And isn’t that the best metaphor for our relationship? It’s how every relationship should be, in my opinion, with both parties alternating between supporting the other. We’re a team, first and foremost. We’re friends and lovers, teammates and partners in crime. Sometimes we’re opponents, but usually that’s only when we play Monopoly.
The wall behind me is offering support as my legs still seem unable to listen to the signal my brain is sending. Logan, on the other hand, grabs a towel and helps clean me up. When I’m able to move, I retrieve my panties which were tossed to the side, but decide to throw them in the hamper seeing as they’re soaked anyway.
I follow behind closely Logan, never wanting to lose his touch. We climb into bed where I proceed to be the little spoon to his big spoon. “I love you, baby.” He kisses me behind my ear, causing goosebumps to erupt over my body.
I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of his touch, his words, or his love. I hope he feels the same. I nod my head against him and breathe out my words to him. “I love you too,” I tell him, though exhaustion has already taken over and I steadily feel his chest rising and falling in time against my back.
It’s now, as my adrenaline fades and I return to normal, that the guilt returns. The love and safety my husband just gave me is seeping away into the darkness and I feel utterly, terrifyingly alone.
When it’s dark and I’m alone and vulnerable, I only see the worst. I remember the worst. It’s as if I never left the beach house.
Chapter 5
My sleep was restless at best and my nightmares kept Logan up alongside me. I was afraid my screaming would wake up the kids, but luckily they sleep like rocks. My husband not so much. Poor guy.
When I drag myself out of bed in the morning, Logan is all business. He has a mug of coffee prepared for me and is already on the phone with Parker. I don’t hear anything that he’s saying but that’s solely because I’m sleep deprived and groggy. Plus the kids are wreaking havoc in the next room.
I feel myself slowly coming back to life as the caffeine enters my veins. My husband hangs up with Parker and turns to face me. “Morning, babe. I need you to take the kids to your parent’s house. I already called to let them know we need to them to watch the rugrats for a while. Don’t give me that look – I didn’t tell them why.”
I thought maybe that’s a conversation I should’ve had with my parents, but I’m also more likely to crack under pressure. I should count my blessings that I have a husband who helps me without being nagged. I’ll just apologize to them and surprise them with a romantic getaway for their birthdays or something once all this blows over.
I still hate leaving the kids with a babysitter – even my own parents – ever since the accident at Lexi’s house. I know the stitches are out and Eve’s pretty little head doesn’t even have a scar, but it’s still not easily forgotten.
I rush out of my parent’s house, promising to explain everything later and that I owe them big time. Soon enough they’ll understand, but it occurs to me that I need to protect them as well. Who knows what lengths Sage will go to for revenge?
By the time I get back to my house, Caroline and Parker have arrived. I walk in and offer everyone a small smile considering it’s all I can stomach. I set out bottles of water for everyone and sit at the table next to my husband. Across from us are Caroline and Parker. I clasp Logan’s hand in mine and as a united front we face our friends.
“What are we going to do?” I don’t know if they discussed a plan on the phone earlier or while I was gone. All I know is we have to do something.
“Baby, Parker agrees we need to call the cops. Well, the two of you need to call the cops and turn her in. I don’t know if you want to involve Lexi, but truthfully, you should.” Logan looks back and forth between me and Caroline, concern etched on his face. I still don’t know what to do about the whole Lexi situation and I know Care is still pissed at her.
A large part of me is scared for Lex. If Sage killed once, what’s to stop her from doing it again? Especially to the woman who slept with her husband. And Lexi’s still my friend, isn’t she?
“I don’t know. Maybe I should give her a call? See how she’s doing? She is pregnant after all.” My statements come out like questions because I’m totally unsure about what I should or shouldn’t do.
I get nothing in response – no affirmation or vehement declines. Just a couple of deer in headlight expressions staring back at me, and Caroline completely ignoring my gaze. Awesome. Very helpful.
