by Ranae Rose
“Sounds romantic.”
“It was, but I feel weird talking about it when you’re sitting here looking like that.” She tipped her head toward Kerry’s bandaged hand. “I keep thinking about what happened and about how I was out having fun, oblivious. I feel awful. I wish Sasha had called and filled me in.”
“I’m glad she didn’t. I’m glad you and Liam enjoyed your honeymoon. What was the cabin like?”
She didn’t want to talk about what’d happened, didn’t want to think about it. Fantasizing about a romantic cabin at a mountain resort on the western side of the state seemed like a lot more fun.
“Anyway,” Alicia said when she finished, “if I did a weirdly good job describing it, it’s because Sasha was merciless when she interrogated me about the honeymoon. She even wanted to know what thread count the bedsheets were.”
“Seriously?”
Alicia grinned. “Well, no. But she did ask if there was a hot tub, and believe me, after that, the questions got a little scary.”
“I can imagine.”
Alicia nodded. “Liam and I got back Saturday night. We wanted yesterday to rest from all the hiking. Anyway, Jeremy dropped by…”
Alicia’s grin was gone. “He told us about your car. And that your ex-husband is still out there. I can tell you don’t want to talk about it, and I don’t blame you, but I know you’re worried. I just wanted to let you know that until he’s caught, you don’t have to be alone. You’re welcome to stay the night at our place anytime.”
Kerry raised a brow. “Didn’t Sasha tell you?”
“What?”
“Grey’s been staying with me. And he plans to continue.”
Alicia’s eyebrows shot skyward. “She did mention something about you and him, but I thought she was joking. You know how she is.”
“Well, it’s true.”
“I won’t pry. I’m sure Sasha will do that and update me on the details as a matter of course. I have to ask, though…”
“What?”
“Is it serious? Between you and Grey. Or are you just, you know, having some fun?”
“I didn’t realize anyone thought of me as the type to do anything just for fun, let alone have a sexy fling.”
Alicia shrugged. “It occurred to me that maybe Sasha had rubbed off on you.”
“I’m afraid not. As for me and Grey… He’s sticking with me through this nightmare with the wreck and…” She waved her hand to indicate the rest, not wanting to mention Grey and her ex-husband in the same sentence. “I’m sure it’s been anything but fun for him, but he’s been amazing. Any woman lucky enough to know him would be an idiot to cast him aside after a fling.”
* * * * *
“Well, what do you boys think?” Tanya stood in the middle of the living room, decked out in one of the ugliest outfits Brad had ever seen. Her dress was a bright hunter’s orange and rode up too high on her wide thighs, while her white vinyl boots looked like hooves. She’d teased her hair up into some kind of mane above a matching orange headband.
“I’m a go-go dancer,” she said.
“Ain’t that just another word for stripper?” Brad took a long drink of the lukewarm beer he’d been sipping on for the past half hour while he watched college football on Michael’s TV.
Tanya frowned. “No. It’s a 60’s thing. Don’t you recognize the boots?”
“You look great, baby,” Michael said. “I know what a go-go dancer is. Brad’s just got his panties in a bunch ‘cuz he’s been in the house for so long.”
A bolt of irritation shot through Brad, and he gave his brother a hard look.
Michael didn’t even meet his eyes, just kept staring at the screen.
Brad didn’t give a shit about Tanya’s Halloween costume, but Michael was right about one thing: Brad had been cooped up inside for so long, he was about to lose his mind. It’d been two weeks since he’d showed up at Michael and Tanya’s, and he was tired of living like a rat in a cage, staying inside all the time and keeping his truck hidden in the garage.
“Come to the Halloween dance down at the fire hall with us next week,” Tanya said. “If you’re really worried about the sheriff breathing down your neck, just wear a mask.” She giggled. “Or I could help you with some make-up.”
Brad raised a hand to his face, ran his fingers from one jowl to the other. His healing wounds were like gravel beneath his fingertips; they didn’t feel like part of his face.
