by Gene Wolfe
Page 54
The Autarch.
In Theclas memories I saw him robed in jewels. Although he had said he recognized me, I could not believe in my dazed state that it was so, and I gave him the code phrase he had once given me, saying, "The pelagic argosy sights land. "
"It does. It does indeed. Yet if you fall overboard now, Im afraid Mamillians not quite quick enough to catch you. . . despite his undoubted wisdom. Give him as much help as you can. Im not as strong as I look. "
I got some part of the trilhoens mount in one hand and was able to pull myself around on the musty-smelling mat that was the mammoths hide. "To speak the truth," I said, "youve never looked strong to me. "
"You have the professional eye and ought to know, but Im not even as strong as that. You, on the other hand, have always seemed to me a construction of horn and boiled leather. And you must be, or youd be dead by now. What happened to your leg?"
"Burned, I think. "
"Well have to get you something for it. " He raised his voice slightly. " Home! Back home, Mamillian!"
"May I ask what youre doing here?"
"Having a look at the field of battle. You fought here today, I take it. "
I nodded, though I felt my head would tumble from my shoulders.
"I didnt. . . or rather, I did, but not personally. I ordered certain bodies of light auxiliaries into action, with a legion of peltasts in support. I suppose you must have been one of the auxiliaries. Were any of your friends killed?"
"I only had one. She was all right the last time I saw her. " His teeth flashed in the moonlight. "You maintain your interest in women. Was it the Dorcas you told me of?"
"No. It doesnt matter. " I did not quite know how to phrase what I was about to say. (It is the worst of bad manners to state openly that one has penetrated an incognito. ) At last I managed, "I can see you hold high rank in our Commonwealth. If it wont get me pushed from the back of this animal, can you tell me what someone who commands legions was doing conducting that place in the Algedonic Quarter?"
While I spoke, the night had grown rapidly darker, the stars winking out one after another like the tapers in a hall when the ball is over and footmen walk among them with snuffers like mitres of gold dangling from spidery rods. At a great distance I heard the androgyne say, "You know who we are. We are the thing itself, the self-ruler, the Autarch. We know more. We know who you are. " Master Malrubius was, as I realize now, a very sick man before he died. At the time I did not know it, because the thought of sickness was foreign to me. At least half our apprentices, and perhaps more than half, died before they were raised to journeyman; but it never occurred to me that our tower might be an unhealthy place, or that the lower reaches of Gyoll, where we so often swam, were little purer than a cesspool. Apprentices had always died, and when we living apprentices dug their graves we turned up small pelvises and skulls, which we, the succeeding generation, reburied again and again until they were so much injured by the spade that their chalky particles were lost in the tarlike soil. I, however, never suffered more than a sore throat and a running nose, forms of sickness that serve only to deceive healthy people into the belief that they know in what disease consists. Master Malrubius suffered real illness, which is to see death in shadows.
As he stood at his little table, one felt that he was conscious of someone standing behind him. He looked straight to the front, never turning his head and hardly moving a shoulder, and he spoke as much for that unknown listener as for us.
"I have done my best to teach you boys the rudiments of learning. They are the seeds of trees that should grow and blossom in your minds. Severian, look to your Q. It should be round and full like the face of a happy boy, but one of its cheeks is as fallen-in as your own. You have all, all you boys, seen how the spinal cord, lifting itself toward its culmination, expands and at last blossoms in the myriad pathways of the brain. And this one, one cheek round, the other seared and shriveled. "
His trembling hand reached for the slate pencil, but it escaped his fingers and rolled over the edge of the table to clatter on the floor. He did not stoop to pick it up, fearful, I think, that in stooping he might glimpse the invisible presence.
"I have spent much of my life, boys, in trying to implant those seeds in the apprentices of our guild. I have had a few successes, but not many. There was a boy, but he - "
He went to the port and spat, and because I was sitting near it I saw the twisted shapes formed by the seeping blood and knew that the reason I could not see the dark figure (for death is of the color that is darker than fuligin) that accompanied him was that it stood within him.
