He shakes his head and cuts me off. “No, let me go first. We need to talk about Sage.” I nod and wait for him to continue. He’s going to ask for a divorce. He’s going to choose Sage and be with her, have his happily ever after he always wanted but she never deserved.
I take a sip of ginger ale in hopes of calming my overwhelming nausea, but it immediately threatens to reappear. I push the can away and gulp, hoping I can keep the vomit down long enough to suffer through this conversation.
“Things are going to change around here, and we need to be adults about this, be on the same page.” Oh, my God. Bile is rising in my throat. “I’m assuming you don’t know Sage got arrested.”
My jaw drops. “What?” I shriek. I feel like my eyes are going to pop out of my sockets. They believed our story, err, the truth. That’s why I’m out, and she’s locked up. Holy shit. My lips tug into a smile, but I sober my expression as I look at Grayson. He still said we need to talk, so what is this big change he mentioned?
The doorbell rings before he can continue. “Shit,” he mutters and furtively glances at me. I can see the door from where I’m sitting, so I allow him to go by himself. Based on his reaction, he knows who is here. Maybe he called Kennedy and Caroline but they showed up too soon?
When he opens the door, a woman stands there with a large pink duffel bag in her hand. I recognize her, but I can’t exactly place her. Her other hand is holding a tissue and she keeps wiping her rosy nose with it. Her eyes are masked behind large, round sunglasses.
The woman’s shoulders shake steadily. She hands the duffel to my husband along with another pink rolling suitcase. Who is this woman, and why does she have luggage? Is she staying with us?
The mystery woman’s gaze travels down to a raven-haired little girl at her side who I didn’t instantly notice. That’s when it hits me. That’s Sage’s mom. I met her in passing that day at his house when we almost got caught.
She bends down to hug Lennon and kiss her on both cheeks. The little girl crosses the threshold and her grandmother turns and walks away. Grayson shuts the door and leads our new guest over to where I’m sitting.
“Lex, this is what I needed to tell you. Lennon will be staying with us for a while.”
Chapter 22
“How did this happen?” I ask my husband after he put Lennon down for bed. We had to play family, make her dinner, and watch a movie with her before it was her bedtime. It was uncomfortable, but at least now I have an explanation for Grayson’s earlier behavior. We couldn’t exactly bring Lennon into a hostile environment since she already essentially lost both parents.
He plops down onto the sofa, sagging into the worn cushions with a groan. He runs his left hand through his hair, tugging anxiously on the strands. “Lex, we’re her godparents. Plus, I’m in Sage’s will that if anything happened to her and Taylor I, well, we, are Lennon’s caretakers. So, here we are. We promised to look after her, and now we have to.”
Of course I agreed to be Lennon’s godmother, but I never actually imagined I’d end up with her in my custody. I thought that was just something that happened in movies.
I don’t know what to say. It’s not like I’m going to put her on the streets, but I assumed Sage’s mom would continue to look after her. Though, from the looks of things, she wasn’t exactly in any state to take in her granddaughter.
Grayson looks like he has more to say, but doesn’t want to say it. His mouth pops open and then closes. His lips flatten into a straight line and his brows furrow. “I guess there is one other factor now we need to consider.”
I look at him with one eyebrow raised. “The fact that you’re carrying her sibling…”
Oh. That. It suddenly seems as if the room is one million degrees and the walls are closing in on me. I guess we have to finally have this conversation.
I take a deep breath and meet my husband’s tired eyes. There’s a pool of sadness, anger, and confusion liquefying his gaze. He can’t seem to nail down one primary emotion, so he flicks through them each rapidly.
“We don’t need to get into it tonight. But, Lex, we need to make this transition as easy as possible for Lennon. So, if that means putting our differences aside temporarily for her best interest, that’s what we need to do.”
