by Judy Duarte
“You might be right.” But when Mac glanced at Jillian, she suspected that he had his doubts.
“We can talk to Mr. Iverson about the dog later,” Mac said, as he picked up the figurine. “Let’s return the angel first.”
Moments later, as they stood on Mr. Iverson’s porch, Mac held the angel in one arm and rang their neighbor’s bell with the other.
Charlie Iverson answered the door wearing a green flannel shirt, red suspenders, and a pair of black trousers. His gray hair stuck up in back, as Tommy’s sometimes did.
“What’s all this?” He glanced at the plate of cookies Jillian held. When he spotted the angel, he brightened. “Where’d you find that?”
Megan slid behind Mac and wrapped an arm around his leg.
A heartfelt confession might be the right thing to do, but Meggie was only six and afraid, so Jillian made the plea. “My daughter was admiring your angel the other day, and it accidentally fell over and broke. She was so afraid that she’d get in trouble, she hid the pieces. And when Mac and I found out what had happened, we glued it back together.”
Charlie peered at Megan and frowned.
The child tightened her grip on Mac’s leg, but managed to say in a soft voice, “I’m sorry, Mr. Iverson. I didn’t mean to break it. I just wanted to see how the wings fit on her back. My grandpa is in Heaven, and before he died, he told me not to be sad ’cause he was going to have fun flying around the clouds.”
Charlie merely chuffed, then took the angel from Mac and looked it over carefully.
“It’s as good as new,” Mac told him. “No harm done.”
The old man didn’t answer, and Mac nudged his arm. “Come on, Charlie. Tell Megan that you accept her apology. She’s afraid of you and thinks you’re a mean old man. Let her know that’s not true.”
Charlie’s brow furrowed, and one side of his lip quirked up in an attempt to grin.
“I suspect Grace has a pair of wings right now, too,” Mac added. “And knowing how much she loved children, she’s probably fluttering up a storm overhead, frustrated with you for not welcoming the new neighbors like she would have done.”
Little Megan glanced up, as though wondering if there really was an angel looking down on them, and Jillian held her breath, hoping for the best.
Charlie ran a hand over his head, just now figuring out that his hair was mussed. Then he inhaled deeply, slowly blew it out, and looked at Megan. “I’m not such a bad sort. It’s just that I’ve lost a lot this year, and I’m trying to hang on to whatever I can.”
“We’ve lost a loved one, too,” Jillian said. “My dad passed away last year, so, like you, we’re facing a lonely Christmas.”
“It’s tough,” Charlie admitted. “I’ll sure be glad when it’s all over.”
Jillian offered the old man a warm smile. “I know just what you mean. Maybe it would help if we had Christmas dinner together this year. I’m fixing turkey and all the trimmings, and we’d love to have you join us.”
Charlie’s eyes glistened, and he offered Jillian a weak smile. “Thanks, but I hate to put you out. I’ll just stay home and eat a TV dinner.”
“Oh, you won’t be putting me out,” Jillian said. “It’s a huge turkey. Besides, I’m inviting Mac, too, and it would be nice if he had another man to talk to.”
Charlie shot a glance at Mac, then shrugged. “Okay. I guess I can always save that TV dinner for another day.”
“Good.” Jillian lifted the platter of cookies. “By the way, the kids and I made these for you.”
As Charlie looked at the yellow stars and green trees, a tear slid down his craggy cheek. “I didn’t expect to have any homemade goodies this year.”
“You know,” Jillian said, “that’s the nice thing about Christmas. We can usually expect a surprise or two.”
As another tear slid down Charlie’s face, he swiped at it with a gnarled hand, then glanced at Mac. “Looks like there’s a new cookie lady on our street.”
Jillian wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but Mac slid an arm around the old man’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze.
