“You’re really going to leave me right now?”
“I don’t need to nowadays, baby,” he said in a thick old tyme, southern accent. “We got these things, they’re texting machines, and I can even make what these newfangled folks call a phone call.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re a butt.”
He grinned and snagged his phone off the nightstand, firing off a text. “Done.”
I bit back a yawn. “I’m going to text Michelle’s mom, then can we sleep?”
“Yeah, baby, we can.”
I nodded, digging my phone out of my purse and sending a quick text. Her mom texted back that there still wasn’t any news, so I curled up against Merrick and quickly fell asleep.
Remington
The peal of my phone broke through my restful sleep and I groaned as I grabbed it off the nightstand. “Hello?”
Sobbing came through and I sat up.
“Rem?” she said on a hiccup.
“Natalie?”
“Honey, she’s gone.”
“Who’s gone?”
“Michelle.”
“Gone where?” I asked, still not completely awake.
“Honey, she’s dead.”
“What?” I squeaked, and Merrick’s arm wrapped around my waist. “How?”
“Her heart stopped again, and they couldn’t get it started again.”
“No.” I slid off the bed and made my way to my bag. “They have to keep trying. She’ll come back. Zap her or something.”
“Honey, they did everything they could. The chemo was too much. Her body couldn’t handle it anymore.”
“Are you at the hospital?” I asked. “I’ll come and talk to the doctor.”
“Yes, I’m here, but, honestly, sweetness, you don’t want to be here.”
“I’m coming right now. I’ll wake Kennedy.”
“No, honey, please don’t.”
Before I could argue, my phone was pulled from my hand and Merrick took over. “Natalie? Hey, it’s Finch. What do you need?”
I huffed. “She needs to get the doctor—”
Merrick held his hand up and shook his head. When I opened my mouth to argue, he walked into the bathroom. “Yeah, Natalie, we can do that.” I followed, but he walked back into the bedroom before I got to him. “Yeah, sweetheart, we got you. Okay. We’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hanging up, he dropped my phone on the bed and closed the distance between us. I sidestepped him as I pulled a T-shirt over my head and grabbed my jeans off the floor.
“Rem, we’re not leaving here tonight.”
“You might not be, but I am.”
He wrapped an arm around my waist and anchored me to his body. “No. You’re. Not.”
“Let me go.”
“No.”
“I have to tell the doctors to try again.”
“Honey, she’s gone.”
I shook my head. “Let me go.”
“I’m here, Rem. I got you.”
“She’s not dead,” I whispered. “She can’t be gone.”
His arms wrapped around me like a gentle vice and he stroked my back. That’s when I lost my shit...on his chest. In the form of my fists. He let me go for a few seconds before grabbing my wrists and pulling my arms behind me and I dropped my face in his chest and sobbed. He somehow guessed my legs couldn’t hold me and slid his arm under my knees, lifting me onto the bed and stretching us out so he could pull me into his arms.
“I’m here, baby.”
“She can’t be dead. She can’t. She was supposed to fight.”
“She did fight, honey.”
“I need more time. I still have to do the swab thing. Have them take my blood, save her life.”
“We’ll do the swab thing in her name, honey. Save someone else.”
“I don’t want to save someone else. I want Michelle back.”
A loud bang sounded on the door, then Kennedy bellowed, “Remi, open the door.”
Merrick slid off the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans, while I wrapped a sheet around me. He yanked open the door and Kennedy rushed in. Mouse stayed in the hallway while Kennedy wrapped me in a hug. “Did you hear?”
“Yeah, honey, Natalie called.”
“She won’t let us go down to the hospital.”
I sighed. “I know.”
“What the fuck, Remi?”
“We’ll take you down tomorrow,” Merrick said.
“I want to go down there tonight,” Kennedy snapped.
“I think Michelle’s parents need some time alone with her,” I said. “We should give them that, honey.”
“Why the hell is she dead?” Kennedy whispered.
I wrapped my arms around her. “I don’t know. It sucks.”
