A Little More Dead

by Jordaina Sydney Robinson

  Oz gestured to the set of double doors ahead of us. Emblazoned across them in bright red, uppercase letters were the words “restricted access”.

  “Er?” I pointed at the words as Oz pushed one door open. He held it open for me and motioned me through. I paused, waiting for an alarm to sound. It didn’t so I stepped through. I glanced around the floor-to-ceiling beige corridor looking for some type of security check or a way to enforce the “restricted access” but the corridor was empty.

  “The sign is enough for most people,” Oz said when he saw me looking around.

  I shook my head at him. “That just does not seem secure.”

  He gave me a small shrug and jerked his head in the direction of the corridor. “Come on.”

  “Where are we going? I’m not sure I want to be somewhere that requires special access.”

  “Don’t you trust me?” Oz asked as he offered me his hand. I made a non-committal noise and he arched an eyebrow at me. “Seriously?”

  I grumbled to myself but placed my hand in his and let him lead me down the restricted access rabbit hole.

  ∞

  “So, did you spray yourself in the face before or after you incapacitated Burt?” Sabrina asked as she sat next to me on the grass the next evening as we waited for our GA meeting to start.

  “I didn’t spray myself in the face at all,” I snapped. The soreness had eased after I’d made a quick trip to Madame Zorina’s office and asked Edith for advice. She knew all about ghost remedies so I figured she was probably the best person to ask.

  Sabrina leaned over to get a better look at my face. “Well, it looks like you sprayed yourself in the face.” She sniffed me and leaned back, frowning. “Why do you smell like—” She leaned forward, sniffed and then leaned back again. “Like something not very nice.”

  “Because you didn’t explain how to use the stupid pepper spray properly and you didn’t figure out who the murderer was!”

  Sabrina did that thing where she pulled her head back as though she were a turtle retreating into her shell in an attempt to deflect my accusations. “Okay, you didn’t work out who the murderer was either until he tried to kill you. And I didn’t think I needed to explain that you shouldn’t walk into the cloud of pepper spray you’ve just discharged into your attacker’s face. I kind of thought that was common sense. And neither of those things explain why you smell like you’ve spent the afternoon with livestock.”

  “For your information, I managed to work out that Burt was the killer before he tried to kill me.”

  “Uh-huh,” Sabrina said and pulled a length of ribbon from her pocket. “For future use.”

  “You want me to start wearing ribbons in my hair?” I asked, taking it from her. “I’m not really that sort of girl.”

  “I was thinking it might work better for hog-tying than your jumpsuit.”

  “How do you know about that?”

  “Since you weren’t at breakfast to give me all the details I read the police report. My favourite part was how you trussed Burt up with your jumpsuit and ran around the halls of a mental institution in your underwear shouting for Oz.”

  “I’m so glad my third near-death experience was so entertaining for you,” I mumbled.

  Sabrina turned her body to face me. “You know that I love you. You know that I’d be topping myself in a heartbeat if Burt had succeeding in killing you. And you know that I’d hug you to physically express that, since you seem to be into that lately, but you stink.”

  “Edith gave me some stuff for my face that would stop it from hurting,” I said, somewhat mollified by Sabrina’s statements.

  “What kind of stuff?” Sabrina leaned forward and sniffed my face.

  I put my hand on her shoulder and gently shoved her back. “Will you please stop sniffing me?”

  “What was in it?” Sabrina asked again.

  “I didn’t ask and the way Edith was trying to hold back her grimace as she handed me the pot told me I didn’t want to know.”

  “You just put some unknown concoction on your face that you assumed would make it all better?” Disbelief was thick in Sabrina’s voice. “That just does not sound like you at all. I think all this nicey-niceness has rotted your brain.”

  I grabbed her wrist and shook her hand in the direction of my face. “It was really sore. I had to sit through all of Anna’s smug insults this morning without so much as a facial twitch because it hurt so much. Oz made me eat runny porridge through a straw because I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough for a spoon. I’m pretty sure he thinks it’s the best injury ever because I can’t argue. So, no, I didn’t ask what was in it. I just put it on and prayed that my skin wouldn’t slide off my face.”

