by Mari Mancusi
I throw myself into Dawn's arms, unable to resist the offered comfort. I start to sob into his shoulder, out of frustration, out of fear, out of anger at all that has been stolen from my mind without my permission. Through it all, Dawn holds me tight, stroking my back with both hands, kissing me softly on the side of my neck.
"I love you, Skye Brown," he murmurs. "And somehow, someday, you will love me again, too. I promise."
And the scary thing is, I realize as I cuddle closer, I think I already do.
21
I cry for a long time, but eventually, the tears dry up and the sobs start to trail off. Dawn pulls me onto the cot and we cuddle close to one another. He feels so good, arms wrapped around me protectively, and I snuggle in closer. I may not remember him, but I believe with everything left inside me that he's someone I can trust. After a while, my eyelids grow heavy and sleep overtakes my mind.
When I awake, I find Dawn leaning over me, watching me with intense eyes.
"What?" I ask, self-consciously sitting up in bed, wondering what he could be staring at.
His face reddens. "Sorry," he says. "I just ... I just didn't want to miss a single memory of you lying here next to me."
I smile shyly. "You're sweet."
"Maybe sometimes," he says, grinning shyly. "But only to you."
I cuddle back into his outstretched arms again, seeking that loving warmth he's only too ready to offer. He smoothes my hair and kisses me softly on top of my head. And even though we're in a disgusting prison cell, a small part of me wants this moment to last forever.
It doesn't, however. Only minutes later the door bursts open and the two guards step into the prison. We jump to our feet and Dawn grips me tightly.
"Time for phase two," one of the guards announces. "Let's go."
"No. We want to see Duske first," Dawn says, keeping a firm grip on me.
The guards laugh. "Yeah? Well, Brother Bill and I would like to see Sleazy Sheena down at the strip club. But right now, it looks like none of us are gonna get our wishes." He holds up his club. "Want another taste of this? Come on, big boy. Have at me."
Dawn swallows hard, then turns to me. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "There's nothing I can do now. But I promise I will come for you. Try to hold on to that thought. That, and the fact that I love you. More than I can ever explain."
I can feel the tears spring to my eyes again, and I throw myself into his arms for a final hug. I feel like I've only known him a few hours and yet the bond between us is unbearable to break. But the guards aren't in the mood to wait for our hug to come to its natural conclusion. They yank me backward by the collar, wrenching me from Dawn's grasp. Our fingers lock for one moment and our eyes meet, a thousand truths passing between us in just one glance. Then I'm pulled out of the cell, kicking and screaming. Try as I might, I can't fight them. They're too strong.
They drag me down the hallway and back into the operating room where I woke up hours before without my memories. The man with the white coat is there. He nods to the guards after they strap me on the bed. "Thank you," he says. "You may leave now. I'd like to begin the procedure."
The guards hesitate by the door. "We were ordered to stay," one informs the doc. "In case she causes trouble."
The doctor snorts. "This lamb?" he asks disdainfully. "I think I can handle one little girl. Besides, when she wakes up, she's going to think we're best friends."
"Like hell," I growl, but no one pays attention.
The guards grunt, then head toward the exit. Maybe they figure they can go catch that strip show after all. The doctor closes the door behind them. Then he heads back to my bedside, his casual expression fading into one that's much more serious.
"Don't worry," he says in a low voice that I have to strain to hear. "I'm an Eclipser. I'm on your side here."
"You have a funny way of showing it," I hiss back. "Erasing my memories and all. And who are the Eclipsers, anyway?"
He shakes his head. "Listen to me. I had to make it appear that you had lost all your memories so they would believe the procedure was a success. But I didn't erase them. Not really. They've simply been flash-frozen in your brain. Everything you knew before the operation is still intact-it's just inaccessible at the moment. But now I'm going to flash-bake you, reactive your cerebral cortex. You'll be yourself in just a few more minutes."
I stare at him, eyes wide, hoping, praying, begging that what he says is actually true. "So, I'll get all my memories back?" I ask, crossing my fingers for an affirmative.