After leaving the angel and the platter with Mr. Iverson, they all headed back to Jillian’s house. As soon as they got home, she was going to tell the kids to grab their jackets and to help her pack some lawn chairs and blankets in the car. It might be nice to arrive at Mulberry Park early. That way, the kids could play before the event started.
As they stepped onto the sidewalk, Jillian noticed a familiar figure standing on her front porch, and her heart turned inside out. She slid a glance at Mac, as though he could somehow fix this awkward situation, too.
“Daddy!” Megan clapped her hands, then dashed off to meet the guy who was supposed to be on a cruise with his new family.
Chapter Twelve
Mac hadn’t needed a crystal ball to figure out who’d shown up at Jillian’s house, and Megan’s enthusiastic response to seeing her daddy had only validated his assumption.
“Jared?” Jillian asked, her voice indicating she was every bit as surprised to see her ex-husband as Mac was. “What are you doing here?”
The tall, dark-haired man in his late thirties stooped to pick up his daughter. “I came to see you and the kids.”
“I realize that,” she said, “but you’re supposed to be on a cruise.”
“I flew back early.” Jared’s gaze drifted from Jillian to Mac. “Who are you?”
Tommy, whose steps had slowed, didn’t appear to be as happy to see his father as his sister was. “This is Mac, our friend, the cop.”
Mac knew he ought to reach out and shake the man’s hand, but he’d rather send him packing instead. Yet while he didn’t feel like making the first move, he did so anyway. “Mac Maguire.”
“Jared Ridgeway.”
An uncomfortable moment stretched between them, as they assessed each other like two adversaries with their hearts set on the same prize.
Jared broke eye contact first and returned his attention to Jillian. “I…uh…got to thinking that I should come and see what was going on here. Megan was pretty upset when I talked to her on the phone the other night.”
Can you blame her? Mac wanted to ask, but he clamped his mouth shut and crossed his arms instead.
“We need to talk,” Jared told Jillian.
Mac could understand that. Like it or not, they had children together. And over the next few years, they’d have a lot of reasons to talk. Of course, even when the kids grew up and went on to college, Jared and Jillian would still have to see each other at social events, such as graduations, weddings, christenings. So if Mac was going to be a part of her and the kids’ lives, he’d have to get used to times like this.
“Can we talk later?” she asked. “The kids and I were planning a trip to the park.”
“You can come, too,” Megan told her daddy. “It’s got a really fun playground, and we get to stay there even when it gets dark. We’re going to sit on blankets and drink hot cocoa and eat cookies and other good stuff.”
Now things had really taken an awkward shift, and Mac realized he’d better give the man the privacy he undoubtedly wanted.
“Listen, Jillian.” Mac uncrossed his arms and nodded toward his house across the cul de sac. “I’ve got some things I need to do, so I’ll see you later.”
Her lips parted as though she wanted to object, but she didn’t. How could she?
On the other hand, Jared seemed relieved that Mac was leaving, yet Mac didn’t feel so good about it. Still, it wasn’t his place to stick around.
And he had to face the fact that it might never be.
He watched as Jared placed a hand on Jillian’s shoulder and gave it an affectionate squeeze. The effect was so distressing that he had to look away. In fact, he couldn’t stay here any longer.
As he turned to go, Mac overheard the other man say, “I started thinking about a lot of things after my call the other night. And I began to realize I’d made a mistake.”
He’d
made a mistake, all right. A big one. And while remorse was usually a good thing, the guy shouldn’t have left his wife and kids in the first place. Not when that wife was Jillian.
Still, as she seemed to ponder the words her ex had said, and as Mac read between the lines of silence, he continued on his way, waiting for fate to slam into him once again. To take every last bit of hope he’d ever harbored and to dash it against a wall of reality.
And reality sucked.
No matter what he’d told himself over the past fifteen years, he’d never really gotten over Jillian. And he probably never would.
He wanted to slam his fist into something rock hard and solid. Maybe the pain of tearing flesh and cracking bones could take his mind off a breaking heart.
Yet he trudged on.
