He invites me to sit down next to him. “How are you holding up?” he says.
I shrug my shoulders. “It’s all so bizarre, isn’t it? So much has changed during the past few
months. Wudak just showed me that I can use the receptor without touching it.”
The information I offer amazes him. “You can really do that?” he says.
“Yes… well, I’m a long way from being in control of the process but it can be done, yes.”
“That’s good, Tick,” he says and takes my hand in his. “We can all use some good news.”
I notice the strain in his voice, the effort it takes for him to smile. Why haven’t I noticed this
already? I should be begging him to share his thoughts with me, not hiding from him.
“Finn, what’s wrong? Tell me,” I manage to say.
“It’s that obvious, huh? Listen, Tick, I’ve been thinking a lot. About Daphne, about my promise
to her. Remember that box I hid for her? I think I have to go get it and bring it to Damian like she
wanted me to.”
This is not what I expected to hear. “It’s dangerous, Finn. You know that. You can’t get that
close to the facilities. The place must be swarming with guards and sensors.”
“I have to give it a try, Tick. I don’t think I’ll be able to live with myself otherwise.”
“It’s too soon, Finn. You have to give it some time.”
“I have. It’s been almost three months and Damian still doesn’t know.”
I grab him by both shoulders. “Tell him then. You’ll see that he won’t let you go.”
“I know that he won’t and not just because he’s worried about my safety. Which is why I won’t
tell him.”
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” I push him back as I say this. Then I think about what he
has said. “What do you mean he’s not just worried about your safety? What else?”
“The box itself,” he says.
“Why would he be worried about the box? He doesn’t even know it exists.”
“It doesn’t matter, Freya. What matters is that I have to get it because I promised I would.”
I almost push him again, but I won’t be able to knock any sense into him. He has been working
this out for a long time. He’s not going to give up. Not with the box being only a couple hours away.
I have to do something fast. I throw my arms around his neck. “Finn, I can’t lose you,” I say.
“Not like that. Not over something that can wait.”
I move in and kiss his lips. He’s too astonished to react. Then he runs his fingers through my
messy hair and kisses me back. His kisses are gentle, patient, trusting. It feels good to be so close to him. I feel that this is where I should be. We belong together and he deserves all my loyalty for the
rest of my life. I love him in a way that I will never love another human being. This is why such a
cataclysmic shift in our friendship scares me.
Finn has been my sounding board for so long that the idea of us falling out over a failed romance
terrifies me. Relationships fall apart, friends start to be bored with each other once they become
lovers. The old books and movies show that happening all the time.
And then there’s Damian. I can’t shake the idea that I have failed him repeatedly ever since he
saved my life. How can I disregard him completely?
“Where’s your mind off to?” Finn asks holding my face in his hands.
“I’m not doing this to make you do what I want,” I say.
“I know.”
“I still don’t want you to go.”
“I won’t.”
“Thank you,” I say relieved. “Finn, I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Silly Tick, it’s okay, you never know what you’re doing anyway. We’ll figure it out together.”
I start crying and I can’t stop myself. He’s too good, too patient, too forgiving. My whole body
shakes violently. I have nothing left in me. I have never cried like this and I don’t know how to stop it, how to conquer this despair.
Finn does what he always does, he holds me, comforts me. “Freya, I won’t go, I promise you.
Stop crying, okay? You’re scaring me.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “This is good. I wish I would have done it long ago.”
“You did. A long, long time ago. When you were a baby.”
“Are you calling me a baby?” I say remembering Finn can also be a jerk.
“If it talks like one and cries like one…”
Words are no longer enough, so I pinch his arm.
“Now you’ve done it,” he says and I know that can only mean one thing.
“Stay away from me, you stupid boy,” I say but I am already laughing anticipating his fingers
tickling me.
Finn laughs, too. “I’m not going to do this to you,” he says. “Relax.”
“Just psychological terror, huh?”
He doesn’t answer. We hear steps down the hallway approaching fast.
“They’re back,” Finn says. “Let’s go see what they say about the Labs.”
He springs up to his feet. Every fiber in me wants to stop him from opening that door and letting
everyone know he’s been in my room. I’m a despicable person. I have manipulated his trust in me, to
control him, to prevent him from doing something I don’t want him to do.
I follow Finn to the hallway. There’s a lot of chattering going on but I can’t make out anything.
The only thing I take in is the way Damian averts his glance from me a second after I enter the hall
with Finn.
10
I wake up with the sensation of distant screaming in my ears. I try to open my eyelids but the
pain it causes forces me to keep them shut. I sit up and rub my eyes before I attempt to open them
again. It’s pitch black. I reach for the candle and matches on the desk but can’t find them. Then I
remember about the receptor. In an instant, the room is illuminated. To my horror, I realize the
screaming comes through the walls from the room next to mine.