"It'll be as if you never lost them," the doctor says with a nod as he places a gel cap, threaded with wires, over my head. "But you can't let anyone know you've got them back. You'll have to act like I injected the new memories just as they ordered me to. Once the procedure is complete, you have to start playing the part of Mariah. A Mariah who's been living on Earth and loves it there." He plugs a cord leading from the cap into a tall, thin red metallic machine by my bedside. "You'll understand this better once you get your memories back."
"I hope so," I say. "Because at the moment I really don't have any clue as to what you're talking about."
"Don't worry. You will," the doctor says, patting me on the shoulder. "Very soon."
He flips a switch on the metallic machine and the cap begins to heat. I can feel lighting bolts pierce my skull and burrow into my brain. I open my mouth to scream....
Memories slam back into my brain and I suddenly remember everything.
"Dawn!" I cry out.
The doctor rushes to my bedside and clamps a hand over my mouth. "Do you want to get us both killed?" he hisses. "Remember what I told you! You have to pretend you're Mariah."
"Sorry," I mutter. But Mariah loved Dawn, too. "Listen," the doctor says in a hurried voice. "The Eclipsers are mobilizing. They're planning to sabotage the Moongazing seminar, just like they tried to do the last time. But this time, there's no one to stop them. When you get there, just follow their lead, okay? Pay attention and you'll realize what you need to do." He removes his hand from my mouth. "So, Mariah," he calls out in a loud cheerful voice. "Are you excited about speaking at the Moongazing seminar tomorrow?"
"Oh yes," I say. "I can't wait to tell everyone about Earth. How wrong I was to lead a revolution against the government when really they've found us the loveliest alternate world to inhabit."
"Uh, let's not overkill," the doctor whispers.
"Mariah, darling!" Duske calls out, choosing that moment to swagger through the door. "It's so good to have you back."
"It's good to be back, Brother Duske," I say watching as he removes my restraints. "Though, of course, I miss my home. When do you think I'll be able to return?"
"All in good time, my dear, all in good time," he says. Out of the corner of my eye I catch him giving the doctor a thumbs-up. He's buying my act. "But first, remember, I need you to speak at my seminar tonight. To tell the Indys all about the wonderful new world you have discovered."
"Of course," I say, sitting up in bed and shaking out my wrists and ankles. "I look forward to sharing all I've learned. Who wouldn't love Earth? I don't know why more of the population hasn't already gone."
"Indeed, my dear," Duske says. He gives a smirk that I'd like nothing more than to smack off his face. "Indeed."
We leave the surgery center and Duske escorts me back to his mansion. I'm set up in my old suite of rooms. I lie down on the bed, staring up at its canopy, wondering how Dawn is faring. I wish there was a way I could get word to him that I have my memories back. The poor guy's languishing in his cell, thinking he's lost me all over again. If only I could tell him that I'm okay. That I remember his love for me. And mine for him.
I look over at the clock. Three hours till the seminar. I wonder what kind of sabotage the Eclipsers have planned. And will it work? Will we be able to prove to the Indys once and for all what a death trap Moongazing really is?
We have to, I realize. Everything is riding on this.
22
The Moongazing convention is being held in a large auditorium in the center of Luna Park. From what I can see from my quick peek behind the curtain, the place is packed beyond capacity. I guess the infamous Mariah Quinn as keynote speaker really draws them in. Fine by me. The more people who hear the truth, the better.
In my hands I shuffle the pages of the speech Duske prepared for me. The one I'm not planning to read. I wonder how quickly the government will catch on and realize that I'm condemning them rather than reciting their propaganda. Perhaps it'll be once they hear the word "paradise" replaced with "deadly virtual reality that will burn out your eyes and rot your brain." Or maybe it will be when I replace the words "new life" with "genocide, designed to rob you of your cash and vital organs." How much will I be able to tell them before I'm dragged offstage? And will I be sentenced to death for my crime against the government, or will they attempt a second brain erasure?
