by Julia London
“Sounds good,” she chirped in a voice Dax had never heard her use.
“Good to meet you, Dax,” Liz said politely. “Kyra says you’ve been a great help to her during this very trying time.”
“Someone had to be,” Dax said.
“We better go, Liz,” Josh muttered and avoided Dax’s gaze.
Kyra didn’t. She shot him a warning look, then walked Josh and Liz Burton to their rental car. She watched them pull away but she didn’t wave. She just stood with her hands still jammed in her pockets until they’d gone around the turn. Then she turned around to Dax.
“What the hell?” he asked bluntly.
“He came out of nowhere,” she said. “With a check. And his wife. Apparently it was all her idea.” She shook her head as if she were mystified by it.
“But how? How did they know where to find you?”
“I texted Josh my address a week or so ago and asked him to send the money he’d promised.”
“And they came here to deliver the money to you personally? From where?”
“From Indianapolis.” She was standing so stiffly. “And they wanted to meet Ruby, of course.”
His head was beginning to ache. “They came all this way, out of the blue, to meet the daughter he’s refused to acknowledge for almost seven years? And Ruby? How did she take the stunning news that the man in her cottage was her African cat trainer, legless skateboarding dad?”
“She doesn’t know who he is,” Kyra said, her voice going soft. “I told her they were some friends of mine. That’s all she knows.”
“I don’t get this, Kyra. I don’t understand—”
“I’m as surprised as you are, Dax. Can we go in your house and talk about this?”
“Where is Ruby?”
“She’s with Mrs. McCauley. Please, Dax—I need to sit down.”
He sighed. “Yes, of course. Come in.”
He walked up the porch steps with Kyra and opened the door for her, pushed Otto out of the way, and walked into the kitchen to deposit the wine. He had to brace himself against the counter for a moment, because he was reeling. When he’d gathered himself, he returned to the living room. Kyra had been sitting on the edge of a chair, waiting, but stood as he entered. She looked far too nervous, and Dax didn’t like that. It was all he could do to remain calm. “What does he want?”
Her chin started to tremble. “To . . . to be a father,” she said, her voice shaking.
Dax’s heart stopped. He stared at her in disbelief. He thought maybe Ruby’s dad wanted custody so he wouldn’t be stuck with child support, but he did not believe for one minute that asshole had somehow found a desire to know his daughter.
“From the beginning he wouldn’t acknowledge her because Liz didn’t know about Ruby. Well, she found out. And when she found out about Ruby, and the tumor, she wanted him to do the right thing.”
“Which is . . . what?” Dax asked as his pulse quickened.
“Basically, they want to put Ruby on their insurance and get her the best care possible.”
Dax was stunned. His thoughts were spinning so hard he felt light-headed.
“This is good news, right?” Kyra said and took a tentative step forward. “It’s like a gift from God, if you think about it. Suddenly Ruby is taken care of, and you and I . . . you and I can take our relationship slow, like you wanted. We don’t have to get married.”
Now Dax’s heart felt like it was cracking. Why did she say it like that, they didn’t have to get married?
“Dax?”
“Just give me a minute,” he begged her.
“I mean, if we want to marry, we can do it for the right reasons.”
He shot her a look.
“You . . . you were doing it for Ruby, which I so appreciate,” she said, stacking her hands on her heart. “But I think we can both agree it’s not an ideal way to start a marriage, with one of us beholden to the other.”
Jesus, but he felt so raw, as if every nerve was exposed. “I never said you were beholden to me, Kyra.”
“I know, I know,” she said and reached for his hand. “But I feel beholden. How can I not?”
He pulled his hand free. She couldn’t smooth this over with a kiss or a caress. “So this guy rides in on his white horse and that’s it? You’re going to let him in?”
“He is her biological father,” she said quietly. “And he has great insurance.”
“I have great insurance,” he loudly reminded her.
“I know! And that’s great!” she said, her expression too earnest. “If things progress with us, that’s good to know, because who knows what sort of care she’ll need in the years to come?”