  “Well, that’s a delightful image.” Sabrina inclined her head. “Wait, why was Anna at breakfast? She’s not your adjustment companion anymore.”

  “Is that a statement or a question?” I asked. I hadn’t questioned her presence. I was so used to her being around it hadn’t occurred to me that it was odd.

  “It’s a statement. Her probation has been reinstated.”

  “How do you know?” I asked.

  “It was listed as one of the repercussions of the incident and a copy of the request for her probation to be reinstated was one of the forms in the case file.”

  “So, she’s not my adjustment companion anymore?”

  “Nope.”

  “Then why was she having breakfast at our house?”

  “Because she has no friends now Burt turned out to be a un-monogamous serial killer?” Sabrina shrugged. “So, what punishment did you get? Time added to your community service? The file didn’t say.”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think so. They didn’t mention that anyway.”

  “You don’t know? Didn’t they tell you?” Sabrina stared at me out of the corner of her eyes.

  “Nope, which I assume means I’ve escaped this time. You didn’t get any form of punishment either, right?”

  “Nope. So where were you today?”

  “Filling out paperwork for my new job.”

  Sabrina made several noises that sounded like they might be the beginnings of a sentence but none came to fruition. It was quite enjoyable to watch. She stopped trying to speak, inhaled deeply, then exhaled.

  “Can you explain that for me, please?” she asked in a calm and even tone that I assumed took a great deal of effort.

  “Not really. I told Oz I wasn’t happy in my job and the next thing I know I’m filling out paperwork for enrolment in something called the Vocational Training Programme. If I were still alive I’d say it sounded like an internship-type deal where they make people work for free, but since everyone here works for free—”

  “You’re applying for the VTP?” Sabrina looked like she was about to swallow her tongue.

  I sighed. “Why am I not surprised you know about this?”

  “Because you trust in my snooping abilities,” Sabrina said with a grin.

  “So, is it an internship-type deal?” I asked.

  Sabrina nodded. “You do each role for about three to six months before you move on. Usually, participants rotate around for a hundred or so years before they settle into a role.”

  “Wait. So I’ll learn a heap of different jobs and switch back and forth between them for a hundred years?”

  “Basically.”

  “That sounds a lot like I’m a temp.”

  “Basically. But at least you won’t get bored.”

  “No, I’ll just be that inept worker that everyone hates because they don’t understand their job,” I grumbled.

  “Ladies?” Eleanor called across the grounds from the doorway of the fort.

  Sabrina and I got up and headed in her direction. Eleanor checked over her shoulder when we got closer, stepped outside and enveloped me in a warm hug, patting my back.

  “I’m glad you’re okay, Bridget.” She leaned back and looked at my face. “What are we going to do with you, hmm? You can’t keep g
etting yourself into these situations.”

  “It’s Sabrina’s fault,” I said without missing a beat.

  “I don’t doubt that.” Eleanor gave Sabrina a good-natured frown before releasing me and pulling her into a hug. Sabrina hugged Eleanor back, not as awkwardly as I’d expected either. “I’m glad you’re okay too.”

  “Thanks, Eleanor,” Sabrina said.

  “Since you two have had yet another dramatic experience I thought it might be interesting for the group if you were to share your experiences. Not to encourage bad behaviour, but because it would save the weeks of whispered gossiping and I think the group would like to hear about it directly from you both.” Eleanor’s gaze lingered on Sabrina.

  Sabrina paused, almost as though she were checking to see if there was a trick in there somewhere, but finally she nodded. “Okay.”

  From where I stood it looked a lot like compromise to me. From the smile on Eleanor’s face I was pretty sure that was her interpretation too.

