with the help of the receptor when no one’s watching. Finn works at the observatory, collecting and
analyzing information on climatic conditions in the atmosphere and on Earth.
Finn pats the baby’s belly with his right hand and the baby reaches out and grabs Finn’s thumb.
“Did you see that?” he says and his face lights up.
“I did. He likes you.”
“He’s so strong, almost like…” He never finishes his sentence. We both know who the baby
takes after.
“Are we ever going to let our guests know what we are?” I ask.
“I don’t know, Freya. What’s the point in freaking them out? I want them to feel comfortable
around us. Damian can’t help himself, of course. Everybody knows how strong he is by now. But
superhuman strength is probably more forgivable than alien magic or any of our other non-human
attributes.”
I can’t argue with that. I miss using my receptor, but it’s a small price to pay for this reprieve
from violence and danger.
Finn’s touchpad buzzes and he checks the screen. “I have to go,” he says as he puts the touchpad
back in his pocket. “Take it easy, I’ll come by again tomorrow.”
He kisses me on the forehead and then the baby in the same spot. I watch him as he walks to the
door. He has a new confidence in his gait. Exodus L21 has been good for Finn. He has been able to
channel his abounding energy into constructive activities.
I get out of bed and put the baby in the crib that Ella gave me as a present when she found out I
was pregnant. Her sister had used the crib two years ago for her own child.
I like it here on the space station. I can finally be me. A simple young woman of eighteen
figuring out what she wants from her life. Not an alien bride. Not the hand for the receptor. Not the
magic killing machine. Not the destroyer or savior of worlds. Just Freya. A young girl with a
beautiful blue-eyed baby boy. The most beautiful baby in the universe.
I lean over his crib and start singing:
Rock-a-bye baby, in the treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall
And down will come baby, cradle and all
“That’s not the song to sing to a baby,” he says.
The voice startles me. I look up and find Damian leaning against the door frame with his hands
in his pockets.
“It’s a lullaby. Many generations were brought up with it.”
“Doesn’t make it any more appropriate,” he says. “The only reason the baby’s not protesting is
that he doesn’t understand a word.”
I won’t let him get to me. I’m too happy for that. “I wondered if you’d show up,” I say as I pick
the baby up. “Do you want to come and see him?”
“I can see him from here,” he says.
“He doesn’t bite.”
“No, but I do.”
“Wait, was that a joke? Are you actually trying to be funny?”
A smile disappears from his lips as fast as it forms. “What are you going to call him?”
“There were a few names that I liked,” I say. “But when I first saw him, I knew right away. I’ll
call him Tobias. I haven’t told anyone. I was waiting for you, for your approval.”
He ponders on this for a moment. “Tobias. Not bad. Strong name.”
“You have to hold him,” I say. “It might help you feel something, you know, to connect with a
part of who you really are.”
His face goes blank like that first time I saw him in Sector K. “I’m never going to play house
with you, Freya.”
“I don’t care about me. I care about him.”
“I never had a father,” he says.
“None of us did, that’s the whole point. I want Tobias to have one.”
He thinks about this. “You know who has fathers?” he says. “The men of Exodus.”
“And they’re happier,” I say.
“Happier?” Damian says. “That will go a long way in this world. Have you seen their highly
trained fighters? I’d take Biscuit over any three of them.”
All he does these days is piss me off, even on the day our son’s born. I walk to him with long
strides and press Tobias against his chest before he has a chance to react.
“What are you doing?” he says as he straightens up his body and gets his hands out of his
pockets.
“Hold the baby,” I order him.
He does so after a moment of hesitation. “It won’t change anything.”
“No baby of yours would ever be soft,” I say. “You are so full of shit sometimes, Damian.”
He places his hands around Tobias and looks at him. “Don’t swear in front of the baby,” he
says.
“Look who’s making him soft now,” I tease.
When I try to remove my arms from under the baby, he grabs my right wrist. “No,” he says, “you
hold him, too.”
“You can trust yourself with him, Damian. I trust you.”
“Trust is not the issue,” he says. “It’s the bonding. I can’t afford to bond with him.”
“Why not? Don’t you want your life back?”
He hands the baby back to me.
“I hope he has a better life than me,” he says. “I want him to be happy.”
Damian leaves. I step out into the hallway to watch him as he walks away hastily, putting as
much distance between him and his son as possible.
I go inside and kiss Tobias as I put him back in his crib.
“Maybe there is hope for him, yet, Tobi,” I say. “I see it now. He is afraid of love. He really
cares for us whether he admits it or not.”
9
Days and weeks go by in a flash on the space station. Most days I awaken and feel myself
caught in a cocoon and, inevitably, I will have to break out. I don’t know what places I could go to
where Tobias would be safe if ever I abandon the warmth of my protective nest.
