“You don’t have to be nervous, Rachel,” Andrew said, reading her thoughts quite well as he powered off his phone. “I’m the same person I was when we got here.”
“But we’re not the same, and that’s my fault,” she told him. She wasn’t the same either, though she hadn’t yet figured out what that meant in practical terms. Only time would tell. “Are you really okay? I mean, you seem okay, but...”
“I’m fine. Disappointed, yes, but...as I said yesterday, I was expecting this.”
“Expecting what, exactly?”
“The end of our relationship. You’re in love with Cole.” He said the words plainly, without a hint of discord or contention. “I had my suspicions in New York, but I wasn’t completely sure until I saw the two of you together.”
“I didn’t even know...” She trailed off, realizing she’d just admitted verbally what she hadn’t wholly admitted to herself yet. “Cole and I aren’t... We’re not... I mean, he’s in love with someone else. I didn’t end our relationship to be with him.”
“So I gathered from our conversation last night.” Andrew sighed. “I’m not going home a broken man. I care for you, Rachel, but I don’t—”
“Love me?” she filled in.
“Love is a subjective term. I’m very fond of you.”
Fond. He was fond of her? “You were talking about making a life together. You were jealous of Cole.”
“Of course I was jealous. As I said, I had hopes for us. When it became apparent you had deeper feelings for another man, I reacted. I’m not proud of my behavior, Rachel.”
“But why would you care if—” She swallowed again. This, too, was important for her to understand. “Why would you consider spending your life with someone you don’t love?”
“You’re a beautiful woman. Intelligent and kind.” A sidelong glance showed a small grin flit across Andrew’s face. “Usually patient. You comprehend the complexities and the importance of my career. You’re involved in a myriad of charities and social functions. All of these attributes appeal to me, for what I’m looking for in a partner.”
“I see.” Why did this bother her? She’d broken up with him, after all. “Basically, what you’re telling me, is that being in love is at the bottom of your list?”
“It isn’t even on my list.”
“Why not?”
“I... Is this important?” he asked, his tone becoming abrupt.
At the airport now, Rachel located the correct airline and pulled into the passenger drop-off lane. “It isn’t my business,” she said, turning to face him. “But I’d like to understand.”
His jaw clenched tight, and she didn’t think he was going to give her an answer. But then, he nodded. “I was in love once, a long time ago. I put my life on hold for her, made choices that alienated my family. When the relationship came to the disastrous conclusion everyone but me knew it would, I decided to focus my attention on the more practical attributes of a successful relationship.”
Well, that cleared up several lingering questions.
“I’m sorry,” she said, responding to the pain in his eyes, rather than the steel in his voice. “I’m sorry you were hurt and I’m sorry I can’t be what you want.”
“I’ve made my peace with the past. You’re wrong on the other, though. You could be exactly what I want,” he said in a milder tone, “but I understand that isn’t what you want. I really am accepting of that. There isn’t any need to feel guilty.”
“All right. I’ll...try not to.”
He leaned across the car to kiss her on the cheek, stroked his hand down the length of her hair. “I wish you’d reconsider.”
She didn’t respond right away, just waited to see if her earlier doubts would resurface. They didn’t. “I wish,” she said lightly, “that you’d give love another chance. We never know what’s waiting around the next corner. Maybe you’ll find a woman you can love who also has every one of the practical attributes you mentioned earlier.”
“Hmm,” he said, returning to his side of the car. “I find that prospect highly unlikely, but I’ll consider the idea.”
“Good.”
They retrieved Andrew’s luggage, said their goodbyes and promised to stay in touch. Whether they would or not was anyone’s guess, but with Andrew, Rachel thought that might be nice. Someday, though. In the vast and foggy future that awaited them.
But that day wasn’t today. Rachel put the car into Drive and left the airport while considering her options for the endless hours that stretched ahead of her. She’d get a tree, she decided. Maybe do a little shopping for some necessary items: scotch tape, wrapping paper, gift tags, lights for the tree and a few other odds and ends.
Not the least of which was a new brand of perfume.
* * *
Settling into a crouch, Cole went to work at straightening the pile of winter boots left in disarray after the morning rush. At the moment, Dylan was helping customers and manning the register, while Haley had her head bent over the computer in the office. Presumably up to her ears doing something “very important.”
Or, more likely, still waiting for one Gavin Daugherty to appear.
Cole had stopped in at the Beanery on Sunday to talk with Lola. Since his questions had amused her more than anything else, he’d set his concerns on the back burner for now. His sister was an adult, for one thing. For another, he had plenty on his agenda to deal with.
Anticipation, along with a fair dose of anxiety, pooled in his gut as the clock ticked closer and closer to eleven. Unless she canceled again, he and Rachel were supposed to finish shopping today. He didn’t want to shop. He wanted to spend a few hours outside, breathing in the fresh air. Maybe burn off some of his pent-up energy.