A lump forms in my throat. I know I have to do this. So many lives depend on it. But at the same time, I don't want to die. Especially not before I see Dawn again. Not that I'm positive he's still alive himself. Would they have killed him? Did he die thinking I'd forgotten who he was? If only I could have one more minute with him. Throw my arms around him and squeeze him tight and let him know that I remember everything. Every whisper, every caress, every evocation of love.
At least if he's still alive he'll hear of my last act, when word of my speech trickles down through the underground. At least he'll know that I sacrificed my life for the people. I hope he realizes that every word will be dedicated to him.
"It's almost time, my dear," Duske says, coming up behind me and yanking me from my troubled thoughts. `Are you ready for your glorious debut?"
I turn around and toss him a guileless smile. "I'm ready," I say brightly. "So very ready"
"Good," he says. "I will go out and introduce you. Warm up the crowd a bit. When I call your name, you step out onto the stage and then read the speech that I gave you." He pats me on the shoulder. "We'll have the slides you took of Earth up on a large screen behind you. Feel free to reference those as you speak."
"Great. I can do that."
Duske smiles, then leans forward and kisses me lightly on the cheek. It takes all my willpower not to swipe at the moisture left behind on my skin. Instead, I force myself to return the gesture. "I'm glad we're working together now, Brother Duske," I say softly, looking up through my lashes.
He grins like the fool that he is and ruffles my hair. God, didn't he learn his lesson the first time? "My dear," he says, "I do believe this could be the start of a beautiful friendship."
Oh, so do 1, Duske. So do 1.
He steps out to center stage and gestures for the stagehand to get the show on the road. The curtains silently slide apart and a spotlight is cast down on the government leader. From backstage left, I can now see out into the crowd. It's standing room only and everyone's going wild, cheering, screaming. It makes me sick. I hope they have brains enough to listen to what I have to say.
"Thank you, thank you!" Duske says, leaning into a microphone. A whiny feedback hisses for a moment, then dies away. "But I'm not the one you should be applauding. For tonight, as you know, we have a very special guest. She just arrived from Earth, where she has spent the last few months living a brand-new life. A life aboveground, out in the sunshine. A life full of new friends and new relationships. Untold riches and the companionship of animals. In short, our guest is much like the legendary Eve of the Bible-and she has been to Earth and found a real-life Garden of Eden."
The crowd erupts into more cheers. They're loving this. If only they had any idea of the truth, where their friends and family really ended up after visiting this so-called Garden of Eden.
"People of Terra," Duske shouts, then pauses dramatically. "I give you ... Mariah Quinn!"
And here I thought they were loud before. Now the crowd goes truly crazy Their applause and screams are deafening. Unnerved, my heart being a mile a minute, I step out onto the stage. My knees are wobbling, my hands are shaking. I suck in a breath and join Duske by the podium. He makes a grand show of bowing low to me when presenting the microphone. Then he steps to the side of the stage, leaving me in the spotlight.
I glance behind me and, sure enough, just as Duske said, my photos of Earth are projected onto the wall. Currently there's a shot of Central Park's Great Lawn on a sunny afternoon. People are lounging on blankets, sampling picnic goodies. Two softball teams compete on the field. A man stands frozen in motion, tossing a Frisbee to his girlfriend. I have to admit, it does look a lot like paradise. And then I remember that none of it is real.
So, now what? I glance around, looking for some sign, some hint that the Eclipsers are in the house and ready for action. The doctor told me there was a plan in place; I just wish I were clued in on what exactly it entailed.
The spotlight shines down on me. The crowd stirs, restless. Duske frowns from his position at the side of the stage. I realize I'd better get this show on the road or people will start getting suspicious.
"This is a picture of what they call Central Park," I explain, pointing to the photo behind me. "As you can see, it's an aboveground park right in the middle of the city. New Yorkers like to come here on their days off, to read and eat and play ball ... or just hang out. They have a zoo and exhibits and lakes, and in the summers they perform Shakespeare in an outdoor theater."