She didn’t want to marry him. That’s all Dax could think. He was stunned by it, blindsided by it. He’d arranged everything, had told his friends. He’d just driven back from Teaneck full of hopes and optimism and goddammit, when would he learn? “Where are you going with them tomorrow?”
“To meet Dr. Mehta,” Kyra said with a wince.
Dax could feel the slice of the dagger through his heart. He’d been with Kyra every step of the way until the phantom father showed up, and that was it. His services were no longer needed.
“The results aren’t back, but . . . but they want to meet the doctor. Which I guess is understandable.”
It wasn’t so understandable to him. He felt adrift, untethered suddenly. He’d been planning and thinking, and he hadn’t counted on something like this. He wanted to marry Kyra on Friday. He wanted the responsibility for that little coconut. It didn’t seem so nebulous to him now, it seemed very much sewn into his heart.
“Please don’t be mad,” she begged him. “I just found out myself. They showed up here, they surprised me, and I was overwhelmed, and I haven’t had time to really process it, but my God, Dax, after all this time, he’s finally going to step up and do what’s right for his daughter.”
He shook his head in disbelief.
“Don’t you want to be off the hook?”
“I’m not on a hook, Kyra. My feet are firmly planted.”
Tears began to well in her eyes. She walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him and laid her cheek against his chest. Dax couldn’t reciprocate. Not yet. The rug had been yanked out from beneath him for a second time, and he couldn’t deal with her just yet. He had to think.
He pulled her arms down. “Just . . . just let me absorb this, will you?”
Kyra tried to caress his cheek, but he backed away from it. “Sure,” she said, her voice soft and distant. She turned around and went out his door.
Dax didn’t know how long he stood there. But he moved when Otto stuck his head under his hand, looking for affection.
“Yeah, okay,” Dax said, and went into the kitchen to get the dog’s supper. At least he could count on Otto.
Chapter Twenty-Four
This was what insanity must feel like, Kyra thought, a bewildering state where a person was so at war inside her own thoughts that she couldn’t make a decision on even the smallest things. Kyra couldn’t seem to grasp how to do the smallest things. As evidenced by the fact that Deenie had just pointed out her work shirt was inside out.
Kyra looked down at herself. “Wow,” she said, startled by that. She’d put on makeup, put up her hair, and looked at herself in the mirror, but she’d been so distracted she’d never noticed the shirt.
“You’re losing it,” Deenie decided.
“Tell me about it,” Kyra muttered.
“Are you nervous about the big day?” Deenie asked and nudged Kyra with her shoulder.
Kyra supposed she meant her wedding and not Ruby’s surgery, which was the Really Big Day in her book. At least Deenie had come around since their talk at the park. She’d even apologized for being judgmental. “I should have been more supportive,” she’d said. “I just wish you’d asked me before you said yes so I could have talked some sense into you, you know?”
“The big day,” Kyra repeated and shook her head.
“No, I’m feeling crazed because Ruby’s father showed up.”
“Who?”
“Her sperm donor.”
Deenie gasped. “Get out!”
“It’s true,” Kyra said with a shrug. “He pretty much dropped out of the sky and promised to fix everything for Ruby.”
Deenie sank down onto a bar stool, dumbstruck. “You have to tell me this story.”
Kyra did. And when she was done, Deenie sighed with obvious relief. “Well, thank God, right? At least now you don’t have to get married.”
“Right,” Kyra said.
She didn’t have to get married.
She didn’t have to take advantage of Dax’s kindness, to burden him with her problems.
So why was she sad? Why did she feel like she’d lost her best friend? Why did everything feel turned on its head?
Kyra really didn’t want to marry Dax like this, under these circumstances. She wanted more equal footing. But since Josh had appeared and said he’d take responsibility, something had changed between her and Dax, and Kyra couldn’t figure out what, and she didn’t like it.