“Shit,” Michael said. “You don’t need any make-up. Just squirt some fake blood on your shirt and go as a zombie.”
“You know what, Mike? You can shut the fuck up.” In that moment, Brad hated Michael and Tanya. They thought it was funny – fucking funny – that his face looked like a goddamned Halloween mask now. The only thing they took seriously was the idiotic dance some old timers’ club was putting on down at the fire hall.
“Fuck you,” Michael said. “Tanya’s right – you should come to the dance. I’m tired of you prowling around here like an angry cat with a stick up its ass. You need to get out of the house. Hell, maybe you’ll meet someone to take your mind off that bitch you’re so obsessed with.”
“That bitch is my wife,” Brad mumbled, tired of Michael, tired of the game. Tired of being pent up in the house, just like they’d said. He hated that they made him feel like he was somehow defending Kerry.
Defending her. The thought was as messed-up as his face.
“You’re divorced,” Michael said, “forget about her. She isn’t worth it. She isn’t worth shit, from the sound of it and the look of your face.”
Everything inside Brad got hot, felt twisted and full of broken glass. “Mind your own fuckin’ business for once, would you?”
“Maybe I would, if you weren’t living in my house. When are you gonna go back to work Brad, back to your own place?”
“You know the sheriff’s been showing up at my door. I haven’t paid the rent in three months anyway, ever since I lost my fuckin’ job, which you know all about. Don’t act like it’s my fuckin’ fault!”
Natural gas and mountaintop removal had fucked local miners over, hard. Brad wasn’t the only one out of a job.
“I’ll put in a good word for you with my supervisor down at the plant. You gotta apply, though.”
“Goddamn it.” Brad threw his empty beer can down on the floor. “I got the police knocking on my door and looking in my windows, and you think I can just stroll into a factory and ask for a job? You out of your damn mind?”
“I don’t think the police give that big of a shit. They gotta ask questions; that’s their job. Tell ‘em whatever will get ‘em off your back. Look at your face, for fuck’s sake – that bitch is the one who deserves to be locked up, not you. They’ll see the truth as soon as they look at you. I’m telling you, you’re making mountains outta molehills.”
Maybe that was true. But Brad still wasn’t going to apply for the job. He didn’t need to be chained to some factory making plastics for twelve bucks an hour. He needed to be in North Carolina, getting his wife back.
He’d fetch Kerry, finally teach her all the lessons she was begging for. And if she threw another fucking whiskey bottle in his face – if she wouldn’t come – he’d at least make sure she wasn’t running around, fucking other men behind his back.
How the hell could Michael expect him to give a shit about things like bills and rent when that was going on? Kerry was one big, whoring loose end he needed to tie up before he could get the rest of his life in order.
Once things were settled with her, he’d get a new job. Make back payments on his rent. Michael would see – they’d all see. Everything would work out after he set Kerry straight.
* * * * *
“It still looks painful,” Grey said, holding Kerry’s hand in his own like it was something breakable. He traced the bright pink lines that crisscrossed her palm, thinking of how they’d always be visible, even after they turned white.
“It’s not that bad, anymore.” She opened and clo
sed her hand, then looked up and met his eyes. “It could’ve been a lot worse. I’m just glad to have the bandages off and stitches out.”
The lacerations on her hand were the price she’d paid to escape from her ex-husband. He knew that, and he was glad she’d been brave enough to make the sacrifice, but he still hated to see her scarred, to be reminded of how she’d been hurt.
Hell, she was still hurting, no matter what she said – the scars were more than physical. He’d spent every night with her for the past two weeks, and knew better than anyone how she jumped at every noise, flinched every time they were in public and got too close to a strange man about Brad’s size. She’d just gotten her car back out of the shop, and every morning before she went to work, Grey drove it around the block a couple times, checking the brakes.
It was a shitty way for her to have to live, fearing that her ex might show up at any moment and try to finish what he’d started. But at the same time, Grey and Kerry had packed so much passion – so much pleasure – into the past couple weeks that he almost could’ve said that they were happy.