It dawns on me that I don’t even know where Lexi stayed or if she went home or what’s going on with her. I can’t imagine what she’s thinking and feeling right now. “Yes. Okay. I’m going to reach out to her. I’ll tell her we’re planning to call the cops and she has to be here when we do. I know if we don’t include her it’ll just be very bad for her. She was there too. She’s the one that actually witnessed it happen. She has to be here.”
I hear Caroline scoff. She’s made it perfectly clear she doesn’t care what happens to Lexi. Well, tough love, girlfriend. Get over it. “Caroline,” I use my voice I usually reserve for scolding my children.
“Kennedy,” she matches my tone. She’s stubborn and hot-headed where I’m torn and pleading. It’s bad enough we’re sending Sage up the river. I can’t handle losing two – well, four counting their husbands – friends in virtually one day.
I sigh and look at Logan and Parker for help or advice. I just need them to throw me a bone; just something, anything that could even be the slightest bit useful. But they’re men so they apparently have nothing to offer me.
I try calling Lexi a few times, much to Caroline’s dismay. However, she never answers any of my calls so I leave her a brief voicemail. “Lex, call me back. We need to talk.” A part of me fears Sage got to her, but I won’t allow my mind to wander down that dark path for long. For good measure, I send off a text as well.
I just want to know you’re safe. Call me.
“So, now what?” Once again, I’m hoping someone other than me has the answers.
“Well, we should get our stories straight.” I look at Caroline like she’s mad and lost her mind.
“What stories? We were there. We saw exactly what happened and even what we didn’t see, Sage made it perfectly clear what we missed. We just have to tell the truth.” Besides, does anyone really think I would be able to lie? I can’t even lie to my freaking kids, let alone the authorities.
“What if Sage is right? What if the cops turn it around on us, saying Lexi did it or that you gave them the gun, whatever? What then? And what about your gun, Ken? How will you explain that?” It’s hard to tell whether Caroline is merely being thorough or if she’s actually starting to panic. She’s usually so calm in tense situations; it’s impossible to tell with her.
“What’s there to explain? I’m legally allowed to own one.” I’m nervous for what Caroline’s about to throw at me.
She smirks before replying, and I don’t like that look. “And you just left your loaded firearm out in the open in the middle of the day? You have kids! It’s not safe!” I know she’s just trying to prepare me for the worst case scenario, but she’s actually just scaring me.
“What’s done is done. I can’t take it back or change it even if I wanted to. We still have to come forward no matter what. Sage is the spouse and there are at least two people with a corroborating story. We can’t be scared.” I’m partially talking to Caroline but also to myself.
Logan must sense how uneasy I am because he squeezes my hand in reassurance. I know it’s the right thing to do but it’s still scary.
“So…do we just call them now?” Caroline asks and truthfully I have no idea. Sure, we’ve been talking about it, but now that the time has seemingly come, it’s like my feet are encased in a block of ice they’re so cold.
I open my mouth but no words come out. I want to bite the proverbial bullet, but I’m interrupted by an incessant knocking on the front door.
Chapter 6
The knocking causes a rapid reaction in my body: my heart begins to race and sweat pebbles on my forehead. My hands are clammy and my stomach dropped, the nausea hitting me intensely. This is what I’m talking about – the constant state of fear I’m now forced to live in because of Sage – all because of a knock on my fucking door. Every trembling fiber of my being is ignited with terror at the mere possibility of her being on the other side of that door.
And what if it is her? What if she sees Caroline and Parker here and that sets her off again? What if she thinks we’re conspiring against her – because, well, we are – so she kills us all? Okay, maybe that’s a little dramatic, but you never know. I never thought she was capable of murder and yet, here we are. Now, I’m wishing we all called the damn cops first and figured out the rest of the details later.
Obviously, as if it’s not evident enough, I’m completely frozen in fear. I’m aware that I’m staring blankly at the front door, but I can’t seem to make my limbs cooperate in order to open the door. And again, I don’t even know if I want to open the door and face whatever is waiting on the other side.