She didn’t know how to fix it, and even if she should. Right now, all her energy was focused on getting through the surgery. That was the only thing that drove her. She couldn’t possibly think of the future, or relationships, until she knew what was growing in her daughter’s head.
The constant anxiety of waiting for the MRI results and the surgery put Kyra in a suspended state of agitation—every time she heard her phone ping, she dug it out of her pocket with the madness of someone who was hallucinating about bugs.
Dr. Mehta called when Kyra was on her way home from work Wednesday afternoon. Kyra pulled over to the side of the road. She could hardly hear the doctor, her heart was pounding so loudly in her ears.
“Well, we have the results,” Dr. Mehta said. “It’s very good news, Mrs. Kokinos. The tumor doesn’t seem to be growing. So let’s remove that growth, and then we’ll determine if Ruby needs further treatment.”
“Okay,” Kyra said, relieved. “She’s starting first grade on Monday. How long will she be out?”
“Well, that depends. If all goes well, she’ll be out two to three weeks.”
“And if . . .”
“If necessary, there will be ongoing treatment. Radiation, most likely. But we’ll need the results of the biopsy. You and your pediatric oncologist will discuss that.”
Kyra pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers. She felt faint at the mention of yet another doctor. “Thanks, Dr. Mehta. I need to discuss this with Dax . . . and Ruby’s father,” she added reluctantly.
“Yes, of course. I spoke to Josh earlier today. He informed me that you are looking into surgical options in Indianapolis?”
Kyra’s eyes flew open. “What?” She didn’t know what startled her more—that Dr. Mehta had told Josh the results of the MRI before talking to her, or that Josh had assumed the surgery would be in Indianapolis.
“I think the two of you are smart to explore all options,” she said. “There are some great facilities here and in Indianapolis. I know Ruby will be in good hands if that’s what you decide, and since the tumor doesn’t appear to be growing, you have a bit of time to make a decision. Give me a call later this week and we can discuss going forward.”
Kyra thanked her and hung up the phone. She stared straight ahead, her fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, her mind in a blind rage. How dare he. How dare he. She picked up her phone and called Josh.
“Hola,” he answered, as if they were buddies. As if he was on vacation. As if he hadn’t shown up out of the clear blue and taken over Ruby’s life without consulting Kyra.
“You called Dr. Mehta,” she said angrily.
“Ah . . . yeah,” he said uncertainly.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were going to do that?” she demanded.
“I was going to tell you when I talked to you. What’s the big deal? I was just exploring what options we have, Kyra. And she’d just received the test results and filled me in. What’s wrong with that?”
What was wrong with that? There was so much wrong that she thought she’d explode all over her car. But she said, “Indianapolis?”
“Of course Indianapolis,” he said, sounding annoyed. “What did you think?”
“Well, I damn sure didn’t think Indianapolis!”
“It has to be, Kyra. My insurance coverage is in Indiana. She has to be treated in one of my network locations to get the full benefit. And besides, Riley Hospital for Children is outstanding. Come on, you know how insurance works.”
“No, I don’t know how it works. I never use it because my deductible is through the roof. I don’t know anything other than my daughter needs to have surgery to remove a brain tumor, and suddenly I have to move to Indianapolis? What about her school? What about my job?” What about Dax?
“Well,” Josh said, “you’re waiting tables here. I’m sure you can get a job waiting tables there. And Ruby hasn’t started school yet. She’ll be fine in Indy.”
Tears, which Kyra hadn’t even known were present, began to slide down her cheeks. Forget the logistics—she was scheduled to take the test next week. All that work, all that money. Forget that Ruby was supposed to start first grade next week. What about Dax? Just a couple of days ago, she was planning on marrying him Friday. And now she would just up and leave him? “This can’t be happening,” she said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m telling you now.” She heard a muffled sound, and a moment later, Liz said, “Kyra? It’s Liz. I know this is a lot to take in—”
“No kidding,” Kyra said.