In some ways, he was happier than he’d ever been.
He loved spending so much time with her, even if they both looked over their shoulders more often than any person should’ve had to.
He loved waking up next to her.
And God, he loved fucking her.
She smiled. “I was thinking – maybe today we could buy our Halloween costumes.”
“That’s right – less than two weeks ‘till the big day. We’d better do it, or all the good ones will be sold out.”
He held onto her hand, his skin prickling at the feel of her scars. If he enjoyed being with her this much during a time like this, he could only imagine how good it’d be when her ex was caught and she didn’t have to be afraid anymore, when the haze of fear lifted.
Until then, he’d deal with anything just to be able to sit with her like this, with her hand in his.
* * * * *
It was barely 70 degrees outside. Still, Sasha was wearing her signature bikini.
And Kerry was wearing hers. She loved the blue swimsuit Grey had helped her choose and was glad to have a chance to wear it, even if it was only under her clothing. She still wore her shorts and tee and wasn’t sure if she’d be getting in the water.
Sasha, who never swam, was serving up pumpkin cheesecake in her red suit. “I know it’s a weird thing to bring to the beach,” she said, “but Faye wants me to make it for the fall festival and I had to perfect my recipe. I’ve got four cheesecakes in the fridge at home right now.”
They ate it off of paper plates, sitting on the two blankets they’d put down side by side to accommodate the group. In addition to Kerry, Alicia, Sasha, Grey, Henry and Liam, Jeremy had come along today. He’d also brought his 11 year old daughter.
Kerry had never seen him out of uniform before. It was strange to see him sitting on the beach in shorts and a t-shirt, stubble shadowing his jaw. He seemed more relaxed than she’d ever seen him.
They didn’t talk about his work, or what had happened three weeks ago. Kerry was grateful, but also realized Jeremy probably didn’t want to talk about it anymore than she did. The poor guy hardly ever seemed to get a day off.
His daughter, Paige, was the only one not eating cheesecake. Instead, she was down by the water, standing where the waves were sweeping under the pier. She had long, curly brown hair that Kerry guessed she’d inherited from her dad, though his was cut too short to tell for sure. She seemed sweet, on the quiet side – a little lost and probably bored among all the adults.
Kerry felt bad for her. She wracked her brain for a way to make her feel included, but she hadn’t had any experience with kids that age since she’d been one herself.
It occurred to her, suddenly and uncomfortably, that if she hadn’t miscarried, her child would’ve been just a couple years younger than Paige.
It was a strange thought, one that drew her gaze to Jeremy and made her wonder what his life was really like, outside of work. She was used to seeing him dressed in black, driving around in his cruiser, putting together the puzzle pieces of other people’s troubles and trying to make things right. But he was more than just a sheriff’s deputy; he was a single father.
“Oh my God, Sasha,” Alicia said, sitting beside Liam in jean shorts and a purple bikini top, her toes buried in the sand. “This cheesecake is amazing! Is it the recipe you settled on for the fall festival?”
Sasha grinned. “Yes. It’s perfect, right?”
“You can say that again,” Jeremy said, halfway through his slice already. “I should see if Paige wants some.”
Paige was coming to them now, walking out of the waves’ reach and to the blankets. She wore shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt, the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. Her hands were sandy and she held something in one of them. “Look, dad – I found a sand dollar. It’s not broken, either, like last time.”
Jeremy put down his cheesecake and held out his hand.
“Wow,” he said when Paige handed over her find, “it’s a nice one. Perfect. We’ll have to add it to the collection.”
Sasha strode toward father and daughter, carrying a paper plate that sagged beneath the weight of an enormous slice of cheesecake. “That is a nice sand dollar,” she said. “Here, everyone’s having cheesecake. This is yours.”
Paige’s eyes got big when she accepted the plate. “I don’t know if I can eat all this.”