I can imagine the stories that will be written if I die in battle against the aliens: Once upon a
time there was a girl with magic powers who fought to save the world; a girl who loved a man and
then his love turned her into stone.
“Why did I say stone?” I ask Tobi who lies on a blanket on the floor.
He stretches his neck to lift his head all the way up, but it’s too much for him. He’s not strong
enough yet. Instead, he decides to roll over on his back. He’s never done this before and I have to tell someone about it but I’m the first one in the meeting hall.
“How did you do that?” I say as I pick up Tobi. He fixes his blue gaze on me although he can
barely see at three months of age. On the other hand, I think he can probably see right through me.
Tilly walks in with Scout and soon afterwards Doc and Biscuit join us. They want to play with
Tobi and I can tell that he loves the attention already. He kicks and babbles incessantly as they play with him.
We hold our regular meetings once a week although there’s not much to talk about besides the
mundane details of our life here. The space station is big enough for a small town to fit in. Joshua
says that it could take in up to 10,000 people and although it would be terribly crowded, it would
probably be viable. Right now, with a population of 2,714, things are pretty comfortable most of the
time.
Joshua is second in command on Exodus L21, but he is in charge of most of the functions that are
needed to keep the place running on a daily basis. Co
mmander Eldritch recently turned seventy and
his arthritic bones have limited his ability to move about. Still, his mind is as sharp as ever. He is an engineer and an inventor. Theo has found a fatherly figure in him. I don’t get the chance to see the
commander very often as he rarely leaves his office and I have no reason to visit him there. But I hear about him from Theo and Joshua and most of what I hear is quite impressive.
Damian throws an annoyed glance at me when he realizes I have brought the baby to the meeting.
If he thinks that I did it on purpose, he’s partially right. It’s true that Mandy, the sixteen year old who takes care of Tobi when I attend meetings or go to training with the rest of the Saviors, has been sick but I could have found a replacement if I had tried. I didn’t try.
I glance back at Damian wondering whether he will bail out on us or not. In the end, he steps
into the room and sits at the table.
“Hey, Damian,” Biscuit says, “do you remember what day it is tomorrow?”
Damian shrugs his shoulders.
“Exactly two years since you found Scout,” Biscuit says.
“Scout found us,” Damian says.
“Yes, but you were the one who saw her first and you went out to greet her,” Tilly says.
“I’ll never forget that day,” Scout says. “I know you wouldn’t believe it, but I was scared out of
my wits by that point.”
Damian can’t even offer her a smile. Being so close to Tobi makes him more nervous than usual.
I guess it’s a surprise to us that he still participates in everything we do and an even bigger surprise that he seems to have warmed up somewhat to life on Exodus L21.
One by one, the Saviors arrive. All but Finn who makes his first late entrance since our meetings
on the space station began.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “Something came up at work.”
“Anything interesting?” Theo asks.
“Not really. Just inconvenient.”
I know when Finn lies and today is one of those times. I can tell by the way he holds his gaze
low and rubs his hands together. What he does is probably none of my business, though, so I pull my
hair back in a ponytail to change the course my thought process is taking.
“What do you have to report?” Finn begins the meeting. As usual, there’s not much. A few near
run-ins during training, some questions about usage of loaded weapons in the training ring, something
that is forbidden for the most part, several suggestions to visit Earth soon.
Then Finn turns to Damian. “I hear you have made yet another exhibition of your strength and
speed in the military camp,” he says. “How long before they realize there’s something out of the
ordinary about you?”
“Everybody knows I’m extraordinary,” Damian says.
“Right. Whatever. These people have taken us in. They have trusted us,” Finn says. “We have to
respect that and act within the boundaries of human expectations.”
Damian laughs. “You respect them by lying to them? And why should I hide who I am? Theo
doesn’t. He uses his skills at the inventions lab, doesn’t he? Doc’s in the hospital doing his magic.
Biscuit’s cooking in the kitchen. Why not me?”
“It’s not the same and you know it,” Finn insists. “There’s no reasonable way to explain what
you are or what you can do. It’s not in your best interest to be so defiant.”
“Let them kick me out. There’s always a place for me on Earth.”
With this, he gets up and storms out of the room.
“You could have handled that a bit better, Finn,” I say.
“It’s not the first time he’s said that, Freya,” Finn says impatiently. “You know it as well as I.
He really wants to be sent back to Earth,” Finn says.
“We have to stop his self-destructive behavior,” Zoe says looking at me.
“He is at odds with himself. There’s no question about that,” Doc adds.
“Why are you all looking at me?” I ask when I realize all their comments are directed to me.
There’s a short pause. Then Zoe says, “Like it or not, you’re the only one who was ever able to
handle Damian.”
I shake my head. “You don’t understand. I’m the last person he would listen to now.”