“Kennedy,” Mouse said from the threshold. “Come get some rest, we’ll head to the hospital tomorrow.”
“Fucked you once, buddy, doesn’t mean you get to boss me around.”
He chuckled. “Funny you think that. Come on, baby.”
She rolled her eyes, hugged me again, then left me alone with Merrick.
“I need alcohol,” I admitted.
“What ya want?” Merrick asked.
“Amaretto sours. Lots of them.”
“You wanna come with me or stay here?”
I leaned against him, squeezing his arm. “Come with you. Does that sound super needy?”
“So fuckin’ needy, baby,” he deadpanned. “We’ll get you tipsy enough to sleep and we can discuss you getting some therapy when you wake up.”
“I love how willing you are to take care of me.”
“It’s my life’s goal. I’m in service of the queen.”
I smiled sadly up at him. “I like the sound of that.”
He stroked my cheek. “You’re gonna get through this, honey. I’m here.”
I blinked back tears and nodded. “Thanks, Tweety.”
He kissed me gently, then we headed downstairs to find booze.
* * *
The next morning, I awoke to discover a voicemail from Natalie. I couldn’t believe I’d slept through my phone ringing, but I’d drunk enough to make me forget for a little while, so that meant I’d drunk enough to sleep through the rest of the night without waking.
“Hi, honey. Michelle is headed to Shady Pines Funeral home. If you and Kennedy want to meet me there at four this afternoon, you can spend some time with her before they get her ready for cremation. If you can’t make it, that’s absolutely okay. Just let me know.”
She hung up and I flopped back onto the bed.
“Bad news?” Merrick asked as he pulled me over his chest.
“Kennedy and I can go down to the funeral home at four. She’s going to be cremated, but Michelle always wanted to donate her body to science.”
“She might not qualify now if her heart’s destroyed.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Mom wanted to do the same thing, but she kind of blew her head off, so...”
“Oh, god,” I whispered, hugging him tight.
“She was far too damaged, so Dad had her cremated as well.”
“I’m so sorry you had to deal with that.”
“Yeah, it fucking sucked.”
“I don’t doubt it.” I kissed him just over his Dogs of Fire tattoo. “I love you.”
“Love you back.”
“You don’t need to come with me today. Kennedy and I can go.”
“You seriously think you’re going anywhere alone right now?”
“No. I just wanted to give you an out.”
“I don’t want a fucking out,” he ground out. “I’m driving you.”
I nodded against his chest. “Thanks, honey.”
“You’re welcome.” He gave me a gentle squeeze. “How are you feeling?”
“Not bad, surprisingly.” I smiled up at him. “The water and ibuprofen helped.”
“Good,” he said.
It hadn’t been lost on me that Merrick had watched me like a hawk as I dr
ank one amaretto sour after another, then foregoing the sour, making sure I drank water in between each new beverage. He’d virtually carried me up to his room before making sure I took ibuprofen before we fell into bed. He’d tended to both my physical and emotional needs, as I was realizing he always did.
“You always take care of me,” I whispered.
He kissed my temple. “I was serious when I said I’m in service of the queen.”
“I’m letting that sink in, honey.”
“Fuckin’ finally,” he breathed out.
I rolled my eyes even as I snuggled closer.
“You hungry?”
“Starved,” I admitted.
“Want your man to make you breakfast?”
“Is bacon on the table?”
“Bacon’s always on the table,” he said.
“Then, yes, I’d like my man to make me breakfast.”
He kissed me gently, then slid out of bed and pulled on his jeans and a T-shirt.
* * *
I gripped Merrick’s hand as we walked into the funeral home. Kennedy walked with us, her shoulders drooped, her defeated countenance so unlike her normal self. She refused to let Mouse come with her, making it clear (again) he was a one-night stand and it would never be more than that. I had to give it to Mouse, he took it like a man and didn’t seem to let her rejection faze him.