  We followed Eleanor inside and she addressed the group, explaining how the meeting would go. To my surprise the group seemed pretty receptive to it. But then, who doesn’t love a good murder mystery story? I let Sabrina tell most of it because she omitted all the illegalities without tripping herself up. Also, I figured I’d shared a lot with the group over the previous few days so it was her turn.

  Apart from Warren, who kept interrupting to add or correct Sabrina, the group listened with rapt attention. We took some questions afterward about how we’d worked out the murderer and stuff but that was all. And then the meeting was over.

  I was sneaking a couple of custard creams in my pocket when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I hesitated before turning around. It wasn’t theft since they were there for us, right?

  “Bridget?”

  I turned to see the blonde and the brunette who made up the Alibie duo. I still couldn’t work out which was which. I hesitated, looking between them, my attention settling on the brunette.

  “Yes, Alison?”

  Several expressions chased each other across the brunette’s face before what looked like an apology settled into place. She extended her hand to me. “I’m Debbie. This is Alison,” she said, gesturing to the blonde. “We should’ve introduced ourselves properly weeks ago.”

  I shook each of their hands in turn. “I’m at fault here, too. I should’ve made a point to learn everyone’s names.”

  “You were a little distracted with all the dead bodies,” Alison offered, making excuses for me.

  “Still, I don’t think my mam would consider that an acceptable reason for being rude,” I said.

  “You haven’t been rude, exactly. More like self-absorbed,” Alison offered in a considered tone.

  “Let’s draw a line under it and move forward,” brunette Debbie added quickly, I think before I could be offended by Alison’s comment. “We just wanted to come over and offer our support.”

  “I appreciate that, Debbie,” I said, making a point to use her name in the hope it would drill it into my brain.

  “We’re all in the same situation. We have to support each other,” Alison agreed.

  “Thank you, Alison,” I said, echoing the name in my head. Blonde was Alison. Brunette was Debbie. I could remember that. We stood looking at each other for a moment. Awkwardly.

  “We just wanted to say that. We should probably …” Debbie gestured over her shoulder and they both moved back in unison, turned and headed across the hall.

  “What was that about?” Sabrina asked as she came up next to me and frowned in the direction of the duo.

  “They came over to say hi,” I said and then laughed at the suspicion on Sabrina’s face.

  “You find out which was which?”

  I opened my mouth to say and nothing came out. I’d forgotten. In the minute since they’d told me their names I’d forgotten. How was that possible?

  Sabrina laughed at the dumbstruck expression on my face. I shook my head and stared at the duo as we headed toward the door. The brunette was Debbie?

  Eleanor grabbed hold of Sabrina’s arm as we passed her. “Thank you, Sabrina. I feel like this was the first time you actually joined the group. I hope you’ll keep it up.” There was a huge dollop of hope mixed in with the uncertainty in Eleanor’s voice.

  Sabrina made a non-committal noise and gave a small shrug. Eleanor placed a hand on Sabrina’s arm. “Just a comment or two, every now and then, that’s all.”

  The raw hope on Eleanor’s face stung me to look at.

  Sabrina coughed. “I could probably manage that.”

  Eleanor’s face split into a huge grin and Sabrina edged closer to me. Eleanor noticed and tamed her expression. She nodded and moved to speak to another member of our group without saying anything further.

  “What’s wrong with you? A comment or two won’t kill you,” I said, as we headed out into the evening air.

  Sabrina glanced behind us, her face screwed up like a prune. “It’s not that.”

  “What’s up then?”

  “I feel … better.”

  “What do you mean? You were feeling ill? I told you to stop sniffing my face.”

  “No, about Eleanor.”

  “Ohhh, you mean that wholesome, soaring feeling of satisfaction that makes your chest swell when you make someone else happy?” I asked and Sabrina nodded. “I know. It’s disgusting, isn’t it?”

  “I do not like it at all,” Sabrina agreed and then jerked her head in Oz’s direction. “Looks like your chaperon’s here. I thought since all the murdering is temporarily over he’d give you a little more freedom.”

