Even Elliot laughed, Logan noted.
“You’re not the best stripper I’ve ever seen,” Cole returned. “But, I’d let you dance on my coffee table any time you want to stop by.”
She slipped into the driver’s seat, still laughing and shut the door behind her.
Elliot pushed Logan to the door. “I think I changed my mind. You’re going to be just fine, Logan. I’m sure of it.”
That made one of them, he thought, as he lowered himself into the passenger side of the car. When he closed the door, Beth wasted no time in backing out of the driveway and taking off.
“Any particular place you want to head? North? West? Anything you want to see?” she asked.
He shook his head. “You didn’t give me much time to plan anything. I don’t have a route mapped out just yet,” he answered, hoping she heard the terseness in his voice.
She let out a laugh, barely stopping at a stop sign and nearly squealing the tires as she went around a corner. Logan gripped the door handle.
“Slow down, Danica Patrick. I don’t want to lose any more limbs.”
“I’ll have you know I’m an excellent driver,” she argued, looking at him and not the road. “I’m just rusty.”
“Well, let me give you a hint. The big red sign with eight sides means stop. Nothing else. Just stop.”
“I stopped,” she insisted.
“You blew through that sign at thirty.”
She sent him a scathing look. “Thirty? Come on now.”
“Okay,” he conceded. “But you blew through it.”
“Rolled,” she wheedled. “I rolled through it.”
He sighed.
“There’s a train station not far from here. Want to take a train into the city? See a show or something? I read about a place that makes sushi burritos.”
Logan pulled a face. “Sushi burritos? Why does that sound like the most unappealing thing I’ve ever heard of?”
“Do you like sushi?” she asked.
“I do,” he told her. “I’m just not sure I want to mix it with a burrito.”
“Are you feeling the city or do you want to just drive and see where we get?”
“I’m more comfortable with an actual plan,” he admitted. “I’ve never really done something like this before.”
“Well, lucky for you there’s a tiny device in your pocket with all the information in the world on it. Take a look and tell me where you want to go? I’m thinking west,” she said. “South will end too quickly and we’ll have to double back, but it’s warm. North is way too close to Freehope and I don’t want to go that way. East is the ocean, so I think that’s out. West seems like the best option.”
“West, it is,” he agreed, powering up his phone. “I’ve never seen the Grand Canyon.”
A small smile lit her lips, her eyes bright as she glanced at him. “We better get a map somewhere so you can start marking stops. I don’t want to miss anything.”
“I think I can remember,” he argued.
Beth shrugged. “I’ll get one. No worries. Besides, I like maps.”
“Really?” he asked, curious in her response.
She shrugged. She sat close to the wheel when she drove, her short legs stretched out far in front of her. Her hands were at ten and two but she still managed to seem reckless, somehow. He wondered if it was her driving or he just felt that about her in general. “My dad was always a bit of a planner,” she was saying. “I think it was because he was a teacher, you know, but he was big on mapping everything out. Family trips were a big production with spreadsheets and long checklists. Sometimes, he’d let me sit in the front seat and hold the map for him.”
He warmed at the idea of Beth as a child, sitting in the front seat of the family car, feet not touching the ground with an oversized map in her hands. Spencer and Alexa would be arguing in the back while Andy watched the scenery out the window.
It took him a second to realize that he hadn’t taken her mother into account.
“What kind of car was it?”
“Huh?”
“When you were a kid. What kind of car did you take on family trips?”
“My mom was the classic soccer mom. Minivan, all the way.”
“But she let you co-pilot?”
Beth nodded as she barreled onto the highway.
“Mom was easy. She’d let us move all around when we stopped, as long as we didn’t fight about it. Mostly she sat in the middle row with Andy. They were really close.”
He knew that they’d all been close with their mother, but some of them had taken her death harder than others. At least, from what he’d seen.
“Owen was always a map guy,” he commented, changing the track of the conversation. He might be angry with Beth, but he didn’t want to see her sad. Talking about her mother was likely to do that.
“I’m sure he makes a good copilot, too. Not as good as me, but still.”
“Well, you’re in the pilot seat,” he pointed out. “To be a good copilot, you’d have to let me drive.”
“Next leg,” she told him. “I figured if I let you drive at first, we might not have ever left, but I’m cool with sharing the driving duties. When I’m driving, we stop where you say and when you’re driving, I’ll find cool places to stop. Or we can find some stuff we both want to check out when we stop for the night.”
“You’ve really got this planned out,” he noted. “Must take after your dad.”
“If I plop a spreadsheet in your lap tomorrow, I give you permission to strap me to the roof.” She laughed. “I have no intention of planning this trip down to the minute.”
“We’re really just heading out aimlessly?” he asked, impressed that he’d agreed to it at all. He hadn’t exactly been in the mood to do much of anything lately, let alone something so drastic.