We were met by Mr. Lamb, who was an older man, balding and thin, with a calm and gentle demeanor. “I am so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“Michelle’s parents are with her now. Will you follow me?”
I nodded, and Kennedy led the way, following Mr. Lamb.
“Whatever you need, Rem,” Merrick whispered as we were ushered to where Michelle was waiting.
Natalie sat between her husband, Don, and son, Gabriel, and turned with a sad smile as Kennedy and I walked in. I hadn’t seen Michelle’s dad, Don, in ages, but now he sat with his arm tight around Natalie and he looked wrecked. Understandably. Michelle was their only daughter and she’d always been a daddy’s girl.
Gabe and I were friends. Not like Michelle and I were friends, but he and his sister were close, so he was often at the same parties, bars, clubs, and get-togethers we frequented. If he’d had a vagina, he would have been the fourth in our group.
We made our way to them and they stood and hugged us tight, Gabe holding me a little longer than the rest, then they hung back and I walked with Kennedy up the three stairs to where Michelle was lying in a very simple but elegant casket.
Kennedy took my hand and squeezed, then reached in and fixed Michelle’s collar. “She has to look her best.”
“Very true,” I agreed as tears poured down my face.
Michelle used to joke that she wanted no hair out of place, even when she started losing it. She’d made the decision to shave her head the second her hair started falling out. I stroked her cheek, her skin so pale and soft it felt as thin as paper, but even in death she was beautiful.
All such a waste.
Strong arms wrapped around me from behind as I crumpled, and Merrick carried me to a row of chairs next to Gabe, settling me on his lap as he sat down. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to stop crying, because I was a friend who had lost a friend, but Don and Natalie had lost their child. But I couldn’t get a grip on my emotions and I sobbed uncontrollably into Merrick’s neck.
It was real...all way too real. My best friend was dead. There was no way to bring her back and I was instantly lost.
“It’s okay, honey,” Natalie crooned, rubbing my back. “Let it out.”
“I’m so...sorry...Natalie. I didn’t...want to cry.”
“Oh, baby, it’s okay to cry.”
“But she was your daughter. It’s sadder for you,” I rasped.
“Sweetness, I know how y’all feel about each other. You were...are sisters. It’s sad, so be sad. Your pain is no less real than mine. It’s okay.”
I nodded into Merrick’s chest, letting the sadness swamp me. Kennedy sat beside Natalie and they held each other as Michelle’s dad left the room. He was a stoic man, so that didn’t surprise me, but it did make me cry a little harder.
Merrick stroked my hair and pulled me closer as I wept into his shirt. I couldn’t seem to stop, the loss so intense, the pain so visceral. I didn’t know what I was going to do without her. I didn’t know what the world was going to do without her.
I don’t know how long we sat there, him holding me, Natalie and Kennedy holding each other, but the lights in the room came on, so I figured it was probably getting dark outside.
I’d stopped crying, but continued to burrow into the warmth and safety of Merrick’s body. Mr. Lamb cleared his throat and Natalie nodded, rising to her feet. “We should go. You can both come back tomorrow if you like. She’ll be cremated on Monday, then we’ll work on a memorial service.”
“I can help with that,” I said.
“Me too,” Kennedy agreed.
“Thank you. We’ll really need your input.”
Don had come back into the room a while ago, but he hadn’t said a thing. He still didn’t as he hugged me tight, kissing the top of my head, doing the same to Kennedy.
“Remi, you got a second?” Gabe asked, and I nodded, pulling away from Merrick.
Gabe slid his arm around my shoulders and led me off to the side of the room, out of earshot of the group. He pulled me in for a hug and I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at Merrick whose body had just locked, as his gaze hyper-focused on Gabe. I pulled away from my friend, but let him keep hold of my hand.
“Who’s the guy, Rem?”
“Merrick. I met him a couple of years ago.”
“A biker.”
“A lawyer.”
“He’s a fuckin’ lawyer and a biker?” Gabe asked, his tone one of disgust.