Changing their plans shouldn’t be difficult. Rachel would rather do just about anything than mosey around a store for hours on end. Unless, of course, she waltzed in here fixated on finishing what they’d started, so she could run home to Andrew...to bestow more of her loving attention on him. Or, he supposed, to receive some of that loving attention herself.
“Pitiful,” he muttered, rising. And adolescent, to boot. What Rachel did in her own time was her business, even if it damn well felt like it should be Cole’s business, too.
He made his way to the front of the store, where Dylan was in the process of ringing up a customer. Their earlier crowd had thinned to a meandering few, none of whom appeared to be looking for anything specific. Wanderers, he liked to call them.
Wanderers were good, though. They often spent more money than folks who were looking for something specific. They also tended to be easier going, which was always a plus.
Dylan handed the customer his purchase, wished him a Merry Christmas, and once the man had left the store, whistled under his breath. “What’s up with Haley? She about bit my head off this morning, all because I mentioned that I was surprised to see her here.”
“No clue,” Cole said, glancing out the window. No sign of Rachel yet.
“Well, did you ask her to come in today or something?”
“Nope. She was here when I got here.”
Dylan narrowed his green eyes. “What aren’t you saying?”
Geez. His brother always seemed to know when someone was hiding something, whether that something was big or small. This, Cole concluded, was a small matter that didn’t require Reid’s or Dylan’s input. At least, not yet. Going for an innocent look, Cole shrugged. “I really have no idea what’s bugging her. Maybe you irr
itated her?”
“Hmm. Suspiciously vague and trying to place blame elsewhere,” Dylan said. “Both tactics make me very curious.”
Ignoring the insinuation, Cole reached for and then flipped over the pad of paper with Gavin’s name written on it. “This guy might come in this afternoon, asking about a job. If so, get his number and I’ll get back to him in a few days.”
Dylan glanced at the pad, nodded. “Sure. And hey, good attempt at changing the subject. Unfortunately, little brother, you have a tell when you’re not being upfront.”
“I am being upfront, and I don’t know what you think you saw, but—” Cold air blew into the store when the door opened. Rachel, carrying two cups of coffee, swept in, her eyes bright and her cheeks pink. Relief unfurled inside. She hadn’t canceled. Whew.
“Hey there, Rachel,” Dylan said. “You brought me a coffee? How sweet.”
“Hey, back. Actually,” she said, handing one of the cups to Cole, “this is from Lola. When she learned I was on my way here, she insisted.”
Knowing Lola as well as he did, Cole lifted the lid and took a cautious, experimental sniff. “It smells sweet. What is it?”
“Eggnog latte.” She grinned. “As I said, Lola insisted.”
“Yuck.” Cole passed the coffee to Dylan. “How’s Lola today?”
“Good. Something odd happened, though.” Rachel spoke the words lightly enough, but a nuance in her voice set off a cacophony of warning bells.
“Is that so? What type of odd?”
“Oh, it’s probably nothing. I mentioned our plans for the day, how we were shopping for your girlfriend, and Lola was...well, I guess stunned would be the right way to put it.” Rachel flicked an imaginary speck of lint off her coat. “She said that as far as she knew, you hadn’t dated anyone since a year ago last fall.”
“Huh. That is odd.” Cole bent over, pretending to tie his shoe. Why hadn’t he thought of this possibility? Lola would know if he was involved with someone, and Rachel loved coffee. She loved the Beanery. Hell, she adored Lola. “You’re sure that’s what Lola said?” he asked, standing straight. “Maybe she was talking about Dylan here, or...maybe Reid?”
Rachel sipped her coffee, eyeing him with confusion. “We were talking about you. She even went so far as to say that you’re in the Beanery almost every day. Usually alone.”
Dylan coughed loudly, trying to smother a laughing fit. He failed.
Crap. Was she on to him? Already? “Easy enough to explain,” Cole said, avidly avoiding Dylan’s gaze. “I...that is, Cupcake and I, have kept our relationship quiet. For the most part. Except for, er, family. Besides, I already told you how shy she is.”
More muffled laughter from his brother. He was so going to kill him.
“Right. And determined.” Rachel glanced from Cole to Dylan and back to Cole. “I thought of that possibility, since you’re such a private type of guy, but one thing perplexes me.”
He gave her a winning smile and gestured for her to go on.
“Lola and your mom are pretty close friends, right? Your mom seemed excited you were in a relationship, and when moms are excited about their kids, they...well, they tell their friends. So, for the life of me, I can’t figure out why she wouldn’t share this exciting news with Lola.”
“Oh, she wanted to. Trust me on that,” Cole said quickly. “I asked everyone in the family to keep quiet on the subject.” Now, he looked at his brother. “You remember that conversation, don’t you, Dylan?”
“Yup,” he said. “By the way, it’s nice to see you, Rachel. How’s life treating you?”
Cole relaxed slightly. Maybe he wouldn’t kill Dylan, after all.
Blink, blink. Pause. Blink. “Life’s fine. Nice to see you, too. Anyway—”
“When you walked in, Cole and I were talking about tells, and how—” he winked at Cole “—Reid and Haley have fairly obvious ones, but Cole’s took me a lot longer to figure out.”