Logan finally gets up and walks slowly, carefully to the door. He looks in the peep hole and turns back around to whisper-yell at us, “It’s Lexi!” My jaw goes slack. I clearly wasn’t expecting it to be her banging on my door.
I eagerly wave at him to open the door and invite her inside. It’s now or never and frankly, I’m glad she’s here so we can finally put this to rest. Lexi needs to be on board with this decision as well or we might as well lock her up alongside Sage. Well, maybe not directly beside her.
However, I look at Caroline. She looks wary, her face has hardened into an unwavering scowl. Even she has to admit that Lexi being the one to show up here is better than the alternative.
I know I only saw Lexi forty-eight hours earlier but damn, she looks terrible. There are dark circles under her eyes that look so black and blue it’s as if she got into a brawl. I don’t think she’s changed her clothes or even brushed her hair since I left her at the beach house Friday night. Her face is red, puffy, and splotchy; tear streaks remain vivid down her cheeks.
She clambers unsteadily into my kitchen and collapses into Logan’s vacated chair. She’s sitting in between me and Parker and suddenly she looks hyper-aware of her ill-planned decision. She eyes Caroline cautiously before glancing back at me, her eyes pleading for help.
“Talk to us, Lex.” I reach out and grab her hand, offering any and all support I can muster. I know everything is totally fucked up right now, but Lexi is a shell of a person. She needs her friends now more than ever.
Tears instantly well in her eyes and I’m sure the pregnancy hormones aren’t helping her emotional stability. She takes a deep, albeit shaky, breath, trying with all her might to not let the tears fall.
“I never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted to get pregnant or for Taylor to die. I never wanted to fall for him…” Her eyes pinch shut as the painful reality consumes her. “You have to know that. I’m ready to take responsibility for my actions, but not for this. This was never my intention.” I struggle to hear her whisper, her voice quiet because of the shame she’s feeling.
“So what the hell happened, Lex? When did all of this start?” I look at Caroline and see that her eyes have finally softened at Lexi’s tone, but she’s still not speaking.
Caroline and I still don’t actually know the whole story about Lexi and Taylor’s affair. We got snippets of the information in the midst of the Sage and Lexi standoff but not the full extent of the situation.
Lexi looks at us and then at the men rather sheepishly. I understand the situation is uncomfortable, especially recounting it all and talking about her feelings. I guess Logan and Parker consider this girl-talk, or maybe they just want to give Lexi some privacy, because they leave the room to watch the news in the living room. It’s a compromise – they give us space but nothing excessive.
Exhaling a deep sigh, Lexi looks at both of us. It’s now that I see how strong she is on the inside. She looks weak and downtrodden on the outside, but her disheveled appearance is deceiving. I see a determination, a fire in her eyes. Whether it’s stemming from the pregnancy or wanting to stand up against Sage, I can’t be sure. But I’m glad to see she hasn’t totally shut herself off.
“It’s only been a couple of months. The first time we…consummated…our relationship was in Aspen, and it was pretty steady ever since. There was some build up prior to that weekend, and it was entirely my doing. I approached him.” There’s a long pause. Lexi looks down, and I see her hands are intertwined and gripped together tightly as she tries to stop them from shaking.
She looks embarrassed about what she’s going to say next. She dropped her gaze and her lips tighten as if she doesn’t want the words to spill from her lips. “It started out purely as a revenge scheme against Sage and Grayson. I was sick and tired of being seen as an innocent freaking doormat. But…then the times Taylor and I spend together started to change. We started talking a lot more and laughing at the dumbest things. It’s the first time we ever really spent time together in all these years, and we learned a lot about each other.”
I attempt to control my reaction to Lexi’s story, but I can’t help how appalled I feel at this influx of information. My eyes feel like saucers, and I think I may have to physically close my mouth shut with my hand.
Where do I begin? Revenge? That’s just…I never thought Lexi was capable of that, but I guess that’s the point she was trying to make. But then she actually fell for him. They fell for each other. It wasn’t just one-sided. God, I wish Taylor were here to tell me more. It’s not fucking fair. I keep thinking it, and I keep saying it, but I know it won’t change the outcome. But it’s true – it’s not fucking fair.