He’d never been depressed before. Sure, he’d gone through hard times and had struggled in his life, but the last few months he’d finally seen what depression was. He hadn’t known what the feelings were at first, until Elliot had pointed it out to him. He couldn’t find enjoyment in the things he once could. He was exhausted but couldn’t sleep. He was irritated with everything and everyone. There were even moments where he felt almost tearful, like a crying jag might be on the horizon.
It was embarrassing.
More than that, it was eye-opening. There was nothing he could do to snap himself out of it, that he’d found yet.
Even stepping out of his comfort zone was difficult, hence his surprise in his agreement to join Beth on a road trip.
“Aimless can be fun,” Beth said, interrupting his thoughts.
“You would know.”
She cut her eyes to him and then back to the highway in front of them. “Are you going to spend the whole trip taking pot shots at me or do you think it’ll get out of your system at some point?”
He’d been harboring his anger toward her for so many months, he wasn’t sure how to answer her question. Maybe it was petty to hold the past against her for so long. In her defense, he’d known where she stood on relationships from the beginning. She’d never mislead him. He was the one who had expected her to change. He’d also expected her to at least respect him enough to talk to him and not run out on him every damn time they were together.
“I’m sure it’ll all come out eventually,” he said noncommitedly.
“Sooner rather than later would be nice. When I finally get to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I want to be able to worship at the altar of Jim Morrison without you snipping at me every second.”
Logan chuckled. “I promise to let you worship in peace.”
“Not the point,” she told him. “But, I’ll take it for now.”
They were quiet for the rest of the drive through Connecticut and into New York. Logan watched the scenery as it passed by his window and wondered at Beth’s motivation for taking the trip with him in the first place.
She wasn’t a planner, like her dad. She’d always flown by the s
eat of her pants, never having a home or holding a permanent job. She was the ultimate nomad. In some ways, it made sense, but when he thought about how he’d treated her the last twenty-four hours, he couldn’t quite figure her out.
She’d told him that he could walk away in the end, that there was no pressure to pick up where they left off.
If she still didn’t want him, what was in it for her?
He watched her out of the corner of his eye for a moment, her finger tapping on the steering wheel in time to the music, her foot a little too heavy on the gas.
“How was your last contract?” Logan asked, trying to steer the conversation in a different direction.
He was surprised when she stiffened and her knuckles turned white as she gripped the steering wheel. He turned in his seat a little, taking in not just her body language, but the way her face pinched in reaction.
His eyes narrowed the longer she stayed silent.
“Beth?” he promoted.
“It was fine,” she said, her voice quiet.
She was lying.
“Go anywhere interesting?”
“The usual,” she answered, still not even glancing in his direction.
“I think that’s the least you’ve ever had to say about anything since we’ve met.”
“Great,” she returned sarcastically. “Let’s keep it that way.”
“I’m just trying to make conversation,” he ground out through his teeth, praying for patience.
“Want to talk about your leg?” she shot back.
“No.” His answer was immediate.
“That’s fine with me. We won’t talk about your leg and we won’t talk about my trip. Sounds like a plan.”
Blinded by the anger for her that simmered under the surface, Logan crossed his arms and reclined way back in the passenger seat, closing his eyes.
“I didn’t really care,” he lied. “I was just trying to pass the time.”
After a few seconds she replied, “I’ll wake you when we get there.”
Logan pretended to sleep for a long time after that, eyes closed and ignoring the woman next to him. He would have endured any kind of torture and held strong, not admitting that he stayed awake, waiting for her to talk to him. Maybe even waiting for her to be who or what he expected of her.
He was disappointed when instead, she said nothing for the next three hours.
“Do you like to gamble?” Logan asked as they unloaded their bags from the car.
Beth shrugged, stuffing a few things from a larger suitcase into a smaller one and then slamming the trunk. The wind whipped through the parking garage of the casino, her hair swirling around her face.
“I know someone that works here and she got me a room. I texted her this morning from the rest area.”
“Nice of you to tell me,” he complained.
Her eyes shot to his as she tried to hide just how tired of him she already was. She loved the guy, there was no arguing that. But he’d shown in just one day how much disdain he carried for her.
She didn’t know if it was what had transpired between them in the last year or losing his leg that made him hate her so much. Maybe it was both. All he’d done, every word he’d said, all boiled down to showing her just how much he disliked her.
Was she really willing to put herself through long hours of traveling together if their first leg was any indicator of how it was going to be? Would she ever be able to prove herself to him or were they already a thing of the past and she just didn’t know it yet?
In Logan’s eyes, they were long past finished with their affair, but she had a hard time accepting that. Maybe him treating her like crap would get it through her thick head.
She knew damn-well he was at least still attracted to her. She’d felt him hard and ready under her lap just the night before when she’d stripped for him. He wanted her; he just hated her for it.
“Don’t worry, there’s two beds so you’ll be safe from me,” she told him as she walked away, rolling her suitcase behind her. When she glanced back, Logan was awkwardly limping, his duffle in hand, following her.
