They were both practically unconscious. Flying to and from Vegas, getting married and then having a two-week honeymoon in a few hours was pretty tiring, after all.
“Yeah,” he muttered, lifting his head from the pillow, but keeping his eyes tightly closed. “I’m up. I’m up.”
She handed him the receiver and as he said, “Hunter here,” Kelly flopped back onto her pillow.
Every muscle in her body felt like an over-cooked noodle. Soft, mushy. Her brain was deliciously fogged, and if the hotel caught on fire right that minute, she’d just have to lie there and burn.
Smiling to herself at the notion, she turned her head on the pillow and noticed that even lying down, Jeff had come to attention. All vestiges of sleep were gone from his expression, and his eyes were narrowed as he listened carefully to whoever had called. A twinge of apprehension pinged inside her.
“Yes, sir,” he finally said after a series of noncommittal grunts, “moving, sir.”
He handed her the receiver, then rolled off the edge of the bed and jumped to his feet.
“What is it?” she asked, hanging up the phone, but keeping her gaze locked on Jeff’s broad, bare back. “What’s going on?”
He shot her a look over his shoulder. “Honeymoon’s over, Kel,” he said shortly, and stalked naked across the room toward the closet. There, he opened the door, grabbed his duffel bag and an armful of shirts off their hangers and turned back for the bed.
“You’re packing?” she asked stupidly as he shoved shirts and the rest of his things into the oversize green bag.
“That was the base,” he told her with a nod toward the phone. “My team’s got to report in. ASAP.”
“But you’re on leave,” she argued, sitting up and clutching the blanket to her like some sort of medieval shield.
“Leave’s canceled.” He walked into the big bathroom and came back out a moment later carrying a brown leather shaving kit. He zipped it closed as he walked, then tossed it into the bag.
He was actually leaving, she thought. Now. Well, she wasn’t ready for this yet. “They can’t do this.”
Jeff actually paused in his packing, looked directly at her and gave her a quick grin. “Baby, they can do whatever they want.”
“It’s not fair,” she said, coming up onto her knees, still clinging to that blanket with fisted hands. “You have two more weeks coming. Let them call someone else.”
He laughed shortly and shook his head. “That’s not how it works.”
“It should be.” For heaven’s sake, they send him out on life-threatening missions, give him leave and then snatch it back? What was that all about? And why was she so panicked over his leaving? She’d known this was coming. Eventually. It was just that she wanted more time. More time with him.
He came around the edge of the bed, grabbed her arms and pulled her up until she was eyeball to eyeball with him. “Baby, I’ve got to go. That’s just how it is.”
“When will you be back?”
“I don’t know,” he said, his gaze moving over her features as if he was already committing her to memory in a silent goodbye. “But when I am, I’ll get to finish this leave.”
In a week? She wondered. A month? Six months? This wasn’t fair and a part of her wanted to scream at the injustice of it. But her more rational side kicked in just in time.
He was a Marine. She’d known that from the beginning. And she wasn’t going to send him off worrying about a brand-new wife who was clingy and weepy. Hadn’t she been the one who’d been so proud of her independence? So determined to have her own life? Nodding to herself, she let go of the blanket and pressed herself to him. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she hung on tight and gave him a long, slow, deep kiss that was meant to last him as long as it had to.
And when she pulled back and looked into his eyes again, she hid the fear creeping through her body. “Go,” she said softly, quietly and congratulated herself on the steadiness of her voice. “Do what you have to do, but be careful.”
Pride lit his eyes, and he gave her a smile that could have blinded her. “I’ll do that, baby. And then I’ll be back.”
Twelve
“Mr. Ambassador,” Jeff whispered hoarsely, “keep your da—head down.” Not a good idea to cuss at an ambassador, Jeff figured, but the man was pushing him to the limits of his patience.
It wasn’t his fault he’d been captured by rebel guerrillas, but he could cooperate with his rescuers. Deke shot Jeff a look that said plainly he’d just as soon turn the man back over to his captors, but that wasn’t going to happen.
“Sir,” Travis urged in his quiet drawl, “if you’ll just keep moving, we’ll have you out of here in no time.”
The fat, bald politician had sweat streaming down his face and a mutinous expression in his eyes. “Why isn’t there a helicopter?” he demanded for the umpteenth time. “I shouldn’t be expected to walk out of this place. I’m an ambassador!”
That did it. Jeff leaned in close to make sure the other man could see his eyes, despite the camouflage paint disguising his features. “Sir,” he said, letting his voice carry every ounce of frustration he was feeling, “if you don’t do what we say and get the lead out, you’re going to be a dead ambassador.”
The man sputtered angrily for a minute, then subsided. “Fine, fine. Let’s just get on with it.”
Just how he felt, Jeff thought and turned back to lead the way out of this pesthole. This whole mission had been a pain in the ass since moment one. Their intel had been wrong about where the captive was being held. They’d had to walk in country farther than they’d planned and now they had to fight the very man they’d been sent in to protect.
A soft snap reached him, and Jeff instantly went on full alert. Motioning to his team, he slipped off to the right, moving through the foliage with barely more than a whisper of sound. And when he came up behind the man waiting to ambush them, Jeff just as soundlessly brought the butt end of his rifle down on the man’s skull.