Neither Caroline nor I can manage to find words so Lexi continues with her story. I must admit, she’s tough – she has to be to recount all this and not become a blubbering mess. “Grayson became more and more distant. Then everything with his assistant was revealed and blew up so I just snapped. I’ve been neglected and pushed aside from Sage since the day I met her. God, how I took advantage of that short time when I didn’t know her. If I could go back…” She stops abruptly, but she’s so angry.
I feel like a failure of a friend. I never even knew anything was wrong with Sage and Lexi. Hell, if those two hid things that well from all of us then Meryl Streep should watch out because they’re the best actors I’ve ever seen. I thought Sage was always prideful, but maybe I should’ve analyzed the things she said and did a little more carefully around Lexi. And maybe Lex was always so quiet and timid around Sage for the same reason. I can’t believe I missed all the glaring, flashing signs.
A chuckle pulls me from my self-deprecation, and I’m afraid Caroline has cracked and is about to verbally (or physically) go after Lexi. To my surprise, Lexi is wearing an ironic half smirk and her rat’s nest of a hair is falling down more as she shakes her head in dismay.
“Maybe I should give Sage some credit for not sleeping with my husband first. I mean, I’m sure he would’ve been all too eager to get back into bed with her. Hell, he told me that flat out. I don’t think he’s ever been faithful to me.” A sob chokes out of Lexi as her voice gets thicker and heavier with her admission.
My heart breaks for her and there’s nothing I can do. She remains quiet for a while as she gathers herself. I can’t even begin to imagine the thoughts and feelings running through her at this moment.
“What are you going to do, Lex? About Grayson, the baby…all of it?” I know I need to talk to her about the plan to turn Sage in, but that’s going to have to wait. This is all too heavy and truthfully, I think Lexi’s already on board without even asking her.
Lexi looks taken aback as if I’d just slapped her on the face. Her head rears back, and she’s utterly confused and insulted by my question. “I’m keeping my baby. Maybe I didn’t plan this and maybe I’d always imagi
ned having Grayson’s baby, but that’s not an option for me. This baby is a part of me and was made out of love. Of course I’m keeping it. As for Grayson…I still need to talk to him and we’ll go from there.”
“Lex.” Caroline finally addresses Lexi for the first time since she arrived. She turns to face Caroline but looks at her skeptically. My shoulders are tense and my jaw is clenched as I wait for the shoe to drop. My anxiety is through the roof and Caroline is unwavering. She looks at Lexi directly in the eyes as she drops the bomb. “It was me. I planted that story about you to the journalist.”
Chapter 7
Of all the things Caroline could say in this moment, she decides it’s a good idea to rehash the article drama. Jesus fucking Christ. “There’s a lot of shit we need to talk about so I thought I’d start by owning up to my mistake.” Her voice drips with sarcasm and arrogance.
I give Caroline a look of admonishment. I understand she’s harboring a lot of anger and hard feelings toward Lexi, but maybe, just maybe, she could go a little easier on the poor pregnant girl. For fuck’s sake.
Lexi sighs heavily, her shoulders slumping with the weight of this conversation. “Caroline, I –”
“What the hell were you thinking? Dragging me into this? Jeopardizing my marriage and friendships all so you could get laid? What did I ever do to you to deserve that?” Caroline’s cheeks are rosy and her vein is protruding from her right temple. I don’t know how she’s even able to see with how she’s narrowed her eyes into dangerous slits. I nearly see fumes pouring out of her ears, and I fear her throat will be sore tomorrow by how shrill her voice has become.
“You’re right, I know. I’m sorry.” The fire in Lexi’s eyes has been extinguished by the anguish on Caroline’s face. Her rage canceles Lexi’s pride. As Lex was extremely flippant before when explaining that Caroline was merely ‘collateral damage,’ things have certainly changed. She’s right – she truly is taking responsibility for her actions.
Burned Page 3