Just that fast, Cole was back to wanting to strangle his brother.
“Tells?” Rachel asked. “As in...?”
“You know, mannerisms that people fall into when they’re...fibbing or skirting around a topic they’d prefer not to discuss,” Dylan said with a jerky nod toward the back office. “Now, Haley, she twists her hair around her finger and avoids looking directly at you. Reid, on the other hand, shoots his gaze up and to the right. Every single time.”
“That’s crazy that you know that stuff,” Cole said, just in case his brother had noticed something. “For the record, though, I don’t have a tell.”
“Does he?” Rachel asked Dylan.
“He does,” Dylan confirmed. “But you have to watch closely, or you’ll miss—”
“Rachel!” Haley half screeched as she exited the office. Good timing on her part. Glaring at her brothers as she approached, she said, “Nice job, guys, letting me know she was here.”
The two women greeted each other, taking turns giving and accepting compliments, and chatting about this and that. While they did their thing, Cole glowered at Dylan, hoping he got the message. He didn’t think he had a tell, but if he did, he’d prefer his brother—considering the current circumstances—keep those details secret.
Dylan leaned against the back counter and stretched his legs out in front of him. Giving a paused, pointed look at Rachel, he blinked rapidly as if something were stuck in his eye and then returned his gaze to Cole. “Tell,” he mouthed.
Cole shook his head and glowered harder, if that were possible. People blinked constantly, for a variety of reasons that had nothing to do with subterfuge. Now, thanks to his know-it-all brother, Cole would wonder about every one of Rachel’s blinks.
Just what he needed on top of everything else.
The women talked for a few more minutes—planning a day and a time for Haley to drop by for those clothes she wanted so much—before Cole and Rachel were able to make their escape. Outside, Cole filled his lungs with air and exhaled loudly.
“I don’t want to shop,” he said. “Feel up to putting that off for tomorrow?”
“I thought you were in a hurry?”
“I’m set with gifts through Wednesday, remember? As long as I have the rest by then, I’m good. Also,” he said, thinking quickly, “I’m not exactly sure what else I want to get. Maybe we can come up with some more ideas today, make the actual shopping less tedious.”
Rachel tipped her head back and laughed. It was, Cole reflected, a beautiful sound. “Uh-huh. What happened to ‘this is special shopping, and it’s Christmas, and I’m so, so excited’?”
“I did not say ‘so, so.’” Following his instincts, Cole grabbed Rachel’s hand. “Play with me today. Let’s do something fun. For old time’s sake.”
“Wh-what did you have in mind?” she stammered.
“I was thinking...sledding. If you’re up for it, of course.”
“Oh, I’m up for it.” Clichéd, maybe, but he’d have sworn her eyes sparkled just a little brighter at the prospect. “I’m assuming you have a couple of sleds lying around somewhere?”
“Of course I do.” Another thought occurred. “Or...we could go snow-tubing—”
“Tubing?” Now, her voice held the same sparkle her eyes did. Both enchanted him. “Yes, let’s do that. I haven’t gone winter tubing in forever. Probably,” she mused, “since the last time I went with you. That would have been...your senior year of high school, my junior year.”
“I remember
,” he said softly. And oh, did he ever. That was the winter he’d first seen Rachel as an actual female, and not just one of his favorite buddies. “You stopped being a tomboy that year.”
“I stopped pretending to be a tomboy that year,” she corrected him. “Impressing the boys became critically more important than annoying my parents.”
“You were already impressive,” he said quietly. “Never doubt that.”
She blinked once. Twice. Out of nervousness or surprise, Cole guessed, which proved his point about blinking. He hoped for surprise. He didn’t like the idea of making her nervous.
“You’re being sweet and sentimental.” Lifting her cup to her lips, she swallowed a gulp of her coffee. Cold by now, probably. “So...tubing? Or are we back to shopping?”
“Shopping tomorrow,” Cole said firmly. “Today is about fun.”
True, yes. But Cole also wanted to finish their conversation from Foster’s the other night, and he figured having a little fun together first would help ease the way.
And hell, the distraction would be good. It might even be enough to wipe what Lola had said out of Rachel’s mind. He wasn’t ready to come clean with her just yet. Not until he understood all of the reason she’d disappeared on him after his accident...and why it had taken her so damn long to return, with or without an invitation.
Yup. He had questions. Perhaps, before the day ended, he’d have some answers.
* * *
Exhilaration quickened Rachel’s pulse as she jumped on the snow tube and started downhill. Cole had promised fun, and for the past several hours, he had delivered. This was exactly what she’d needed after her draining, confusing and depressing as-all-get-out weekend.
Wind and speed watered her eyes, burned her cheeks. A gurgle of breathless laughter escaped when the tube bounced and swerved, picked up momentum and raced down the hill even faster. She felt like a kid again, like the teenagers she and Cole had reminisced about earlier. Which, naturally, brought to mind his comment.
Cole's Christmas Wish Page 11