She wanted to offer her help, but knew he wouldn’t take it.
“The bedroom was never where we had issues,” he said.
“Believe it or not, Logan, despite your charm these last few hours, I’m not in any huge rush to bang your brains out.”
“Is there a reason you’re so pissed at me?”
Beth whirled around, hand on her hip. “Are you kidding me?”
He didn’t look particularly guilty, nor did he look confused, which led her to believe that if he wasn’t kidding, he was at least playing dumb.
“What?” He shrugged.
“You know what I always loved about you, Logan?”
“My—”
She interrupted and spoke over him, cutting off whatever quip was about to fall out of his mouth.
“You never fed me any bullshit. You never played any games with me. You were always kind and honest.”
“I’m not that guy anymore,” he told her, his arms out at his sides. “Now, I’m stuck being this guy.”
“No. You’re not stuck being that guy, but you have to want to be better. For some reason, you want to pretend that the only thing we ever had between us was sex.”
Logan looked around the parking lot as if making sure no one was within hearing distance.
Beth rolled her eyes. “What’s the matter, Logan? Afraid someone will hear me say sex? Sex,” she yelled, cupping her hands around her mouth. The word echoed all around them. “Sex, sex, sex. Logan and I had sex. Hot sex! Dirty sex!”
His hand suddenly clamped over her mouth. “What the hell are you doing?” he growled. “There are people around.”
She mumbled behind his hand but he kept his hand in place, glaring at her. She stuck out her tongue, running down up the middle of his hand, slowly.
Logan sucked in a breath through his nose and his eyes went from angry to something much different in the space of a heartbeat. He smoldered and instead of burning her with his disdain, he seared her with lust.
“Stop it.” His voice was low, but he never moved his hand.
Beth shrugged and ran her tongue, flat and wide up the center of his hand again.
When he took his hand away it wasn’t quickly in disgust as it probably should have been. He did it slowly, as if he wasn’t sure he really wanted to stop touching her.
It gave Beth a sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, they hadn’t lost each other.
Maybe, they could find their way back to where they’d been.
He ran the back of his fingers down her cheek, their eyes still locked.
“Please don’t tease me, Sugar,” he whispered, his accent lengthening his words. “I’m not in a good place and I’m definitely not the guy you’re looking for.”
Beth couldn’t stop herself from smiling. She trailed a finger up his chest and pointed a finger at him, poking him a little. “I recall saying something similar to you.”
“I remember.”
“Do you remember what you said to me?”
He nodded. “This is different.”
“Why don’t you let me worry about that?” she said, feeding his own words back to him.
“I mean it, Beth. I’m not in a good place.”
She shrugged and took a step away, their eyes still connected. “I can’t say I’m anywhere near where I want to be either.” She grabbed the handle of her bag and took a step, waiting for him to join her. It took him a second, but he did and they fell in step together. “All I know is that I thought I knew what my life was going to be like. You know, you make choices and think, this is it. This is my path.” She looked to him and he nodded. “And somehow, some way, the rug gets pulled out from underneath you and suddenly nothing is what you thought it was.”
“I can’t tell if you’re talking about you or me,” he said as they neared the elevator to the casino. When they got there, she pressed the button and doors slid
open.
After they closed it behind them and they were on their way up to the hotel, she leaned against the wall opposite him. “I was talking about me,” she clarified. “I’d never presume to talk about where you’re at Logan. And maybe you’re right. Maybe all we ever had was sex and I misinterpreted it as something else. Either way, you’re the only one that gets to talk about your path. But for me, I thought I knew where I was or where I was headed, at least.”
“I know what threw me off my path. What threw you off yours?” he asked, arms crossed over his chest.
“You.” She shrugged. “At least, meeting you started the ball rolling. It’s been going downhill ever since.”
His mood took a sudden turn. “So, it’s my fault?”
Beth laughed. “Have you always been this conceited and I missed it, or is it new?”
“Have you always turned everything I said into an argument or is that new?” he countered.
“Funny, I could have sworn that’s what you just did,” she pointed out. “Everything is not about you,” Beth explained. “Yes, meeting you knocked me for a loop, and I’d challenge you to say it didn’t do the same to you. But what happened after was all me, whether I did it right or wrong. It changed my path, was the point.” When the elevator dinged and the door opened, she stepped into the lobby, dragging her bag behind her, and let him stew on her words.
Sure, meeting Logan had changed her life forever. Falling in love with him had made her a better person in some respects, but in others, she was far worse. The things she’d done, the choices she’d made had been rash and made without real thought. Her only goal had been running from Logan and her life in Freehope. Honestly, that was fairly typical for her. Shit happened, she freaked out and made crappy decisions, then life imploded. Wash, rinse, repeat.
But the second she’d heard about Logan’s leg, all of those extraneous thoughts had fallen away. The fear of the future she held so close to her chest, was suddenly less scary.
All that mattered was that the future had Logan in it.
Confessing History (Freehope Book 3) Page 5