“Let’s go in the house,” Ridgeway told his family.
Mac supposed they did deserve some privacy, but he wasn’t about to stick around and listen to their discussion, even if he’d had the heart to.
He was losing Jillian all over again, and he couldn’t help but kick himself for allowing it to happen.
Why hadn’t he told Charlie he didn’t want to get involved in a neighborly dispute? Or why hadn’t he just broached the subject with Jillian, then gone about his own business?
Instead, like a fool, he’d followed his heart. And now he was heading back to his house, determined to hold his chin up. But he wasn’t going to stay on Sugar Plum Lane another day. It might only be a fifteen minute drive to downtown San Diego, but it was a world away from Fairbrook.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the neighbor who’d been working on the ’56 T-bird was outside again. This time he was buffing a layer of Turtle Wax on the hood.
When the older man glanced up from his work and noticed Mac, he shot him a friendly smile. “Hello, there. How’s it going?”
Under different circumstances, Mac might have used the excuse to check out the man’s handiwork, to shoot the breeze about rebuilt engines and classic cars. But other than a brief nod and uttering, “Great,” Mac didn’t want to be bothered.
Right now, he couldn’t care less about cars or neighbors or even being polite. All he could think of doing was to get out of Dodge with his pride still intact.
It was time to pack up his stuff and head back to the loft apartment in the Gaslamp District. Maybe he’d just go ahead and list Ray’s house with the Realtor as a fixer-upper and sell it as is. That way, he wouldn’t have to stick around any longer.
Yet even the thought of escape didn’t seem like an easy way out. Walking away from Jillian was going to be tough for a man who’d fought for everything else he’d needed in life. But why make it any harder on himself than it had to be?
“You’ll find that things always work out for the best when you do the right thing,” Mac had told the kids earlier today, “even when doing the right thing hurts.”
And that’s just what he was going to do. He just hadn’t realized how much truth there was to that statement.
Letting go of Jillian and the kids hurt like hell.
Chapter Thirteen
When the doorbell rang, Mac was shoving his shaving gear into the top of the black carry-on bag that sat on the bed. He’d packed up his stuff and was ready to take it to the car.
The Realtor he’d called earlier had wanted to come by and see the house later this evening, but Mac told her he’d meet with her tomorrow. He wasn’t in the mood for visitors right now, which was why he ignored the bell—until it chimed again.
And again.
After zipping the canvas bag shut, he made his way to the door. He’d just have to tell whoever was there that he was leaving and didn’t have time to chat or to get involved in another neighborhood dispute.
But he hadn’t expected that someone at the door to be Jillian.
“Are you still up for Christmas Under the Stars?” she asked.
Since he figured her ex-husband’s arrival had altered everyone’s plans, the question caught him off guard. Yet even if it hadn’t, Mac was planning to make an excuse and bow out.
Surely, she didn’t expect him to go with all of them to the park. No way would he be a part of that circus.
“What about Jared?” he asked.
“He’s looking for a hotel. I told him he could spend time with the kids tomorrow and maybe take them somewhere, but he can’t be with them tonight. I already have plans with them.”
Mac didn’t know what to say. He might have made a commitment to Tommy and Megan to take them to the park, but he wasn’t about to tiptoe around Jillian anymore, pretending that he was just an old friend, when he wanted to be so much more. Maybe he would tell her that there’d been a new lead on a case that had gone cold and that he’d been called in to work this evening.
Hey, what would one little lie hurt if it shielded his pride?
But there were still a few questions tumbling around in his mind, and he decided to ask the biggest one. “What’s Jared planning to do in Fairbrook?”
“I guess that Disney cruise was more family oriented than he’d anticipated, and he started feeling guilty about being with someone else’s kids, when the children he’d fathered were spending Christmas without him.”
As far as Mac was concerned, the guy should have realized that before he even considered booking a trip during the holidays. But apparently, Jared Ridgeway was self-centered and jumped into all kinds of situations without giving his wife and kids much thought or consideration.