“Pip,” I whisper as I snatch the receptor and run out to the hallway. I almost bump into Finn
who’s already outside the room. By the time we open Pip’s door, most of the Saviors are out in the
hallway.
I go in with Finn. Pip sits on the floor. She is deathly pale and has tears in her eyes. Finn picks
her up and puts her back on the bed. I go to her and wrap my arms around her.
“What’s wrong, Pip?” I say.
“They’re coming. They’ll take me again,” she cries.
“It’s a dream, Pip. You’re safe,” Finn tries to comfort her.
“No, it’s not a dream. They are coming. The dark army is coming. They will make them come,”
she says.
I touch her forehead. It’s burning. “Get Doc,” I say and a moment later Finn returns with him.
Doc examines Pip while Finn and I step outside.
“Is Pip okay?” Zoe asks.
“I think she was having nightmares. About the plantation,” I say.
“Is it possible she’s starting to remember things?” Damian asks.
“It’s possible, I guess.”
I should talk to Wudak about this. If what he did to Pip with the hypnosis is responsible for this
nightmare, he should fix it. He says he wants to serve me after all. But maybe Damian is right. Maybe
memories are starting to resurface. Wudak said he could help Pip through them. Either way, I need to
discuss this with him.
“I’ll go talk to Wudak,” I say but Damian grabs my arm before I can take a single step.
“You’re going to do what?”
/>
“I’ll go talk to Wudak about Pip.”
“You will actually go around the tunnels in the middle of the night trying to find a Sliman? You
don’t even know if he’s here.”
“I know it sounds crazy but the receptor will guide me to him, I know it will.”
“You will stay right here,” he says and there’s nothing pleasant in the tone of his voice.
I pull my arm off his grip. “Pip is my priority,” I say.
“You cannot befriend Wudak,” Damian snaps at me. His face goes red, his veins start pulsing in
his temples. He yells at me now. “Are you out of your mind? He is not your ally. He is not your
friend. Everything he does, he does with an ulterior motive and wants something in return. Let him
teach you how to use the damned receptor, but that’s all.”
The tunnels reverberate with his voice. He’s never been so loud with me before. Even back
when butting heads with him was on the daily menu, he always showed a certain restraint. I feel like
an idiot and I can’t come up with anything to say.
Doc comes out of Pip’s room. “Keep it low,” he says. “I just managed to get her to sleep. I think
she had a panic attack brought on by a nightmare.”
“Thank you, Doc,” I say with quivering lips.
Pip looks peaceful and calm in her sleep. I kiss her forehead and wish her goodnight. Finn waits
for me at the door.
“I should have said something to him,” he says. “He was way off base yelling at you like that. In
this place. With Sliman all around. It doesn’t make sense.”
“It’s okay, I can handle Damian. You don’t need to run interference for me anymore. He caught
me off guard but next time he won’t be so lucky.”
“Freya, you’ll probably want to kill me for this, but I agree with Damian. Don’t think you can be
friends with Wudak or any other Sliman. We don’t know what their end game is.”
He’s wrong, I don’t want to kill him. I feel empty and lonely and I want to stay up all night
talking to him. We did that a lot in the breeding village. Even in Plantation-8 we stayed up a couple
times risking our lives. In the camp we talked endlessly during our midnight watches together. We
talked in the forest gazing at the stars. We have talked about anything imaginable and I miss that sort of interaction. There never seems to be time for things like that anymore. Every time we are together, it feels like we’re stealing time.
“Try and get some rest,” he says. “You look terrible.”
“You really know how to flatter,” I say but I can already feel my eyelids getting heavy. I haven’t
slept properly in days.
I watch Finn as he walks to his room and then I shut my door. I drop myself onto the bed, lying
on my stomach. Then the door opens and Damian walks in.
I sit up and throw him an indignant glance. “I have nothing to say to you.”
“Good, cause all you have to do is listen,” he says and I immediately feel the urge to smack him
across the face.
“You don’t ever yell at me like that again, do you hear me?” I hurl at him.
“I know you think I’m being unreasonable, unfair, maybe even insane, but I cannot stress this
enough. Do not get cozy with Wudak, nothing good will come out of it.”
“You’re overreacting,” I say. “I know who Wudak is, what he wants, I’m not an idiot. I also
know that for the moment he will do as I say.” I talk in the most calm voice I can muster but I feel a wave of rage build up slowly to a degree I have never felt before. His outburst has damaged
something between us. Something that I can’t name but know it will not be repaired that easily. He
probably knows it, too. That’s why he’s here.
“I wonder, do you believe the things you say? Don’t you realize he’s trying to gain your trust?
It’s a plan, Freya. He knows I see right through him, that’s why he warned you about me.”
“So why did you bring us here then?”
“Because there is no other choice. I’m not saying he’s lying about the alien drones. He’s lying as
to why he wants to protect us from them. The sooner we’re out of here, the better.”