In minutes, he was back on the trail, leading his team out of harm’s way. He felt good. Sharp. Better than ever. And he knew he had Kelly to thank for it. Loving her, having a life outside the Corps had given his job more focus. Now he was more determined than ever to complete the mission safely and get home in one piece.
In finding Kelly, he’d found himself.
But a week later, he was back in Bayside, heading to Kelly’s house, wondering if he was being fair to her. All through the mission, all through the escape and the trip back to safety, he’d been going over this whole situation in his mind.
Having Kelly in his life had only helped him, but what was it going to do to her? By marrying her, he’d sentenced her to a lifetime of worry. Was it fair to put her through countless goodbyes and long, endless nights?
No, he told himself, despite the ache that settled low in his gut. He’d waited his whole life to find the kind of love he’d dreamed of when he was a lonely kid. And now that he had found it, he couldn’t claim it. For her sake. Besides, hadn’t she only agreed to marry him for Emily’s sake? She’d made it clear from the beginning that she hadn’t wanted a husband. And he’d maneuvered her into marriage anyway. And what did that say about him?
Was he so hungry for the love that had been denied him most of his life that he was willing to put Kelly’s happiness at risk? He scrubbed one hand across his face and pushed the shaft of guilt down deep inside. Selfishly, he wanted nothing more than Kelly and Emily in his life. But if he wanted the best for them—and he did, then maybe the best way to handle this was to get a divorce. Then Emily would still have his benefits, and Kelly would be free.
He frowned to himself and stopped dead on the sidewalk outside Kelly’s house. Something inside him lurched at the thought of losing all he’d found in the past few weeks. But he’d never be able to live with himself if loving Kelly only brought her misery down the road.
Kelly’d spent the past week watching the news on TV and reading the newspaper far
more carefully than she usually did. Not that it did her much good. It was simply amazing just how many troubled hot spots there were in the world. And Jeff could be at the heart of any one of them.
She lifted Emily off her hip and set her into the seat of her walker. The baby instantly cooed, went up onto her toes and inched herself forward.
“Look at you,” Kelly said, her voice filled with pride. “Pretty soon you’ll be running through the house and nothing will be safe, huh?”
Emily laughed, clearly pleased at the notion.
“I’ll bet your daddy misses you,” Kelly said, and took a seat in the closest chair, where she could watch her daughter while her mind raced.
The house seemed so quiet these days. Funny how she’d become accustomed to Jeff’s presence so quickly. He’d become a part of their lives. A big part. And now that he was gone, she missed him more than she would have thought possible.
God, how she wished that she could talk to her mother about this—about everything that had happened recently. Though she knew darn well that her so romantic mother would tell her to grab hold of love with both hands and never let go. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Kelly sighed, wrapped her arms around her legs and tried to organize her thoughts. But it was so hard to do anything but think about Jeff and the last time she’d been with him. His last kiss. His last smile.
Her heart filled to bursting, and Kelly knew that she could no longer pretend, even to herself, that she could keep Jeff on the sidelines of her life. She’d been lost the moment she’d opened her eyes that long ago day on the beach and looked into his shadow-filled gaze. Old hurts clouded those pale blue eyes, and she knew now that she wanted nothing more than to ease back the shadows in his world. She wanted to love him and give him a home to come back to and have more children with him and enjoy all the silly, traditional things she’d laughed at when she was a “liberated” teenager.
Now, Kelly thought, she knew that if you were very lucky, you could have it all. Love deep enough to stir your soul and the independence to guide your own life.
And she was going to tell him all of this as soon as he returned. Until then, she kept busy. Running her life. Doing the things she’d always done before Jeff had crashed into her world. There were her kindergarten classes, and time with Emily and housework and gardening…any number of things to fill the daylight hours. But the nights seemed to last forever. She wondered where he was, what he was doing, if he was safe.
And she knew that that worry would be with her always. Whether she had married Jeff or not, she would have thought about him, prayed for him and worried. At least as his wife, she had a little pull with the Corps. She’d be able to find him if she had to. She’d be notified, God forbid, if anything went wrong.
Kelly jumped up from the chair as if she’d been pinched. “Nothing will go wrong,” she said aloud, as if she were a child, shouting to hold off the monsters crouching in a dark room. “Jeff is good at what he does. He’s careful and professional and—”
The doorbell rang, and grateful for the interruption, she walked to answer it. Pulling open the door, she stared at him blankly for a long minute before grinning and hurling herself at him. “—here. Jeff! You’re back!”
His arms came around her with the strength of a vise, pinning her to him, holding her so tightly against him that she was sure in another minute or two, their bodies would just blend together. Which was all right with her.
“Hi, baby,” he whispered against the curve of her neck.
His soft, warm breath sent shivers of anticipation rolling along her spine, and when he kissed her, she took his face in her hands and relished the feel of him. Warm, safe, alive.
When she came up for air, she pulled back, took his hand and drew him inside, closing the door behind him. “Why didn’t you call?”
Jeff shrugged and looked at Emily, who gave him a sloppy smile that tore at his heart and weakened his knees. “It was faster to just come over.”