“So when the guilt finally kicked in,” Mac said, “he decided to fly to San Diego to play the part of a loving daddy?”
“That’s about the size of it. And he gave me that child support check he’d forgotten to mail, too.”
“Great.” But that still hadn’t provided the answer Mac most needed to hear. “How do you feel about all of this, Jilly? You left Roseville to put some distance between the two of you and to start a new life. Now here he is, standing on your front doorstep and wanting to right a multitude of wrongs.”
She combed her fingers through her hair and shifted her weight to one hip. If she thought anything about why he was keeping her on the porch, rather than inviting her inside, she didn’t let on. “I’ll admit that I got a certain amount of satisfaction out of his apology. My pride took a low blow when he left me for someone else, so it was nice to hear him say he was sorry, that he’d made a mistake in leaving.”
And…?
Did Mac need to pry it out of her? Was she going to give her ex-husband the second chance he was asking for or not?
He hated to come right out and ask, though. His own pride was at stake, and he didn’t want her to suspect how vulnerable he felt right now. So he skated around what he was really feeling. “If you two are going to give your marriage a chance, there’s no point in me complicating matters by going with you and the kids to the park tonight.”
“Jared was hoping I’d welcome him back home,” she said, “but I can’t do that. I told him that I would fully support his efforts to have a better relationship with the kids, but that whatever we had as a couple is over.”
A sense of relief swept through Mac, yet that wasn’t enough. He wanted the chance to re-create a relationship with Jillian, and he wasn’t talking about them being “old high school friends.” Did he dare admit that to her? No matter what her response would be?
He hadn’t been able to do that fifteen years ago.
“The woman Jared hooked up with this time wasn’t the first one he’d gotten involved with while we were married,” Jillian added. “And I want a man I can trust. A man who knows how to make a lifetime commitment and who won’t bail out on me on a whim or when the going gets tough.”
Mac knew without a doubt that, given the chance, he could be that man for her. And, more than anything else in the world, he wanted to be. But wishes hadn’t gotten him anywhere before. He was going to have to admit how he felt—no matter what the risk.
He lifted his hand and skimmed his knuckles a
long her cheek. “Life is full of uncertainties, Jillian, and this is one of those times. Fifteen years ago, I fell in love with you. I know I never said it, but I was afraid to put my heart on the line. And when you broke up with me, I told myself it was a good thing I hadn’t leveled with you.”
“So that’s why, when I told you I couldn’t see you anymore, you just shrugged it off as though I was one of your teachers, and I’d just announced a pop quiz.”
He let his hand drop, missing the warmth of their contact immediately. “In truth? I wanted to beg you to give me one more chance, but my pride wouldn’t let me. So I acted as though it was no big deal. Then I watched you walk away, taking the only good thing that had ever happened to me with you.”
“I loved you, too,” she said, her voice coming out whisper soft.
“I wish you would have told me.” It would have made it easier for Mac to admit his feelings back then if she’d gone first.
Her eyes welled with unshed emotion, but he’d be darned if he knew what it was—regret? Disappointment?
Holding back their feelings in the past hadn’t gotten them anywhere. Now it appeared as though Mac had been given the second chance he’d wanted. But this time he was going to have to do something about it.
He cleared his throat and stepped out on what felt like a shaky limb that might crack under his weight. “Seeing you again has not only made me realize just how much I once loved you, but how much I still do.”
Tears slid down Jillian’s cheeks, and her bottom lip quivered. “I know just what you mean, Mac. I love you, too. And in the past couple of days, I’ve come to the conclusion that I always have.”
A warmth swelled in his chest, and he slid his arms around her waist, drawing her close. “You have no idea how badly I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Well, you’d better get used to hearing it.”
As she lifted her lips, he kissed her with all the love in his heart, love he’d been bottling up for as long as he could remember.