I feel like I’m experiencing a firsthand account of Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Grayson is being incredibly mature about all of this. I didn’t expect him to snap into a fatherly role so immediately and selflessly. My heart aches for him, for the kid we’ll never make together. It’s glaringly obvious how desperately he wants a kid of his own. I’m holding onto hope he’ll accept my baby and that we can raise him or her together.
I nod my head and look down, focusing on my nails as I nervously pick at them. “Grayson…are you okay?” It’s a stupid question because I know the answer, but it’s the only thing I can think of to say in this moment.
He barks out a laugh devoid of any humor. I cringe at the harsh sound and brace myself for his outrage. Instead, he simply shakes his head. “No, Lex. No, I’m not okay.” He stands up and heads for the stairs, presumably to head to bed.
I don’t know if I should follow him, but even if I did, it’s not as if I could fall asleep right now anyway. There are so many details still needing to be hashed out. My thoughts are coming in a thousand miles a minute with no hope of turning them off or slowing them down.
I need to talk to the girls. They can help me sort through this overwhelming madness and see clearly. I make a mental to-do list, which I realize is disgustingly long. But there’s one item on the list that is imminent, and I need to accomplish it before I lose my nerve. I just know it’s going to suck.
*****
It’s only taken approximately a month to really start to get into the swing of things with Lennon in the house. Grayson and I are living our new normal. It’s like an all-day, everyday game of charades. We play the role of the perfect family, we even sleep in the same bed, and sometimes it’s even convincing enough to deceive me.
We exchange small, nervous smiles from time to time and things almost feel back to normal, or better, comparatively. He came with me to my doctor’s appointment and held my hand the entire time. He even told the doctor he was the father. It’s a good sign, right?
So why is it that I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop? It can’t be this easy. Not with both of our betrayals. Not when the unknown actions of his weekend with Sage still linger in my head and in this house. Not when she’s still rotting away for murder, and Grayson and I haven’t even talked about it. It doesn’t make sense.
When did we fall out of love? When did we start acting like the perfect couple when in reality we’ve been broken for a while? I still have feelings for Grayson and I don’t see that changing anytime soon, but there’s so much between us now.
I could handle the indiscretion with his assistant. It wouldn’t be okay, but I would’ve been able to get over it. If he claimed it was only sex and there was no emotion there, we could potentially work through it.
But Sage? I don’t know if I can get over that. There are inevitably feelings there for both of them. Even if he swears she’s still only a friend, he cares for her and always has. And her, well, she’s always wanted him. Knowing she got what she wanted after murdering someone makes me angry and sick all at once.
But… But, but, but. But I love him. But I’m pregnant. But I cheated too. It’s too complicated. All of this is messy and confusing. Could I really leave him, start over with a clean slate and erase everything we’ve worked for? Do I even want to? Ugh, I don’t know what to do.
What I do know is Sage’s case is going to trial. They’re going to find her guilty, and she’ll be locked away for good. She won’t bother me or Grayson ever again, but she’s in my head, nagging at me every day. I need answers.
*****
It’s probably stupid that I came here alone, and I didn’t tell anyone I was coming. Hell, I don’t know if I’ll even be able to get in, but I ha
ve to try. Color me shocked when I’m allowed to check my things, and I’m taken back into another room so I can finally look the dragon in her mouth.
Sage is already there waiting for me, a cocky smirk pulling at her lips and her eyes alight with mischief. She somehow manages to make a prison jumpsuit look fashionable. It’s disgustingly unfair.
She grabs the phone and leans back in her chair, making herself comfortable. I grab the phone on my side of the glass and perch on the end of my seat, ready to bolt at any moment.
“Well, well, well, you finally showed up. I knew it was only a matter of time.” Her raspy voice is extra scratchy coming through the old phone but it only makes her sound more intimidating.
I lift my head high to show her I’m not afraid of her. I’m the one on this side of the glass, and she’s the one locked up behind bars. She should know her place. “We need to talk.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “No, really? I thought you came here so we could hang out and paint each other’s nails.” Her voice is laced with sarcasm, and I’m instantly regretting coming here at all. There’s no way she’ll take this conversation seriously.