  “I don’t think he knows what that word means.” I snorted in response. “And what do you mean temporarily over?”

  “This is the third spate in a couple of months. I just don’t see the murdery nature of the afterlife stopping any time soon.”

  I shook my head. “That sounds a lot like your wishful thinking to me.”

  “I have absolutely no idea what you mean,” Sabrina said with a smile.

  “Sabrina, nice to see you,” Oz said as he walked toward us.

  Sabrina gave him a professional nod of acquaintance. “You too.”

  “Ready to go?” Oz asked me and I nodded.

  “See you at breakfast.” Sabrina gave me a quick hug and tunnelled away.

  Oz offered me his hand. I took it and he tunnelled us back. We landed in the garden.

  “Good meeting?” he asked as we wandered up the garden to the patio.

  I gave him a shrug. “Yeah, it was okay.”

  “Anything you want to talk about?” he asked, slowing as we got closer to the patio.

  “Nope. Anything you want to talk about?” I asked. There was no reason to think there was anything wrong, and yet …

  “Actually, there is something I need to talk to you about.” He gestured to the deck chairs set up on the patio. I was pretty sure they hadn’t been there when I left for the GA meeting. Did that mean he’d set them specifically for this talk?

  “I’m not going to like this, am I?” I asked as I sat down.

  He shook his head. “No.”

  “Well at least you’re not sugar coating it.”

  He didn’t sit down in the chair next to me. He crouched down in front of me, his folded arms resting across my knees, steadying him. To an outsider it might have looked like an affectionate gesture, and I was pretty sure there was some affection involved, but I also got the feeling it was a way to keep me in place.

  “Spit it out,” I said when he made no move to speak.

  “You know that both Clem and Mark have graduated into fully functioning, well-adjusted members of the afterlife and no longer have to live here?”

  “We have two new housemates?” I didn’t even bother to try to hide the disgust in my tone. “I’ve just gotten used to those three.”

  “I know. And I’m really pleased with how well you’re all getting along. They take their cue from you on a lot of th
ings, so it’s really important that you’re welcoming to our new housemates, okay?”

  I grimaced. “What if I don’t like them, though?”

  “That’s a childish attitude.”

  “Uh-huh. And when was the last time you woke up with someone’s feet on your face?”

  “Will you do this for me?”

  I sighed. “Fine.”

  Oz angled his head, using his emotion surveillance radar to check I was telling the truth. “You’re not going to argue or try to barter?”

  “What’s the point? I’m still waiting on mascara you promised me weeks ago. I don’t even want to mention the fact that the one set of underwear I have is still on a wash and wear cycle. I was considering going commando but that whole Mendall thing highlighted what a bad idea that would’ve been.”

  Oz paused, his face frozen in an expression I couldn’t quiet read. He swallowed and nodded. “Okay. We’ll go shopping tomorrow and get you some underwear.”

  “Will we, though?” I asked.

  “If you promise to give your new housemates a chance.”

  “So you’re bribing me, now?”

  “No. You’ve already agreed to be welcoming. This is just me reminding you that you’ve agreed and separately offering to buy you underwear.” Oz paused and gave his head a slight shake. Obviously hearing the craziness of his statement.

  “I’m assuming I get to choose where we get it from?”

  “Yes.”

  “Okay, then.” I jiggled my knees to signal he should move his arms. He stood and I offered him my hands so he could pull me up. “Let’s get this over with.”

  “Bridget—”

  “Yes, I’ll be nice!” I said, a little exasperated. “How many times?”

  “Promise?”

  “I promise. Can we go inside now?”

  Oz gestured for me to lead the way. I took a deep breath, hitched my professional smile into place. I could be nice. These people had just died, after all. They were going through a tough time. I could relate to that. I squared my shoulders and opened the door. I glanced around at the faces inside and closed the door again. I turned to face Oz.

  “Keep your underwear. It’s summer. I’ll go commando.”