Just as I had discovered that death in a new form, in the shape of war, could frighten me when it could no longer do so in its old ones, so I learned now that the weakness of my body could afflict me with the terror and despair my old teacher must have felt. Consciousness came and went.
Consciousness went and came like the errant winds of spring, and I, who so often have had difficulty in falling asleep among the besieging shades of memory, now fought to stay awake as a child struggles to lift a faltering kite by the string. At times I was oblivious to everything except my injured body. The wound in my leg, which I had hardly felt when I received it, and whose pain I had so effortlessly locked away when Daria had bandaged it, throbbed with an intensity that formed the background to all my thoughts, like the rumbling of the Drum Tower at the solstice. I turned from side to side, thinking always that I lay upon that leg. I had hearing without sight and occasionally sight without hearing. I rolled my cheek from the matted hair of Mamillian and laid it on a pillow woven of the minute, downy feathers of hummingbirds. Once I saw torches with dancing flames of scarlet and radiant gold held by solemn apes. A man with the horns and muzzled face of a bull bent over me, a constellation sprung to life. I spoke to him and found myself telling him that I was unsure of the precise date of my birth, that if his benign spirit of meadow and unfeigning force had governed my life 1 thanked him for it; then remembered that I knew the date, that my father had given a ball for me each year until his death, that it fell under the Swan. He listened intently, turning his head to watch me from one brown eye.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR - THE FLIER
Sunlight in my face.
I tried to sit up, and in fact succeeded in getting one elbow beneath me. All about me shimmered an orb of color - purple and cyan, ruby and azure, with the orpiment of the sun piercing these enchanted tints like a sword to fall upon my eyes. Then it was blotted out, and its extinction revealed what its splendor had obscured: I lay in a domed pavilion of variegated silk, with an open door.
The rider of the mammoth was walking toward me. He was robed in saffron, as I had always seen him, and carried an ebony rod too light to be a weapon. "You have recovered," he said.
"Id try and say yes, but Im afraid the effort of speaking might kill me. "
He smiled at that, though the smile was no more than a twitching of the mouth. "As you should know better than almost anyone, the sufferings we endure in this life make possible all the happy crimes and pleasant abominations we shall commit in the next. . . arent you eager to collect?"
I shook my head and laid it on the pillow again. The softness smelled faintly of musk.
"That is just as well, because it will be some time before you do. "
"Is that what your physician says?"
"I am my own, and Ive been treating you myself. Shock was the principal problem. . . It sounds like a disorder for old women, as you are no doubt thinking at this moment. But it kills a great many men with wounds. If all of mine who die of it would only live, I would readily consent to the death of those who take a thrust in the heart. "
"While you were being your own physician - and mine-were you telling the truth?"
He smiled more broadly at that. "I always do. In my position, I have to talk too much to keep a skein of lies in order; of course, you must realize that the truth. . . the little, ordinary truths t
hat farm wives talk of, not the ultimate and universal Truth, which Im no more capable of uttering than you. . . that truth is more deceptive. "
"Before I lost consciousness, I heard you say you are the Autarch. " He threw himself down beside me like a child, his body making a distinct sound as it struck the piled carpets. "I did. I am. Are you impressed?"
"I would be more impressed," I said, "if I did not recall you so vividly from our meeting in the House Azure. " (That porch, covered with snow, heaped with snow that deadened our footsteps, stood in the silken pavilion like a specter. When the Autarchs blue eyes met mine, I felt that Roche stood beside me in the snow, both of us dressed in unfamiliar and none-too-well-fitting clothes. Inside, a woman who was not Thecla was transforming herself into Thecla as I was later to make myself Meschia, the first man. Who can say to what degree an actor assumes the spirit of the person he portrays? When I played the Familiar, it was nothing, because it was so close to what I was - or had at least believed myself to be - in life; but as Meschia I had sometimes had thoughts that could never have occurred to me otherwise, thoughts alien equally to Severian and to Thecla, thoughts of the beginnings of things and the morning of the world. )
"I never told you, you will recall, that I was only the Autarch. "
"When I met you in the House Absolute, you appeared to be a minor official of the court. I admit you never told me that, and in fact I knew then who you were. But it was you, wasnt it, who gave the money to Dr. Talos?"