“But think of it this way—you don’t have to live in Indianapolis forever. All you have to do is bring Ruby and get her treated, and then, if you want to come back to East Beach and your job at the Lakeside Bistro, you can. By the way, we ate there last night, and it was fantastic.”
Kyra didn’t give a damn about the bistro or how good the food was. Her life had just been upended again.
“I can’t . . . I have to think about this,” Kyra said, swallowing down her tears.
“Of course you do. Think about it, then give us a call. But the thing is, we need to make a decision quickly.”
“I know,” Kyra said.
She could hear Josh in the background, and a moment later, he was back on the phone. “Kyra, you have to be smart about this. You reached out to me because you couldn’t afford her treatment. I can afford it, but you need to let me do it my way.”
She’d never wanted to punch a man in the face as much as she did in that minute. His way? “Whatever, Josh,” she said and hung up. Why did he have to remind her of her shortcomings? Why did Ruby have to be sick? They’d been good for so long, the two of them against the world. But Kyra would not have known about the tumor until maybe it was too late, had it not been for Dax. She never would have made it through the last few weeks if it hadn’t been for him. And now she was supposed to leave him for Indianapolis?
But what galled her most, what made her feel sick, was that she couldn’t take care of Ruby on her own. She had to rely on one of two men to save her daughter. She had to make absurd choices about her life because she didn’t have the means to care for her daughter.
Kyra didn’t go home right away, but drove to the north end of the lake, where no one ever went. She sat on a bench under an enormous cypress tree and stared out at the water for so long that she began to shiver. When she stood up to leave, she knew what she had to do. She thought it would be less painful if she cut off her right arm, but unfortunately, that wouldn’t help anything.
Ruby was at her easel on the porch, drawing blobs that were supposed to be people, when Kyra arrived home. Dax was sitting on the porch steps, sipping on a beer.
“Hi, Mommy! I’m drawing a picture of you. See?” Ruby asked.
“Ah . . .” Kyra didn’t see, but she nodded. “Yes, there I am, the one on the right.”
“N
o, that’s Dax. You’re this one,” Ruby said, pointing to another blob, and turned her attention back to her work.
“You’re late,” Dax said casually. “Long day?”
A swell of nausea rose up in her. “You could say that.” She wished she could go back in time, to those days before Josh had shown up. Things hadn’t been great with her and Dax since, because neither of them knew what to do with Josh. Dax had become distant. He was still very much present in their lives, but Kyra could feel the distance stretching between them a little more each day.
“I’m sorry,” she said, and sat next to him. She crossed her arms on her knees and lowered her head a moment, emotionally exhausted. When she lifted her head, Dax put his arm around her shoulders, and Kyra sank into his side. “Dr. Mehta called with the MRI results today.”
“And?”
“And . . . no growth.”
“That’s great news,” he said as he caressed her shoulder. “So when is the surgery?”
“That’s the thing. Josh’s insurance is in Indiana.”
She felt Dax stiffen. He removed his arm and took a long drink from the bottle of beer he was holding. “Yeah, and?”
“Help me out here, Dax,” she pleaded. “What do you expect me to do? I’m between a rock and a hard place. I can take advantage of your kindness and hope that it all works out and we don’t use up all your goodwill. Or I can put the responsibility squarely on her father’s shoulders, where it belongs,” she said, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Ruby was focused on her drawing and not listening. “The only caveat is that I have to move her to be treated. Which one am I supposed to choose?”
He looked down.
Kyra moved to her knees on the step below him, bracing her hands on his knees so he couldn’t avoid her. “You can come with me, Dax,” she said earnestly. “You can make furniture in Indianapolis.”
“And leave my son? Leave the clientele I have worked to build?” He shook his head. “What about your real estate license? You’ve worked hard for that, too.”
She’d thought about that. “I’ll take the test. Then, when I come back—”
“Come back?” he scoffed. “Are you really coming back, Kyra? Have you honestly thought about that? What if she requires a long-term kind of treatment? What if you settle in and get a job and Ruby becomes attached to her dad? Will you ever come back?”