“Well,” she said, coming to his side and slipping her arm through his, “I’m all for that, then.” She looked up at him, and he steeled himself to meet those green eyes that would haunt him forever. “How long do you have now that you’re back?”
“I can finish out my leave. Two weeks.” And after he’d said what he came to say, he didn’t know if she’d be relieved or never want to see him again.
He lifted one hand and smoothed her hair back from her face. Her silver earring winked at him, and he realized how much he would miss all of the little things about her. Those earrings she was never without. The flash of her smile. The husky sexiness of her smile. The touch of her hand. The warm welcomes—like the one he’d just received. He’d never experienced that before. Never had anyone waiting for him to come back. Never really mattered to anyone before Kelly.
How he would miss belonging here. With her. With Emily.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, taking an instinctive step backward. Her gaze locked on his features, he knew she was seeing the misery in his eyes. “Jeff, what is it?” She gave him a quick look, up and down, as if searching for some unnoticed injury. “Are you hurt?”
“No,” he said quickly, though he was hurt far more than he would ever let her know. Walking away from her would be the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life. “I’m fine,” he said. “It’s just—”
“Just what?”
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this last week.”
“About…?”
“You. Me. Emily.”
Her expression shifted and uneasiness gleamed in her eyes. Best to just say it, he told himself. Flat out and fast.
“The thing of it is,” he said, with a quick glance at his daughter, ramming her walker into the back of his knee, “I think you were right all along.”
“About what?”
“About us. About how we shouldn’t be married.”
She blinked at him, but snapped her mouth shut when she clearly had something she wanted to say. So Jeff kept talking, taking advantage of the silence.
“It’s not fair to you,” he told her, briefly bending down to turn the walker so that Emily could move around the room. “I shouldn’t have dragged you into my life, Kel. I don’t want you to spend the rest of your life worrying about me. I want you to be happy. Safe. So I think it’d be best if we just ended this marriage as quickly as we went into it.”
A long, pain-filled silence fell over the room. Seconds ticked into minutes, and still she didn’t say anything, just looked at him through green eyes stung with surprise. And just when he’d about given up hope that she was going to speak to him at all, she started in on him.
“You think,” Kelly said, fighting past the stunned sensation clawing at her. She couldn’t believe it. In all the times she’d imagined his homecoming, she hadn’t pictured this little scene once. But then, who would have? Ridiculous to think that only ten minutes ago, she’d had a serious case of the warm fuzzies, planning to tell him just how much she loved him. Shaking her head, she took a step closer to him, lifted one hand and poked his chest with her index finger. “You’ve decided?”
“Yeah,” he said, though his eyes looked a bit wary now, as well they should.
She shook her head on a choked laugh. “Unbelievable. This is precisely why I never wanted to get married. I didn’t want some man making my decisions for me.”
“This isn’t like that,” he tried to explain.
“That’s exactly what this is,” she countered, before he could even finish. “This is…amazing. Do you know, that in the last week—since they found out we got married—my brothers have actually backed off? They’re not offering advice and opinions every time I turn around. They’ve finally come to the conclusion that I’m a grown-up, capable of thinking for myself. Unfortunately, it seems my husband hasn’t gotten the word yet.”
“Kelly—”
“No,” she told him. “You had your say. It’s my turn.”
He braced himself, folding his
arms across his chest and meeting her gaze squarely. “Fine. Go ahead on.”
“Gee,” she said, “thanks.” Unable to hold still a moment longer, she started walking a slow circle around him. He followed her with his gaze, turning his head from side to side to keep up with her movements.
She wasn’t sure whether to hit him or hug him. Then she took a hard look into his eyes, and the shadows haunting them tugged at her heart. He was so clearly willing to give up what they had together in order to protect her—she knew just how much he loved her. And that fact touched her so deeply, it brought a sheen of tears to her eyes. Unfortunately for him, her temper had control of the situation at the moment.
“So you think if you leave me I won’t worry about you?”
“I just think—”
“And,” she out-talked him, “that I need protecting—I obviously am unable to care for myself.”
“Now, I didn’t say that exactly—” he interrupted quickly. “It’s just that I know I rushed you into this and—”
“You really believe I would have married you if I didn’t want to?” Could he actually think that she didn’t love him? After all they’d shared?
He opened his mouth but she didn’t let him talk.
“Oh, I told myself it was for Emily’s sake,” she said, warming up to her theme now, “and I let you believe that. But the simple truth is, if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have married you.”
Jeff looked as though someone had hit him over the head. “You love me?”
“Yes,” she snapped, then added, “but for heaven’s sake don’t ask me why right now.”
“You love me.”
He grabbed her as she walked past him again and held her still. She looked up into his eyes and saw the stunned disbelief shimmering in those pale blue depths. Was he really so surprised that someone could love him? That old pain tinged his voice, and in his eyes, she thought she caught a glimpse of the lost child still somewhere inside the strong, powerful man standing in front of her. Tenderness welled up inside her, and Kelly lifted one hand to cup his cheek. Shaking her head, she asked, “How can such a smart man be so dumb?”
His Baby! Page 11
