do you need some water?” the man Anna had been talking to at Mendall Asylum asked as he walked up to our table.
“I’m fine, Burt, thank you,” Anna said, dabbing her mouth with her napkin. “What are you doing here?”
“I had to file some forms at reception. I thought you’d be at the meeting.”
“It was cancelled, wasn’t it?” she asked, spoon halfway to her mouth. Not even nearly choking could stop her eating.
“It was, then it wasn’t, then it was, then it wasn’t,” the man said and shook his head with a smile. “By the time you get there it’ll probably be cancelled again, but as far as I know right now, it’s on.”
She pointed to me but spoke to him. “I haven’t arranged cover.”
“I can cover her for you,” he offered.
“Oh, Burt, that would be so helpful.” Anna jumped up from her seat and quickly threw her arms around his neck to give him a full body hug.
I turned to glance at Sabrina, who was watching with a raised eyebrow. I wasn’t sure if that was in response to the hug, the covering me comment or the fact that Anna seemed to have a friend.
Anna released the man and pointed to me. “Behave. I don’t want to hear you’ve played up for Burt.”
I gave Anna my professional smile. “I’m sorry, Anna. I can see you’re pointing to me but I know you’re not talking to me. Not with that tone.”
“Or those words,” Sabrina added.
“And I’ve no idea who Burt is,” I said, gesturing around us. “You haven’t introduced me to anyone by that name. Nor do I know if he has the relevant experience to ‘cover’ me. And what happens if the situation becomes agitated?” I leaned toward her and lowered my voice into a stage whisper. “Will he cope?”
“Just go, Anna,” Burt said. “It’ll be fine.”
“What do you mean by agitated?” Sabrina asked.
“Anna believes that being attacked by Crazy Katie would constitute an ‘agitated situation’,” I explained.
“Who’s Crazy Katie?” Charlie asked.
“And why is she attacking you?” Pete added.
Anna hesitated, her attention jumping between all four of us. “Maybe I should just …”
“It’ll be fine, Anna.” Burt took hold of Anna’s upper arms and bent slightly so he could look into her face. “Trust me.”
Sabrina and I sucked down a breath in unison. Pete barked out a laugh and pointed between Sabrina’s face and mine. I turned to see she was wearing the same expression. You never trusted someone that said “trust me”. Ever. If someone needs to ask for your trust they are absolutely not worthy of it. It was like declaring you were a people person. If people can’t see that on their own and you have to tell them, then you’re not really a people person.
Sabrina gestured between us. “See? This is why we’re best friends.”
“I think the foundation of your friendship is troublemaking, not cynicism,” Charlie said, smiling as he sipped some of his coffee.
“Hey!” Anna tapped the tabletop to get our attention. “I’m serious, hon.”
“Yes, A
nna. That thick vein pulsing in your forehead is letting everyone know you’re serious,” I said and turned back to my lasagne.
“I’ve got this. Just go,” Burt said and handed Anna her lunch tray before she could say anything.
“I’ll meet you back at the asylum,” Anna said and dashed off without looking back. Burt watched her go. I very much got the feeling that Burt was sweet on Anna, but since Anna was leaving lipstick stains all over Oz, as well as our mugs, I was assuming the feeling wasn’t returned.
“I’m Burt.” Burt extended his hand. I shook it on good manners autopilot.
“It’s nice to meet you, Burt. I’m Bridget. This is Sabrina, Charlie and Pete,” I said, gesturing at everyone in turn.
They all exchanged polite platitudes and Burt sat in Anna’s relinquished seat.
“And, in case you were worried about these ‘agitated situations’, I used to be an adjustment companion so I’m fully qualified to handle any agitation.”
“So how come you work at the asylum now?” I asked. “I didn’t think you could switch jobs.”
Sabrina pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. “Oh my god, my brain is about to explode from questions. Did Anna actually say ‘asylum’? I thought I’d just misheard because—” Sabrina cut herself off, I assumed because she was about to acknowledge she’d been doing some illegal snooping about Crazy Katie.
“Because why?” Burt asked with a slight frown.
Sabrina shrugged with a heavy dose of nonchalance. “Because this whole place is like an asylum.”
Burt’s frowned deepened. “Right.”
“It wouldn’t have been Mendall Asylum, would it?” Sabrina asked, not making eye contact and moving her chips around her plate with her fork.
“Yep, I was—” I started and Sabrina grabbed my arm and tried to spin me to face her while I was still in my seat.
“Tell me everything!” Sabrina’s wide eyes had a touch of crazy in them.
I pulled my wrist from her hand and rubbed it. “Okay, now you know it creeps me out when you get like this. Just rein it in and we’ll talk.”
A Little More Dead Page 7