“We have Lennon, you know. Thanks to your will and our godparent status.” I assume she knows this, but anger flashes in her eyes all the same. Just as quick, the fire is gone and she forces nonchalance into her expression.
“Good. Grayson should get used to her being around considering once I get out of here, he and I will pick up where we left off.” A sly grin spreads on her face. Mine hardens in contrast. My eyes narrow into angry slits, and I’m shooting daggers through the glass.
I can’t let her get to me. I know she’s never getting out of here which is all that matters. I hesitate for too long — long enough for her to open her mouth again.
“He’s come to visit me, did you know that? We’re considering bringing Lennon in, but it’s a hard decision for us to make as a couple. Is she too young? Will she understand? Or will it be more detrimental to her if she doesn’t see her mother? It’s a tough call.” Her voice is wistful in her recount, and it makes nausea roll through me like a tidal wave. My hand wraps tighter around the phone, my knuckles aching with the extra tension.
I take a deep breath. I don’t know why I ever thought coming here would be a good idea. There’s obviously no way in hell she’d have an honest conversation with me. Truthfully, I thought she’d have a lot of questions for me as well, but apparently, I was wrong.
“Why did you come, Lexi, if you’re going to sit there like a fucking mute. Why are you even here? Curious to know what happened between me and Grayson? I bet that’s it, isn’t it. He won’t tell you, but it’s eating you alive. You want to know if he fucked me.” She tilts her head, assessing me, and her raven black hair falls over her shoulder. “Not all of us have to open our legs to keep a man’s attention. Love runs much deeper than sex. The two aren’t exclusive to one another, not that you would know that. So, unless you’re going to man up and ask me what you wanna know, just leave. Looking at you disgusts me.”
Tears of shock and anger build in my eyes. I stand and the chair squeaks underneath me. I stare at the hard, blue eyes of someone I once thought I knew. I used to think that over time we could coexist and maybe even become friends. If she were capable of actually trying and not merely putting forth a fake act, we could keep the peace. But she never could, and she never did, so here we are.
“Oh, and Lexi,” Sage’s voice calls through the receiver right before I hang up the phone. Tentatively, I bring it back to my ear to listen. “I’ll see you on the other side soon.” With that, she smiles, and I slam down the phone, turning my back to her and storming out of the room. I’m never coming back here, but I think I finally have to confront my husband.
Chapter 23
I pull over to the side of the road on the drive home so I can throw up. That woman is off her rocker, totally psychotic, and completely delusional. I can answer her question about her daughter easily — Lennon will be much better off with as little communication with her mother as possible.
I can’t go on like this anymore. I won’t keep pretending that everything is fine without having a real conversation about everything with my husband — and I mean everything. We both need to own up to the things we’ve done and actually work through this. If we keep repressing our feelings and this conversation, eventually we will implode and resent one another. I think I’m already halfway there.
Call it my hormones if you will, but as soon as I get home, I slam the door and yell. “Grayson!” I’m afraid the glass in the cupboards shatter at the sound of my screech.
I don’t consider the fact that Lennon may be sleeping, or she might hear us fight. Parents fight sometimes, it’s just life. That doesn’t mean I want her to witness this or be succumbed to a toxic environment, but sometimes the heart wins out over the head and logical thinking goes out the window.
He runs down the stairs, his heavy feet obnoxiously loud with his speed. “What? What is it? Is the baby okay?” His brows crease with worry, and his hands wave in front of me delicately as if he’s afraid to touch me for fear I’ll break.
Angry tears spill out of the corners of my eyes, and I can’t form a coherent sentence. Instead, my fists react and do the talking for me. I punch his chest and slap his arms and back as the pent up emotions and frustration finally expel.