“We’ve tried everything else,” Finn says.
Things must really be out of hand if Finn actually wants me to reach out to Damian. Between
Tobi and work I haven’t been paying as much attention as I should to what’s been going on around
me.
*
EXODUS L21 CONSISTS of four main sectors that are connected through long tubular
passageways. Sector One is where we all reside. Where our rooms, kitchens, showers, schools,
libraries and entertainment areas are located. Sector Two is where food is grown and water is
purified. The recycling plant is also found there. Sector Three is where flight control and flight
training are located, including the main command deck. It’s also the place where we work and run our
labs. And then there’s Sector Four, the largest of them all, where military training takes place and
where all weapons and space vehicles are developed and docked.
I don’t often have reason to visit Sector Four. Our own training takes place in an area that we
cleaned up and claimed in Sector One. It used to be a playground, but it proved to be one playground
too many. There are less than one hundred children under the age of ten on Exodus L21 right now.
I take the passageway to Sector Four. There are moving walkways on each side but I prefer to
walk in the middle. There aren’t many occasions for long walks anymore.
When I reach Sector Four, I walk straight to the hand-to-hand combat area. Damian is in his
military training uniform instructing two young fighters. When he sees me, he sends them away for a
break.
“I thought I’d be the one to be sent away,” I say.
“If you came all that way out here, it must be important,” he says.
He leads me through a door to an office area. He offers me a drink. I opt for plain water.
“What is it then?” he says.
“People seem to think that I have some influence on you,” I say. “I explained to them that wasn’t
the case but they insisted. I didn’t want to disappoint them so here I am, pretending that what I have to say will make a difference.”
He takes a sip out of his juice bottle as he studies my face.
“You gave up from the get-go,” he says. “That’s not the Freya I know.”
“You’re not the Damian I know either. People change, I suppose, and there’s nothing to be done
about it.”
He doesn’t take the bait. “What did they want you to tell me?” he says.
“You know, the usual. Control yourself when you’re here. Don’t show off too much, blah blah.”
“Okay, you said your piece. I’ll keep it in mind. You can report back that you did your best.”
A buzz goes off somewhere. Damian steps out to check on it.
“It looks like training is done for the day,” he says. “Something about old Eldritch wanting to
talk to the fighters.”
“Will you go?”
“No. I don’t fight for him.”
“Finn is only trying to help, you know. He doesn’t want people to be scared of you.”
“Finn is trying to help Finn as always,” he says. “Are you sharing his bed yet?”
“What? No. How dare you ask me a thing like that?”
“Just a simple curiosity. Don’t get so worked up about it.”
&nbs
p; “Some things never change, do they? Once a jerk, always a jerk.”
He rests his hands on my shoulders. He’s actually touching me. He hasn’t touched me since the
night he got picked up by the drone.
“Hey, look, you touched me and you haven’t burst into flames,” I say.
“If I’m such a jerk, how come you fell in love with me?”
“Everybody is entitled to at least one mistake,” I say shrugging my shoulders.
I notice a change in his expression. A sudden pause in his determination to keep me at arm’s
length. “Do me a favor,” he says in a low, soft voice. “Quit trying to get me to talk about what
happened at Plantation-15. Don’t parade Tobi in front of me every chance you get. I can’t bear to be
around him. This is my request. I hope you’ll respect it.”
“If you didn’t care for us, it wouldn’t matter,” I say as I struggle to keep my tears from falling.
“I will do whatever you want,” he says. “I will stop showing off, I will not antagonize Finn. Just
keep your distance.”
“Why?” I say. “Why is that so important? What are you afraid of?”
“I can only hurt people. I don’t feel much of anything. I never had social skills. And now it’s
worse. You said it yourself once, I’m a brute.”
“I said it several times.”
He smiles and rubs his right index against my cheek for a split second.
“You’ll remember how to feel,” I say. “It’s somewhere buried deep. You just have to access it.”
I throw my arms around his neck. To do that, I have to stand on my tiptoes. I kiss his hands and
rest my head against his chest. I start to undo the buttons on his military shirt. I slide my hands through openings in fabric, frantically searching for skin. He doesn’t react in any way at first. I can’t see his face but I know he’s stunned. Just as I manage to get the shirt out of the way, he grabs both my wrists.
“What are you doing?” he says. “I have nothing for you, Freya. I’m empty. What’s more, you
have nothing that I want.”
He grabs a towel from the desk and walks away buttoning his shirt. I don’t know how I am going
to hide my embarrassment. The only solution is to never see him again, because it seems our roles
have been reversed and now I’m the one who won’t take a hint.
*
I TAKE THE MOVING WALKWAY back. The faster I get out of here, the better. I don’t even
[scifan] plantation - books one to three Page 37