“Yeah.” I pulled my hand away and crossed my arms. “And I love him, so how about you stow your attitude?”
“Don’t like that you’re with some biker gang.”
“Oh my god, Gabe, I’m not with a biker gang,” I snapped. He was acting like a jealous boyfriend and I wanted nothing to do with it. “I can’t believe you’re pulling all this shit in front of your parents, at Michelle’s viewing. It’s totally inappropriate, not to mention, none of your business.”
“Time to go,” Merrick said, stepping between me and Gabe and taking my hand. He stood facing Gabe, which meant, I was hidden and protected...like always.
“Excuse me, I was speaking with Remington.”
“And now you’re done,” Merrick said.
“I beg to differ.”
“Don’t give a fuck. You wanna talk to Remington, you call or text and set up a more appropriate time. But, you’re on notice. If you plan to lay into her like you’re doing right now, you’re not getting anywhere near her.”
“You her guard dog?”
“Yeah, you could say that,” Merrick retorted.
“Gabe, text me, okay?” I said, gripping Merrick’s arm with my free hand. Our fingers were still linked, and I held on tight, taking his support. “Maybe we can get together after the memorial service. Sound good?”
“We’re leaving now,” Kennedy announced, glaring at Gabe. She’d never been the biggest fan of Michelle’s brother, but that was probably because she’d hit it and quit it, and broke his heart a little. He hadn’t handled it well, and made her life difficult whenever he could, which made Kennedy rage a little.
Merrick wrapped his arm around my waist, gave Gabe a chin lift, then walked me and Kennedy out to the lobby where several of the Dogs were waiting...including Mouse.
Kennedy made a beeline for him, falling against him as his arms wrapped around her like a vice. This was interesting...and weird. Kennedy said she only believed in one-night stands. She wasn’t relationship material and refused to be tied down. I was getting the impression her opinion may be changing on that front.
Merrick took my hand again, and a few of the bi
kers gathered around and formed a protective circle as we stepped outside. Once inside the car, I noticed Kennedy didn’t follow.
“Mouse has her,” Merrick explained. “We’ll head back to the compound and you can get drunk with everyone or we can hang in my room.”
“I don’t want to see anyone.”
“Okay, baby, we don’t have to see anyone.”
“You can hang with your brothers, honey. I’ll be okay.”
“If you think I’m leaving you alone, you’re high.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Tweety.”
He linked his fingers with mine. “You’re welcome, Eeyore.”
Arriving back at the compound, we parked toward the back of the property, considering the parking areas were packed with bikes and family cars. I really didn’t want to see anyone, but I didn’t need to worry, Merrick guided me in the back and up a different set of stairs, away from the crowd. I knew Kennedy would be tended to, so I let Merrick take me to his room and I curled up on the newly made bed, hugging a pillow to my chest.
“I’m gonna go grab food,” Merrick said, kissing my cheek. “I won’t be long.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
“Text me if you have a craving.”
“Pickles and ice cream.”
“Okay, baby.”
“And wine.”
“Got it.”
“Burger,” I said.
He chuckled. “I’m going, honey. Text me if you want more.”
I nodded, and he headed out.
* * *
I woke to an empty bed. A little discombobulated as to where I was, it took me a second to realize I was in only my panties and tucked into Merrick’s bed.
I sat up and reached for the lamp on the nightstand, flipping it on and finding a note sitting underneath.
Downstairs, baby. Text me if I’m not next to you. Tweety.
I noticed Merrick had plugged my phone in and set it next to the note, so I sent him a quick text to let him know I was awake, then headed to the bathroom.
“Rem?” Merrick called, apparently having flown up the stairs.
“Bathroom,” I called back as I washed my hands.
“You okay?” he asked from the doorway.
“I don’t like waking up and finding you not next to me,” I said and dried my hands. “But other than that, I’m good.”
He held his arm out and I walked into his hug. “I was saying hi to a couple people. Sorry I wasn’t here.”
Road to Freedom Page 11