“Baby, stop, what’s wrong?” He’s confused, rightfully so. I’m sure he thought everything was fine, and we could keep going on like nothing has changed, as if there hasn’t been a Sage-like rift between us ever since I met her.
I know I betrayed him. I know I’m a hypocrite. But choosing Sage of all people to hurt me back was intentional. Knowing he’s visiting her and potentially making plans with her guts me more than I ever wanted to admit. I fucked up. I never should’ve been with Taylor — I can see that now. But it’s too late, and we need to have this discussion once and for all.
With a restraining, forceful hand, my husband grabs both my wrists in his to stop me. My knees buckle and he reacts, moving his hands to grip my upper arms to support me. I allow him to help me to the couch — my legs feeling like a limp noodle, completely unable to support my weight.
I collapse onto the couch and fall into Grayson. My head rests against his chest as I sob, thoroughly soaking his T-shirt. “How did we get here? How did this happen to us?”
I remember the early days of our relationship. We were flawless. We fit together like two puzzle pieces — a perfect match. Everything was easy and right. When my eyes locked with his — that was it. It was game over. I found my match.
My shoulders shake with my torrent of tears and he rubs my back delicately. He sighs, his whole torso expanding with the deep action. “I don’t know, Lex. I think it started slow, for me anyway. I missed the attention. The more books you sold, the more in demand you were and the more you wrote. I became second place. Then I couldn’t give us the one thing I felt that would’ve helped bring us back together — a baby. That gutted me. I’m not saying what I did was right. I’m not excusing our behavior individually or together. But sometimes the small things add up and become detrimental. I think we’re a product of life, and we can either work through this or let our decisions destroy us.”
I let his words simmer, and I really take the time to think them over and process what he said. “I’m sorry.” I think it’s the first time I ever uttered those words to him with everything I’d put him through.
“I love you, Lex. I know I fucked up, particularly where Sage is concerned. I think we can work through this. I want to work through this.” He’s heartfelt in his speech and I feel the truth in every word he speaks. He’s finally being honest with me and it’s time I return the favor.
“I love you too, Grayson. God, I don’t know when we started falling apart, but I want it to stop. We’re stronger than this. But I need to be honest with you. I’m sorry for what I did with Taylor, but I can’t say I regret it. Being with Taylor has give
n me this gift.” I look down and rub my hand over my stomach, smiling. “I wouldn’t take it back.”
He nods in understanding though I can tell it hurts him. He grimaces slightly, his face contorting in pain as if I’d physically maimed him. “I want to be with you, Grayson. I’m not just saying that because of what happened to Taylor, either. You’ve always been the one for me and I’m sorry for the part I played in ruining us. I’m going to work like hell to get us back on track.”
I go to him, crawling into his lap and clutching onto his shoulders. We’re eye to eye and I stare into his soul. We’ll get through this. It’s going to take a ton of work but I feel it in my depths that he and I will work through it. We can work through anything.
We finally talk for what feels like hours, and I start to worry about our new house guest. “Where’s Lennon anyway?” I look at the clock and realize hours have passed. Apparently, we had a lot to say to one another.
“It’s Wednesday. Sage’s mom took her today — she’s ready to get back into the routine.” Ever since Lennon moved in, she hasn’t has her weekly playdate with her grandmother. The woman was too distraught over everything to actually be a good guardian, but she’s evidently easing back into the swing of things.
I nod my head in response and chew on my lip. Grayson has divulged everything to me today, from the slip ups with his secretary to the last kiss with Sage. I even sneer her name internally.
I also confessed everything to him, from the first time with Taylor to Sage murdering him. We both shed a lot of tears, and we have a lot to work through if we decide to move forward from here.
“There’s just one more thing I have to ask you.” I look away, nervous to ask the question but even more apprehensive to hear his answer. I swallow thickly and let the painful words pour from my lips. “Have you been visiting Sage? She said you had plans…to be together.” The last three words are barely loud enough for me to hear.
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