Sasha grinned. “Give it a try – you might be surprised. And I’m sure your dad will help you out if you can’t finish it.”
Nobody said much of anything for a while, because they were all busy eating. The silence left Kerry to think more deeply than she wanted to.
October was drawing to a close. The days were shorter and cooler, and several storms had rolled through already that month. She was grateful for the chance to have another day at the beach with everyone, but like everything good in her life of late, the experience was tainted by dread.
What if this was the last time they were all together? What if something awful happened before they had a chance to get together again?
She felt vaguely guilty, hanging out with her friends. Despite the fact that they clearly didn’t agree, she couldn’t help but feel like a bad luck charm. Grey was fully aware of the risk he was taking by being around her, but the rest of them?
They knew what had happened, but they didn’t seem to acknowledge that a certain degree of danger came with spending time with her. Or at least, they didn’t care. The thought made Kerry’s heart swell with affection, but then she caught sight of Paige and Jeremy sitting side by side, their heads tipped together as they examined the sand dollar.
Her guilt returned, along with a surge of dismay. Was she the only one bothered by the fact that Brad was still out there? Weeks had gone by with no sign of him, but she wasn’t any less wary. Three years had gone by before he’d first found her – three weeks was nothing. She knew he hadn’t forgotten, hadn’t given up on her.
“Hey.” Grey nudged Kerry’s shoulder. “Wanna go for a walk?”
“Sure.” She sprang up from her place on the blanket and took his hand when he offered it.
“You looked worried,” he said when they reached the water’s edge. The wet sand shifted beneath their feet as they walked, and cool salt spray hit their ankles every time a wave crashed. “Thought you might want to get away from the group for a while.”
She nodded. “Thanks. I can’t really say much there, especially with Paige around.”
“Yeah. Wouldn’t want to scare her. She’s only what – 10 or something?”
“11, Jeremy said.” Kerry’s chest tightened. “Do you think everyone should be worried? About spending time with me, I mean?”
“Not at all.”
“Are you just saying that to make me feel better?”
“No, I mean it. And don’t worry that I’m letting my guard down – I’m not. I know the police haven’t found
him and it bothers the hell out of me too. But look what happened the first time: he attacked when you were alone. He’s a coward, Kerry. Even if he was here, he’d never strike when you were in a group like this.”
Her heart lightened the tiniest bit. What Grey was saying rang true. “I hope you’re right. Hanging out with our friends, I feel like a sick person in a group of healthy people. I wonder if I shouldn’t have just stayed home for everyone else’s good.”
Grey squeezed her hand. “No. You were right to come. Everyone’s having a good time. You think Jeremy would’ve brought his daughter if he’d thought there was any danger in it?”
“When you put it that way…” She stepped over a spot in the sand where a tiny clam had been unearthed by a wave and was scrambling to dig its way back under. “I realize I’m just being paranoid.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t have to – I know it has to be getting old for you, me jumping at every little thing. I appreciate you putting up with it and helping me put things into perspective. But I know I’ll be thinking like this until Brad is caught and prosecuted – I can’t help it.”
“I don’t expect you to. Do you really think worry doesn’t eat me alive every day when I’m at work, away from you, knowing something could happen and it’d be hours before I found out? Being inside that prison means being locked away from the rest of the world, even if it’s just for one shift. To tell the truth, I’m a little paranoid too.”
“I can’t wait for this to be over. It’ll be like the weight of the world being lifted off my shoulders. If Brad is locked up, it’ll all be worth it – I’ll be glad the car wreck and abduction happened, if that’s what it takes to finally be free of him.”
“You are free, Kerry.”
She laughed.
“You’re not letting him control you. You’re not living by his rules. You’re free, because you decided to be.”
There was truth in what he said, though it hadn’t been exactly what she’d meant. She didn’t just want to be out from under Brad’s thumb – she wanted freedom without fear. She wanted Brad to be a memory she could bury, not a monster lurking in the dark.