"I would have told you that without a blush. It is completely true. In fact, I am several of the minor officials of my court. . . Why shouldnt I be? I have the authority to appoint such officials, and I can just as well appoint myself. An order from the Autarch is often too heavy an instrument, you see. You would never have tried to slit a nose with that big headsmans sword you carried. There is a time for a decree from the Autarch, and a time for a letter from the third bursar, and I am both and more besides. "
"And in that house in the Algedonic Quarter - "
"I am also a criminal. . . just as you are. " There is no limit to stupidity. Space itself is said to be bounded by its own curvature, but stupidity continues beyond infinity. I, who had always thought myself, though not truly intelligent, at least prudent and quick to learn simple things, who had always counted myself the practical and foreseeing one when I had traveled with Jonas or Dorcas, had never until that instant connected the Autarchs position at the very apex of the structure of legality with his certain knowledge that I had penetrated the House Absolute as an emissary of Vodalus. At that moment, I would have leaped up and fled from the pavilion if I could, but my legs were like water.
"All of us are - all of us must be who must enforce the law. Do you think your guild brothers would have been so severe with you - and my agent reports that many of them wished to kill you - if they had themselves been guilty of something of the same kind? You were a danger to them unless you were terribly punished because they might otherwise someday be tempted. A judge or a jailer who has no crime of his own is a monster, alternately purloining the forgiveness that belongs to the Increate alone and practicing a deathly rigor that belongs to no one and nothing.
"So I became a criminal. The violent crimes offended my love of humanity, and I lack the quickness of hand and thought required of a thief. After blundering about for some time. . . that would be in about the year you were born, I suppose. . . I found my true profession. It takes care of certain emotional needs I cannot now satisfy otherwise. . . and I have, I really do have, a knowledge of human nature. I know just when to offer a bribe and how much to give, and, the most important thing, when not to. I know how to keep the girls who work for me happy enough with their careers to continue, and discontented enough with their fates. . . Theyre khaibits, of course, grown from the body cells of exultant women so an exchange of blood will prolong the exultants youth. I know how to make my clients feel that the encounters I arrange are unique experiences instead of something midway between dewy-eyed romance and solitary vice. You felt that you had a unique experience, didnt you?"
"Thats what we call them too," I said. " Clients. " I had been listening as much to the tone of his voice as to his words. He was happy, as I thought he had not been on either of the other occasions on which I had encountered him, and to hear him was like hearing a thrush speak. He almost seemed to know it himself, lifting his face and extending his throat, the R s in arrange and romance trilled into the sunlight.
"It is useful too. It keeps me in touch with the underside of the population, so I know whether or not taxes are really being collected and whether theyre thought fair, which elements are rising in society and which are going down. "
I sensed that he was referring to me, though I had no idea what he meant. "Those women from the court," I said.
"Why didnt you get the real ones to help you? One of them was pretending to be Thecla when Thecla was locked under our tower. " He looked at me as though I had said something particularly stupid, as no doubt I had. "Because I cant trust them, of course. A thing like that has to remain a secret. . . Think of the opportunities for assassination. Do you believe that because all those gilded personages from ancient families bow so low in my presence, and smile, and whisper discreet jokes and lewd little invitations, they feel some loyalty to me? You will learn differently, you may be sure. There are few at my court I can trust, and none among the exultants. "
"You say Ill learn differently. Does that mean you dont intend to have me executed?" I could feel the pulse in my neck and see the scarlet gout of blood.
"Because you know my secret now? No. We have other uses for you, as I told you when we talked in the room behind the picture. "
"Because I was sworn to Vodalus. "
At that his amusement mastered him. He threw back his head and laughed, a plump and happy child who had just discovered the secret of some clever toy. When the laughter subsided at last into a merry gulping, he clapped his hands. Soft though they looked, the sound was remarkably loud.