“You can’t have second thoughts about this, you know that, Damian. Second thoughts lead to
poor judgment, those are your words.”
“I’m not having second thoughts, it is what it is. I just need you to be on the same page.”
What he says makes sense. I know I’m not above reproach. I have been too quick to judge in the
past, I have said the wrong things again and again.
“Of course we’re on the same page,” I say. “I trust you, Damian. I know you’ll do the right thing.
Why can’t you trust me, too?”
He takes a couple steps and kneels in front of me.
“Don’t do this,” I say and make a move to get up.
“Please, sit down,” he says. “Hear me out.”
I decide to humor him. “You have five minutes, I’m exhausted and I might fall asleep any
moment.”
“Good enough. I’m worried about you, Freya. You react without thinking. You’re on the defense
a lot more than you’re on the offense.”
“That’s only true when it comes to you,” I blurt out and almost immediately realize the
immensity of the mistake I have made.
He locks his eyes with mine while he thinks about this. “And why is that?” he asks.
“Let me see, because you are insufferable and infuriating?” I try to joke but I know he can’t be
fooled that easily.
“You know what I think? I think you’re having a really hard time trying to come to terms with
your feelings for me.”
Yep, there it is, we’re back to square one. “Please, you’re so full of yourself.”
“Running to Finn every time you want to stop thinking about me isn’t going to fix this.”
“Get out, Damian. Your five minutes are up.”
His expression changes from somber to downright mocking. “That’s your response to pretty
much everything I do or say.”
“You promised you’d stop bothering me with all this,” I remind him.
“I would if I thought that’s what you really wanted.”
“We can’t have a relationship, I don’t know how many times I’ve told you already. Besides,
why would you even want to? You’ve done nothing but despise me for most of the time we’ve known
each other.”
“People can change their mind,” he says shrugging his shoulders.
“Okay, do you want to know what I think? I think you started projecting your feelings for Daphne on me the night she died. I’m sorry but it had to be said.”
I have touched a nerve. “Freya, do not repeat that ever again.”
“It’s true though, isn’t it? Guilt has overwhelmed you. It has changed you. We both know we
wouldn’t even be standing here if it weren’t for her. But we can’t chase that pain away by pretending
we mean something to each other all of a sudden. We can’t make this right, Damian.”
This finally gets to him. He stands up. “It’s pointless,” he says. “Nobody can get through to you.
Just stay away from Wudak beyond the training hours.”
He leaves and the room starts spinning. I lie back on the pillows but I know I won’t be able to
sleep. I have to do something to put my mind at ease. I get up, cross the hallway and knock gently on
Finn’s door. I don’t wait for an answer, I never do.
He’s fast asleep and I can hear his breathing in the dark.
&nb
sp; “Finn,” I whisper in his ear, “it’s me, wake up, I need to tell you something.”
He doesn’t respond so I shove him softly. “Come on, open your eyes.”
“Freya?” he whispers my name.
I turn on the receptor and a soft blue light fills the room.
“What’s wrong?” Finn says rubbing his eyes. “Is it Pip?”
“No. Remember what you said about the box?”
He nods although he seems a bit disoriented still.
“You were right, we have to go get it, Finn.”
“We?”
“You didn’t really think I’d let you go by yourself, did you?”
Finn sits up and I see the muscles on his neck tensing. “You couldn’t wait to tell me in the
morning?” he asks.
“No, because we are going tomorrow. It will be our last chance before the drones arrive.”
“This is insane, Freya. I’ll go when I feel like it and you are not going with me.”
“The hell I’m not. You’ll never make it out of there alive on your own. I have the receptor and
I’m beginning to think there’s nothing it won’t do if I will it. We are going tomorrow night. We’ll
sneak out. We’ll be back before anyone knows we’re gone. Trust me, it’s the best way.”
I can see he’s still not convinced. “Why the sudden change of heart?” he says.
“The sooner we get that box back, the better,” I say. “That way we can both stop thinking about
it.”
I leave his room quickly and return to mine. I feel satisfied that this plan might finally break
Damian free of his weird fascination with me. I close my eyes and sleep invades me fast. It’s easier
to fall asleep when you have a plan.
11
Finn gets down to the ground to check the fresh prints on the wet leaves. The drizzle has
stopped but everything’s damp and glistening still.
“It’s okay,” he says. “They’re animal prints. Probably a lone wolf.”
There are very few wolves left in the forest and they are too scared to come out in the open.
They stay hidden in the shadows and only emerge at night in search of prey. The Sliman have made
sure of that.
We have covered more than half the distance to the spot where Finn has hidden the box. He has
marked the tree with red ink, something I didn’t notice the night I followed him. I think I could find the tree by myself anyway. The memory of that night is still very vivid and I can retrace every single step I took with surprising accuracy.
[scifan] plantation - books one to three Page 21