The crowd oohs and aahs, clapping politely. I click to the next slide, feeling more confident. At least I know what I'm talking about. And when the Eclipsers decide to make their presence known, I'll be ready for them.
Suddenly, the applause dies midclap, a dead silence falling over the room. What the ... ? I glance behind me at the slide presentation, wondering what on earth has shut them up. It's then that I realize it's not something on Earth at all.
Projected on the wall is one of the photos we took in the morgue: a naked, bloated Indy lying on a slab. So, this is what the Eclipsers have planned. They must have hacked into the slideshow somehow.
"No!"
I whirl around to see Duske charging at the slide projector, face enraged. But before he can reach me, he's tackled by two of the onstage guards-evidently Eclipser plants-and sent flying to the floor. They club him, then clamp handcuffs over his wrists and drag him offstage. I watch, shocked, stunned, not sure what to do next. I glance around the room wildly, wondering if any other guards will suddenly burst through to interrupt the presentation. It's then that I catch sight of Hiro, standing at one of the exit doors in the crowd. At the next is Kayce. At the next, Tayrn. All three nod to me, prompting me to go on. I realize the Eclipsers are not only in the house, they've got complete ownership of it.
Time to get this show on the road.
"But I'm here to tell you not to be fooled by such luxurious lies," I say into the microphone to my horrified audience. Their panicked murmurs die away and they listen with rapt faces. "Moongazing is not a journey to a new world. It's not a one-way ticket to paradise. In fact, Earth doesn't really even exist. Well, not anymore." I click the remote and the slide switches to a view of the computer control center. "This is where they create Earth. It's a virtual reality simulation. A game, if you will, based on the past of what Terra looked like before the war tore it apart." I click the slide again, to another computer room shot. "That's why you need the drugs. They trick your brain into believing this video game-this illusion-is reality."
My audience is silent, their faces pale and shocked. I've got their complete attention now, that's for sure. Time to move in for the kill. "Problem is, your bodies aren't able to handle this simulation," I explain, clicking the slide again. We're now back at the morgue. "A few weeks or months after you go on your so-called pilgrimage, your mind begins to decay. Your eyes burn out of your head. You'll die. And the government will dump your body into this morgue and likely harvest your vital organs."
"But ... why would they do this?" cries a teenage boy in the front row. "Why woul
d the Circle sponsor a program that kills its citizens?"
"Easy," I reply, clicking the slideshow to reveal yet another burned-out body in a drawer. "You on Terra have an overpopulation problem, and the Circle of Eight's figured out a method of genocide that no one will object to. Not to mention it's a great moneymaker."
"What about you?" demands an older woman a few rows back. "You went. And you didn't die."
I swallow hard, but as I flip the slide, I find my answer: Mariah's corpse flashes on the screen. The crowd gasps. I stare at them, still too unnerved to look at my own dead body.
"This is what happened to the real Mariah," I say. "She became addicted to Moongazing and it led to her own death. You think I'm Mariah, but you're wrong. I'm simply an nT, produced by the government to trick people into thinking she is still around and enjoying life on Earth." I glance at the Eclipsers, still guarding the doors. "But thanks to a few brave rebels who did not give up, I know what side I'm really on."
The crowd erupts in murmurs, the Indys anxiously discussing all that has just been revealed to them. Satisfied that I've done my part, I walk offstage and locate the Eclipsers who are holding Duske captive.
"By the way, I have my memories back," I inform him as I approach. I resist the urge to make "nyah-nyah" noises.
"So I see," he says, not looking very happy. "Not that they were ever your memories to begin with. But how lovely that you're able to take ownership of them all the same."
Furious, I slap his face as hard as I can, my hand making a loud noise as it connects with his cheek. "That's for trying to turn me into someone I'm not," I spit at him.
He narrows his eyes. "Please. You were never anyone to begin with."
"That may be true," I agree. "But I am someone now. Someone important. And you know what? I like that person. I wouldn't trade who I've become for any alternate reality in the world."
